When Love Is Too Much
by Asifweneversaidgoodbye
Summary: CrissColfer!fic. A story about love, broken trust, rebuilding a life and hoping for the best. What if you love someone so much you think he deserves so much better? What if you make a wrong decision? What if it's too late? Angst/Hurt-Comfort/Romance/Love.
1. Broken Expectations

**AN: Back from the dead, yes. God. Alright sweeties! Good news! I'm graduating! I'm so glad and relieved I did it, you seriously have no idea. I will be done with school _forever_ now. Even though finding a job as a therapist will be a bit harder. But stilll. I did it :) I'm really glad and so thankful you guys have waited for me, even though I'm sure you wanted to hit my head against the walls multiple times. When I was feeling really stressed out about everything I went to Omegle to roleplay some CrissColfer. Doing that I found Jana (everythingsklainenothinghurt s at Tumblr) and together we kinda... exploded with enthusiasm and love for eachother and for CrissColfer. The result of that is multiple roleplays that we decided to turn into fics. The way of writing is slightly different than you guys are used at from me, but I hope you all will still like it! Please give it a chance and let me (us) know what you think of it! :)**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Chris or Darren.**

**Warnings: If you don't like infidility, you should probably not read this. But I promise it only happens once. Other warnings? Tears. Lots of tears. **

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**Chapter 1. Broken expectations**

_I'm on my way honey. Can't wait to finally be home with you –D_**  
**_-_**  
**_I'm never gonna leave you for so long again. God is it possibly to physically hurt of missing someone? –D_**  
**_-_**  
**_I can't wait to have you in my arms. Kissing you. Loving you.. –D_**  
**_-_**  
**_Almost there sweetie.. Is your battery low again? It does say you're getting them? –D_**  
**-**  
**Darren put his key in the lock and walked inside, closing the door behind him softly. He dumped his stuff and moved up straight away, hearing sounds coming from there. Was Chris already preparing himself for him? It would explain the lack of replies at his texts, Darren thought with a smirk. Slowly, but excited, he opened the door of their bedroom.

**"**Love-."

Chris had heard the keys in the door, knowing Darren was coming, but it was his intend. He wanted him to see so he kept rutting back against the other man. The man that wasn't Darren and made sure that he wouldn't look at him. He couldn't look him in the eyes while doing it. When he heard Darren's voice he looked up in horror. Quickly he pulled himself away from the guy and wrapped a blanket around himself.

**"**D-Dare..," he whispered.

Darren felt his jaw go slack, his present for Chris falling to the floor with a hard thump. His eyes darted between the stranger on his bed and Chris, naked. Because Chris had been naked, even though he was covered by a blanket now on the bed they made love on so many times.

**"**W-what..," he started, broken and shocked

"Get out!" Chris yelled at the stranger, his eyes darting to the present that was lying on the ground in an useless heap. He felt his eyes fill with tears, regret and disgust coursing through his body. Ashamed he looked away, not able to face the man he loved so much and fell into a silence.

Darren jumped aside when the stranger gathered his clothes hastily, but grabbed his wrist suddenly.

"Don't.. Don't stop on my account," he said harshly and gave Chris one last glance before he walked out of their bedroom.

Chris shook his head, getting up as quickly as he can and started gathering his briefs that were scattered on the floor. Running after Darren he yelled at him.**  
**

**"**No! No, I- Let me explain!," he yelled, while he whimpered softly and looked at Darren with pleading eyes.

**"**No. I see how this is Chris. I'm working for two week in another state and you obviously need someone to fill the hole.. Right?"

Darren tried to sound harsh and angry, he did, but he could hear how thin and hurt his own voice is.

Chris shook his head, eyes darting away while shame crept through his body, making him feel naked. So terribly naked and fragile.

**"**I did it.. f-for you… for us," he whispered, his words barely audible.

**"**What did you just say?" Darren was trained to always hear exactly what Chris said. No matter how soft his words were.**"**Get the fuck out! Leave!" Darren yelled to the stranger that was still standing at the side of their room, his eyes darting between the two of them. "Don't you ever dare to come here again."

Shaking his head, Chris sank down against the wall, not even giving the stranger a last look. He pulled his legs towards him, so incredibly disgusted with himself when he felt his ass pounding because of the previous penetration. The feeling of needing to throw up makes him gag and he swallows thickly to make it go away.

His eyes took in the form of Chris, clearly ashamed and disgusted with himself, but not making any sense to Darren.

**"**You disgust me, you know that?" Darren's harsh voice drifted through the room.

**"**I disgust myself, Darren," Chris whispered in reply, his voice so soft and shaky that he was slightly surprised anything came out in the first place.

**"**You should have thought of that before," Darren sneered. "And don't you dare to say my name like that"

Darren looked away and walked to their tears started to spill from Chris' eyes, shaking his head again as a harsh sob shook through his body.

**"**I did it for you," he whispered again.

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**AN: That was it! The start of something new. Nothing like you're used of me, right? I know. But after writing so much love and smut we just were like 'I want angst.' and then came up with this idea. Don't hate me , please! Jana and I are both suckers for happy endings, so don't worry too much. After all, Darren and Chris are made for eachter, aren't they?**

**Please review to let us know what you think of it! It would mean the world to us!**


	2. Expectations

**AN: Hi guys!**

**Thanks for giving this story a chance! I get why people don't like it because Chris is cheating, but he has a reason for it and it's explained in this story! If you have questions or comments, feel free to give them to me. I love to answer them!**

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**Chapter 2. Explanations  
**Hearing the sob and whispered words that he thought he heard earlier, made him turn around and laugh harshly.

"Are you crazy? Did he pound so hard into your willing ass you finally lost it?"

A louder sob escaped Chris' lips. He was crying hard into his hands, his body shaking with the force of Darren's words.

"No…"

"How can you think this was good for me? Tell me, Chris. You think another guy pounding into your ass on our bed made me the happiest guy alive? You think seeing you moaning for another guy makes my heart flutter?" Darren shook his head. "I can't believe you. You're pathetic," he said and turned around to open the closet, grabbing a suitcase.

"I-I know… I just- I wanted to make this easier for you. I wanted- I wanted to..," Chris couldn't finish his sentence, because loud sobs wrecked through him. He felt so sick that his stomach clenched. "I don't deserve you at all, Darren… I don't. I knew you'd- you'd never leave me if I didn't make you," he whispered.

"Well you got your wish granted then. I'm leaving. How many times did this happen Chris? Everytime I left for work in New York? San Francisco? You must be so proud of yourself…"

"No! No… no, I'm not- I'm not a whore, Darren. It was- this... this was the only time and I've never felt so disgusting! I-God, I'm so…" Chris shook his head and rubbed his bare arms. "But you're free for once. I-I… That's all I wanted."

"God do you hear yourself? Don't put this on me! Fuck you make it sound like you cheated on me _for _me! You're… Jesus! Don't you fucking dare to lie to me Chris. Don't you _dare_. I think you did enough."

Darren moved around and started to grab random clothes out of their closet, throwing them carelessly into his suitcase.

Hiding his face into his hands, Chris' body was shaking lightly.

"I did… I did it for you- God, Darren, can't you see that you deserve so much better? That you could _have _so much better? How can you settle for me? I'm just- I'm a fucking mess. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve being happy with you because I want to make you happy but I can't so I'd rather make you leave instead of having you. It hurts so much, but I want you to be able to hate me. You _should_hate me."

"Shut the _fuck_up. Shut _up_! I don't want to hear your lies! You willingly let another guy touch you. You willingly had _sex_with a guy on _our _bed! I thought what we had was special. Was real. Was _it_. You know? The real thing. The forever. You made me the happiest guy alive Chris. And even now… Even when you… ch-_cheated_on me and f-fucked with my head. I-I still can't hate you! Fuck!" Darren yelled, voice sounding so lost it was breaking Chris' heart.

Louder sobs left Chris' mouth, crying even harder after Darren's tirade.

"I love you so much, I just- I hate myself so fucking much and I just want you to find someone who can make you happy. Always. And who doesn't have so many issues that they just can't make you happy all the time. You deserve it, Darren. You deserve _so _much better. You deserve everything and I know I can't offer you that… And yet you still stayed with me, because you're just way too- too _perfect_to leave me. Now you can. Because I'm so disgusting I wouldn't touch me anymore either."

Darren looked at Chris with disbelieve and hurt.

"You… you _planned _this?"

A shaky nod was his first reaction.

"I-I got your messages. It broke me, but I-I knew that you'd come in and see… I wa-wanted you to-."

Groaning, Darren turned around and hit his head against the closet.

"I can't believe this."

Chris stood up on shaky legs and walked to his pile of clothes, pulling on a shirt and some sweatpants.

"I-I'm going for a walk. I can't even- God. I can't even look at myself. I just- I need to get out. You can just pack and… I won't be back until you're gone. I-I'll make sure."

"Don't."

Darren closed his eyes and tried to even his breathing. Knowing the real reason why Chris did this now… It still hurt like hell, but he had to- There had to be a way to fix this. Once and for all.

Stilling, Chris shook his head and rubbed his arms nervously.

"I should."

Walking past Chris' frozen form, Darren bend to pick up the gift he had dropped. He held it in his hands for a while before he turned around.

"You- I brought you this. For you. I need you to take a look at it and think about what you just said."Darren handed him the small bag which contained a small box and walked outside their bedroom, needing to cool down sank to his knees once Darren was gone, sobbing and shaking his head, whispering **'**_no' _over and over again. He broke down completely, curling up on the ground, shivering while his whole body ached.

Meanwhile downstairs Darren sat down on their couch, still not really believing what just happened. Where did they go wrong? When did he make Chris believe he wasn't good enough for him? He gathered his head into his hands and hoped with all his heart that Chris would take a look at the gift. Knowing what it meant after seeing the inscription.

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**AN: That was it. Being insecure is a bitch sometimes... let me know what you think? Next chapter will contain the box and more angst!**


	3. Revelations

**AN: Hello lovelies! Thanks for the reviews! It means the world to us that even though you don't really like the fact that there's cheating involed and Chris thinks so little of himself, you're still here! I hope we're gonna do them both some justice by keeping this story as realistic as possible but giving it a happy ending anyway ;)**

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**Chapter 3 'Revelations'**

Once Chris was alone he picked up the box in his shaking hands, looking at it and opening it with another loud sob, pinching the bridge of his nose hard.

"Fuck...," he muttered and sat on the floor in silence.

Meanwhile Darren had started to pace the room, desperately needing to get out but at the same time he didn't want to leave Chris, being well aware that once he left it would be forever.

Taking the ring out of the box, Chris traced his fingertips over the cool metal, rolling it around before noticing the small inscription. He winced when he read it, a new stream of tears falling from his eyes.

"No...fuck...no...," he whispered and held the ring tightly in his fist, his chest aching and his heart pounding painfully against his ribcage.

Darren took a glass in frustration, smashing it on the floor, using it as some way to release his hurt. His anger and frustration that was welling up inside of him.

Hearing glass shatter, Chris buried his head in his hands.

"How Darren?" he yells. "How can you - you can't - you can't mean this! You couldn't!" he corrected himself.

Darren could hear Chris calling and he looked up as if he could see him through the ceiling. He quickly grabbed his phone and started a new message.

_If you wanna talk I'm here. I don't...it smells like it up there... -D_

Chris shook his head at the message and stared at the phone blankly, quickly typing back.

_I'm so sorry. I'm so disgusting. I'm disgraceful. I don't want you to see me like this. Not ever. I need to take a bath. I need to wash this off of me. -C_

_I'm here... -D_

Throwing the phone on the couch, Darren started pacing again. Fuck, he really fucked up. Chris fucked up. They both fucked up. How had this happened? They had been so happy. So gloriously happy. Everything was okay. They knew exactly what the other wanted. They fulfilled each other's needs. He opened the door that lead to the garden and sat on the doorstep, staring outside.

Chris got up on shaky legs and walked downstairs. He felt anxious and still oh so naked. Now that he thought about it, it felt surreal. Cheating had always been his one big weakness and he figured that if it hurt him like that in the past, it would hurt Darren enough to make him forget him, that it would erase him from his life. Walking into the room, Chris's arms wrapped around himself protectively, his eyes swollen and unfocused.

"Hey...," he choked out.

Darren looked up at him when he heard his love's scratchy voice behind him.

"Hey...," he replied and shuffled to make room for Chris to sit next to him.

"Are you sure you want me near you...?" Chris whispered and walked closer.

Darren nodded shakily, not able to say it out loud.

Chris nodded as well and sat down next to him, letting out a shaky breath.

Darren looked up at Chris with tearful eyes. "Where did we go wrong?" he asked.

"You mean where did I go wrong...," Chris whispered. "You were nothing but perfect, Darren."

"No. That's not true. I have done something to make you feel unworthy. I-I need you to tell me what," Darren choked out.

"No. You didn't. That's the problem. You treated me so well. Always. And I just - I felt like I couldn't give you that back...I want to - I want to make you feel how you make me feel but I can't so instead I - I figured you could let go of me easier if I did - that...," the younger man whispered brokenly.

"When did you feel my unease with you? My not-happy state? When did I show you I wasn't as content with you as before? When did I not show how incredibly happy you made me?" Darren asked.

"It wasn't you, Darren! It was never you! It's my fucking head that's messed up! Not yours! I just have this fucking insecurities that apparently drove me to doing that to you. You have no idea how much I hate myself. You have no idea how - how filthy I feel. I don't want anyone else but you to touch me. I didn't want it but I needed to do it so you could start hating me. It would be so much easier!" Chris yelled, a harsh sob trembling through his body.

Darren huffed. "Well look how that turned out...," he muttered. "What do I need to do to make you realize you're it for me, Chris?" he asked.

Chris just shook his head. "You do it all the time...please stop searching for a mistake you made." he begged. "I just can't believe how someone like you can possibly want me."

"But there needs to be one!" Darren yelled. "Please!"

"Not...there's not one reason," Chris said.

At that, Darren started to cry.

"I just don't want you to settle...I want you to have your perfect match. I want you to - to be so happy, Darren...," Chris whimpered and looked away, fighting back more tears that threatened to spill from his eyes.

"I have a perfect match. I'm as happy as possible. Please, Chris. There needs to be something. I must have done something wrong, please!"

Chris shook his head, not able to speak so instead he gasped and let out a shaky breath, shaking and starting to cry again.

"There needs to be - it must...," Darren cried and grabbed Chris desperately.

"No! No, don't touch me right now...," he whispered calmly, moving away. "Believe me, Darren," Chris said. "There is no reason. You did everything for me."

Flinching when Chris moved away, Darren looked at him. "You don't get it, Chris. There needs to be a reason."

"But there is none! I promise! I promise, Darren. There is no reason. The reason is that I feel like you deserve better," Chris said.

Darren was sobbing. "But if there's no reason...then how is there a way I can fix this...Chris I -," he started crying harder.

"You shouldn't have to fix this...you shouldn't have to fix me...," Chris whimpered and cried more as well, getting up. "I - I love you so much. Don't feel like I did this to break you. I didn't -"

"No, you did this to break us," Darren said and looked up at him with broken eyes. "I can't believe you want to break us up..."

"I don't - shit...d-don't...I - I - I told you why I did it and I don't expect you to understand...I don't - I don't get it myself...," Chris said.

"You didn't want us together anymore because I deserve better. Because I should be happier. because you think you're not good enough for me. I understand it...I do. I just don't agree with it," Darren stated.

"Then what - what's happening now?" Chris asked, concern clinging to his voice.

"Chris...," Darren whispered, looking up at him, not daring to stand up as well, probably scaring him away. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I can be happier. Maybe I can have someone else..."

Shivering, Chris held back a loud sob.

"But I'm not looking for someone else. Even though he's there. I'm not gonna go looking for him. even if he calls me up and tells me he's the one for me. I'm gonna hang up. Because I. Don't. Care. I have you. Well...at least I think I have and you make me happy, incredibly happy. Happy enough. You make me smile and laugh and feel beautiful. You calm me and always know exactly what to say to me. You put me at ease. You and I just fit. We just _fit_. And that's enough. At least for me...," Darren whispered.

"You always have me," Chris replied quickly. "You - god, I love you so much, Darren and I'm so sorry. I'm just so so sorry. I feel so - so terrible for everything...I - god...I'm so fucking stupid. I'm such a fuck-up. Look at what I'm putting you through!"

Darren looked up at him with trembling lips, hands itching to just touch him, wrap his arms around him, starting the process of making them work again, needing to learn how to trust Chris again.

"I love you, too...," he said finally.

"I'm so sorry...I can never make this up to you again...," Chris said, his voice sad and thin.

"Try...please try..."

"I want to...I just don't know how...I'll work hard for it. I promise."

"I know you will," Darren said, smiling softly and standing up slowly, his hand tentatively reaching out for Chris's.

"I-I want to touch you, Darren but - I feel like...I feel like it's not fair to you. Not when I'm filthy like that...just - let me take a quick bath? I - I am so sorry...," Chris looked at him with pleading eyes.  
Darren nodded. "Okay...could you - open a window upstairs?" He asked, looking uncomfortable and bit his lip. "I'll be just...here."

"Of course! I - shit, of course...I'll change the sheets. Hell, I'll - I'll do anything...," Chris whispered.

"It's a start..., right?" Darren asked, sounding a bit too hopeful but he wasn't able to hold back.  
Nodding, Chris apologized again. "I'm sorry...I'm just - I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me one day...I know it'll take a lot but - you know I'm not - like this..."

"I'm sure I will...I know that Chris. I do...I know you...," Darren said softly.

"You do...better than I know myself," Chris agreed.

"You should listen to that sentence some more...," Darren smiled softly and squeezed his hand in his gently, walking inside. "Go then."

Chris nodded and returned the weak smile before walking upstairs. He cleaned himself thoroughly, scrubbing at his skin until it was red and tender. He got out of the bathtub to wrap himself up in a fluffy towel, threw his clothes and the sheets in the trash before getting new ones to put them on their bed. Their bed. The one that he'd tainted with something he wouldn't forgive himself for soon either. He walked downstairs again once he was dressed. His hair was styled and his eyes not as swollen anymore, his face freshly shaved.

"Hey...," he whispered softly, his voice croaky.

Darren looked up at him from his guitar, smiling warmly. "Hey...," he replied.

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**AN: There we are! What next? We'll update as soon as possible! Please let us know what you think! :)**


	4. Details

**AN: And here is chapter 4! Just wanted to let you guys know we have another three or four already written so don't be afraid we're gonna abondon it or anything! :) A lot of talking in this one, but that's what they need...**

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**Chapter 4 '_Details'_**

"Feeling a bit better now?" Darren asked, his voice filled with concern.

"I-Yeah. What about you? Are you okay?" Chris asked Darren, eyes filled with warmth and concern.

"Yeah. I guess," Darren shrugged. Chris immediately felt guilt bubbling up inside him again and felt dirty all over.

"Can I get you something?" he asked with a frown. "Anything to eat? A drink?"Shaking his head, Darren replied. "No. I'm good. Come here," he said and patted the couch next to him, desperate to have him close, at least in some sat down next to him, still a little distant, and sighed. Gently pushing his guitar away he looked at Chris again.

"You're gonna sit here and try to relax a little. I'll make us a pot of tea and we're gonna talk about this, okay?"

"Don't. I'll take care of it, okay? I'm fine.. Just.. You shouldn't be doing things for me right now," he mumbled and gave Darren an apologetic smile before getting up to go to the kitchen, setting up some hot water. Darren sighed but decided to let it go for now, even though he didn't like it. They were equals. Always had been and always will be. Chris needed to remember that. He made a mistake yes. But that didn't mean he was any less than Darren. Not at a few minutes Chris walked back with a pot of tea and two mugs, setting them down before he settled down next to him again.

"Thanks," Darren said softly and grabbed the teapot to pour them both some tea. "You want some sugar?"

"Yes, please."Almost as if they were strangers from each other and Chris was a visitor in his house, Darren grabed the sugarbowl and put one sugarcube into Chris' tea before he settled back against the couch again, looking at Chris.

"I need you to know one thing before we do anything else."

"Okay," Chris said with a small nod, looking back at him.

"We're equals," Darren stated.

"I know that."

"You just don't agree with it. I can tell by the way you just handled this whole tea thing," Darren replied and looked at him with serious eyes. Shaking his head, Chris answered. "No. That was one time now. I just- I feel like I owe you and I don't know how to pay back just yet so I figured doing little things helps...," Chris said and looked at Darren helplessly. "I know that we're equals. We always treated each other that way... I know that."

"Alright," Darren nodded. "I don't want you to feel like you should pay me back or anything, but I think it'll help you to feel better. Am I right?"

**"**It will. And don't worry, please. It's not that I don't think we're equals or I'm weighing out the stuff we do for each other... I just want to this for you and for us," Chris said words made Darren smile and he tilted his head a little.

"Okay. I believe you." Leaning forward he grabbed his cup of tea, pulling it between his hands, letting the warmth spread through his hands, the familiar feeling of comfort accompanying it.

"Good," Chris said and smiled softly, his eyes still not really looking into Darren's, but at least he could face him now. He reached out for his cup as well, grinning at the way Darren held onto it. He knew how much he liked the warmth in his hands. Slowly the scent of tea reached his nose, making Darren smile.

"You made mint tea, my favorite!" Chris nodded softly, still smiling at Darren.

"I did…yes," the younger man chuckled lightly, slowly relaxing into the couch behind him.

"You're the best," Darren said, almost automatically, wincing afterwards when he knew this was too much too frowned. Too well aware of the fact that he was in no way the best. Not today, not ever. He looked away, shame creeping up again, constricting his chest and he took in a deep, shaky breath.

"I'm sorry," Darren muttered, shaking his head, once again fully aware of how long this was going to take.

"It's okay. Don't apologize. I just - don't know how to handle all of this yet…fuck…" Chris muttered, running his hand through his hair before he took a sip from his tea, letting the scent fill his nose, calming him at least a nodded, feeling frustrated by himself.

"Still.. I could have thought about it one second longer.." Running his own hand through his hair he sipped his tea quietly, still not really able to get the image of someone else on and in Chris out of his mind.

"Darren…" Chris whispered calmly. "Stop feeling bad about it. It's okay. Not your fault, it's…just how we used to be." He frowned at his own words.

"And how we will be again.." he said, hoping he sounded confident and nodded slowly. "How we'll be again…" he repeated and looked at Darren with sad eyes, wishing so desperately that he could just kiss him and tell him over and over again how sorry he looked away from Chris' sad eyes, needing to distance himself from him if he wanted to talk about this.

"We need to talk about it," he said again, sounding a bit high nodded again, not trusting himself to speak yet.

"H-How though…?" he whispered, feeling so helpless that he just wanted to disappear when he took another sip from his cup.

"Who was the guy?" Darren asked, sounding cold and distant, but not able to make it sound any different, his fingers clenching around his shuddered at the sudden coldness and firmness in Darren's voice.

"A random guy…I - I didn't really know him," he said, his voice high and shaky.

"What's his name?" Darren asked, feeling the comforting warmth changing into scolding heat, but not able to let his cup go.

"I - I don't remember…I didn't - I didn't talk to him a lot…I wanted to keep it as impersonal as I could," Chris groaned, shaking his head, not really knowing if this made it worse or better.

"What did you say to him?" He asked.

"D-Darren…do we have t-to do this…?" Chris winced at the thought of having to recall it all, his head pounding already.

"We do. I need to know," Darren replied, voice sounding strained and thin, body rigid, the tea not helping anymore.

"But why? Why does it matter? It hurts so much already," Chris said and he could tell Darren was getting upset again. He curled up into himself a little.

"Because I need to know! Why did it happen? What did you do? What did he think? I-I need to know. I know it was meaningless, but I need to know," he said, hearing how angry and upset his own voice sounded, but not really caring. He had every right to be upset and he had every right to know.

"I told you why it happened…I - I asked him to do it anonymously. Discreet. That it wouldn't mean anything but sex." Chris's voice was thin and high pitched. He shuddered at how angry Darren sounded but he understood. There was no reason for him to hold back his emotions.

"And he just said yes? He was actually fine with a night of meaningless nameless faceless sex?"

"Y-Yeah…I wouldn't have done it if that hadn't been the case…like I said - I wanted it to be as impersonal as it could be…"

"How long did you plan this," Darren asked now, not caring that he sounded a bit mechanic and inspector-ish. He needed to knew everything so he could get it out of his system, never being stuck with the questions like 'why' and 'what if' .Chris froze.

"It took me over a week to actually even think about doing it properly…I - it's not something I just did out of the blue…" Chris whispered, frozen by the questions and he felt like Darren was growing colder each minute that passed.

"So I was gone for two weeks and after one week you decided I could have better. You decided that _cheating_, the thing you know hurts the most, was the thing you should be doing to _fix _this all," Darren stated, not looking at Chris but just stating the facts he gathered felt like crying all over again, shaking his head, burying it in his hands after he had set down the cup.

"I - I a-already…" he was crying again by then, harsh sobs rocking through his body. "I - t-told you _why_I did it…and I s-sw-swear I feel so dirty…it's not even funny. I just - feel like taking a bath all over again I - just - it's…I'm the dumbest person to exist. I'm so fucking stupid…" he whispered more to himself than to Darren.

"Chris, don't cry. Please don't cry," Darren said and pinched his forehead between his fingers, feeling a terrible headache coming up. "I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I'm trying to figure this out. I need to do this. I don't want this to happen again. I can't have it happen again," he said sounding pained and hurt.

"I know you don't but I also know how much this hurts you. I should know best how betrayed you feel now. But - I-I just need you to trust me again. That's not who I am. I'm not a cheater. I don't need anyone else, I just need you so much and I screw it all up. Everything good in my life." Chris said and took in a deep breath, his whole chest hurting.

"I want to trust you again. I know you're not a cheater but somehow you thought that cheating was the best thing to do..Do you still remember what the last thing was you heard of me before you decided…this?"Chris nodded, defeated, emptiness washing over him when he took in another shaky breath.

"What was it?" Darren asked and put one hand on Chris' knee needing him to know he still loved him. He still wanted him. He didn't screw it up yet.

"I-I can't say that again…it just - god…" Chris choked out, Darren's last words echoing in his head. '_I love you more than anything and I can't wait to come home and hold you again. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss you.' _Chris felt sick and shuddered, shaking his head, allowing Darren to hold his knee. He needed the slight comfort at this point.

"What did it make you feel?" Darren asked, sounding a bit warmer and concerned again.

"Loved. I f-felt so loved…and sa-safe…" Chris nearly whimpered and took his cup from the table again, his fingers shaking as he took a sip of the warm slowly squeezed his hands on his knee.

"That's because you are loved.. I want you to be safe. Preferably with me," he said, smiling softly. "I-I need you Chris. I did miss you. I.. I bought that ring after that text.." Darren looked away and swallowed away a lump, blinking to stop the tears from felt his body give out again and he just couldn't hold in his sobs anymore. He normally never cried but this hurt way too much and he felt so guilty, like he could never make it up to the man he loved. He'd done something that he knew first hand - hurt so bad that it was nearly impossible to be fixed.

"I - god…I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry…I - I hate myself so much…it's - now I _know _that I don't deserve you…I don't." He choked out along with another heavy couldn't hold himself back any longer and even though he knew that Chris needed him. Needed his comfort, he knew he couldn't give it to him right now. Things were still unsaid and he didn't want to comfort Chris. Hold him like that before everything was out in the open. He stood up and poured Chris another cup of tea before walking outside, needing fresh air. Needing to be away from the tight air of guilt and humiliation. He knew why Chris did it. But it _hurt_. It hurt so fucking much. The moment Darren decided he loved Chris so much he wanted him to ask him to marry him, Chris had decided he had to find a guy to cheat on him with.

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**AN: Darren wanted to ask Chris to marry him. The moment I wrote that, Jana's heart ached. So just so you know... This story isn't only moving you guys, we hurt each other as well! When will Chris find out? Please let us know what you feel and think!**


	5. Breaking Point

**AN: And here is chapter 5! Got another .. 8 chapters ready I think :) Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 5 'Breaking Point'**

"Don't leave. Don't leave. Don't. Leave…," Chris whispered under his breath, his heart aching like it was about to burst and he honestly felt like throwing up. His stomach clenched and he winced at the pain, feeling so weak. Chris could've sworn he was in some of his worst nightmares but no - this was real. He had betrayed the love of his life.

Outside Darren felt another hundred questions going through his mind. Did Chris like it? Had he been hard? Did he moan for him? Did he let him dominate him the way he said he only trusted him to do so? Had he trusted him with what he liked? What he needed to come? Had he told him about his boyfriend? Had he lied about him? Without a warning Darren suddenly collapsed in the garden, his body wrecking with sobs, his hands holding his head, tears streaming out of his eyes.

Chris jumped when he heard a heart-wrenching sob coming from outside. He nearly ran outside, breaking at the sight of Darren on the floor, his body shaking and tears streaming down his face. He didn't think about what he was doing next. It was like an instinct. He leaned down and pulled Darren into his arms, crying into his shoulder, holding him so tightly, hoping he wouldn't push him away.

Darren froze in his arms, but couldn't help but not feel comforted by Chris. His arms. His smell. His body that fitted with his so well. Slowly he leaned into Chris, still crying and shaking, his eyes clenched shut and his fingers clenching into his shirt.

"Y-You're still looking for answers, aren't you…?" Chris whispered, still holding on to him as if his life depended on it, his voice so breathy and shaky that he was surprised it even came out in first place.

Nodding, Darren hoped Chris got the message, because he couldn't speak.

"L-Let's calm down, okay…I'll just - " he pulled away, taking his hand in his, squeezing, sitting cross-legged in front of him. "What do you want to know…? I just…please don't go…stay here with me…" he whispered and held his hand a little tighter.

"I-I wasn't planning on leaving," Darren said, voice sounding broken and small.

"I-I mean even getting up…I thought you'd just leave…"

Shaking his head, Darren stayed silent, eyes trained on the floor, hating he was suddenly the weak one and also hating he couldn't voice the questions his mind kept making up, mocking him and his ability to keep Chris happy.

"Darren…talk to me…please - you're right…we need to talk and I'll answer anything. No more secrets. I'll talk. About anything starting now. Forever. I just - I'm sorry…I should've just opened my mouth." Chris whispered, his voice rough and shaky.

Darren turned away his head, happy that Chris was willing to talk but to emotional himself now to voice things. "I- I can't," he said, swallowing his dry throat, wishing he just stayed inside with the comforting mint tea and the comfortable couch.

Chris absently rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand, nodding. "O-Okay…just know that - I felt nothing…I - I just…I didn't do it for fun. Or because I thought I'd have fun…it was - the worst thing I've ever done to myself."

Darren bit his lip, feeling fresh tears rolling out of his eyes, needing to believe him so desperately.

"D-Don't cry…please…I'm so sorry…I - I just needed you to know that…," Chris mumbled

Darren squeezed his hand softly, trying to show his gratitude for that.**  
"**I-," Darren started, but heard how weak and stupid his voice sounded, clenching his lips shut again.

"Darren…please…," Chris whispered, his own voice breaking.

Darren's eyes looked up, finally reaching Chris' eyes again and welled up at the emotions he saw running through them. How was it possible to love someone so much, to need someone so much, but to feel so hurt and angry by that same person?

"Are you disgusted by me…? Like you said you were…? Are you - I get if you never want to touch me again," Chris whispered. Not sure where it came from but he just loved Darren and he hated how he screwed this up.

"N-no," Darren croaked out. "I'm not.. Of course not," Darren said softly, his voice still sounding weak and pathetic.

Chris felt a little more relaxed. Not much but the simple reassurance helped a little bit. He nodded. "I don't get why though…I - I'm so disgusted with myself - I just…would you mind if I took another bath later? I just hate this…"

"Whatever you want," Darren replied, embracing his knees and shivering slightly, it was cold outside. "Stop hating yourself," he said softly. "I don't .."

"I can't," Chris said simply, reaching out again to lace their fingers together. He need the comfort of knowing that Darren was right there with him.

"Then learn to. It made you do this. So it may make you do it again," Darren said, sounding tired and defeated.

"I won't!" Chris said a little too loud, looking at Darren in horror.

"Can you promise me?" Darren asked, looking at him in earnest, hoping Chris found the deeper meaning oft his. It wasn't about cheating. It was about being honest.

elling each other everything. Even the doubts.

"I can. Yes," Chris said firmly, looking at him, trying to convince him that he meant it. Everything.

Darren nodded and stood up, dusting off his pants, wiping away his drying tears. "Okay," he said and walked inside, feeling cold to the bone and desperately needing to feel some warmth again. Inside he grabbed the teapot and poured himself some tea, clinging to it like his life depended on it, while he stared into nothing.

Chris watched Darren and suddenly felt cold all over, shivering and tears still welling up. He got up as well, following Darren, not talking to him but simply to be there.

"You should take that bath," Darren said , sounding a bit emotionless again, his mood switching so often it made his head hurt. On one side he wanted to make things good again but at the other side he was still so fucking hurt and lost.

Chris nodded, the emptiness taking over again when Darren grew distant again, making him wince a little and he walked upstairs without another word, letting out a deep breath as he started the water, gathering some new clothes.

Darren sat on the couch, staring into nothing, seeing the same image in front of his eyes again and again and again. Chris' head thrown back, his neck slightly bruised, his ass around some strangers cock and his arms clenched in the sheets. How many times had they made love on their bed? How many times did he made Chris a screaming, whimpering mess, that only wanted him. Needed him. Begged for him. But still here he was. In someone else' arms. A shot of agonizing pain went through his chest, making him double over, his body jerking, crying dry tears. How could this ever get right again? How could he ever trust Chris again? How could he ever lay down on their bed again without seeing the other guy. Smelling his sex in their room? Hearing the sounds Chris made for some other guy on their bed? He could hear the water running upstairs and he desperately wanted to join. To feel his body warm again. To gather Chris in his arms and wash away everything. Soundlessly and slowly he grabbed Chris' cup with fresh tea and walked upstairs, stilling in front of the bathroom. He could hear Chris' moving in the water, probably trying to rid himself of the smell and touch of someone else. Slowly he walked inside, leaning into the doorway.

Chris was scrubbing at his skin again. It was already red with the force he used to get everything off of him. The filth and disgust, his shame and regret but it didn't seem to work. The water was scolding and he had used too much soap. He let out a frustrated groan and let himself sink back into the water, closing his eyes, wishing Darren would just come to join him, to hold him there and just be with him. He missed how close they were. Inseparable. But things were different now and he had to cope somehow.

Darren stared at Chris, seeing how red his skin was, knowing water and soap couldn't get rid of the filth that was between them now. Chris looked beautiful, even now. Sighing softly he walked towards him and let Chris know he was there. "Hey.." he softly said, keeping his eyes on the tiles.

Chris looked up in horror, the water splashing around him. "Hey…," he whispered back, his voice nothing more than a breathy whisper. He took the loofah in his hand again, applying more soap as he started to clean himself again.

Darren reached out and stopped the loofah, looking at Chris with a frown. "Stop it.. You're breaking your skin," he said softly. Not awaiting a reaction, Darren walked off into their bedroom and looked for the bad oil that made skin go soft again.

Chris stilled and took in a deep breath, putting it down.

Finally found it, Darren walked back and poured a good amount of the oil in the bath. "There.. That's better," he said, because no matter what it was in his nature to look out for Chris. To take care of him.

"Thank you…," Chris said and looked at him with warm, still kinda empty eyes, biting his lip at how caring Darren still was. Even now. He poured some of the water over his arm, wincing at the slight burn. He smoothed it down his body, letting it calm his abused skin.

"I brought you some tea," Darren said and put the mug on the edge of the bath, grabbing a washcloth that was lying there. Silently he poured some of the badoil on the cloth and dipped it into the water. Slowly he began running it down Chris' arms, knowing that he couldn't be taking a bath with him yet, but this was comforting enough for him.

"Thank you so much, Darren - I…," he stopped and smiled weakly, taking a sip before watching Darren, looking up at him, trying to find his eyes. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath when Darren ran the washcloth down his arms, soothing the stinging.

Darren remained silent, not knowing what to say. Sometimes actions showed more than words and he hoped Chris knew what this meant. He wasn't disgusted with him. He needed him close again. He wanted them to get like this again, but it couldn't be fully yet. Slowly he run the washcloth over his form, before dropping it into the water and getting up.

"Thanks…," Chris whispered again and laid back into the water, looking at the ceiling, breathing deep and slow.

"I'm gonna make us some dinner," Darren said, finally speaking again and with one last lingering look he walked downstairs, not hungry at all, but knowing they needed to eat something. He settled for a simple soup with bread and started working on it, needing to keep his mind of things.

Okay," Chris said and god, he didn't even know if he could eat without throwing up. He got up and out of the bathtub, looking around for a towel. He dried himself off quickly and changed into a simple grey V-neck and some black sweatpants. He hesitated a little, waiting and giving Darren some time before he walked downstairs again.

Darren looked up from his chopped vegetables when he saw Chris coming down the stairs, looking clean and fresh again. "I'm making soup," he said, not really knowing why.

Chris couldn't help but smile at this simple information. He nodded. "Great," Walking over to a chair to sit, he watched Darren. "Can I help you?"

Darren looked at Chris and saw him smiling, making him smile in return, even though it was strained and felt unnatural. "You can start the bouillon?" he asked.

"Of course!" Chris said quickly and started setting it up for Darren.

"How's your skin," Darren asked and couldn't keep the worried tone out of his voice.

"It's good, Darren, really. The oil helped a lot. I didn't realize I had done it so hard," Chris said and kept working before finishing and sitting down again.

"Good.. You have a sensitive skin," Darren said, knowing way too well how Chris' skin responded. His scratchy stubble was often prove enough. "Maybe you can set the table?" he asked, hoping he didn't sound to commanding.

"I do," Chris agreed and felt his stomach turn when he remember just why Darren knew that. How well he knew him in first place. "Of course!" Chris said enthusiastically, taking some bowls and spoons to set the table.

Working together had always been one of their strong bases. They just did that in perfect sync. It's what made Ryan pick him in the first place. "What would you like to drink with it?" Darren asked him and continued making the soup, putting the vegetables in it while grabbing the little meatballs for in it.

"Would it be inappropriate to say anything that gets me drunk?" Chris chuckled, trying desperately to lighten the mood. "No, well…a Diet Coke will do just fine," he said.

"Coke with rum?" Darren offered, knowing it wouldn't fall to hard and it still would take the edge of things.

"Sure," Chris replied.

"Can you watch the soup for me? I.. Just remembered I have to unpack the bag I eh.. Yeah.."

"Oh…yes, yes, of course," Chris said, frowning when he remembered and got up to stir the soup a little.

"Thanks," Darren said and moved past Chris, making sure there body's didn't touch, because he wasn't sure if he could still leave then. Upstairs he only now noticed the way their whole bedroom was cleaned. New sheets. The window open. His packed bag still at the wall. In the end it was all a very painful memory. As quickly as he could he started to put his clothes back, grabbing a boxershort and a shirt so he could sleep on the couch tonight.

Chris absently watched the soup, seeing it boil and he felt sick again when he remembered how Darren would be reminded as well.

Darren walked out of their bedroom as quickly as he could so he wouldn't be remembered even more, putting his clothes on the stairs before walking into the living room again. "There.. All set?" he asked and walked towards the liquor cabinet, grabbing some Bacardi and coke.

"Yeah. It's ready, I think," Chris said awkwardly, standing there, completely lost.

"Hey.. Come here," Darren said softly, gesturing towards the table. "You did a great job," he smiled and smiles softly. "I can never make my bouillon taste that good," he said, laughing slightly.

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**AN: Baby steps. Right? Please review and let us know what you think of it! **


	6. Time

**AN: Chapter 6! Sorry for the little delay! I had some busy days!**

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**Chapter 6 'Time'**

"You want some bread with it?" Darren asked, aware of the fact that they both probably didn't want to eat anything.

"No. I'm fine, thanks," Chris replied. His stomach already bubbling uncomfortably when he thought about how he was supposed to eat something. Even though it was only soup he felt like he couldn't keep it to himself.

"I know we're both not hungry, but we have to eat…otherwise we're gonna wake up in the middle of the night, stomachs rumbling and all," he said, acknowledging their discomfort of eating right nodded. Darren was right of course so he took a deep breath and looked at Darren again with a frown. "I know…I just can't promise you that I won't get sick…," he whispered, barely audible and he hated himself for making himself seem like he was the victim here.

**"**Me neither," Darren admitted and grabbed a spoon, moving it around his soup distractedly.**  
**Chris let out a shaky sigh and picked up his spoon as well, biting his lip before taking a first sip. The warmth of the warm liquid soothed his sore throat but made his stomach clench lightly. Swallowing thickly he put the spoon down again.

"It tastes good," Darren said softly, desperate to get rid of the uncomfortable atmosphere.

**"**It does. I'm glad at least one of us can cook so we don't starve to death," Chris chuckled, shifting in his seat a little.

"There's always take out," Darren laughed softly, taking another spoonful. After a couple of spoons he could feel his nose running. "Shit, soup always does that," he said and excused himself from the table to grab a tissue from the side table.

Chris nodded, smiling. "Yeah. It's saved us so many times before," he said softly and frowned. "Well…at least your nose is free now?"

While he wiped his nose clean, he could feel the burning in his eyes, this time having nothing to do with the soup. Without trying to let Chris see, he discretely wiped away his tears and tried to focus on the here and now. They were still together. Chris was here. They were trying…

"You okay?" Chris asked in a soft voice, looking sincerely concerned.

"Y-Yeah," Darren muttered, feeling a new wave of tears coming down, making him sink down on the couch, not able to pretend anymore.

"Darren…," Chris whispered brokenly. He couldn't take this anymore. He sat down next to him with a sigh and leaned his head back. His head was pounding and his stomach sinking. "Do you…want me to move in with Ashley for a week or so…?"Darren quickly shook his head, even though he didn't know for sure. Maybe it was a good idea. Maybe he should leave the house, move in with Joey again. But a big part of him was afraid that if he left, things would never be okay again. Chris would never let him in like this. Like he had done for the last couple of months.

"It's fine really…you got your stuff here. I can just - go for a few days…give you some time…I - I hate breaking you like this," Chris confessed and rubbed his eyes. They were burning and he couldn't cry anymore at this away the tears and snot, Darren thought about this.

"I can't," Darren said softly, fingers clenching in the fabric of his jeans.

"What do you mean…?" Chris whispered, his voice thin and breaking looked at Chris sideways, turning his tearful, big hazel eyes at him. "I can't let you go."Chris's breath hitched when he saw Darren's teary, golden eyes. He shuddered and nodded, choking out a small "Mhm…," before feeling tears well up in his eyes again. "Okay…I - I won't then…I'll be here. I'll - I can sleep on the couch or in the guest room…it's okay."

"No," Darren said firmly and shook his head. "I - you take the bed," he honestly wouldn't be able to sleep in that room for some time.

"O-Okay…," Chris whispered. He understood Darren's hesitation and simply nodded to himself. "Of course…," he breathed.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Darren said and stood up, needing to get away from everything for a little while again. He actually longed for a bath, but that didn't seem like a smart option either.

"Right…okay…I'll - clean this up," Chris looked at the kitchen and got up, starting to put away everything.

"You can leave the dishes for me.. I don't mind," Darren muttered before he went upstairs.

He didn't like the fact that Chris wanted to do everything out of guilt, but knew he couldn't really do something about it. Things had to be rebuild. Slowly. Steadily. Maybe everything went too fast. They started out of nothing. A simple kinkgame suddenly turning into something way heavier and way bigger than both could have foreseen. It was coming from a mutual trust and respect, yes, but love was something going so much deeper, so much more fundamental.. It wasn't really weird that Chris thought it would all fall apart some day. What was supposed to start with slow date's, first kisses, started with a blowjob and incredibly hot roleplay sex. Not really a good first base, he supposed. It had been his mistake. He started to jerk of first, didn't he? He blurred the lines of friends and something more. Maybe he was the one who should be creating their starting base again. Their foundations. Creating mutual trust, love and devotion. Stepping underneath the shower he started thinking of ways to do that.

Chris nodded softly and watched as Darren left. The sinking feeling came back quickly and he just stood in silence for a few seconds. Letting the whole situation sink in all over again. He tried to remember why he'd felt like cheating was something he had to do in first place, considering that their relationship had started off as something so intimate. They'd started out as nothing but sexual. Best friends of course but they also had the kinks they tried, the love they made and it had made them so much stronger and connected them so much more. Chris knew he needed to earn that trust all over again, getting back that connection they had in first place because what they had had was nothing he wanted to give up just like that and yet he had done it. By bringing a stranger in. Someone who would never be what Darren was to him and who he'd never trust enough to let him do the things he did with Darren. While it was sex it had never been less loving or less important to them. It was a deep connection and he wanted to fight for this.

Chris started to clean up, even the dishes even though Darren told him not to,only to slump back on the couch in frustration once he was done, waiting for Darren to be done with his shower.

Feeling the soothing water run down his back he closed his eyes, hands softly washing his own skin, but not really doing anything about the hurt and filth he could feel inside. He began to think of ways to make up with Chris. To start their relationship all over. He needed to think of things, because the idea of not being able to fix this, made him ache inside. What were possibilities for him? What made their friendship so unique? What was their thing? The thing that would hold and keep them together. Humor, yes. Mutual interest like Star Wars and Harry Potter. Their want to fight for what's right. Were those things he should start with again? They didn't sound good enough, not nearly enough to glue back together what was so abruptly torn apart. Groaning softly, Darren let the water clean his body before stepping out of the shower, still not one step closer to finding a solution. Wasn't there a helpbook for situations like this? How to get your relationship back in ten days or something? He needed that. Hell he would pay big money for that. But even though he didn't want to believe it, somewhere deep inside he knew the healing of their relationship needed to come from both parts. It wasn't something that could be healed in ten days. It was something that was gonna take a long, long, time. Darren could only hope, that they had enough time for it.

Chris was still sitting on the couch, his face buried in his sweaty palms and he shook his head lightly. How the hell was he supposed to fix this? Fix the man he loved and the relationship that was so sacred to him? No matter what Darren thought at that point. Chris would always love him and he knew that the guilt would probably never fade completely. He hated how it made him feel. How he felt used even though it had been his idea. He didn't want to be touched like that by another man. Didn't want to make noises when it wasn't Darren eliciting them from him. There was no way he'd ever forget the pure horror, the hurt in Darren's eyes. It was like he hadn't only betrayed him but broken him. Broken his trust and his soul. He knew Darren wasn't normally like that. This mess of a man, but a fun guy. A humorist guy who'd make lame Star Wars references whenever he could. Who'd quote Harry Potter even when it wasn't appropriate and talk like Batman when Chris curled up next to him in bed, trying to sleep but not able to because he'd giggle and swat at his arm only to lean in for a gentle kiss. He'd loved this softer side of their relationship because as kinky and as much into roughness they were, there was always care and love in Darren's eyes. No matter what they did, he always felt safe in the other's arms. Tears were welling up again and god, how tired Chris was of crying. It was like his body couldn't even produce tears anymore, leaving his sobs dry as he took a pillow from the couch, holding it to his aching stomach as he cried more. He had always been one to wish for change but this time he desperately needed it. If only he had a time machine. He should've known better. Chris remembered the texts Darren had sent him, the love that he put into his voice whenever he called. He had been a complete idiot for thinking that he wouldn't deserve Darren. Darren loved him so much and in a way that he'd never had experienced. He was used to being put down, being treated like he didn't mean as much but not with him. He knew he'd always come first for the other man and just the simple realization made his chest ache and stomach turn as he started to feel sick, swallowing thickly to keep himself from throwing up. Too disgusted with himself and even though his skin was hurting from how roughly he'd scrubbed at it before, he somehow felt like showering again. Because maybe this time the shame and filth would finally let go of him.

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**AN: Chapter 7 is up tomorrow! Tell us what you think of it till now! Love you for the reviews and the alerts! Thanks a lot guys:) Lessthantree!**


	7. Real Feelings

**Chapter 7 'Real Feelings' **

Stepping out of the shower Darren grabbed a towel to towel himself dry. A frown was on his face, but he had no idea how to get it off. He couldn't hear a sound coming from downstairs, and it scared him a little. What if Chris had left? What if he'd never come back? Working as fast as he could, he put on some clean clothes, keeping his eyes trained on the closet only, ignoring the fact that their bed was right behind him. Taking the stairs with two steps at the same time he run down the stairs, only to find Chris sitting on the couch, clutching a pillow as if it was his lifeline. One look at the kitchen told him everything he already thought. Chris cleaned everything up and now he didn't know what to do anymore. Chris looked up at Darren when he returned and tried his best to force a smile.

"Hey," he croaked and bit his lip hard, still holding on to the pillow in his arms when his stomach gave another cramp, making him huff and pant a little at the sudden pain.

"Hey," Darren replied and gave Chris a worried look. "Is your stomach cramping?" he asked and already made his way to the kitchen, knowing just the thing that would help his silently, Chris's eyes trailed down to the floor again where they stilled and focused for a bit. "Yeah…" he whispered softly and pressed the pillow into his stomach more, wincing and hating himself for this even more. Darren shouldn't be the one to take care of him right now and yes, they were equals but that didn't mean that he had to nurse him. Not in this grabbing the camille tea Darren started to make another pot of tea, actually in need of some himself as well. "Don't feel guilty about this okay? I want some as well," he said, knowing Chris was eating himself alive over nodded again and found Darren's eyes hesitatingly, chewing on his lower lip. "Okay…" he mumbled and pulled his legs to his chest, curling up on the couch. How he wished that all of this was just over already.

"Chris, maybe you can put up a movie or something?" Darren asked hesitantly. He wasn't really in the mood to talk and just sitting, knowing what was wrong but not being able to do anything about it, wasn't his idea of a nice night.

"I probably should." Chris agreed and got up, his whole body aching and he walked over to the shelf where they kept their DVDs. "I get it if you don't want to join me…" he whispered and pulled out "The Little Mermaid", well aware that it probably was silly but it had become their go-to, feeling good movie. He just wanted to bring some familiarity in, trying to make it less painful.

"Don't be silly, you think I'm gonna stay in the kitchen this whole time? No way. I wanna see Prince Eric making heart eyes at Ariel," Darren said with a soft smile, knowing fully well why Chris picked this movie and walked back with a big pot of tea, hoping it would sooth some of Chris' cramps. Chris couldn't hold back the small chuckle that ripped from his throat. He looked at Darren with slightly warmer eyes and made space for the tea on the coffeetable. He pushed aside some notes that contained new ideas for scripts and books and took the pot of tea from the other man. Chris sat back on the couch, repositioning the pillows and pulled a blanket over his suddenly freezing body. He poured the tea into two cups and sat back again, waiting for Darren to settle down as the shivers running down Chris' body, Darren decided that closing the door to their garden wasn't a very bad move. It was getting late and the temperature had dropped inside. When he finished it he walked back to their couch, settling down on it, before pulling a bit of the blanket over himself as well, grabbing his cup. "Let the movie begin!" he said and smiled at back softly, Chris took his cup as well, draping some more of the blanket over Darren's body before leaning back, pressing play and how he wished that he could just rest his head on his shoulder like he usually always did. He sighed softly and took a sip from the hot tea, humming when the liquid soothed down his throat, spreading the comfortable warmth in his belly.

"Better right?" Darren asked knowingly and smirked at nodded and grinned a little, not able to hold back. Darren still made is chest flutter but now this normally warm, tingly feeling was tainted with something else. Something dark and it made his eyebrows furrow.

"Good," Darren just said and smiled at him, even though the sadness was noticeable from miles away. "I wonder what Ariel is wishing for this time," he says amused, trying to keep the light conversation shudder went through Chris's body so he tugged the blanket higher so it was covering his neck as well. He laughed and shrugged. "Maybe she'll tell us soon," he winked, smiling noticed his shudder, ofcourse he did, he never failed to notice any little quirk or movement of Chris. That was how things had been for the last few months. That's what made them such a strong couple. At least, he thought they were.

"I think she wants a bigger car. Or maybe her own personal style advisor. She could hire you," Darren said, although his smile wasn't there laughed again, a little forced but still - he meant it. He was still amazed at how easy it was for Darren to make him laugh and all he wanted was to close the distance between them but he couldn't. Not now. Not like this. It was hard, yes but maybe they'd get there again. At some point they had to, right?

"I never understood why Ariel thought giving away her voice was a good idea," Darren said and tried to ignore the need in him to just let Chris hang against him.

Chris shrugged. "She was in love…" he whispered, his body freezing when he felt like crying all over again. He let out a shaky breath and silently sipped on his tea.

"I know that," Darren said with a frown and glanced at Chris. "I meant, how did she think she was gonna win him without her voice? I mean. It was his only recognition point.. She could have just given Ursula her powers as a princess or something."

"But maybe that wasn't enough. Your voice is precious, more precious than power. Maybe Eric was worth it…maybe she thought that - if she gave Ursula her voice it would show that she really wanted him, that she really loved him, you know?" Chris choked his words out, drinking more of his tea.

"Just like I gave you my heart.. more precious than anything. Hoping it would be worth it..," Darren murmured, knowing his words were harsh and unforgiving, but too hurt to actually care.

Chris's whole body froze and he swallowed thickly, looking at Darren. "D-Don't do this, please…I - I'm trying so hard to make this right. I want to make it right this time…I gave you all of me as well. I - I'm still all yours, why can't you just see that?" He asked brokenly, looking at him with blurry eyes, sparkling with unshed tears.

Darren's fingers clenched around his cup, eyes fixed at the screen, his mouth a tight line of repressed anger.

"Because everything that was 'mine' was surrounded and penetrated by someone else just a few hours ago," he said, voice cutting and on edge, knowing he was actually destroying everything more right now, but too blinded by his anger and hurt.

"But I was never his, Darren…I wasn't his. I was still yours. I never stopped being yours. I couldn't even look at him, god, I wasn't even -" he stopped, his voice suddenly softer and shallow. "I wasn't even hard…I couldn't even look at him, Darren. I couldn't…" he choked out, tears falling again, hot and salty on his cheeks, burning his skin.

At those words Darren softened slightly, he hadn't known that. It was one of the questions that went through him when he had his breakdown in the garden. He hated how he couldn't control himself. How he viciously attacked Chris every time his jealousy and hurt took over his emotions. He wanted to fix this. Did he really think this was going to make it all better?

"I need to go to the toilet," he stated and walked off, his only goal cooling down so he could face Chris again with a bit more self-control.

Chris frowned, crying silently, not even having enough power to sob again. The tears were running down his face just like that. He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes as he waited for Darren to return. He needed to tell him how wrong it felt. How disgusting and utterly bad, how he didn't enjoy it one bit and how he had realized the second he'd done it how terribly this was. Coming back from the toilet, where he let the cooling water run down his wrists, he noticed how Chris was crying again, making him sigh.

"Look Chris, I'm sorry. That was uncalled for," he said, even though his words were truthful.

"No, it wasn't, Darren. You have every right to talk to me like this. You have every right to call me out on it…just know one thing, okay? I bet that's what you wanted to ask me earlier… - I didn't enjoy it…not at all. How could I? It felt - god, it felt so wrong…so - disgusting…I - fuck, Darren…I didn't want it. I didn't want him." Chris whispered, hoping desperately that Darren would believe him.

"I know," Darren said and nodded. He did know. He knew it the moment Chris told him the real reason of his betrayal. It didn't make it hurt any less though. "Let's just .. watch the movie," he said and fixed his eyes at the screen again, sipping his relaxing tea.

Chris took in another shaky breath and nodded. "Okay…I - yes…" he whispered helplessly and looked at the TV again, not really watching but listening, his mind trailing off.

"We have to start shooting again in four days," Darren said after a while, his mind actually only fixed on that, because how was he supposed to act like a lovesick teenager when his real lovelife was like this?

"I know…" Chris said back, shaking his head lightly. "I - I'll try to be as professional as I can be, okay? W-We both have to…" he whispered brokenly.

"You're not the one I'm worried about, Chris," Darren scoffed, not noticing the wince that was shown on Chris' face. "You're always professional. I'm the one here who can't keep his heart and feelings inside. I'm the one with the problems keeping his private and professional life apart," he said, his annoyance with that apparent in his voice.

Chris shook his head at Darren, looking at him with wide eyes. "You really think this is oh so easy for me, don't you? It is not at all, Darren. Yes. I am professional. And yes, I'm terrific at faking and acting that I am fine but I'm not. This is different. This is tearing me apart and I'm a crying mess in case you haven't noticed. I know you wear your heart on your sleeve, Darren. But it's not like you haven't left an impression on me as well," he said, getting up, taking his tea with him.

"Haven't noticed? Haven't.. Are you fucking kidding me? You think I don't see how broken you are? How you hate yourself because of this? You think it doesn't tear me apart seeing you like this? You think I don't want to wrap you in my arms, telling you everything is gonna be okay? That I can kiss away all the pain you feel? That we're gonna be together again and I'll never stop loving you? I left an impression on you? Well for me it feels like you run me over with a fucking truck, Chris. My whole body was literally aching when I was away from you. I wanted to call you every minute of the day. I wanted to let you know how much I missed you. How much I loved you. Being away from you for one week made me realize I could never be without you again. Realizing that made me realize I wanted you. Needed you. In every way possible. That's why I bought that ring. That's why I thought that asking you to marry me would be the best come home present. The final sealing on our love. But instead of being able to drop to my knees the moment I see you, I saw you getting fucked by someone else. How do you think that made me feel huh? And still! I'm still here! Still want you! Still fucking love you and it's tearing me apart I can't do anything about it!" Darren yelled and felt hot tears running down his face at the end of his tirade.

Chris turned and a heavy sob wrecked through his body. He looked at Darren deeply and shook his head. "I - god…I just want to die right now. I want to - god…I just can't take this. Y-You wanted to fucking marry me? Y-You - oh god, I think I'm going to be sick!" Chris gasped and ran off to the bathroom, throwing up, his whole body hurting and his stomach burning. He slumped down on the floor, burying his head in his hands and just cried, not able to stop. "I l-love you so much. I hate myself so much for this, Darren. I don't even get why you're still here. You just - you should be gone. You should've left me because I don't deserve your forgiveness. No matter how long this will take. I don't deserve it. I - I don't even know how to handle any of this when all I want to do is hold you and apologize, over and over and over again until you believe me how incredibly sorry I am!" Chris yelled in frustration, rocking. "I can't take how cold this all feels. I'm so cold. I'm - it's like I'm freezing and everything hurts. I can't function like this. I can't even breathe with how much this hurts and I feel so disgusting still. I just need it to stop. When the hell will this stop, Darren? When?" He cried and dragged his hands through his messy hair.

Ignoring his own tears, Darren grabbed a washcloth and held it underneath the cold water. He probably made a mistake by telling Chris he was planning to marry him, but he figured he would blurt it out someday anyway. Darren just was like that. Wearing his heart on his sleeve. Kneeling next to Chris' broken form he gathered Chris in his arms, knowing he was too weak to protest now anyway. Gently he pressed the cool washcloth against his head, thinking Chris was working himself into a fever with this behaviour and needing to get him cooled down a little. "I don't know," he said and knew he would never know either. "I don't know how long this is gonna take. I don't know how to fix this either. I just know that I love you. And maybe you don't deserve it. Me. Us. But I don't care. I think you deserve love and care and I promised myself to give you that every second of every day. But you have to know one thing Chris," Darren said and he could hear the tears still evident in his voice. "You can't really love me, before you start to learn how to love yourself."

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**AN: And now Chris knows.. That together with a wise lesson of Darren... Let us know what you think! :)**


	8. Sweet Dreams

**AN: Thank you SO much for the sweet reviews! You don't know how happy they make Jana and me! We love to write this story for you guys! Please keep letting us know what you think!**

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**Chapter 8 'Sweet Dreams' **

Chris gave another deep sob at Darren's words and he knew he was right, he knew that this was what drove him to do this and he couldn't help but bring his hand up to close over Darren's, over the cool washcloth that calmed him a little.

"I-I know...but you see? That's what made this mess. It's my fault only...and - god, I'm the one who should know best how terrible this is. All of this. How it feels to just be - so betrayed by someone you care about so much and I promised myself to never - ever hurt someone like this...and here I am. I want to fix this so bad and I know I need to start fixing myself for this. That's what I always wanted to do, Darren...I always wanted to stop being so broken and you were my way out. You were the first person to actually show me that I don't have to hate myself, that I don't have to suffer and that I deserve to be loved and look at what I do. I just - go ahead and break that one person that could've fixed me. What kind of person does this make me?" He looked at Darren, lacing their fingers together, desperate for any kind of connection because he felt like he was losing it. Not only to Darren but to himself as well.

"It makes you a scared person who is so afraid to lose the ones he loves, he does it himself, to save himself from the hurt later on. Chris..," Darren said and sighed, letting their fingers lace together, knowing Chris needed it. "I know you weren't thinking straight. I know that.. I know _why_ and I know it's never gonna happen again. I know _you_. You just have to give yourself the time. Give us that time to be able to heal. And I-I think you need help," Darren said, hoping he didn't scare Chris away with this.

Chris wasn't sure of what to say so he just nodded. Darren was right. Of course he was. he knew Chris better than anyone else and better than he knew himself too.

"I've always done that," Chris blurted out. "I figured that if I put myself down and shut myself out...others wouldn't do it. So I thought that - if I destroyed this - r-relationship...it wouldn't hurt so bad when you realized that you didn't want me anymore...," he whispered. "I sound like a psychopath." Chris chuckled humorlessly and shook his head at himself. "I just - I know I need help...I should've known that years ago. Ever since I got the job on Glee..," he mumbled and played with Darren's fingers. "I - I want to fix this...so bad..," Chris said, making sure that Darren understood. "And I will fight for this. Hell, I'd give my voice if I could," he chuckled hoarsely and looked at Darren with scared eyes.

Darren chuckled softly at that, shaking his head. "You hate your voice," he said and quirked one eyebrow. "But I know.. We both want to fix this. And I'm sure there gonna be a lot of fights and a lot of tears, but if we know we still want this." Darren tightened his grip on Chris' hand. "_Us_," he continued. "Then we can and shall make it."

Chris smiled a little. "I do...but not as much anymore. It brought me here...right where I am now," he said and squeezed Darren's hand in his when he noticed how it tightened around his. "We will...somehow...we're - god, we're strong enough for this and if I am not, you are...," he choked out and another tear rolled over his cheek, disappearing in his shirt.

A strained smile made his way to Darren's lips. "I hope so," he replied and looked away.

After a while he let go of Chris' hand and looked around, finding a dressing gown, wrapping it around Chris. "We're gonna finish our tea downstairs and we should probably get some sleep after that. It has been... a long day," he said and held the bathroom door open for him.

"Me too." Chris said and let out a shaky sigh, getting up slowly, his body still hurting but he ignored it as good as he could. He walked out of the door and looked back at Darren. "It has been...yes...and I really hope that - tomorrow won't be _as_hard...I know it won't be easy but - I'm so exhausted. And so - god...I'm just done," he said and walked downstairs, settling on the couch again.

The last scene in which Ariel and Eric sailed away to their happily ever after was shown on the screen and made Darren feel bitter. If life only was a fairytale. Grabbing the blanket he pulled it over Chris before walking away with their teacups. He poured the now-cold tea into the sink and walked back with them, pouring them some fresh and warm tea.

"I'll take the couch," Darren said and hoped it wouldn't cause another panic attack for Chris.

Chris smiled weakly and took the cup with the now warm liquid and nodded. "Of course...," he whispered and got up, leaving the blanket there and started walking upstairs. "Goodnight, Darren...and - let me know if you - need something...another blanket or a pillow or...yeah," he said, his voice still shaky as he went upstairs to the bathroom, brushing his teeth quickly so he could go to bed, desperate to allow his aching body some rest. But somehow it seemed all wrong. The bed didn't smell like Darren. There was no warm, firm body next to him. No dark mop of curls hidden under the blanket. He got up, walking over to the cold, plain guestroom where he finally settled down for once, putting the tea on the nightstand before laying down, closing his eyes but not able to finally drift off. No matter how tired his body was. How much his eyes hurt. Something was missing.

Darren watched Chris leave and set down his tea. He shut the television down and cleaned the pot away for tomorrow. Walking back he laid himself down on the couch. Wrapping the blanket over himself his mind drifted off. You didn't have to ask to what kind of things his mind drifted off to. Even though his body almost purred at the thought of finally getting some sleep, his jetlag was still kicking in, his mind couldn't get of Chris. He probably wasn't asleep. He was probably kicking himself in bed. Grabbing his phone he started a new message towards him.

'_Get some rest, Chris. Please - Darren' _  
_-  
'I wish I could...why aren't you sleeping, yet? - Chris'_  
_-_  
Darren saw his phone lighting up and knew he was right. Chris was still wide awake.

'_I'm worrying about you and I'm a bit cold - D' _  
_-_  
Chris frowned when he saw the text and quickly typed back.

'_Don't worry about me...please. It's okay...but I'm cold too. Do you need another blanket? I can get you one from the bedroom. - C'_

Doubting his next choice of words, Darren replied.

'_I always worry you know that. I don't need another blanket. I need you. But.. that'll happen again.. Sleep tight Chris. -D' _

Feeling like his heart was ripped out again, Chris let out an uneven breath and nuzzled into his pillow.

'_I know you do...and I don't like it. Stop worrying, dummy. I'm fine...and - I really wish I could be there for you. I need you too. So much right now but I also know that it's too soon...I wish it wasn't. Sleep well, Darren... -C'_

Fine. Yeah right. Darren knew better than that. Deciding he could help Chris get to sleep he sent him one last text.

'_You're not fine. Your nose is pressed into a pillow, wishing it smelled like me. Don't look like that. You know I'm right. Just go grab one of my tshirts from the closet. It'll help you fall asleep. It will happen again Chris, I promise. - Your Darren' _

My Darren. Chris couldn't help the soft smile that lingered on his lips at that and yet he hated this. Hated how well Darren knew him. He got up with a sigh, walking over to the closet they shared and took one of Darren's Michigan T-Shirts, smelling it, breathing in deeply. Darren had worn it once. He could tell. It just smelled like him, his cologne, his bodywash and something that was definitely all Darren. He walked back into the guestroom and laid down again, cuddling up against the pillow, the shirt clutched to his chest as he took his phone to reply for the last time.

'_I lied. You got me. They don't call me Pinocchio for no reason. I have one of your shirts now...it helps already. I can't wait for that day to come, Darren. - Yours forever'_  
_-_  
'_One day you'll be a real boy ;) Sweet dreams -D' _  
_-_  
'_I hope so...Gepetto promised me... -C'_

Darren laughed out loud at that and snuggled his pillow closer, letting his eyes drift shut with a smile on his face. Maybe things weren't right again, but if they could still make each other laugh, it was gonna be okay. It just had to be.

Chris could hear the other man's loud laugh through the ceiling and he smiled softly, his eyes finally closing as he drifted off. And for the first time that day he felt like maybe, some day in the future, things could be like how they used to be. He just had to gain Darren's trust back. Show him his commitment and even though he had no clue how to do that yet, he was sure he'd find a way. There had to be one, no matter what.

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**AN: Don't worry. They both get their change and it will make you go awww and ieeee (lessthanthree) haha :) Let us know guys! We love you!**


	9. Nightmares

**AN: Not a very long chapter but the next one will be! :) **

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**Chapter**** 9 '****Nightmares****'**

After a while, Darren had no idea how many hours had passed, he woke up from a agonizing sound. Hearing it filter through his sleep muzzled brain probably said enough. Something was wrong. With a jerk he sat up, trying to determine where the sound was coming from. As an automatic reaction he felt next to him, expecting Chris to be there. What he found instead was air and it almost made him fall off the couch. That made him realize everything that had happened the day before. His headache came back with a stunning force, knocking him back on the couch. He heard the sound again and suddenly knew what it was. It was Chris, having a nightmare. With practiced ease and silence he went up, his goal to calm him down before going back down again. When he walked into their bedroom he felt shocked to the bone. Their bed was unslept and still freshly made. Where was Chris? Another sound made him realize. The guestroom.

It had been a long time since Chris had a nightmare. Normally the warm, firm body next to him reassured him that he was safe, that nothing could harm him as long as Darren's arms were wrapped around him, his breath hot in his neck, ghosting over his skin. But not this time. He was thrashing and probably screaming, sweating and fighting with his mind. He had fallen asleep with Darren's shirt clutched to his chest, his nose nuzzled into the soft fabric but the bed was cold next to him. Empty and there was just no way he could sleep like this.

Chris had never been good with sleep. He used to hate sleeping when he was a kid, simply because it was then when life haunted him. He woke up with a gasp, finding the bed empty and the sheets soaked with sweat, his eyes wide and empty, just like his mind. His body was aching all over again when he turned on the lights, laying back with a shaky sigh.

Walking to the guestroom quickly he found Chris already wide awake, his eyes open, looking haunted and scared, hands clenched in the sheets. "Chris," he whispered worriedly and walked over towards him.

"Fine! I am _fine_, Darren! Go back to sleep." Chris croaked and pulled his blanket up his body, his shaky, pale fingers threading through his hair, breathing roughly as he tried to calm down.

"Stop that," Darren said with a frown and grabbed his hands, entangling their fingers. "You're not. It's okay," he said softly and gave him a soft sleepy smile. "I'm right here," he said.

Letting out a deep breath, Chris dared to look at the other man, smiling back weakly. "I-I know...I know, I just don't want you to worry about me all the time. Not when you should be resting," he said, his voice nothing but a hoarse whisper.

"Didn't we agree on the fact I always worry about you?" Darren asked softly and moved so he could sit behind Chris. "Come here.. You should get some rest, it's been a long day," he whispered.

"That we did...," Chris mumbled and closed his eyes softly. "Why are you so nice to me, still...? I just - don't understand...," he whispered calmly and allowed himself to lean against Darren lightly, not wanting to overstep or cross a line.

"Just sleep," he whispered and wrapped his arms around him, not willing to admit he already felt ten times more calm and happy than when he was sleeping downstairs. Maybe they could do this in the night. Where no light was shining on the truth. The truth that they weren't okay. That they were far from okay. That he wouldn't hold Chris like this tomorrow in the bright day light. But Chris needed him. And Darren? He needed Chris.

Chris wanted to cry at how good it felt to just have Darren holding him again. He shivered in his arms and leaned in more. The light was out again and he knew that this didn't mean forgiveness. It meant care, nothing more and the pure need that both men felt at that point. The desperation of having someone with them. Not feeling so alone and just plain hurt. Chris needed the comfort and he could tell Darren didn't sleep well either without him. But then again he figured that they'd have to put on a mask soon anyways. They couldn't act like this on set. It'd be painful, nearly unbearable but it was their job to be professional, keeping their work number one, no matter what went wrong in their lifes.

"Sweet dreams," Darren murmured, his own eyes already dropping shut.

.

"Sleep well...," Chris whispered back lowly and cuddled closer, allowing himself to wrap his arms around Darren as well, falling into a deep sleep.

The next morning Darren awoke with a terrible ache in his back. God, why had he fallen asleep in a sitting position? He groaned softly, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles, arching his back to get out the knots.

Chris felt movements against his body and his eyes blinked open lazily, the sunlight that fell into the room through the window made him squint them, looking around. He nearly wrapped his arms back around Darren out of habit but he stopped himself, clearing his throat. "Good morning...," he whispered and looked up at the other man.

"Good morning love," Darren said hoarsely, still not awake. "God why did I fall asleep like this?" he mumbled.

Frowning at the nickname, Chris coughed a little, his throat dry and aching. "I had a nightmare...you came upstairs...I must've woken you up," Chris said and bit his lip a little.

"Why did I sleep downstairs?" Darren grumbled and slid down, pushing his head into the pillow, but then looking up with a frown. "Why are we in the guestroom?" Darren asked with furrowed eyebrows, eyes finally getting completely open now.

Chris let out a humourless chuckle and looked at him. "Wake up, sleepy head..," he whispered brokenly, his eyes flickering away. How he wished that Darren could just never remember again.

"Wha-," but then it all came crashing down, making him flinch away from Chris' side, eyes suddenly downcast and form hunched. "Oh," he said, the tone of his voice so different that ten seconds ago. "Right."

A slight shiver went through Chris's body at the sudden coldness of Darren's voice, the sternness was back and his eyes lost it's sleepy softness. "I'm sorry...," he whispered.

"I'm gonna make us some breakfast and coffee," Darren muttered and pushed himself away from the bed. Away from the guilty eyes. And away from his broken boyfriend. With trembling feet he walked downstairs, hating how he wanted to be as close as possible to Chris, but couldn't actually stand to be close to him.

"Okay...," Chris said, his voice shallow and breaking a little. He shuddered when cool air surrounded him again, making him feel his loneliness again. Getting up, Chris walked into the bathroom. He looked like hell. Dark blue circles were under his eyes and he was even paler than usual. A soft scruff spread on his face and he huffed, undressing before heading into the shower, turning the water on and onto the hottest level, panting and scrubbing at his skin again before stilling, leaving it alone for once when he remembered how Darren had used the oil on him. Chris got out, wrapping himself up in a towel before he walked into the bedroom, pulling out some new clothes so he could dress. He checked himself in the mirror, shaking his head at the mess he

saw and moved downstairs slowly, dragging his feet.

Darren had already started to make coffee, because it was part of their morning ritual. The clean mugs were already there on the counter, waiting to be filled, while he was making toast. "Did you sleep well after the nightmare?" he asked, not really looking at Chris.

Chris just nodded sleepily. "Yeah...I did," he replied and sat down silently, not looking at Darren.

Pouring the coffee into the mugs, he dropped a bit of sugar into Chris' mug. "You want some milk this morning or..?" he asked and grabbed the toast that just popped out of the toaster.

Again, Chris nodded, not talking yet because he felt like no matter what he did, Darren would get upset again at some point and right now he simply wanted to be there with him.

Pouring some milk into his cup, he grabbed both their mugs and put them on the bar. After that he went back to put some butter on the toast, not really in the mood for anything else and brought the two plates to their bar as well. Stabbing his toast with his fork he slowly looked up at Chris.

"Enjoy your meal."

Chris gave him a thankful glance, still not really trusting himself to talk. He watched Darren as he put some butter on the toast and sat down next to him. "Thank you. You too," Chris said and let out another sigh. He was still not hungry at all but he knew he had to force himself to eat at least something, so he picked up the toast and took a bite.

"How long are you gonna be like this," Darren asked and looked at Chris, no anger evidence in his voice or eyes. He was just so tired and emotionally drained.

"Like what?" Chris asked with raised brows and tilted his head, sipping on his coffee.

"Like everything you going to say is gonna make me lose it. Like you're the one who is walking on eggshells." Dark eyes looked directly into icy blue ones, not a spark of warmth left in them.

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**AN: You thought the angst and hurt was over? Ha. No! Let us know what you think :)**


	10. Leaving

**AN: You have no idea how happy some of the replies make us. Not just here but also on Tumblr... Today we got an ask if it was okay if someone made us fanart. **

**I mean.**

**Fanart.**

**We can die happy now. **

**So thank you for all the love and reviews and comments! It makes us very happy and determined to go on with it. And I know you miss the happy- and fluffiness but trust us. It's gonna come. Soon!**

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**Chapter 10 'Leaving'**

"Darren...," Chris started, shaking his head before clearing his throat again. "I'm just playing it safe right now...I know I don't have to but I don't want to fight," he said with a sad smile, looking back at Darren.

He rolled his eyes at the words Chris just uttered. "Can you just stop with that sad smile? Like I'm the victim here? Like you pity me or something? I just -," Darren said, stopping mid sentence, a frustrated groan leaving his lips. "You know what. Fuck this," he said and pushed himself away from the bar, giving Chris one last glare before he grabbed his coat and walked out, the door slamming behind him.

Chris huffed at Darren's eyeroll and frowned, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and a confused look on his face. "See? I didn't even mean it like that? I'm trying to light the mood a bit because right now I feel like it's crushing me! I'm not pitying you! I'm not trying to make this okay, I'm just smiling! I don't even know what you - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Chris yelled, his voice breaking when Darren got up to take his coat and left.

For the first time Chris's blood was boiling, pumping in his veins with anger and he shook his head, taking out his phone.

'_What do you think you're doing right now? Do you think this is the right way? You said you wouldn't leave. You said you didn't need distance. You cuddled me to sleep and now you won't even look at me anymore. I don't know what to do anymore! have no clue! -C'_

Darren watched his phone light up, a new text from Chris. He read the words and felt his heart ache. He knew Chris was right. He just didn't want to admit it. If Darren knew he was one thing, he knew it was pride. It wasn't Chris that made him leave the house. Not really anyway. It was just the whole atmosphere of tenseness and careful words. He just needed some fresh air. Hell he didn't even actually left the house. He was sitting on their doorstep for crying out loud. He thought about replying to Chris but decided not to. What was he suppose to say? 'You're right. Let's make it up again?' Yeah right. Things were messed up way too much to do anything about this little fight. The truth was, Darren hated himself right now. Here he was, still angry and frustrated by what happened, but whenever Chris gave him one sad glance, he was right there. Cuddling him into his arms, whispering him to sleep. How the hell was Chris supposed to act afterwards? It wasn't fair to him. Taking a deep breath he leaned back against the doorway. How the hell were they supposed to get to work again in so few days?

Chris was devastated once Darren was gone. Sure, he was angry and he didn't understand what he'd done wrong this time but what he did know was that Darren was still hurt. That he was broken even if he didn't want to admit it. He sighed and dragged his hand through his hair, holding himself back from crying. He was so sick of tears.

'_Just tell me if you're coming back. Just tell me if I should get out so you can get your stuff because I don't understand, Darren. Maybe I have to walk on eggshells to make this right. Just tell me what I'm supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? There is no book to teach me that...how am I supposed to know what's right and what's wrong at that point(in this case maybe?)? I can't read you... -C'_

His phone showed another message and with a sigh he read this one as well. Why the hell did Chris always blame himself? Always thought of the worst case scenario? He really thought he was just going to grab his stuff in leave? Didn't he see the ring that probably still lingered somewhere in their bedroom? And why did Chris think, he had all the answers? He had no clue about how Chris was supposed to act. He didn't want to tell him either. It was supposed to come from him. Maybe Darren needed to back off a little, give him some space. But what if Chris decided that he was better off? That he liked it this way? The thought alone made Darren's blood run cold. He didn't want that. He wanted Chris. He did, it was just so difficult sometimes.

It worried Chris that Darren wasn't replying but maybe he just needed to cool off. He understood but still, he needed reassurance. Especially now when he felt lost all over again. Figuring out what would be best was hard, yes. Very so but Chris just couldn't put a finger on it. Somehow it just broke him to know that maybe it'd never be the way it was before again.

Standing up, his ass already freezing from the cold pavement, he turned around to go inside again. He hesitated for a few seconds, but figured that if he wanted Chris, he needed to be _with_ Chris. Walking away never helped.

Chris's eyes widened when Darren walked back in again. "You okay again...?" He asked carefully. "I get it if you need some distance but - don't storm out on me... - please," Chris whispered and looked at him with nearly pleading eyes.

"I'm sorry," Darren said and gave a remorseful sigh. "I was a bit .. agitated and my back hurts like hell, so I wasn't really myself. But I won't storm out again," he said and looked at Chris. "I promise."

Shaking his head, Chris looked at him again. "Thank you," he mumbled and took another bite from his toast. "Okay. But we still need to figure one thing out...how are we behaving around each other? Do I say what I think? Or do I shut up? I honestly don't know what's appropriate and what's not..."

Darren sighed and sat down on their couch, pinching his forehead and propping a pillow behind his back to relieve some of the ache. "I'm not gonna tell you how to act, okay? You should decide that yourself. I don't want to dictate you or whatever," he said and frowned, trying to get his point across. "Just say what you think, what you want and what you need," Darren said and bit down his lip gently, thinking about his next choice of words. "Our relationship has started out as friends who had always been honest against each other, right?"

Sighing as well, Chris looked at Darren and bit his lip when he saw that he was in pain. Because of him. He had been the one who'd been crying like an idiot and who had had his bad dream. He nodded. "I know you don't, Darren. I know you don't want that but I just - don't know what to do to be honest. I - I want to be what we were again and just knowing that it'll take so long kills me. It's like...I have to work so hard and yet it doesn't change a thing. I just want to hold you all the time. I want to kiss you and just be there for you, with you and I know you'd let me because I know that I still mean a lot to you...and you're just too nice to hate me," Chris whispered hoarsely, finally spilling what's been on his mind all along. "And we were..."

"Please don't," Darren whispered, his eyes tired and teary. He probably wouldn't be able to hold himself back if Chris did kiss him. He would probably go all the way and regret it so much afterwards. He didn't want that. If they were gonna get _there_ again, he wanted it to be without doubts and without regrets.

"I'm sorry," Chris mumbled and pressed the heels of his hands into his aching eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "And please know one more thing...I - when you were gone. I missed you so much it literally ached. I couldn't sleep. I was awake the first two nights after you left...I missed you just as much."

His words touched Darren. They did. He just didn't know how to react right now. If Chris had no idea how he should behave, well.. Darren had no fucking clue either. Had he been in the wrong last night? Comforting his boyfriend, giving him the rest he needed? He had no idea. But he just couldn't get it over his heart to leave Chris there, whimpering and afraid. That wasn't like Darren. And no matter what had happened he wanted to be there for Chris, even though it hurt. "I-I know that," Darren said at least.

"Good," Chris whispered softly, looking down because he honestly wasn't even sure when it was appropriate to look at the other man. When to touch him, to touch him at all. It was all so new, so foreign.

Even though Chris didn't say anything or did anything, Darren knew exactly what was on his mind. "I know you want to.. touch me. Don't think it's any easier on me, okay?" he said before he stood up to do something. He needed to do _something_. Noticing the pile of dirty plates and cups, he walked to their kitchen, collecting he dishes on the way.

Chris could tell Darren was looking for distraction. He could see it in his eyes and he also knew that he didn't want to deal with those things right now. It's been only a day and it hurt even worse. It had felt like an eternity and Chris wasn't sure how much longer he could take this. It was breaking him already, just the fact that Darren was so distant. So near and yet so far away from him. Out of reach and Chris just wanted to do what he'd always done when Darren was cleaning. He'd walk up to him, hug him from behind and whisper soft words into his ear until he'd turn around to kiss him gently. But that was the past. What if it would never be the present again?

* * *

**AN: Ah hush you Chris. They're gonna be fine. Right?**


	11. Getting Out

**AN: Better times are up :)**

* * *

**Chapter 11 'Going out'**

"Did we get the scripts yet?" Darren asked when he was done with the dishes and walked back to their living room, lingering near the couch.

Freezing at the casual talking, Chris shook his head. "No, we should get them tomorrow I guess...," he mumbled.

"Oh.. Of course. Never heard of deadline those writers," Darren muttered and looked around in their living room. The urge to go out was killing him, knowing it would hurt Chris.

Chris huffed and looked at Darren. "If you need to get out, you can. I just need you to tell me."

"You want to come with me?" he asked and looked at Chris.

"Not if you don't want me to. I know you probably need some time - off...," Chris said softly, trying to let him know that it was okay.

"I wouldn't mind," Darren said and gave him a soft smile. He really didn't. Maybe they could just go somewhere and drink some coffee or something. He just needed to get out of the house. Not away from Chris.

Chris smiled back and nodded, his chest fluttering lightly and he got up from his seat. "Well...then - let's go?" He grinned.

"Sure," Darren said and walked to the hallway to grab their coats, handing Chris his own. "Want to grab some coffee?" he asked, almost shivered at how 'normal' they suddenly sounded again.

"Yeah!" Chris answered maybe a little too enthusiastically and smiled a little warmer, taking the coat from Darren with a thankful look and pulled it on, opening the door, letting Darren go first.

"Thank you kind sir," Darren said and felt a bit of joy return to his mind. Maybe this was a very good idea. "You wanna drive?" he asked and held out the keys in his hand.

"But of course, Mr. Criss," Chris chuckled a little, his heart feeling a little lighter already as he nodded. "Yeah. Sure," he answered and took the keys, walking to Darren's car.

"Maybe I can get a little sleep in the car," he said and put his hand in the hollow of his back, still feeling the whining ache there. "Please remind me to just lay down next time. God!" Darren laughed and shook his head, opening his side of the car to get in.

"You should!" Chris urged and frowned when he noticed Darren was still in pain. "Gosh...yes, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I even fell asleep," he mumbled and got into the car, starting the engine. "Aand off we go...where do we head to?"

"It's perfectly fine. I was just trying to be the noble prince again. Don't feel guilty, it'll be alright tonight," he said and buckled his seatbelt. "Starbucks always works for me," Darren started before he suddenly stopped his sentence, eyes lightning up, "Or that little Italian place we found a month ago. God that coffee was the best!" he rushed out with enthusiasm.

Chris smiled softly and nodded. "Well, I hope so," he said and normally he would've offered Darren a backrub. Of course but not like this. It was hard to hold back comments like those. "Oh! We should go there!" Chris's voice was high with excitement as he started driving. "I love that place."

"Great," Darren said and gave Chris a wide smile. "Can I nap for a little or?" he asked, slightly hesitant.

His heart felt like melting when Darren smiled at him and he nodded. "Of course you can! I'm not denying you sleep," he smiled back.

"Not now," Darren murmured, eyes already fluttering close, unaware of the pun he just made.

Chris smiled again, weaker this time and kept driving until he could pull into the street where the little café was. He liked the place, simply because it was so private and so different from what they were used to.

A soft hand stroking his cheek woke Darren out of his slumber, blinking sleepily, looking around before he knew where he was again. "We're already there?" he asked, sounding like a sad puppy. That nap had felt wonderful and way too short.

Pulling his hand away, Chris smiled warmly and nodded. "We are...," he whispered calmly, not able to suppress the grin on his face. Darren always sounded so adorable after naps but he could tell that he was still dead tired. "You know what? You should get some sleep once we're back...I'll give you the guestroom. I'll take the couch."

With a still not really awake nod Darren moved away from the door. "Alright... Coffee sounds good, right now." Opening his door he walked around and opened the door for Chris.

"Returning the favor, sir?" Chris asked with a light smile.

"I try too," Darren said and winked at Chris, feeling his stomach clench painfully. Why couldn't they be like this again? It had always been so easy. So comfortable.

Chris nodded. "You do well...," he mumbled and got out, feeling a little sick but a little happy as well. It was like things weren't as tainted now that they were outside. Like at least some of the weight got lifted off their shoulders.

"Will you get in line? I need to use the toilet," Darren said and shoot Chris a questioning glance when they walked to the little cafe.

"Sure!" Chris answered and walked in next to Darren, standing in the line. "If I'm not here you'll see me. I'll get that place on the window that you like. The one in the back."

Darren nodded and walked off, thinking of that he didn't tell Chris what he wanted. For some reason Darren knew Chris would order the right thing anyway.

Chris ordered what they usually ordered and made sure to get an extra Biscotti for Darren, knowing that he just loved those and sat at the table.

Walking back, Darren quickly spotted Chris at their table. Smiling when their eyes met he walked over and sat down opposite of him. "Ah you're the best. Biscotti!" Darren said with a big grin.

Chris chuckled lightly and looked at him with a soft glance. "Of course. I know how much you like them after all."

A hesitant smile made his way to Darren's lips. "You know me best," he admitted.

"I probably do...but it's the same for you," Chris said.

A slow nod, nothing more. Darren picked his cup and sipped it slowly. "It feels good to be out of the house for a little," he started.

"Right?" Chris agreed and took a sip himself, humming when the hot liquid smoothed down his throat. "It's like I can finally breathe again."

Darren hummed, agreeing on that point. "I really wonder about what Ryan wants us to do next season. I seriously doubt it's gonna succeed sometimes," he said and gave Chris a worried glance.

Chris nodded. "Gosh, I know...it was so hard not to say that when I had that interview...I really feel like it won't be as good...," he admitted and looked back at him.

"Not when you're not in it every episode. That's for sure," Darren replied, swinging his coffee in his cup.

"Don't be ridiculous," Chris laughed softly and shook his head, taking another sip from his coffee and smiled. "Everyone knows you're the new sensation."

"Next to you, yes." His hands reached out to his biscotti, already drooling at the sight of it. God how he loved food. He ripped off a piece and stuffed it into his mouth.

"Ri-di-cu-lous!" Chris insisted and laughed a little, grinning at how eager Darren ate his Biscotti. He'd always found it so endearing that he loved it so much and he'd always give him the one he got as well.

"You know.. You'd think that they'd just sell this in pairs of three. I mean. Who wants one?" Darren asked and raised his eyebrows at that, showing he really thought this was ridiculously stupid of the biscotti company.

Chris laughed hard by now, holding his stomach and giggling. "Oh gosh, it's true though!" He weezed and grinned at him widely.

"Of course it is!" Darren said with his mouth full. "Want a refill?" he asked when he had swallowed his piece.

"Yeah! I'd love that," Chris said and smiled at the other man, his heart finally beating properly again, comfortable warmth spreading in his body.

"Be right back then," Darren smiled and grabbed their cups. With both of them in their hands he walked back to the counter to stand in line. He waited a little before it was his turn and ordered them both a drink, this time with extra whipped cream on top for Chris. Darren knew he loved it, but never dared to order it. The barista smiled at Darren when she took his order. "You two make a sweet couple," she said and walked away before Darren could reply.

Chris watched Darren order, smiling softly at him and waited for him to come back. He grinned when he saw Darren ordered him his cup with whipped cream and sat back a little.

After the barista's words he looked back at Chris, seeing his beautiful boyfriend leaned back in his chair, looking relaxed for the first time since yesterday. He turned back and smiled at the barista. "We try," he said and grabbed the ready cups before walking back.

Chris looked at Darren with a smile. "What did she say?" He asked softly and grinned even wider when Darren gave him the cup. "Whipped cream...? You're perfect," Chris hummed contently and took a first sip.

"That we make a sweet couple," Darren said with a smile and looked up at Chris. "I know you love it," he said and shrugged, not thinking too much of it.

Chris smiled lightly, keeping back a frown. He didn't want to ruin the mood. Or his mood. For the first time he felt a little careless again. "I do...," He smiled. "Thank you."

"We are you know," Darren said and hold out his hand to cover Chris' hand. "And you're welcome."

Chris turned his palm and squeezed Darren's hand in his. "We can do this. I know we can."

Darren wanted so say 'me too'. What left his lips instead was. "I hope so." Right after his words, he could feel Chris retreat his hand and his own body flinch. Why did he say that? Things were just getting better! Closing his eyes he let his head hang.

"Don't... - look at me," Chris pleaded. "It's okay...I just want you to know that I'm sure about this..."

Ashamed Darren looked up again, his eyes hooded and apologetic. "I know. I do, I promise Chris. I.. I'll get there." He sounded assured and hopeful, but not as confident as he had always been about the two of them.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I - shouldn't have said that," Chris mumbled and looked up at Darren with deep blue eyes. "Are _you_ sure about this...?

"Of course," Darren said, not really looking at Chris. God he _wanted_ to be sure about it, he did. But it wasn't just him, was it? He told Chris yesterday he needed to love himself first before he could love Darren back like that. This wasn't all about Darren and his trust.

"Darren...you can't even say it to my face...," Chris whispered and let out a small sigh. "I'm not expecting you to now...but...don't lie to me," he mumbled and watched Darren.

Looking back at Chris he watched him with tired eyes. "Chris you're the only thing I've ever been sure off in my messy life. I just.. It's hard to think of the future when the present is so tense," he whispered.

"I know...I - I really wish it wasn't. We keep falling back into - this...I mean...we were free for a bit, weren't we?" Chris asked, his voice shallow. "I want to be that for you again. I do. I - I want to be everything for you, Darren."

Darren's voice broke, his eyes watered and his breath left his body at once. "You are my everything. Forever."

Chris let out a shaky breath and felt tears well up as well, remembering those words all too well. "Am I? Because I'm pretty sure I can't be that right now," he whispered. "I'm sorry...I know you want me to love myself first but how can I love me when I keep messing up?"

"Because you don't believe yourself when you try," Darren suddenly said. Never ever have he confronted Chris with his behaviour or his state of mind. But it was necessary.

"I don't do it on purpose...I don't - god, I know I put myself down all the time but...I just can't help it," Chris mumbled brokenly, looking at Darren through teary, helpless eyes.

Reaching out Darren took his hand again. "Is there anything I can do" he asked, wanting, no-_needing_ to be able to help him.

Chris squeezed his hand and shook his head. "You did so much for me...you still do," he said and rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand. "It's just hard for me to believe things...nice things about me. I've been told the opposite all my life, Dare...it doesn't go away."

"You've done so many amazing things Chris," Darren started, not really getting why he couldn't see how perfectly wonderful he really was. "You've meant so much for all those kids. You showed yourself. You showed the world that Chris Colfer is not one to mess with. That he has a mind and that he's not afraid to speak it out loud. That he's gay and may have a different voice, yes, but that he has so many other talents. That he can mean so much for so many people. Especially to me," Darren said, the conviction and the pride noticeable in his tone.

Chris felt like crying when Darren spoke up and he shuddered lightly, looking at him. "Thank you...," he whispered and nodded softly. "You have no idea how much it means to me to know that you think so..."

"Have you ever doubted that?" Darren asked and failed miserably to hide his hurt at that. "Chris..-," he started but shook his head, looking back to the counter, seeing the barista shooting him a sad smile.

"I never _doubted _you, Darren...I doubt myself. It's never got anything to do with you...," Chris whispered and opened his mouth to talk again, looking at the barista before looking back at Darren again. "What did you want to say...?"

"You know what words come to my mind when I think of you? When I see you?" he asked him, his honest and eyes full of love, but also still so much hurt, looked straight at him.

Chris shook his head and looked back at Darren, shuddering at the emotion in his eyes and hoped Darren saw it in his eyes too.

Darren swallowed, his eyes fully trained on Chris and Chris only. "Beautiful," he began, squeezing his hand softly. "Amazing," he went on. "Talentful. Underestimated. Proud. Awesome. Dorky. My perfect pillow. Greatest singer ever. My boyfriend," he ended, feeling a big part of the tension leave his body when he spoke those last two words. Because after everything came crashing down, he hadn't called Chris like that anymore. Hadn't given them both the reassurance that they were still together.

Chris swallowed thickly and tried his best to keep looking at Darren, tears welling up and his stomach knotting at the praise and pure honesty in Darren's words. "I love you," Chris choked out and panted softly, looking at him, shaking his head. "I love you so much, Darren...I just...I - I love you."

For the first time he was going to say it back. He had mentioned it yesterday during a fight, but not like this. Not in all honesty and so close to Chris. "I love you too.. Never will stop doing that either."

"Me neither...," Chris whispered. "I feel so...so lost without you, Darren and even if I can't be close to you...just knowing that you're here helps."

Darren took a deep breath and looked down again, eyes fixed on his empty plate. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Why are you sorry?" Chris asked and sipped on his coffee, his eyes never leaving Darren's.

"Because we started out all wrong," Darren replied, his index finger of his free hand trailing the lid of his cup. "We were arguing about .. Licking Susan's face and suddenly you were there sucking me and I just..," Darren closed his eyes and shook his head. "I know it's not only sex. I know that. It's _so_ much more, but I just feel like.. Like if we had started out different. If I have done this the proper way.. Wooing you or something or .. complimenting you at every change, trying to win you over for me.. I just have the feeling it would have been different then. Now."

"God...no...," Chris whispered, looking at him again, biting his lip. "I - I'll be honest okay? I never thought it would be more...though - I've...I've always had a crush on you but I never actually let myself. I wanted it that way. I wanted to have sex with you that night. I've wanted it for so long, Darren. And there you were...you - with your perfect face and your perfect smile, your perfect everything. You didn't do this wrong. You didn't do anything wrong, Dare...I know this wasn't the perfect way to start this but...it's not your fault. It wouldn't - it wasn't your fault!" Chris's voice grew louder in frustration but also higher and more shallow, making him huff.

Darren moved his hand away from Chris, affected by his angry frustration. Why did he want to blame this all on himself? He wanted to let Darren in, he wanted him, but yet everytime Darren tried to even this out, he threw up every defense he had, just blaming himself. Where was the right in that? "I'm not saying it's my fault," Darren said, narrowing his eyes a little. "I just stated I could have started this different," he replied.

"I know, I know but I just - no, Darren. You - you couldn't. How were you supposed to even know? If I had never - done this with you, how would you've brought it up?" Chris asked, his eyes lowering. "And I'm not mad...I'm just frustrated..."

"I can see that," Darren said and shoved away his coffee, not very thirsty anymore. "It probably doesn't change everything. Can't change the past anyway. Chris. Listen to this and then we'll leave.. Okay?"

Chris frowned and nodded, not facing Darren.

"I don't want you to get angry. Just answer my question with the first thing coming to your mind," he said carefully. "Okay?"

"Okay...," Chris said, not being able to hold back the fear in his voice.

"If you had walked in on me having sex with some guy, what would you have done," Darren asked, tone not accusing just plain and neutral.

"I probably would've done the same thing that you did...though you know I'm much calmer and shut down when those things happen. Things that - are emotional. I probably would've looked at you and would've walked out to cool off...I'm not sure if I would've had the power to cry or yell at you...," he breathed. "I don't even know if I would've been able to stay..."

Darren nodded. "And what did I do? If you compare it."

Chris looked at him with searching eyes. "You... You yelled at me.. Y-You made some..," he looked away with a blush on his cheeks of shame. "Some really hurtful comments that I deserved, really," he went on and looked back. "But you stayed."

"I stayed," Darren repeated, looking at Chris with warm and truthful eyes. "It will always come back to that, Chris. Always."

A soft, sad smile tugged on Chris's lips when his eyes flickered up again. "That you did...," he said and let out a sigh. "And I'll always appreciate that...no matter what happens...it - it proved me more than anything."

Darren smiled and leaned back in his chair, feeling as if weight has been lifted of his chest. Somehow talking about it, no matter how much Chris kept blaming himself, it made it better. Somewhat at least. He waited until Chris had finished his cup and quirked one eyebrow at him. "Ready to go?"

Chris grinned and nodded. "Yes...and - I guess that this was the best idea you could've had today," he said, getting up, the whole weight of the situation dropping from his shoulders for now.

"I have my moments," Darren said and smirked at him. "Let's go home." Darren could only hope that _home_ would soon feel as home again as well.

"You sure do," Chris reassured the other man and nodded again. "Yeah...let's go home..."

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**AN: Please review! :)**

**Also. I don't know if I've told you guys yet, but... I GRADUATED! :D :D :D Omg I'm so happy.. And on the day I heard I got two job offers I mean.. God. I'm happy! **


	12. Comforting

**AN: Just a little author note to tell you guys we have a official graphic for the story now and it's made by Jana :) Thanks again for all the lovely anon/messages/reviews. We love that you love it and we work really hard on it!**

**Chapter 12 'Comforting'**

The ride to home was quiet, both afraid of how things would be when they were in their house again. Away from the safe bubble they built around themselves in the little cafe that was filled with happy memories for them, not like it was at home. The place were so many things had happened it was the most perfect paradise for him but also hell right now. Sighing Darren stepped out, already feeling the headache return. "You still okay with me taking a nap?" he asked and walked to their front door.

Losing himself in the quietness of their ride, Chris let his mind wander. He needed to stop thinking so much, it's what brought him in this position in the first place after all. Chris thought about how things used to be and how he desperately needed them to be again. He didn't care about the sex or the want. It was about the care that came with their relationship. Everything else were perks, benefits that he didn't really need. It was as if their house was surrounded by the tainted aura of their love. The hurt clinging to the air and he hated the air that was floating around in the house. It didn't smell like them, didn't look like them. Everything was so tidy, so clean and perfect. Too perfect to not be broken. Darren's low voice echoed in Chris's head and he nodded. "Of course I am. And like I said...just use the guestroom. Is your back better?" Chris asked, his voice concerned and soft.

"It will be, I'm sure," Darren said and smiled softly. "Just wake me up when you're feeling hungry or something okay?" he asked while he hang his coat and kicked out his shoes, holding himself to the wall.

"Sure," Chris replied and smiled back as good as he could. He felt sick again, his stomach empty but yet sinking and he took off his coat as well, getting rid of his shoes and looked at Darren. "I can cook something if you want while you sleep...or you know, order in," he chuckled and nibbled on his lower lip helplessly.

"May the gods be with us the day you're gonna cook us something," Darren laughed, honestly laughed. "Ordering is fine as well.. Just wake me up whenever," he said and walked upstairs. Pausing in front of their bedroom he let his eyes travel over the bed for the first time since yesterday. It still looked like their bed. The room smelt like fresh spring air even though it was summer now. Maybe they would be able to sleep in this room again. Someday. Cuddled up like they used to. Chris' head on his chest, their arms wrapped around each other, legs so intertwined it would be hard to tell which ones were from him or from Chris. They would wake up, extremely relaxed, knowing another day had begun, but also knowing they could handle everything that day would give them, because they had each other. With a wistful sigh Darren walked to the closet, collecting clean clothes quickly before walking to their guestroom, snatching one of Chris's shirts away quickly so he could hold it close now.

Chris echoed the laugh. Not forced this time but letting out his usual, dorky, natural laugh, grinning at Darren widely with warm eyes. "Hey!" He complained. "It's not _that_ bad!" Smiling, he looked at Darren and nodded. "But you're right...ordering in is probably easier...Chinese?" He asked and tilted his head, watching the other man walk upstairs before walking over to the couch himself. Chris reached out for the remote controls, turning on the TV, snuggling up to one of the large pillows they had on their couch and nuzzled into it. Normally he'd lay his head in Darren's lap, letting him play with his hair until he dozed off and he'd have to wake him up to get him to go upstairs. Into _their_ room. Their hiding place that would never be the same anymore. At least not now. Chris was scared that it'd now always be linked to that memory and maybe they should switch rooms once they were back to normal again. He felt his eyes close but didn't fight it. He was exhausted as well but he'd make sure to wake up in time. When his eyes flickered open again, Chris looked around. His eyes still blurry and heavy with sleep so he sat up and reached for the phone. Three hours had passed and he decided to order now that Darren was still asleep. Quickly, the younger man ordered their usual meals, hanging up before walking upstairs, sneaking into the guestroom, smiling weakly when he saw Darren, snuggled up with his shirt and it made his heart melt and sting at the same time.

Darren walked upstairs with a smile on his face, so happy to be finally back. It had been another long week again, but coming home was always good. When he reached their room he suddenly stilled. What was that? It sounded awfully familiar in some way. Curious he opened the door that was leading to their bedroom and looked inside. The sight in front of him made his stomach clench and his knees buckle. In front of him was Chris alright. But it wasn't _just_ Chris. It was Chris with a guy he had never seen before. He was spread out on the sheets, hands and feet bound to the bed, moaning and mumbling words Darren thought only he would ever hear.

"_Please, Master." _

"_I need you." _

_"You feel so good in me, Master, so fucking good!"_

A choked sob left his lips, stilling the mans hips and Chris' jerking body. His eyes looked right at Darren now. What those eyes showed was nothing like regret or shame. It was annoyance and irritation.

"_You're home early." _

With a jerk Darren shot up in bed. Eyes leaking tears and bloodshot. It had felt so familiar. So real. So _scary_. A whimper escaped his lips and he let his head fall back in the pillows again, crying with his eyes shut.

Horror showed up in Chris's face once he stood there for a little longer, watching Darren sleep until he suddenly saw his whole body jerk, shaking and raising from the mattress, his eyes wide and teary. "Oh my god, Darren!" he said and walked up to him, sitting on the bed, stroking some loose, damp curls from his sweaty forehead. "A-Are you okay? What the hell did you dream about?" he asked, his voice high with concern and worry.

Darren jerked away from his touch, eyes wide and blinking at Chris, still not completely aware about if he was asleep or dreaming.

Chris flinched and looked at Darren with hurt in his eyes. "Dare...you're awake. It's okay. I'm here. I ordered food like I promised..."

Relief let his body sag down for a second, but then the memories came back. It had happened. Not like that, no, but still. It _had_ happened. Chris had let some other guy fuck him. He suddenly felt sick and curled into a fetal position. "I'm not so hungry anymore," he mumbled.

"Darren...w-why are you closing up on me again? It was okay when you went to bed...what - did you - did you think about it a lot again?" Chris asked, the hurt still clinging to his voice and he felt sick as well, his stomach bubbling with uncomfortable pain.

Darren shook his head, the vision of Chris in his dreams still in front of his eyes. "I-I had a nightmare," he said and felt a shiver run down his body.

"I-I'm so sorry...," Chris said hoarsely, looking at him. "About me?" He asked carefully, his stomach clenching.

A jerky nod was Chris' answer. He didn't actually want to tell. But his lips started moving anyway, words tumbling out.

"You were.. You were on our bed. Again," he whispered, words soft and full of sadness and hurt. "He was.. He was fucking you and you were tied and you were moaning," he said, gasping between his tears. "You were moaning 'Master' and how you 'needed him' and I-," Darren wanted to continue but he couldn't anymore. Loud sobs escaped his lips again while he pressed his face down in the matrass.

Chris shuddered, his whole body stilling, freezing as he looked at Darren, taking in his broken frame. "No. No...no, Darren...no, that's - I would've never done that - n-no...that's us...that's too - private it's too intimate...," he choked out and wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. Should he hug him? Rub his back? Just not touch him at all? In the end Chris figured that leaving him alone was probably the best option for now.

"Don't leave," Darren whispered brokenly, face still pressed into the mattress, making his words barily audible. Because Dream-Chris had been irritated that he was interrupted. Darren knew his Chris had been so disgusted and ashamed with himself the thought of irritation would have been unthinkable. And that exact reason made him want to keep Chris close. He needed Chris for some reason. For comfort and reassurance.

Chris just nodded, taking his hand in his own shaky one, squeezing gently. "I'm here. I'm always here," he whispered lowly and just kept sitting there, rubbing his thumb over the back of Darren's hand soothingly, trying his best to calm him.

"Can you-," Darren started and looked up with wide tearful eyes. He wanted to ask Chris to hug him even though the thought of it scared him to death. But the fact that Chris was _here_ and they were trying made him continue his question. "Can you hug me?"

Chris shuddered at Darren's words. His voice was so broken, so shallow and shaky and Chris nodded, not once hesitating. "Of course...god, of course...," he whispered breathlessly and moved in lightly, pulling Darren into his arms, squeezing him in them firmly, rubbing his hand over his back gently.

With a sigh of relief he felt more tears leave his eyes, but somehow he didn't care anymore. Because this was right. Him and Chris. No one else. No one had this kind of connection between two souls. Darren had never experienced anything like that in his life. And he was pretty sure he never would either. The feeling of Chris' arms around him was so real and so familiar it made his heart ache. He wanted this back. He wanted Chris back. He wanted _them_ back.

Hearing Darren's soft sigh, Chris held him closer, nuzzling into the warm crook of his neck, hoping that this was okay for the other man. He couldn't help himself though. He needed to be close. If he couldn't be emotionally then he wanted to at least be able to hold the man he loved, comforting him gently. "This is something no one will ever see me like...it's only you. This is only us. I promise. No one. Ever. Again," Chris whispered into his ear, tugging him in closer, letting out a shaky breath. "I let you in. You're the only one who _knows_ me, Darren. Who knows who I am," he continued, nuzzling more, letting himself be buried in the comfortable warmth of Darren's body against his.

Darren stayed silent, only reveling in the warmth and comfort of Chris' arms. Somewhere deep inside he knew Chris' words were true. He knew this was something they only shared with each other. But it scared him so much to think of how easily Chris had thrown himself at the first guy available. He thought so little of himself. What if he had found the wrong guy? Someone who would have hurt him? Or worse? He really hoped Chris had learned his lesson. But the truth of the matter was, no matter the fact he had forgiven Chris, it still made his heart soar and his throat constrict when he thought of it. And before that went away, Darren could give Chris nothing more than this, even though he wanted things to be different.

Chris was well aware that this was all they'd be doing for a while. If they even dared to. It was weird being intimate again after what had happened. The foreign feeling spreading in Chris's body again as he pulled Darren just a little closer so he could whisper into his hear again. "I promise you...it's true. You know I'm not a liar. I'm not a cheater...I'm just really trying to - be me," he choked out and nuzzled closer, suppressing the urge to kiss his cheek. Where were the boundaries? Where was the comfort zone over?

Slowly but steadily Darren felt all his muscles relaxing in Chris' arms, listening to his words and holding them close to his heart, wishing so desperately they were true. He could feel Chris' breath on his cheek. If he just leaned it, he would feel the gentle press of it. He wanted to. Just before he leant in, the doorbell rang, shaking them out of their little bubble of comfort.

"I uh - I better get that...," Chris said and pulled away, huffing at the loss of warmth and safety and walked downstairs. He dragged his hands through his messy hair and opened the door, smiling at the deliverer softly as he accepted the food and brought it in, setting it up on the coffeetable. "Are you even hungry?" He called, hoping Darren would hear him because his voice was still scratchy and a little unsteady.

Pulling himself together Darren pushed himself of the bed and walked downstairs, smelling the food. "Actually yes," Darren said and right at that moment his stomach rumbled slightly, making him grin. "Someone is trying to get some attention," he said and petted his stomach slightly.

Laughing at that, Chris smiled at Darren and god, he was so glad that the other man finally actually _agreed_ on eating. This time it wouldn't be some buttered toast for once maybe. Not some spoons full of soup but a full on meal. Chris didn't feel as sick anymore either so he decided to give it a go. He grinned at Darren and quirked an eyebrow. "Well...it sure has mine," he winked and sat down, unpacking the food, setting it up.

Smiling at Chris he followed him, actually feeling hungry for the first time in two days. "What did you order?" Darren asked and casted a curious glance at the plastic bags, the smell familiar but not ringing a bell yet.

Chris looked at Darren with a soft smile. "Well...," he opened the bag to reveal Darren's favourite. Some Sesame Chicken and a few rolls of Sushi because he knew he was crazy about that stuff.

A wide grin reached Darren's face. "Do we have ginger ale?" he asked, eyes sparkling. God he really wanted to eat this and ginger ale would complete it all.

Thinking, Chris got up. "I think we have some left - hold on!" he smiled and walked over to the fridge. "Ah, yes! Perfect!" he chuckled and took a can of Diet Coke and one of Ginger Ale out for the two of them, placing them on the table. "There you go."

"You're the best," Darren said, because isn't that what he always said when Chris knew exactly what he wanted or needed even before Darren knew himself? He smiled warmly at Chris and grabbed them both a plate before sitting down on the couch.

"You ready to finally eat again?" Chris joked and nudged his side a little, sitting back, taking his Diet Coke to take a long sip, humming at the familiar taste.

"Yes!" Darren said, almost bouncing at the couch. It sometimes really was a miracle what food could do to Darren. Wasn't it only ten minutes again that he was sobbing in Chris' arms? "You?" Darren asked and looked at him sideways.

Chris smiled warmly at how giddy Darren was. How careless all of the sudden and he wouldn't dare to do or say anything to ruin that. No. This was too precious to him and all he wanted and ever will want. Seeing Darren happy. Free and smiling. "But for sure!" he chuckled and looked back at him, taking his chopsticks to pick up some of the food.

"Have I ever told you that the fact that you ate your food with chopsticks on the day we met made me want to be friends with you immediately?" Darren asked and grabbed his own, diving into his food eagerly.

"Really?" Chris beamed at him, tilting his head. "Why is that? Because I don't use a fork? Because I'm good enough with chopsticks to handle them?" he chuckled and took a sip from his coke again.

"Because you told me you came from a small town no one ever heard of before but there you were, sitting in front of me, telling me of all your dreams and opinions at your young age, eating with those sticks. I just. You were a mystery to me," Darren admitted, never having mentioned this before. "I wanted to figure you out. Befriend you. Because you were so awesome and eating with chopsticks," Darren said, laughing slightly.

Chris's smile grew wider and his eyes were sparkling at what the other man was telling him. "R-Really...? You...thought that the very first time we - went out? I didn't know that...I - did I really leave that impression on you?" Chris asked a little disbelieving. "I didn't think anyone would actually notice...I always wanted to do things the right way, you know? Never halfhearted."

"I do know," Darren said and gave Chris a knowing glance. "You never want people to be able to be disappointed in you because you haven't tried enough. If people throw hate at you now, you can think 'Well screw them. I did everything I could.'" He gave him a questioning glance, wondering if he was right in his observation, but actually already knowing he was.

Nodding silently, Chris chewed on his chicken, looking back at Darren. "True...that's always been my mindset. I think...if I know that I tried. Gave one hundred percent ..that's when I can relax. That's why I like to do things alone...that's why I wanted to direct my own movie. Write my own things...I like having control..."

Taking a bite off his sushi roll he nodded silently. When he swallowed his bite he replied. "When is the moment you feel the most relaxed? Like you can finally give away the control?"

Chris let out a deep sigh. "When I'm with you," he answered sincerely.

Darren felt his heart warm at those words, knowing he must have done something right if Chris felt like that. "You know the feeling is mutual right?" he asked and shifted in the couch so he was facing Chris, taking another bite of his roll.

Nodding softly, Chris found Darren's eyes again. "I know that. I felt it," he whispered and took another bite of his food, chewing absently.

"I hope you still do," Darren said back just as softly and picked at his food.

"Of course I do. That's something that'll never change...I meant what I said earlier," Chris muttered.

"I know that. What I'm trying to tell you is that I hope you still know you're the one who I am the most at ease with. With who I can totally be myself," Darren said and shove away his plate, his hunger stilled for now.

"It's the same for me. Like...right now - I'm just...relaxed. Because I'm with you right now...and I just really need this...times like these I mean," Chris whispered. "When I can just - be."

"We both need it," Darren said and grabbed his plate as well to clean it away. "Do you- wanna make some coffee? I would do it, but yours is better, so...," Darren said and tilted his head slightly giving him a silly grin.

Chris laughed softly. "Oh, is it?" he asked with a smirk and got up. "But of course I can." With that Chris got up as well, walking over to make some coffee, smiling at Darren. "Thanks for putting that away. I would've done it but making coffee is a really hard procedure," he giggled softly.

"Well, yes _that_ and the fact that you would have totally dropped them because of your clumsiness," Darren said with a teasing tone and nudges his hip to his before moving to walk to their storage for some cookies.

Letting out a fake, shocked gasp, Chris smiled at Darren. He was happy that apparently their little trip to the cafe had taken some of the pressure and now that they'd napped and eaten they should feel better as well. "I totally would've not!" Chris complained as he poured the coffee into two mugs, handing one to Darren.

"You so would have," Darren teased back and already smelt the coffee. "You're a clumsy little wooden boy and you know it," he laughed.

"I'm gonna be a real boy soon! You'll see!" Chris chuckled and walked back to their couch, slumping down, nearly knocking over some box of food that was left there. "Oops! Okay. Bad timing!" he laughed and sat down, placing the coffee on the table.

"I hate to say I told you so," Darren laughed and walked over, ruffling Chris' hair, before freezing when he walked away, so caught in their usual banter he almost forgot. Almost. Closing his eyes he took a shuddering breath and tried to relax his body.

Chris giggled and jumped a bit at the sudden touch but smiled a little, biting his lip, nibbling when he saw Darren freeze. "T-Too much...?" he whispered softly, fixing his hair a little.

His eyes darted back to Chris again, for the first time he didn't look like a fragile bird, but worried, caring about Darren, nothing more. Smiling softly he shook his head. "Just.. Needing to get used to again," he said and moved his hand through Chris' hair softly, slower this time, reveling in how soft and thick it was between his fingers.

Their eyes met and Chris looked back at him with furrowed brows, hoping that he hadn't blurred the lines. "I know...but you have to tell me if you feel uncomfortable...like it's too casual, you know?" he said and closed his eyes when Darren's hand dragged through his hair, leaning back into the couch a little, losing himself in the care that came with this simple gesture.

"Do you even know how much I love your hair?" Darren wasn't even aware he said that out loud. Chris did that more often, making him blurt out things without being fully aware.

A soft smile played on Chris's lips, tugging and making him open his eyes. "You told me before...but thank you," he mumbled, playing along. It just felt too intimate to be destroyed by some remark.

"I'm sorry that was completely beside the subject," Darren said distracted. "I blame the hair," he said and moved his fingers away, a bit reluctantly. "But I don't feel uncomfortable," he said now, getting back to what they were talking about. "I just... There are moments I kinda forget it happened," he answered honestly and shrugged a little. "And there are moments it kinda comes crashing down on me again and those moments are... fucked up," he said, not really knowing how to phrase it otherwise.

Chris chuckled and couldn't help the frown when Darren pulled back. "Okay...I'm glad," Chris admitted and looked at Darren, listening. "It's okay...I - I do too...," he said and bit his lip. "They are...they are so fucked up. See? That's what I mean...we both just have no clue how to behave...like - this felt so natural, you know? So - normal but yet I know that we aren't going to fall asleep together tonight. We won't make love and we won't kiss...it's - then when I realize all over again...what I did..."

"Chris, that's not why I'm saying this. I don't want to- to guiltytrip you or anything. I just. I feel bad for letting you get close when I need it like just now after that nightmare, but not letting it be like that at other moments. It's not fair. I'm- I'm sorry," Darren said and frowned at his own behavior. Damn, he had been really selfish hadn't he?

"No. No, stop...," Chris looked at him, shaking his head. "You don't 'guiltytrip' me...I promise. I do that enough for the two of us...", he smiled weakly. "It's okay...I let myself get close because I really want to be close to you again but I also know that now is not the time...not yet," he mumbled. "Don't blame yourself. Never blame yourself for this. It was _my _mistake and please don't say it wasn't mine only because it was - only mine."

"I'll grab us some cookies," Darren said and walked to the kitchen, knowing they would probably never agree on that point. "Did you check your mail yet?" he asked from the kitchen, wondering if they'd have the script already. He knew things on set were going to be hard and he wanted to have as many preparation time as possible.

**AN: Oh oh. They're gonna practice some Klaine.. What next?**


	13. Practicing

**AN: Hi guys! Sorry for not updating a few days but I was still in my graduationbliss and had to prepare for my party and all that! So here you go! I'll update two now to make it up to you ;)**

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**Chapter**** 13 '****Practicing****'**

"Right," Chris muttered and he could tell how Darren was avoiding his question, leaving them where they'd been all along. "Not yet, no. Didn't cross my mind but I will now," he said and pulled out his phone, checking quickly, frowning. "The script is here, Dare!" He called and sank back into the couch, waiting for his boyfriend to return.

Grabbing some cookies Darren walked back, his mood not as good as just ten minutes ago. "What did you say?" he asked and sat down next to Chris, passing him the package.

"I said that the script is here," Chris replied and took the package with a thankful smile. "Thank you...," he mumbled as he read over it quickly, frowning.

"Oh," Darren said and felt nerves rushing through his body at once. The script was here. That meant they would find out how they were supposed to behave on screen in a few minutes. "Do you.. Do you want to read it now?"

"Sure," Chris answered and nodded, feeling a slight nervous lump form in his throat, making it hard to breathe. "Uhm...let me go print it out real quick?" he asked and got up.

"Yeah sure," Darren replied and sank down on the couch. The only thought is his head 'What if we have to kiss?'

Chris walked upstairs into his workroom and quickly printed out the script, not daring to read it yet. His biggest concern was to act naturally. Like they were two boys who were completely in love, which they were but he was sure Kurt and Blaine weren't going through anything like that. He let out a shaky breath and rubbed his temples before making his way back down, waving with the sheets and smiled weakly. "Here they are...," he mumbled and placed them on the coffee table, sitting down on the couch again.

"Are you nervous?" Darren asked, just being open, because if they were gonna do this, they had to do it together. "I'm anxious..."

Chris nodded. "I'm _terrified__,_" Chris confessed and let out a small nervous chuckle, playing with his fingers, biting at the inside of his cheek.

"Well let's get this over with," Darren said with a sigh and grabbed the sheets from him.

Scanning the first page he sighed already. "Seriously? They're opening with a Finchel kiss, then Finn promising he's never gonna marry someone else and no word about you? What is wrong with Ryan?"

Chris laughed and shook his head. "Well...to him they're the real deal so...nothing we can do about it...," he mumbled and skimmed over the script.

"We are the real deal and everyone knows that," Darren muttered, not even noticing the flinching reaction his words gave Chris .

Flinching, Chris tried his best to not talk back. Instead he just kept reading, a frown plastering on his face. "Fuck...," he whispered under his breath.

"What? Chris what?" Darren almost yelled, anxiously reading the words faster, needing to know why Chris cursed.

"Just - keep reading...," he mumbled and buried his head in his hands, shaking it with a sigh.

"You're not making this any bette-_Fuck_," Darren cursed as well now. "Shit."

"Yeah... - that's exactly what I meant...," Chris said and let out a stuttering breath, turning his head to look at Darren.

"Chris, I don't want to be cruel, but I honestly don't think I can do this," Darren admitted, feeling a bit ashamed and also disappointed that he couldn't be more professional. "Especially not if we're gonna get through all that trouble and then notice it's gonna get cut out."

Nodding again, Chris kept looking at Darren. "I know...it's - I mean...you yelled at me for the first time these days but...I'm just worried what it'll do, you know? I - I don't want to screw up. And...you're right. I mean...that's a lot right now...maybe we should just - talk to Ryan?" Chris suggested.

"He can fire us for that," Darren said with a frown. "We're actors. We need to do what he asks of us." Taking a deep breath Darren looked at Chris, already knowing they had to do this anyway. "You want to practice?" he asked, softly.

"I know that...and he warned us all when he talked to us about dating people we work with...it's - our fault," Chris whispered and shook his head. "I don't think I can right now."

"You think you'll manage this scene in two days?" Darren asked now, knowing that if he didn't he had to think of ways to make him able.

Chris shrugged. "I have to, don't I?" He mumbled absently, biting at his lip.

"We both have to, don't think I'm gonna enjoy this any more than you."

"I know you don't...but - I just don't know how we're gonna do this right now," Chris said with another shrug. "I have no idea."

"Get in character and refuse to be anything else, I guess." Those words left Darren's lips so easily even though he seriously doubted if he could get into fight-mode with Chris as Kurt without letting his real anger slip.

"Yeah, because that will just work so so well...," Chris grumbled and regretted how snappy he sounded but this was stressing him out, making him anxious and he was just so scared about what would happen. He knew that once they'd get into it, they wouldn't be able to calm down and just be Kurt and Blaine instead of them.

"What do you want me to do Chris?" Darren asked, snappy himself now. "Call Ryan and resign?" he asked with a slightly hysterical edge on his voice.

"See? We can't even talk this out properly. Do you really think you can stay Blaine without becoming Blarren?" Chris asked, shaking his head with a huff.

"Thanks for having so much trust in my acting abilities," Darren said and stood up, not really in the mood to talk about this anymore.

"Darren! You know that's not what I meant!" Chris yelled and let himself sink back into the couch, covering his face with his hands, still hoping that this was just another nightmare and he'd be able to snap out of it soon.

"Do you have a solution?" Darren asked, turning around and watching him with wide eyes. "Because if you do then tell me. If you don't then just. Try it for fucks sake!"

Chris shuddered and shook his head. "No! No, surprise, I do not...I have no fucking clue how we're gonna do this...and I try if you do too. I won't say anything while shooting. It'll be Kurt. Only him."

"Great." Darren stood up and grabbed the script, walking towards the kitchen bar, reading it there, because he couldn't be near Chris if every time they were gonna talk it was gonna end up in a fight.

Chris watched Darren and honestly wondered what had happened. This couldn't be healthy. They were both so moody, so tensed and of course they were but this was breaking him and he could tell it did the same to Darren. He hated this and he hated how he got so snappy without meaning to. He was sorry, yes, but he also thought that his concerns were justified.

Lettings his eyes scan the scenes again he felt the nervousness spreading through his body. Somehow he knew Chris would be able to stay Kurt in this scene. Because he was just that. Professional and able to put his emotions aside. But having to act as Blaine, being mad at Kurt because he thought their relationship didn't matter enough. That Blaine would find someone else while he was gone, was a bit too close to the truth to be able to stay all Blaine. Darren knew he wouldn't be able to do it and he hated it.

Chris sat in silence and closed his aching eyes. It was different for him. Once he was Kurt he was able to just stay him, to hide behind his fake self-confidence and pride. Kurt was so different from him and he never doubted Darren's abilities in acting but he also knew that his boyfriend wore his heart on his sleeve and no matter what, he'd show his emotions. He'd get so passionate about those things while Chris hid them away, keeping them inside no matter what and while it wasn't right it was still his way to deal with things. It had always been.

"I'm sorry," Darren muttered softly from his place at the bar. He knew he had gone too far and Chris had been right in his concerns.

"No, Darren...I - I snapped at you. I shouldn't have. We're just both so so stressed out...I know that. We both worry way too much but - we'll get over this somehow...we have to."

"Still not in for practicing?" he asked hesitantly. It would hurt, yes, but maybe it would be less awkward to do so on set.

Chris let out a deep breath. "Okay...but - can we stop when it gets too much, please?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, of course," Darren said, looking at Chris with serious eyes. "I'm just... I'm trying to make this easier for when we _really_ have to do it."

"Yeah...I know...it's better that way probably," he mumbled and looked back at Darren.

"Where you wanna do this?" Darren asked and gestured towards the living room.

"The living room is fine," Chris answered and looked back at Darren once again, forcing his eyes to not flicker away all the time.

"Chris, just remember that no matter what. I want us. This," Darren said and looked kind of helpless when he did that.

Chris nodded silently. "I know...," he breathed. "I want that too. I want this so bad...but I'm so anxious about screwing it all up, you know?"

"The scene or us?" Darren asked and laid the script down, all focus on Chris now.

"Both. Mostly us. Always us...," he whispered.

Darren stalked forward and grabbed Chris' hands. "Chris," he said, looking him in the eyes. "You're not going to screw this up, okay?"

Chris wanted to believe Darren. He wanted it so desperately but yet he was still scared. He nodded hesitatingly and smiled weakly. "Okay...," he whispered back and bit his lip.

"Alright. Let's get this over with," Darren said and stepped back to mirror the way he was with Kurt in the scene they both just read.

"Okay. Yes. Right...," Chris mumbled and cleared his throat, taking a deep breath, trying his best to become Kurt Hummel.

Darren knew they needed something more and decided to start the scene without holding to the script in the first place, just walking towards him, with his costumate Blaine-smile.

"Hey you, you look really good today. I mean you always do, but today you look particularly good," he said, sweet and dapper as always.

Chris felt like breaking character already and forced a smile, shaking his head. "Wait - wait, Dare...sorry...," he whispered, clearing his throat, pacing a little before walking back in place. "Okay... - again..., please?"

"I just thought it would help..," Darren said with a little pout. "Again?"

"Yeah. I just...broke character. I'm sorry...," Chris mumbled.

"It's fine," Darren said and waved him away. "Alright. Again." Taking a deep breath he walked back and turned around.

"Kurt! There you are, I missed you at Glee Club today! I thought you were going to be there at my first lesson alone," he improvised.

Chris turned and gave a high pitched "Oh!", smiling brightly and tilted his head. "I'm sorry, Blaine...my dad called me for something important so I wasn't around...," he said, his voice higher, breathier.

"Oh, okay. I just thought... Nevermind. Is your dad okay?" he asked now, trying to act very worried for his surrogate dad.

"What did you think?" Chris asked the other man, pushing one hip out and placing his hand on his side, standing in front of him. "He's fine. He just had this pain in his chest again but the doctor's said it would be fine."

"Oh that must have been scary as hell! Why didn't you call me?" Darren asked, wondering when they were gonna get to the real scene, but liking the fact they still managed to stay in character despise of everything.

"God, it was...you have no idea. I was freaking out! But as long as he's fine it's all good...but you know how I am with my dad," he chuckled and looked at Darren. "I forgot! I'm sorry, I was just really distracted with all of this going on."

Darren nodded and tried to conceal his hurt. "Right... But you wanted to talk to me," he said now, deciding this was the moment they could start the scene.

Chris nodded and looked up at Darren, stepping in like it said he should in the script, taking his hands in his. "Blaine...you know I love you with all my heart -"

"Kurt, you're scaring me."

Taking a deep breath, Chris continued. "You're my first love. My first kiss. My first everything and I never want to lose you..."

"What are you trying to say?" Darren asked, eyes narrowing, voice trembling and his hands shaking. "I'm either doubting you want to marry me or break up with me and they both scare me, Kurt," he said.

"What I'm trying to say is...I'm going to New York...one year, Blaine. It'll be a long time...and I don't know if we can do this...and - I want you to be able to be free to do whatever you want when I'm not here...," Chris whispered and felt his chest ache.

"No," Darren stated resolutely and shook his head. "No, you're not doing this. You promised me Kurt. You and me. The Notebook remember? Together there, highschool sweethearts. Forever, you're not doing this," he said, voice breaking and eyes watering.

Chris felt his body tremble and he wasn't sure how long he could take this. "I know, Blaine. I know that but...what if we can't be that? What if you meet someone while I'm gone...like Sebastian at first? Someone you think is more attractive than me. More interesting?" He asked and felt the lump in his throat.

"I won't. You know I won't. I only ever have eyes for you Kurt. _You_," Darren said, feeling Blaine slipping away ever quicker than he thought it would. "You know what? You're doing this for yourself. You just want an easy way out, don't you?" he yelled, words probably harsher and harder than Ryan would think appropriate. "Well I'll tell you this. _I_would never give up on us. _Ever__._"

Chris froze, gaping and blinking at 'Blaine'. He knew Darren was losing it. The glare in his eyes was intense and cold and hurt and he shuddered but decided to stay Kurt for as long as he had to. "But how do you know, Blaine? How? And you know I'm the most selfless person ever. I would never do this just for me. It's for you, too. For your happiness because it means everything to me. And I'm not giving up on us. I just want to set you free."

"If you care about my happiness," Darren said and his eyes flashed with something. "You wouldn't do this to me. To us."

"Blaine...I'm not doing anything. I just want to let you choose. I want you to know what's going to happen and I don't want it to hurt or conflict you."

"What's going to happen? What is going to happen then. Tell me. Are you gonna find some other guy and let him fuck you?" Darren said, knowing that this was not in the script. At least not with those words. His form was tense and his fists were balled, all traces of Blaine gone, even though he had some anger issues as well.

Chris froze and just stood there in front of Darren, shaking his head in disbelieve, his body shaking and mind racing as he fell silent.

Darren stared back at Chris, frozen as well, knowing he went too far. _Way_too far, but not able to take his words back. But even if he wanted to stop, he couldn't. Words were flowing out of his mouth without him being able to hold them back.

"Oh no. That already happened. That's right. Well it did hurt, I'd tell you that. What the hell am I supposed to do now, Chris? Tell me. At least Kurt had the decency to talk about it with Blaine first. Warn him. Lucky him!"

"You fucking asshole. God - just...what the hell are you doing right now, Darren? How is that staying in character? Or trying? This is...this is terrible. This is completely uncalled for...," Chris choked out and turned to walk out without another word, throwing the door shut.

The moment the door closed Darren collapsed to the ground, angry tears leaking from his eyes. What the _fuck_ was he doing? He was doing everything wrong! He would never get Chris back like this. Why did he use every fucking opportunity to snap at Chris? To let him feel what he did? It was self defense. Chris hurt him so much, so deep, he didn't know how to react when that subject was breached. How the hell was he suppose to stay 'Blaine' when everything in him screamed that he needed to hurt Chris as well. Hurt him back just the way he hurt him. But that wasn't him. He didn't want to be that guy. He loved Chris for god's sake! He needed him. He probably even needed Chris more than Chris needed him. Pressing his face to the floor he curled into himself, wetting the floor and his clothes with his tears, but not able to hold it in any more. He went too far. Too fucking far.

Once the cool air hit Chris's face he let himself sink back against the door. He didn't have the energy to walk away. To get to his car and just get out for a bit. He couldn't take the pain that spread in his chest and in his stomach, vibrating through his body and staying in his head. Of course Darren had every right to hurt him. Chris knew how bad he'd hurt and broken him but that didn't mean he had to yell at him or snap at him like that and make him feel like some piece of garbage. He let out a shaky sigh and a dry sob and pulled his legs to his chest, shaking his head. This wasn't the man he loved. It wasn't Darren who said those things. It was pure rage and frustration but that didn't make it hurt any less. Chris felt cheap and dirty and as if he could never live this down. No matter how hard he tried. Would it ever be enough?

What the hell was wrong with him? He was a man for fuck's sake. Didn't guys fight for the person they loved? Scrambling up and wincing at his pathetic form he started to organize his thoughts. He needed to... to do something. He needed to make an attempt of setting this right. He grabbed a lighter from the side table and started to light the candles in the room, loving the soft glow they gave the room instead of the harsh lightning. He needed to tell Chris he still loved him. Loved everything about him. That the little voice in his head that told him to snap at every opportunity at him was wrong and that he didn't want that. He wanted _them_ back. Chris and Darren, simple as that. Walking to the kitchen he grabbed the tools and ingredients to set up Chris' favorite dish, glad he could keep his mind off things as long as he was busy. When everything was on the stove he started to set the table, fancier than ever. Meanwhile a plan was forming in his head.

Chris was still outside, rubbing at his bare arms when the cold air surrounded him and made his skin form goosebumps. He shivered and felt hot tears hit his cheeks. He was trying. He was putting so much effort into it. Tried not to snap or fall out of character no matter how badly it hurt and he knew he was the guilty one here. He knew his behaviour had brought them to this but that was no reason for Darren to make him pay for it every second of the day. It hurt. Even worse than it hurt anyways and he just wanted it to stop. The pain. The emptiness. He just wanted to be Darren's boyfriend again. Nothing more, nothing less.

Grabbing his phone he checked the food, deciding Chris needed to come back if he wanted this to work. Forming a text he hoped it would work. It had to.

_I __don__'__t __know __what__'__s __wrong __with __me__. __You __had __every __right __to __storm __out __like __that__. __I__... __Can __you __please __come __home__?_

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**AN: There you go! Off to chapter 14 :) 15 is coming tonight and I'll promise you.. It's sweet and fluffy and everything you've been missing out on!**


	14. Making Up

**Chapter 14 'Making Up'**

_I did have every right. And I know you're hurt but please stop doing the same to me...I know you have this anger inside of you and it's okay but don't take it out on me like that...just tell me if you need space. If you need distance...I'd understand but this just fucking hurt...so bad...and I'm right outside...I couldn't go far...I couldn't just leave but I wish I could right now because I don't want you to hate me._

Reading Chris' text he felt his eyes sting. No. No crying. He had to be a man for Chris. He had to be the strong one. The one that held them together. First he walked to their garden with the scissors. When he looked at their rosebush he cut off the most beautiful rose he saw. Walking back with it, he opened their front door, seeing Chris' hunched form, sitting exactly the same way he sat earlier that day.

"Hey you," he softly said, hearing the emotions in his tone.

Chris shuddered at Darren's voice and didn't dare to turn his head. "Hey...," he whispered, his voice breaking and he rubbed his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Darren said and knelt down behind Chris, close, but not touching.

"Darren, please...," Chris whispered and shook his head. "Stop apologizing...just don't. Just - leave me okay? I just...I can't take you being like this. I can't take it when I know you're not being you and I know I made a mistake but how long are you going to punish me for this?"

"Chris, please-," Darren whispered, his legs shaking. "I... I know I shouldn't do that. I was so angry at myself just now. I don't get why I... snap like that. I don't want to. I- I made something... I want to make up," he said, voice desperate.

"Because I hurt you...and apparently you feel like you have to hurt me back but believe me...it hurts enough already. You shouldn't have to make up...," Chris whispered and got up on shaky knees, turning, wiping away his tears. "Just...try not to. Especially not in public because I won't be able to hold back then. I'll storm out and people will ask questions...and it'll be so much more painful for both of us..."

"This one is for you," Darren said softly and gave him the rose. "Because it reminds me of you. Beautiful, pure and a bit thorny," he chuckled nervously. "Can you please trust me and come inside?" He decided not to get into the argument about fighting again. That would be a downward spiral and he needed to get into good spirits with Chris again.

Chris took the rose from Darren with a weak smile. "A _bit _thorny?" He quirked his eyebrows and laughed, wiping away more tears, sniffing. "Yeah...I - okay...," Chris said and took in a deep breath. He knew Darren was so sorry and felt terrible about this but then again he had said things that hurt him. Chris decided that now wasn't the time and that it wasn't in his place to be mad though and nodded towards the door. "Let's go in then..."

Darren smiled hesitantly and hold out his hand, hoping Chris would take it. That they would take this trip to a new beginning, at least he hoped that he was going to achieve that with everything, together.

Chris hesitated but took his hand lightly in his, breathing out slowly and hoped that they wouldn't fight again. Not tonight.

"God, you're freezing!" Darren said the moment Chris laid his hand in his. "Get inside. No wait. Wait here," he said and pointed to the hallway before he ran upstairs and grabbed a sweater for Chris before he walked downstairs again, handing it to him. "Here, wear this."

Chris took the sweater with a shy, thankful smile and pulled it on, enjoying the warmth that spread through him, warming up his cold arms and fingers, his neck.

Taking both Chris' hands he held them between his own for a little, looking at them in the mean time. How was it possible that hands fit so well? That just hand holding could make him feel complete?

Frowning, Chris hesitated and looked down to where their fingers linked. They did fit perfectly. Always had and it made him feel heavy with sadness. He looked at Darren briefly only to lower his head again.

"Come on, I prepared dinner," Darren said, breaking their little bubble, but knowing they wouldn't get any further with just standing here.

"You did?" Chris asked, smiling lightly. "Thank you..."

"You didn't smell it yet? Most of the time you smell it the moment you step out of you car," Darren said and chuckled lightly, pulling him into the living room, which was a bit dark, the only place lightened was the bar, candles there and everything set up.

"My nose is kind of stuck right now...sorry...," Chris mumbled and nodded. "I know...it always smells and tastes amazing," he said and smiled softly, walking along with Darren, his mouth dropping open and he wasn't sure whether he should laugh or cry. Darren had always done this for him after he came home from late calls. When they had an argument or he simply wanted to be romantic. His chest ached and yet there was this warm, fuzzy feeling that only appeared when Darren was around.

"You can sit over here, sir," Darren said with a small bow and pulled the stool back for Chris, gesturing to it and smiling warmly.

Chris smiled back and sat. "Thank you," he said and tilted his head. Waiting.

Darren started moving around and set all the food on the table. "Voila, le dinner for mon amour," he said in probably his worst French ever, but he grinned anyway.

Chris laughed dorkily and shook his head at him, grinning. "Well, merci, monsieur."

"I love it when you speak French," Darren said and winked at him before he sat down too. "Bon appetit!" he said and grabbed the wine to pour them both a glass.

Chris smiled and looked at Darren. "I love it when you speak it too...and I love your Italian...," he mumbled, taking the glass and bit his lip. "T-To us...to us trying and getting it right...okay?"

Darren smiled and nodded. "Sì, per avere tutto a destra. Tornando a noi. Mi piace tutto di te. Tu sei l'amore della mia vita," he spoke in fluently Italian. He knew Chris didn't know what he said, but he preferred it that way.

Chris laughed. "Okay...I have no idea what you just said but it sounded somewhat romantic so I'll give you that...," he chuckled and clinked their glasses, taking in a deep breath before he took his first sip.

Darren felt a warmth spreading through his body that had nothing to do with the wine. Stabbing his fork into the Pasta Alfredo that he served with chicken, he smiled softly, knowing he made the right choice with this.

Chris watched Darren take his first bite and grinned at him. "You even made my favourite...," he whispered. "That's how I know you mean it...," he whispered and took another sip from his wine. "I'm sorry too by the way."

"We're both sorry," Darren said and smiled at Chris. "Let's not say sorry anymore. Let's just be us, okay?" he asked and sipped his wine quietly.

"Yeah. Okay," Chris smiled back and picked up his fork, taking a bite, humming at the taste. "God that's good...," he mumbled and chewed happily.

Darren smiled and enjoyed his own meal as well. "I should teach you how to cook," he suddenly said, looking up at Chris.

Chris nearly choked on his food and looked back at Darren. "Uh - yeah...I guess that would come in handy," he laughed and kept eating.

"Only if you want to of course," Darren said, backpedaling quickly. He thought it would be nice, trying something new out together. Trying to work together again.

Shaking his head, Chris quickly spoke up again. "No! No, I want to. I was just kinda...caught off guard," he laughed and smiled at him. "But...I'd love to have you teach me that..."

"Yeah?" Darren asked and felt his hopes getting up, making him sit straighter in his seat. "I have so many recipes I still want to try out! I'm sure you'll love most of them. They're all made with fresh herbs and vegetables!" he said, a wide grin on his face at the prospect of cooking with Chris.

His face lighting up, Chris beamed at Darren. "Oh! That sounds so good!" He chuckled and tilted his head. "I'd love to try that, Dare..."

"Me too," Darren replied and smiled at Chris, before cleaning the rest of his plate. "Ready for you desert?" he asked when he saw his plate was empty too.

Chris nodded and finished his wine. "Yeah...," he said and heaved out a deep breath.

"Everything okay?" Darren asked when he collected their plates, glancing at him worriedly.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I'm just - thinking," Chris confessed and smiled at Darren reassuringly. "But this is perfect. Really. I'm - I'm much more relaxed now..."

"I'm glad," Darren said honestly and walked to the kitchen with their plates, putting everything down and grabbing the two pieces of tiramisu. With his elbow he pushed the button from the coffee machine and walked back. It wouldn't be as good as Chris' coffee but it'd had to do.

"E un tiramisù per la mia spasimante," he said, grinning again.

Chris smiled brightly and god, Darren was so talented in the kitchen it was crazy. He looked up at him. "Grazie...," he breathed and chuckled softly.

"Prego," Darren replied and took a bite of his tiramisu, almost moaning at the taste. God, it was delicious!

Chris too, took his first bite and let out a low hum, nearly a groan at how good it was. "Jesus...I always knew you were amazing in the kitchen but - wow..."

"God I don't even know what I did but this is an anglel pooping on my tongue!" Darren admitted out loud, blushing afterwards immediately because _great. _Way to ruin the mood, Dare.

Chris laughed loudly because this remark was just so Darren. He shook his head and giggled as he took another bite. "You're terrible," he chuckled.

Darren groaned and shook his head. "God I _know_. I'm sorry," he said and just took another bite to stop any other words from coming out.

Still giggling, Chris shook his head. "Don't be. You know I always laughed about your lame not even meant to be jokes," he winked and continued eating.

"You take my bad and good sides, that's for sure," Darren laughed and shook his head. "Want some more wine?"

Chris nodded. "Always will," he mumbled and nodded again. "Yeah. Please," he looked at him with softened eyes.

Pouring Chris and himself another glass he smiled at Chris, because he heard the words very well even if they were mumbled. "When we finish diner, we are going upstairs," Darren said, trying to sound very casual and not as if he was suggesting they should have sex.

Chris thanked Darren when he filled his glass and took a sip, furrowing his brows. "Uh - okay...," he whispered. "Why?"

"I want to try something. It's all part of my big make up plan so don't decline," he said and chuckled slightly, a bit nervous.

"Okay...uhm...I still don't get it," Chris laughed softly and looked at Darren with quirked eyebrows.

"You'll see soon enough," Darren said and grinned. "Oh I made coffee as well I just... I don't know if it's good," he said and glanced at the kitchen, hoping he didnt' manage to let the filter stuck together again.

"I'm sure it is," Chris said and smiled, waiting for the other man to return again.

Walking back with two steaming mugs of coffee Darren sat down and gave Chris a mug. "Like the evening so far?" Darren asked and gazed at Chris with interest.

Chris smiled softly and took the mug from Darren. "I - yeah...minus what happened before but this is - really nice...," he said and nodded, taking another bite from his desert.

Frowning Darren looked into his mug. "I told you I was sorry, Chris. I- You know I'm hurt, we both are in some way, and I know I had no right to yell at you that way, so that's why I did all this. I wanted to let you know that I do care about you. About us. And that I'm willing to work for it."

Chris nodded frantically. "I know. I know...and we are, it's okay and I know how sorry you are...it wasn't you at all," he whispered. "And I appreciate that so much...really...I do."

Smiling Darren took a sip from his coffee, swallowing it when it was cooled down enough. "This is not half as bad as I expected," he said with a surprised expression.

Taking a sip from his coffee as well, Chris looked at him again, laughing. "Oh come on! You can cook like this but can't make coffee? Is that why you always let me do it...?" he asked softly and smiled, playing with the cup.

"You really think it's that bad?" Darren asked with a slight wince.

Chris laughed and shook his head. "God, no! It's good. Really good. I just think it's funny that you're so conscious about your coffee...it's good."

Darren shrugged lightly and glanced sideways at Chris. "I never really drank coffee before you, so. I don't know. I still think about it as something that's not a part of me or something?"

Nodding softly, Chris looked away. "I see...," he whispered.

"What's wrong?" Darren asked worried, shifting his body towards Chris.

"Nothing...it's just...this is where we just fit. You cook. I make coffee. It's our little quirks and...it just - it hurts when those things happen, you know? Because I get reminded that I want this so bad. I want to fix this so so bad...I want us to be _us_ again..."

"And we _will_ be," Darren said, his voice filled with devotion and love. He let his hand grab Chris and their fingers entangle. "We will."

"Okay," Chris said with a small smile and squeezed Darren's hand in his. "I want us to."

Quietly they both sipped the coffee, hands grabbing each other tightly, knowing something had shifted this evening. Something small, yes, but still. It was progress.

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**AN: What's gonna happen? Let us know what you think ;) And you'll find out soon enough anyway!**


	15. Labeling

**AN: So most of you just want them to kiss or to have showersex, but they're not really there yet guys ;) I said fluff! So here it is :) Part one at least! Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 15 'Labeling'**

"You're ready to go upstairs?" Darren asked when they both finished their coffee.

Chris looked at Darren with a smile and nodded. "Yeah. Sure."

Never letting go of Chris' hand, Darren set down their cups and tugged Chris upstairs, to their bathroom, letting him sit on the edge of the bath. "You stay here, I'll be right back."

Chris let Darren lead him upstairs and sat on the edge of their bathtub, giving him a confused look. "Uhm...okay, yeah...," he whispered and smiled nervously.

Smiling reassuringly, Darren left and went to his study to grab a bunch of post-it's. Afterewards he walked to their bedroom, shivering a bit when he walked inside because of reasons and grabbed the first tie he could find before leaving as quickly as possible. Quickly he walked back to the bathroom to find Chris still sitting at the edge of the tub. It slipped out. He couldn't help it.

"Good boy."

Chris shivered at Darren's words and couldn't help but let out a deep, shaky breath at the memories he had when he pictured Darren saying those words. Normally he'd be on his knees, begging for him or doing as Darren told him and even though he did too this time, it wasn't the same. He looked up at him, biting his lips and giving him a crooked smile.  
"What are you going to do?" he asked softly, eyeing the tie.

"I want you to stand up in front of me and close your eyes," Darren said and gave him a free hand so he could stand up.

Pulling himself up with the help of Darren's hand, Chris smiled at him and closed his eyes as he stood upright in front of the other man.

"You trust me way too much," Darren said and smiled at that. He knew that trust was something that needed to be rebuild. And maybe he could learn from Chris. After all he needed to learn to trust him again too.

Chris's smile faded a little and he just nodded. "I do. I trust you with all I got, Darren," he whispered. "You know that's rare," he mumbled and his smile returned, tugging on his lips gently, his eyes still closed.

Darren remained silent and started to work on blinding Chris with the tie. After he knotted it at the back of Chris' head he slowly waved his hand in front of his eyes. "Can you see anything?" he asked Chris.

Shaking his head, Chris tilted his head. "No. Nothing at all...but - why are you doing this?"

"You'll see. You just have to trust me," Darren said and grabbed his post-it's now, groaning because he forgot his pen. "I'll be right back."

"I _do_ trust you...," Chris repeated and kept standing there. "Right...okay..."

As quickly as he could Darren came back with a pen, the stack still in his hands. "Alright. This is gonna take a while. I just. I need you to stay still and if you need to sit down just tell me, okay? Ehm. Chris? I'm gonna undress you now...," Darren said and sounded a bit nervous. After all, he hadn't seen Chris naked since the … incident. Well in the tub he did, but that wasn't the same.

"It's okay. I can stand...I won't break," Chris chuckled and let out a deep breath, nervousness bubbling in his chest. His eyes widened at Darren's request and he felt naked already. "W-What? But...w-why? I mean...y-you uhm...," he stuttered, not sure what to make of it and he could feel his stomach sink. "Just...okay but - like...completely - naked?" He asked, concern clinging to his voice, making it high and shaky.

"I know that. Yeah, completely naked. I won't... Chris, I won't do anything like _that_, okay? Please, just trust me."

"I do, Darren. I honestly do...I just - okay, no, that's not what I was thinking, I know you won't but - I just...I hate being vulnerable," Chris whispered and let out a deep breath. "But okay. Yes. Y-You can..."

"I know that. You're not vulnerable now. One peep and I'll be off your back, okay? I won't do anything you don't want."

"Okay, yes...," Chris nodded.

With steady and warm hands Darren starts to undress Chris, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and letting it slide from his shoulders. "You're not cold yet are you?"

"Darren...I'm fine. I promise," Chris said and shuddered lightly, not because he was cold but simply because of his nervousness.

"Okay," Darren said and went on, letting his fingers move to the button of his jeans now, fingers trembling slightly. It all felt too familiar. Too soon and too loaded.

Breathing heavily, Chris tried his best to just relax and trust Darren enough and himself too to do this. He knew Darren wouldn't try anything. That this wasn't sexual at all but yet he wondered why he was blindfolded and naked, it didn't make sense to him at all.

Slowly Darren unzipped his jeans and started to tug them down, biting his lower lip. Why hadn't he thought this through? Did he really think he was just going to stare at Chris naked and wrote everything down he loved about him without getting a reaction out of himself? He was really crazy. "Lean on me when you step out," he said, voice already reduced to a whisper.

Chris's breath hitched when Darren pulled down his jeans and he couldn't help but bite at his lip harshly. He wanted to know what was going on. Why Darren would want him to be naked but yet not touching him. He nodded and choked out a soft "Yeah...," that turned into a crooked whisper.

Darren glanced up and saw the pained look on Chris face. Worried, he grabbed his waist. "Chris, you'll understand soon enough okay? I didn't turn crazy or anything. I'm doing this for you. For us." With that he helped Chris stepping out of his jeans.

"Okay," Chris choked out, not able to say anything else at this point. He stepped out of his pants and let out a shaky breath. "I do trust you, Darren. I really do, okay?"

His hands on Chris' waist tightened at those words, letting him know he understood. After that he removed his fingers from his waist and put them on the waistband of his boxers, closing his eyes briefly, gathering the courage and strength to go through with this. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea in the end. If they were ever getting back to a stage in which they were gonna do this again, it may have helped they already went there now.

The feeling of reassurance flooded Chris's body when Darren's hands tightened on his waist, letting him know that the older man was right there with him. No judgment and it wasn't something Darren had never seen in first place but then again, it made Chris worry. This was Darren undressing him, getting him naked and just so bare, all of him. If they ever went back to that level of their relationship, he hoped that it wouldn't be this awkward. This distant but a lot more intimate. He closed his eyes tighter even though they were tied and waited for what Darren would do next.

Thinking about band-aids that needed to be ripped of in one go, Darren decided to just pull his boxers down in one go as well, careful to not hurt him in the progress. "You okay?" Darren asked and helped him to step out his last clothing article.

"Yes...just - naked," he laughed softly and reached down to cover himself a little, blushing lightly at how exposed he was like this.

"Yeah, well you _are,_" Darren said and laughed with him. "Hey, don't cover yourself. I know how you look you know? Even if I close my own eyes," Darren said, gently grabbing his hands.

Chris allowed himself to relax, letting his hands sink into Darren's, letting himself go. "I am...yes...very," he chuckled and stilled.

Taking a step back, Darren took Chris in.

God.

He was _beautiful._

Darren had always known that. He had. But he hadn't seen him like this for _him_ in so many days. Sometimes you can't really remember something because it gets better or worse in your memory? Chris definitely got worse in his memory, because his brain simply couldn't handle his beauty. Taking out his stack of post-it's he reached for his pen. Where to start?

Chris stayed perfectly still, not moving and letting his breath evening out again slowly. "Darren...?" He asked softly, confused by the sudden lack of warmth against him and the distance he could feel now.

"I'm right here," Darren said and reached out his hand to stroke his hand softly.

_Hands_

Good point to start. Grabbing Chris' hand, he sat down on the edge of the tube so he could write down while holding Chris.

Chris jumped at the sudden contact but quickly squeezed his hand in his, rubbing at the back of it softly with his thumb, his eyebrows furrowed as he waited for Darren to reveal what he was planning on doing..

'_I love your hands. How they can create things. Stories, drawings. How they can touch me, feather soft and exploring, but also gripping tightly, possessing. Holding your hand, Chris, makes me the most happy guy alive.'_

When he finished his post it, he let go of Chris' hand and put the post it on it.

A soft frown spread on Chris's face and he quirked his eyebrows. "What are you writing down...?" He asked, his voice confused and breathy.

"You'll see. You feel that?" he asked Chris and pressed the post-it harder to his skin.

"Well...yeah, I do..."

"It's a post-it. Leave it, okay?"

"Yeah...", Chris breathed. "Okay."

Smiling contently at the one on his hand he let his eyes travel further over Chris. God, he really didn't know long this was going to take. Chris just had so many things Darren loved. He took another post-it.

'_When you hold my cheek, lay your hand down on my knee/thigh or when you cup.. other things. You make me feel loved and cared for. I'll always love and care for you too.'_

"Turn your hand," he said to Chris.

Chris nodded and swallowed thickly, doing as he was told.

Pressing the little note there he moved on.

'_The crook of your elbow. You thought I was gonna forget that, didn't you. Well I don't. It fits perfectly around my waist. Brian fits right there with his head and it's his favorite place, like we all know. You see Chris? Everyone has their favorite parts of you. You just happen to have all my favorite parts.' _

Pressing this one to his elbow, he became more fluent in it.

'_Shoulders. Yours carry so much, don't they? I have no idea how you did it all. Still do. It's not fair how your voice or orientation gives you a label. You're so strong Chris. You can carry anything this world is gonna give you and I'll be right here next to you when you need me. Always.' _

'_Collarbone. God. How many hickeys have I made here? They're just so... prominent and outstanding. I really can't wait to be able to … mark you again like that. You know how much I loved it when I could do that. Letting the world know that you're mine. I hope you still are and always will be.' _

Chris was still trying so hard to figure out what Darren was doing. It was as if he was labeling him and he itched to know what exactly he was doing. He could tell that Darren was writing, hearing the scribble of a pen against the post-its and he felt like ripping off the blindfold to see. But then again, he trusted Darren. With all his heart and he wanted to let him know he meant it, so instead of doing what he wanted so desperately, he held back, breathing slowly, almost tentative.

'_Chest. I love your chest. So pale and almost hairless. You're like a greek god. This chest is carrying the most loving and caring heart I know. Beating faster when I touch you. When we're one. Hurting when we fight. I think we should agree on stopping that last one.' _

'_Nipples. You just love it when I touch these. Suck these. Bite them very softly and lick them afterwards. God. I shouldn't be writing these things when I promised you I wouldn't do anything. I just love when they're standing out and you're tied to the bed. Gonna stop now. Yup. Stop.'_

'_Stomach. I'm slightly jealous of your stomach. It's so flat and... manly. I have a belly. I know you love mine, but I absolutely adore yours. Maybe because it leads to more promising things. Maybe because you can eat literally everything, especially when it's for free, and still not get one ounce heavier or maybe because it's just another part of you and I just love every part of you anyway.'_

Shuddering softly, Chris giggled when Darren put the note to his stomach, making it clench up lightly and relax again, making him get goosebumps because the other man just knew how ticklish he was there. He straightened his body again, taking in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," Darren said and chuckled. "Last one on your stomach, promise."

'_I lied. I just saw your belly button and I just. I have to write something about it. You have no idea how much I think about pushing my tongue in it. I know it makes you squirm with giggles. But when I do it after having kissed you enough times, you moan so.. so.. low. It never fails to turn me on. Just. Alright. Next spot. Damn. Why do I keep doing this to myself? You have no idea how much you torture me right now. And it's all my own fault' _

Giggling again, Chris blindly swatted at Darren's arm, comfortable warmth spreading through his body.

"You missed by a mile, honey," he laughed and went on, not even noticing the endearment slipping out of his mouth.

Chris laughed softly but he couldn't help the small furrow of his eyebrows when Darren called him 'honey'. It was too intimate already and those endearments that the other man used to spill all the time made him freeze but he kept his face straight and smiled softly. "I'll hit you once I can see again," he joked with a light chuckle.

"I bet you will."

'_Your hip. Geez. I think this is a bit dangerous territory right now. But I'll try. Grabbing them is probably one of my favorite things as well. Controlling the way you ride me. Feeling the way you roll them against me, rubbing or thrusting. Or just holding you when you come home or are making coffee. How can hips feel so right in my hands? It's weird. But it's you. And holding you is never weird. And also. Just so you know. The way your waist curves to these hips is probably sinful. And if the world knew that I certainly would not be in that Sexiest Man List. For sure.' _

'_I also love this hip. Just so he knows and won't be jealous of your other one. I also love kissing this hip more but ssh. Don't tell the other!'_

'_Noticed the way I just skipped to your feet? Yeah. Couldn't really stop in between. Too dangerous. Your feet are big,Colfer. And you know what they say about guys with big feet right? Well. VERY true. I'm really glad I'm the only one who knows. I mean. Not the only one. But you know. Anyway. Your feet are often so painful because all of the hard work you do, that you love it when I massage __them. It makes me feel really connected and comfortable with you. Not that I have a footfetish or somehing, but.. You know. Feet are weird things and to be so open and comfortable with those around each other, makes me feel strangely happy. Although the one time you jerked me off with- Alright. STOP. Goddamnit. You make me loose every bit of selfcontrol I have! Evil!' _

'_Moving up to neck. Much safer. Or at least I hope so. Your neck has always been very tentative for me. It's so long and mostly bare. There are not many parts of you bare on normal days out of the house, Chris. We should change that. Or maybe not. I like the bare parts just for myself, tyvm. It just fits you. I can't really describe it, but I'm not really a brilliant writer as you are, so that should explain everything already. This part of you is an often marked spot as well. Especially the place where I'm gonna put the post-it now.' _

'_And this spot as well.'_

'_And this is your scar. I love your scar. Because it somehow shows that you're not completely flawless, even though my brain and heart like to think you are. It makes you human. It somehow makes you even more perfect and it's just another spot. As well.' _

'_Your chin. I have to grab it often enough when you put your head down in shame. But with all these things Chris, I want to show you... You have nothing to be ashamed of. You're amazing in every possible way. I love you in every possible way. Even when we revealed each other our deepest secrets and kinks, we felt no shame. Only trust. I want to keep it that way. I need to keep it that way. If I can't-... If I can't trust you, I' can't do anything. But I know it will be okay. It will. And until then, I'll keep moving your chin up.' _

"I feel stupid...," Chris whispered softly, trying his best to not disturb his boyfriend. He was still standing there, completely naked and this realization made him blush all over again, making his chest flush a little and his cheeks tingle with heat. He knew Darren would do something that would make him cry. He just knew that this was planned through and he felt the comfortableness spread through his body at the realization. They could fix this, couldn't they? Because after all they were still them. Not anyone else. Not some regular couple but best friends. Soulmates. Lovers and he trusted the other man with everything he got. He knew he could be no one but himself around him. Someone he rarely let out. He hated hiding, yes but he was still so used to it. To making himself small, putting himself down in order to protect himself, to stop other people from doing so. Chris was well aware of how broken he was but he was also positive, that even if he didn't want him to, Darren would fix him. He was already doing the best job at it and Chris knew that if he got another nudge, the help from an expert, that he'd be able to just be him. To be Chris. Chris who was helplessly in love with his perfect match, the love of his life. He remembered how ridiculous he found this expression before but now he understood. He knew that he wanted no one else. Needed no one else but Darren to be truly happy. He just needed his love and trust and he'd do anything to earn it again.

"You're anything but. You're helping more than you know."

'_Your cheek. Gosh. Your cheeks make me go gosh. Especially when you're blushing. In shame. Or arousal. Or when I compliment you. You've never been good at receiving compliments, have you? You should, though. You deserve every compliment there is. This Chris, is my way of complimenting you. Remember that fan that told you they were so proud of you after your movie? You cried... Chris, I'm __always__ proud of you. Everything about you, your strength, your willpower, your kindness and your humbleness makes me proudest boyfriend ever. And never stop blushing. It's cute.' _

'_This is the cheek I always peck. It has a little freckle and a mold, melt together somehow. It's __stupidly adorable and always makes you smile when I peck it. By the way. I love your freckles even though you hate them.'_

'_Your nose! The way it scrunches when you laugh without boundaries. God I just wanna take you home and make love to you forever. It also kinda makes me want to squeeze your cheeks. Because you know Chris. The way you laugh then, is a way you don't do often. I love it when you feel free enough to do that. Please know that you can always be yourself and only yourself with me. I love the real you. The Chris inside. And remember our first time scene? I nuzzled you? I never did that before. We weren't even dating but I remember so well that I thought 'Wow. If nuzzling feels like this I wonder what touching you for real makes me feel'. It made me feel young and careless again. I need you to be able to feel like that, believe it or not.'_

'_Writing about your nose made me remember the spot I always love to put my own nose in. So here it goes. You know why I always love to do that, Chris? Because this is the spot your skin smells like you and only you. And you smell divine. Addicting. If I could bottle it, I would sell it and become a millionaire.' _

'_Your cheekbones. They make you so beautiful. I don't even- I don't know. Maybe I never paid them enough attention because I was distracted by your breathtaking eyes, but now I look at them. Really look at them. They're beautiful. Absolutely making your face complete. I really have to hold myself back from kissing you there right now. Don't think this is any easier on me than it is on you honey.'_

"Are you still okay, there?" Darren asked when he saw Chris' small face getting slightly yellow of all the post-it's now. And he wasn't done yet. Not at all.

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**AN: :) Tell us what you think of it! We loved to write is, that's for sure! Darren still has a lot to say and Chris' reaction when he sees it all will come next as well. We hope you liked it!**


	16. Finishing Touch

**AN: Thank you _so _much for all your sweet reviews! And for the fanart. It's not even done yet and I already love it! Timespaceandtea. You are the**

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**best! If you also follow this story on tumblr than you'll notice this chapter missing. A bit of a misscommunication :p Enjoy the next part!**

**Chapter 16 'Finishing Touch'**

Chris nodded quickly. "Yes. I'm just - not anxious but...a little - nervous about this...I want to know what you're writing...but I also know it'll make me cry probably. And I cried way too much lately," he laughed and smiled softly.

"Don't nod too hard! They will fall off!" Darren said and pressed the one on his nose a bit harder. "I can imagine you are feeling nervous. I'm not planning on making you cry, but I think it will. But Chris... Crying isn't bad. It's healing in some way. And this is all part of the big healing us plan. Chris laughed and stilled.

"Okay. I'll be good," he chuckled and tried his best not to move his head again, giggling when Darren made sure the note would stay in place. "I know you're not...but I just - I'm so much more emotional lately. It's tiring and it's not a bad thing, no...it's just that - it makes me feel really weak, Darren. It makes me so tired...," he admitted. "but yeah, you're right. It's good. For the better even probably," he said quickly and bit at his lip.

'_Your eyes. Jesus. Sometimes I really wonder if you're 100 % human. You're just so elfish sometimes. Your pale skin. Your beautiful, amazing, stunning, little-tiny-universes-I-want-to-live-in-forever-eyes. The last few months they were so happy. So full of love and care, I often couldn't look away. I snapped at you. Told you to stop looking so sad. I understand why you did, Chris. I do. think I'm not looking very happy either these last days, but you have to understand... I didn't snap at you because you looked sad even though it's 'your fault' or anything. I snapped because I can't stand to see you sad. I want you happy. It's my goal to make you happy. Always and forever and I just... Seeing that you're not, is a stab in my heart. I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you Chris. __Everything__. I hope this is helping as well.' _

His handwriting was getting smaller and smaller, only just able to get the words on and most of the times using both sides of the paper. He hoped Chris would be able to read it. He pressed it on the tie. Jumping a little when something that soon turned out to be Darren's hand, pressed over his eyes over the tie. His lips stretched into a soft smile.

'_Your ears. It proves you're not elfish then. Shit. Ah well. You're just as good anyway. I'll be short about this. I just love the fact that no matter who wants it, you always have a hearing ear. You'll always listen. You'll never walk past a fan without smiling or greeting or whatever. You never fail to hear there's something up in my voice and make me talk about it. You always listen to me, when I talk, when I whisper, when I order or when I obey. You always do. And the way you respond when I suck and bite your lobe softly or let words ghost over your ear? Priceless and perfect. Shit. Not so short.. Sorry'._

'_God your hair. I once said that it often looks like you've just been shagged thoroughly but that doesn't do it any justice. Although it's slightly true. It's so thick and I still can't believe how many colors it has naturally. It's beautiful. You're beautiful. I love to stroke it. Pet it. Tangle my fingers in it, on the couch while watching a movie. Or in bed. I also love to wash your hair in bath. Massaging your scalp and seeing all traces of stress and work leave your face. You have no idea exactly __how__beautiful you are at those moments. You never noticed, but sometimes I cry. I wish I could take a picture at those moments, because I'm so afraid it'll be the last time I'll see __you like that. You see, Chris... You're afraid I could have better. Afraid you're never gonna be good enough for me. And I'm here. Wondering why the hell you choose me. What I have done to get someone as precious as you. As beautiful as you. Sometimes I really think you're an angel. Or maybe still an elf. Are there angelic elves? You would be one, I'm sure. I honestly don't think... there are any better ones out there than you, Chris. Not for me.'_

"Shit. It won't stick at your hair!" Darren chuckled and hoped Chris didn't hear the fact that he was crying himself. Not hard, but silent tears were running down his cheeks. "I'll just put it on your forehead."Chris laughed a little shakily at Darren's comment and grinned, a little forced now that he heard his voice again after some time. He could tell it was off, that he was emotional and probably crying. He knew the other man so well at this point, he could hear the tremor in his voice. How it would be shaky and slightly rougher.

'_Your head. Or to be more specific. Your brain. I can't believe how many things that brain can make up and probably even is making up right now. I mean. I can write parody's and songs, but you... Entire movies, stories, characters, whole new worlds, it never stops to amaze me. You never stop to amaze me. You amaze the world, Chris. Your head is strong, filled with willpower, strength, motivation, love and guts to do what you want and need. They way you stood up for yourself, stood up for all those kids... When something is in your head, you will do it. And I think it's not wrong to warn the world for you, because they're not gonna know what will continue to keep hitting them.'_

'_Your lips. I wonder if this is any less dangerous, but okay. I don't think it's a secret I love your lips. I love them on mine. I love to trace them with my fingers. I love them on my skin. My cock. My ass. Against my ear, whispering things. God. They make me crazy. They really do.'_

'_Your voice. You hate it because it made your youth a living hell. You love it because it gave you a part and started a whole new life for you. But you have a voice and you used it for the better, Chris. You saved so many lives with it... I know you hate it sometimes, but I can only love it. Because the voice of the person you love. No, the voice of your soulmate, is something that soothes every nerve, heals every wound and gets to you every time. I love to sing with you, our voices go so well together. I love to just talk with you, you know so many things, it's amazing. I love to joke around with you. Your laugh, god. I live for that laugh of yours. The one with the scrunched up nose, yes. And when your voice is just a breathless whimper or a soft and high moan, it gives me goosebumps.. It turns me on. It makes me want to be closer to you, deeper, harder, more connected. I can't wait to get there again. Soon.__'_

Taking a deep breath Darren looked at Chris. It looked slightly ridiculous, but it would serve it's purpose. Chris needed to learn how to love himself.

'_Your tongue. It can be so vicious. So witty. So eager. So enthusiastic. So long and hot. And probing. And swirling. Your tongue is one hell of a character. ;) I love to kiss you. Long and slow. Filled with romance and love. Hard and eager. Filled with desperation and passion. Feeling you suck, lick or kiss whatever part of me always make me throb and unable to hold back. You can drive me crazy with it if you wanted to. Sorry for the torture again, I'm doing it to myself as well..' _Chris' entire face was loaded with post-it's now and it made Darren chuckle.

"I'm so sorry honey. I'm getting to the end now. I promise."

Chris laughed once again. "It's okay. I just feel a little silly still but - I'm sure your plan will - help...," he choked out, slowly making up theories as to why Darren was doing all this.

'_Your back. It's so strong. I love to watch the muscles move underneath. I love how it can carelessly carry a Chewbacca backpack, but can be sweaty and arching from pleasure when you're riding me. I love to be able to see every side of you Chris. It makes me feel so special. I love how flexible you are. Not just physical, but also psychological. You're truly one of a kind.'_

'_Your ass. God. Torture. Alright I won't look too much. I know it by heart anyway. Your ass is a piece of art. Don't laugh! It's true! I love to touch it in every possible way. I'm not gonna write it down, because it would lead to trouble right now. But I do. The fact that someone else has been here, hurts, yes. I'm not gonna deny it. But I really hope this is gonna mean it will never happen again. You saw what it did to us. To you. To me. I don't ever want that again, Chris. Ever.'_

Giggling when Darren pressed another post-it to his skin, this time on his ass he blushed lightly. It was as if Darren had never touched him there, never saw him like this but yet he knew that wasn't the case. It's been so long ever since and he hated the fact that the last time he saw him naked - really and completely naked, when he was letting another man being so close to him but never closer than Darren could be. Never more connected and never better. It always felt like another first time with Darren. He knew he'd always feel the sensation, the rush of excitement and love he felt whenever he felt Darren's rough fingertips against his skin.

'_Your legs. They never stop to amaze me with their muscles, flexibility, condition... I mean. Even after hours of dancing you're still just working as hard as in your first ten minutes. Even though I'm lying dead on the ground. They're determined, just like the rest of you, to succeed in everything they do. I love how they can wrap around me. Holding me close to you. Am I the only one who wonders how our legs get so entangled at night? It's like tiny little dwarfs knot them or something! Not that I mind.'_

'_The only thing I'm not gonna write about, is your cock. Not in that way anyway. I've told you plenty times, for, during and after what I thought of it. What it made me feel. It wouldn't be smart to do that now. Don't think that I don't want to, because I do. But I think it's important to know that it's not only about sex. It may have started a bit like that, but it's not. I love you. love every bit of you. Every single piece of skin. Every single piece of imperfect Chris. I want you to, no, I __need __you to learn to do that yourself as well. I hope I gave you a good start now. The rest is up to you.'_

"I'm done now," Darren said and stepped away, admiring the fact how Chris was fully covered in post-it's now. "Are you ready? When I take it off, I need you to keep you eyes closed okay?"

Chris shuddered lightly and took in a deep breath before answering. "Okay...I will and - I'm ready I think...I hope - I mean...I think I know what you did but I'm not sure if I can actually - do this...," he whispered and bit at his lip. "But okay. I will keep them closed. Promise," he said sincerely and waited for Darren to take off the tie, letting him see again.

"Alright." Darren moved so he could untie the tie and grabbed the post it that was on it to put it on Chris' closed eye. "I'm leaving now. I'll be downstairs. I'm right there if you're done and if you're willing to talk to me or … Well whatever. Your phone is right here at the tub, so you can also text me. Just. Do what you feel like doing. I'll be off now," Darren said and stepped back.

He couldn't help it. He couldn't leave like this all meant nothing to him without doing _something_.Chris still had his eyes closed, so he wouldn't notice. Not on in quickly Darren pressed a dry kiss against Chris' unmarked shoulder before he turned and went downstairs.

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**AN: I'll give you chapter 17 quickly as well !:) Thanks again!**


	17. Realizing

**Chapter 17 'Realizing'**

A warm spark of comfort and normality shook through his body when he felt Darren's warm, dry lips on his shoulder, making his skin tingle with goosebumps. He took the post-it from his eye to open them, turning to see Darren leave, his mouth opening to say something but it was like his voice got stuck in his throat. A stuttering breath found its way out between his lips in a sigh when he turned to face himself in the mirror. His eyes flickered away and a soft blush spread on his cheeks when he saw his own naked form. Before paying attention to the post-its, Chris let his eyes skim over his body, making sure the stranger hadn't left marks on him that would remind him of what he'd done. It hurt too much and it was too soon so he'd avoided looking into the big mirror whenever he could. He looked down at the note in his hand and laughed softly when he read about how Darren thought he was elfish. He kept reading, frowning and biting his lip at what came next. Did he really look sad all the time now? It was like he didn't even realize it. As if it was all just in his head but not showing outside. He was chewing on the inside of his cheek by the end of the note and felt tears well up already at Darren's written words. How he'd make sure he'd be happy. Always. Forever. It made his heart wrench.

The younger man kept reading, laughing and giggling but there were also silent tears falling from his eyes and his body shaking. He felt the hole in his chest fill but also ache at what his boyfriend had written. Some sentences made his stomach clench and burn and some made his cheeks heat up and his chest flush.

How badly he wanted to be close to Darren again, he realized. Not to fuck or get off but to be connected again. To make love and show him that he'd be the only one who'd have him like this. That Darren would be the only man, Chris would ever moan for, beg for and asking him to do everything to him. That he trusted him enough to let him do what he did and let him be inside of him, surrounding him completely not only with his body but with his soul. He kept peeling off the notes off his skin, reading and taking the last note off his hip. Frowning at it, Chris kept reading. It explained why Darren wouldn't write anything about his cock. Nothing about the sexual side there but about how much he loved him, how it wasn't only about sex for him. Or them rather. How their connection was so much more than this.

This was when Chris couldn't take it anymore and sank down, chewing on his lower lip and crying, hot tears falling from his eyes when he realized. He knew so much better now and for the first time he truly believed Darren. He trusted him, of course he did and he knew he'd never lie to him but Chris just couldn't see what he saw in him and now that he saw his body through Darren's eyes it suddenly made sense. So much sense that it made him ache. His fingers traced over his arm, rubbing at the cool skin and he closed his eyes, still crying and his whole chest hurting. Chris wanted to love himself. He did and he knew he would need to, no matter how long it'd take but at least he knew for sure now, that Darren loved him, no matter how imperfect he was. How broken he was.

Blindly, Chris reached for his phone, not sure if he could face Darren right now or talk in fact.

_Darren...I don't even know what to say/write right now. I'm so touched...so - reassured. I just want to thank you for doing so much for me. For making me feel so loved and like it really doesn't matter to you that I'm not the perfect man I want to be for you...believe me, I'm trying to be. I want to be. I want you to have everything you need, everything you want and I'm willing to work so much harder. I'm thinking about getting help. I'm sure yours already did the biggest part but I feel like I can't do this on my own, no matter how badly I want to. I want to change for you. For the better. Like you changed me already. Believe me - before I met you I couldn't even let Ashley close enough. I couldn't let Amber befriend me because I was so scared of it all. So scared to just let go and allow myself to trust again. I broke your trust before but I never want to again. I'll do everything to make you believe me. I'll try for the rest of my life to make it up to you. I love you with all I have, Darren. With all I can give and I need you to believe me. I know it's not easy to be with me. It wasn't before but it must be unbearable for you these days...and I want to apologize. I hope you'll continue to be with me. To love me and that you can still see a future with me...because I can't see mine without you. And then again, I don't know where I'd be now if it wasn't for you. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry I don't have the courage or strength to tell you this face to face right now...I'll just - get dressed and be right downstairs to talk, okay? If you want to that is...also - that kiss felt really nice...I know you would think you were overstepping but it was fine. I just need to feel that you're not leaving yet sometimes. That this isn't lost... - yours always, C_

Darren was pacing their living room. It was maddening to know Chris was upstairs reading his things, while he was here. But he knew Chris had to do it on his own. He couldn't help him any further with this. From now on it was Chris who had to do the rest. Eventually he just sat down, not able to hold the pacing up any longer. God, every fiber in his body was screaming to him to get upstairs and to just get it over with. But that wasn't what this was about. This was about love and seeing each other through eyes with love, trust and respect. But he couldn't really help the adrenaline that was still kicking through his body after having seen Chris naked and feeling his naked skin under his lips. It felt so familiar. So good. But he knew just as Chris did, that this wasn't an option yet. He was sure he couldn't get himself so far yet either, whatever his hormones were telling him right now. There was still too much hurt and sadness lingering in his thoughts. When his phone buzzed in his pocket, he almost jumped up from the couch in shock. Reading the text he felt his eyes watering. At one hand he was glad that it had helped Chris and that it made him see he what he wanted him to see. But at the other hand, it made him realize. They still had a very long road to go. Sighing he decided to just wait for him. He did enough writing today.

Chris waited for a reply that never came but he couldn't blame Darren. Not at all. He'd done his part, he really had and now it was up to Chris. He quickly put on his clothes again, biting at his lip and moved out of the bathroom, leaving the post-its all over the floor. A pile of words that treasured the way Darren saw him and his very own piece of mind. He walked downstairs to find Darren, seeing him pace and he walked up to him slowly. "Hey...," he whispered softly and took in a shaky breath. "C-Can I...can I hug you? I just...I really could use a hug and I get it if you don't want to but...I don't know what to say. And that's always been us, right? If we don't know what to say we do...so - I'd like to...hug you to let you know," Chris whispered almost shyly, standing there completely frozen and still, looking at Darren, trying desperately to find his eyes.

Chris' soft voice shook him out his tumour and he turned around abruptly. In front of his was his boyfriend, redressed but still flushed and noticeable emotional from what he just read almost begging for a hug. Did he really think he was going to turn him down? Now? He was emotionally just as instable as Chris was. Before he knew it he had wrapped his arms around Chris, holding him like he always did, noticing how well they actually fitted and pressed his own nose into his crook.

Reacting quickly, Chris pulled Darren closer in his arms, wrapping his arms around his neck and stroked through his curls, daring to kiss his temple gently, nuzzling and breathing him in, letting out a shaky breath.

Darren froze slightly when he felt Chris' lips at his temple, he was suddenly so close and so _real_ it made his head spin. Just two days ago he couldn't stand the thought of touching him. He tried to retreat slowly, without hurting the other.

Chris could feel the other man let go slowly, still holding him gently but he could tell this was too soon. He loosened his grip and smiled a little sadly, biting his lip. "Sorry I just...I just needed that - I-I'll let go now...," he whispered and rubbed Darren's arm softly before pulling away. It was hard for him to hold back all the time. To stop himself from touching Darren and just hugging him whenever he wanted. But he knew he needed to hold back for this. For them - so they could finally start fixing this.

"Don't think it isn't hard for me as well, okay? It's.. really conflicting inside my head," Darren admitted and smiled softly, grabbing his hand in a reassuring touch.

Chris nodded and swallowed thickly. "I know that...it's for me too...reading those things...it was - rough. Because I - I just remember how close we used to be, you know? And this isn't supposed to sound like I'm blaming you. I understand. I do. Completely. But it doesn't make it less hard."

"Yeah I know. Writing some things down were... drowning me as well. Or the complete opposite," he said and laughed slightly, glancing at Chris' body, knowing all too well how it just looked, naked, under his hands.

"I miss being close," Chris admitted. "I do. And I - I know it'll take a lot. And take a while to...to go back - there...," he whispered and looked at Darren. "I love you. I really - I really love you and I want to work this out."

Darren leaned in to grab Chris' shoulder and stroke his collarbone softly. "I know. I love you too and we will work this out. I think we took a great step to that today, didn't we?" he asked and let go of him again, smiling softly.

Chris closed his eyes at the gentle touch from his boyfriend and smiles weakly. "We did. Thanks to you, we did...," he mumbled and looked at him again.

"What do you wanna do? Go to bed? Watch something? Read a book? Work? Tell me," Darren said and hoped he could get their spirits lifted again.

"I don't mind really...," Chris shrugged. "As long as I can just lie down it's okay," he chuckled softly.

"Maybe sleeping isn't such a bad idea," Darren agreed and yawned almost automatically.

Chris couldn't hold back a laugh when Darren yawned as if someone hit a button to make him. He grinned and nodded. "It sounds amazing, doesn't it?" he said and fell silent for a bit. "Look. You can have the guestroom tonight, okay?"

Darren took a deep breath, thinking that maybe another step should be made tonight. "What about our bedroom?"

"What about it, Darren...? I mean...I don't think you want to sleep there...," Chris said, lowering his head.

"We can- We can try?" Darren asked, suddenly nervous and anxious, but willing too try. He wanted to fix this, them, so badly.

"Are you really sure about this? I mean...I want to...I just - don't know if we can," Chris said softly, looking at Darren again.

"I want to. If we can't. Well. Then we can try again later, right? I just feel like after this day... I tried so hard to-," Darren started and shook his head afterwards, not able to finish his sentence. To what? To glue them back together even though they were in so many pieces it only settled a small part of them right back in place? Slowly he looked up at Chris. "Please?"

Chris decided not to ask Darren what he meant. He knew Darren wanted to take another step. He wanted to fix this just as much as Chris did and he'd let him. Of course he would. They could at least try. So he nodded. and smiled at him. "Yes. Yes, okay."

"Great," Darren replied, immediately feeling anxious and nervous about it all. "Well, I'm gonna brush my teeth then. You wanna finish this up?" he asked Chris and pointed towards the empty cups. He knew Chris liked to take care of simple stuff like that.

"Of course! Just get ready for bed. I'll be right upstairs," Chris mumbled and started putting them away.

With a nod Darren went upstairs and started to go through his nightly ritual. After twenty minutes he was done and he hated it already. Why didn't his ritual take an hour? It would give him some time to think this through. And why was he so anxious to get to the bed of him and his boyfriend for a night of sleep? There was nothing sexual about it. Nothing too much. But still. It gave him a headache to think this through so much. Sighing he just walked to the bed and settled himself down underneath the blankets, lying still and waiting impatiently.

Once Chris was done cleaning up he walked upstairs to get ready himself. He looked at the post-its that were still scattered all over the floor. A sigh escaped his lips and he changed into his sleepingclothes. He knew that sleeping in the same bed was a huge step already and god, he didn't even think about sex once. They weren't there yet. Not at all. He didn't even know if this would work at all. After another heavy sigh and a splash of water to his face, Chris walked into their bedroom, smiling at Darren softly. "Hey there...," he said and smiled wider, pulling the covers away a little so he could lay down as well. "I need a manual on this," he joked and turned his head to look at his boyfriend.

Darren chuckled. "If you find one, make sure to give me a copy." Darren felt himself relax slowly under the light joking of Chris. He smiled at him. "Good night Chris."

Chris laughed and nuzzled into the pillow, smiling back lightly. "Good night, Dare...," he whispered.

Darren closed his eyes and prayed to whoever wanted to listen that they could fall asleep peacefully and just wake up like they normally would. Minus the tangled legs.

It felt wrong like this. Nice, of course now that Darren was so close to Chris but somehow there was something missing. The warmth and the closeness. The soft whispers and tentative touches. Chris hated it but it was better than nothing he figured and allowed himself to close his eyes, trying his best to drift off.

When Darren felt sleep wouldn't come he slowly reached out his hand to find Chris' hand.

Chris felt Darren's hand search for his, lacing their fingers and squeezing softly.

"Sweet dreams-," Darren started, tightening his eyes before whispering the last part. "Honey."

"To you too...I love you...," Chris whispered back and closed his eyes shut, stroking his thumb over the back of Darren's hand.

"Love you too," Darren replied and shivered from Chris' soothing touch.

Chris nuzzled into the pillow more, letting out a small breath, opening his eyes again to watch Darren before his lids grew tired again, heavy with sleep, making him drift off for once.

Darren wished he would fall asleep as easily as Chris just did but he couldn't. He kept thinking and overanalyzing how he had found Chris and mister unknown here on their bed. Tangled in their sheets. Having sex. It didn't feel right. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to be with Chris, yes. But why did everything in this room had to remind him of the thing that went wrong between them? Sighing he opened his eyes and took in Chris' sleeping form. If he wanted to get some rest he should sleep somewhere else. Silently apologizing he untangled his fingers from Chris' and walked to their guestroom, trying to get some sleep there.

If Chris would've been conscious still he'd be wondering how he'd been able to actually fall asleep but then again, there was Darren right next to him. His deep, steady breath right their and the warmth radiating from his body as well as his scent and that was all Chris needed to fall asleep. He frowned in his sleep when Darren let go of his hand but he didn't wake up. Instead he stirred and mumbled something, turning and burying his face in the pillow, nuzzling his nose into Darren's still warm pillow where it smelled of his shampoo and cologne.

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**AN: Tell us what you think! We love your reviews! :)**


	18. Waking Up

**Chapter 18 'Waking Up'**

The warm sunlight woke him up and he felt disorientated and still dropdead tired. Why was he- Oh yeah. He remembered. Groaning he wondered how long it was gonna take before he would immediately remember it in the morning. He also remembered quite well how he begged Chris to sleep together yesterday and how he had sneaked out of their bedroom like a coward after Chris fell asleep. Great. Another day had begun.

Chris woke up when the first rays of sunlight streamed through the window and he grumbled, turning, seeking for the warm body he had fallen asleep next to the night before. He jumped when Darren wasn't there and suddenly he was wide awake. He got up and stumbled when he felt dizzy. Chris sat on the edge of the bed, burying his head in his hands. What if Darren had realized now? That being with him would never work again? He groaned in frustration and got up again, taking a hoodie from the closet to pull it over his freezing body. Tip-toing outside, Chris rubbed his eyes and walked to the guestroom. The door had been closed the night before but now it was slightly open and he could feel his heart pound in his chest when he pressed it open. "Darren...?" he asked softly.

"I'm here," Darren answered, his voice still scratchy from sleep.

"I asked you not to do this...," Chris said softly, not upset but wondering. "I thought you...you left me. Again. I just - why? Why didn't you wake me up?"

Darren sighed and looked down, suddenly feeling even guiltier than yesterday night. He did promise that and now he had made Chris freak out _again_. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I just wish I wasn't so paranoid about this...but - I just can't help it. I felt so safe with you here and...then you were gone, it's - I can't take you being gone, Darren. I don't care if you're close or not but not knowing if you're even in the same house is...it's killing me...," Chris choked out and looked at him again.

"Look it's not like I did it on purpose okay? You were asleep within seconds and I-I just couldn't. I was turning and overthinking _evertyhing_ and then I started to remember and smell things that weren't even there anymore and I just had to leave okay? I just. I couldn't stay there. I'm sorry. If you had been awake I would have told you, but you were finally getting some peaceful rest again. You really wanted me to wake you up from that?" Darren said, tone filled with frustration and some left over hurt.

"Darren I...I'm so sorry too...I just - yes, you should've woken me up to tell me this...I'm so scared, Dare...I can't even breathe when I feel like I'm losing you...," he whispered, suddenly an idea flashing through his mind that he'd try to turn into reality as soon as he could. Maybe it could be another step towards trust and new beginnings.

"What do I need to say before you believe me that I'm not leaving you?" Darren asked and frowned at him. "I had every right to leave you Chris. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" he asked, sighing and laying his head down again.

"You don't - I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. But I worry...and yes, you had every right...," Chris whispered brokenly, his stomach clenching. "I know you are...I'm sorry..."

"Stop saying sorry," Darren muttered and moved his hand so he opened up his blankets. "Come here," he muttered.

"R-Really?" Chris asked and walked towards the bed, sitting down.

"Stop wondering and just come," Darren said and nudged his side, needing him to lie down. He was fucking tired and he needed to reassure Chris _and_ have some rest.

Chris chuckled and slipped under the covers, snuggling against the pillow, his eyes closing. They were still heavy and tired and his mind just needed to shut up for once.

Darren wrapped his arm around Chris and tugged him closer. "I didn't need to get away from you but from the room okay?" he mumbled and felt his eyes close, already drifting off again.

"Okay...," Chris whispered and cuddled to Darren's chest, curling himself up against him, letting the warmth spread through his body. "I really don't like that room anymore...," he whispered softly.

"Me neither," Darren sighed and let the comforting smell of Chris and the warm feeling of him in his arms, ease him back to sleep.

"You have to work today...?" Chris asked, his voice lazy and low with sleep as he let himself melt into Darren's embrace.

"I have some gig and if I remember correctly I agreed on going out with Joey and Joe. But that's later," he said and yawned widely.

"Alright...," Chris whispered. "Go back to sleep...," he said and nuzzled into his chest again.

Darren just hummed and with that he dozed off, finally feeling like things were getting back to normal again.

Chris stirred in his sleep and subconsciously cuddled in closer, clinging to Darren's shirt and nuzzling more.

To say it was the best nap he had since three weeks wouldn't be a lie. He woke feeling more rested and full of renewed energy. First he wanted to slip out of bed and start making coffee and breakfast, but then he remembered Chris' plea with him to not leave him so he decided to stay. Breathing in his scent he tightened his arms around Chris and smiled.

Chris felt strong, warm arms wrap tighter around him and took in a deep breath, letting Darren's scent lull around him and blinked his eyes open, smiling. "Good morning...," he whispered, his voice low and thick with sleep.

"G'morning," Darren said and smiled at him. "Time to get out I'm afraid," he said and stretched himself.

Chris grumbled and nuzzled into Darren's warm body. "Yeah...I'm afraid it is...," he mumbled.

Darren thought about how it felt to have Chris this close again while he was actually feeling awake and with a sigh of relieve he noticed he didn't mind. It actually felt pretty nice again. Wrapping one arm around him he pressed a kiss to his hair.

Chris smiled weakly at the kiss to his hair and cuddled a little closer. "Tell me if this isn't okay, yes? I just...this is nice...," he said and nuzzled back into his favourite spot on Darren's chest.

"It is," he agreed and closed his eyes for just another few seconds.

"Don't fall asleep again though...you can't be late," Chris chuckled.

"Stop being so comfy then," Darren mumbled with an amused tone.

"I'm trying," Chris laughed and nudged his side, letting out a content sigh. "I'll try not to be...I'm giving myself 5 more minutes."

"I really got to go out now," Darren said and made no move at all to follow his words.

"I can feel that," Chris laughed again and wrapped his arms around him a little tighter. "No but...you probably should...I think you're a little late already."

At that Darren pushed Chris off and jumped out of bed, looking at his phone for the time.

"Shit. Shitshitshit. Damn you and your comfy arms. Not fair!" Darren groaned and started running around before he decided he should get some clean clothes and shower.

Chris sat up in the bed and chuckled. This was all ways too familiar. Darren being late because he just couldn't get over how comfortable it was to just lay with him. To hold him, kiss him, make lazy love to him. Chris frowned at the memory but smiled at Darren when he turned. "I'm sorry! But you'll be fine. You always manage to be on time somehow."

"Not thanks to you," Darren grumbled and remembered all too well how many times this particular scene has happened in the past. It usually went together with having sex, but still. "Gotta hurry, do whatever you want." With that he left and started his morning ritual.

"I told you I'm sorry," Chris grinned and let his head fall back again, letting Darren's still present scent surround him.

Working as fast as he can he showered himself, shaved, got redressed and went down for breakfast.

Chris meanwhile got himself to get up and walked downstairs before Darren could, sitting on the table with toast already set up in the toaster, waiting for Darren to finish.

"I told you to get some rest," Darren said with a thankful smile and sank down on the table, smelling the fresh coffee.

Chris shrugged. "Oh, you know...I slept better than I ever did those past days," he said and smiled back at Darren. "So I figured to safe you some time that I took from you before."

"That's sweet of you," Darren replied. "Oh and Chris?" he asked, looking down at the table.

"Hm?" Chris asked, tilting his head.

"I'm sorry for last night."

"No...no, don't be. It's okay," Chris said, shaking his head at the other man.

Darren just nodded. "So.. Any chance there is some fresh coffee here?" he asked with a grin.

"Indeed!" Chris chuckled and got up to go to the kitchen, getting the coffee and poured some for the both of them. "There you go..."

"Thanks," Darren said and grabbed his cup from Chris' uphold hand. "I don't even know what songs I'm gonna sing," he muttered and grabbed a nearby notebook and a pen, thinking about it.

"You're welcome," Chris mumbled and took a bite from his toast, looking at him, chewing. "Well...you should play the ones from your EP for sure...Teenage Dream's always beautiful too..."

Darren wrote down what Chris said and bit down at the end of his pen. "What about , no- Nevermind."

"Huh? No, tell me..."

"I did 'Your song' once...," Darren said, hoping Chris didn't think too much of it. It was one of the songs that reminded him of them.

Chris furrowed his brows. "Darren...just - do what you're comfortable with, okay? It's your show. Your music..."

Darren frowned and just wrote some stuff down before folding it and putting it in his pocket. "Right. Well, I gotta go," he said and grabbed his toast and guitar suitcase.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Chris asked, the pain suddenly stinging in his chest again at how Darren suddenly closed down again.

"I'm going out with the guys as well, so.. I'll probably be back late," Darren said and looked a bit apologetic at that.

Chris just nodded. "Okay. Have fun, okay? And - take care."

"Yeah. Will do. Text me if you need me or anything, okay?" Darren asked. Suddenly it felt a bit weird to leave the house again. He hadn't done so like this in a couple of days. They started to get back to normal, yes, but still.

"I will," Chris agreed and felt emptiness rush over him again. He knew it was Darren's job but somehow he still needed him there with him. To let him know he wouldn't leave or overthink this.

"See you tonight," Darren said and hesitated a bit before he walked up to him to give him a hug.

Chris couldn't help the relieved smile when Darren walked up to him to give him a hug goodbye. He quickly pulled him into his arms and squeezed him tightly, rubbing his back. "Yeah. See you..."

With a bit hesitance he let go of Chris, smiled one last time and went out. Off to have a day without Chris.

Chris let out a small sigh when Darren left and decided that it'd be best to just distract himself until he'd come back. He slumped down on the couch, petting Brian softly, before taking his laptop to get some writing done. At least he tried to. Lately, being focused wasn't exactly his best quality.

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**AN: Thanks again for all your replies! I'm crazy busy at the moment with my two new jobs, but I try to update as quickly as possibe, but that makes me unable to respond to your reviews. Just know that I love each and every one of them and that they make me and Jana very happy and thankful! **


	19. Breaking The Night

**Chapter 19 'Breaking The Night'**

The sky had _never_ been this dark and his legs had _never_ felt like this either. Was he really transformed to one big jelly or was it just the alcohol? It would have been cool to be a jelly though. They could shake so hard! Grinning at his own thoughts he slammed the door of the taxi close before he walked towards their front door.

Or at least.

That's what he tried. After one step he already fell down on his face and felt a branch scratch or bruise his neck. He wasn't sure what exactly happened but in the end he did it. He made it to the front door. Smiling in triumph he tried to push his key in to no avail. Wait. Did Chris change the locks? That evil bastard! Why would he do that? Groaning he just tried again and again, hoping to destroy the lock so Chris couldn't use it anymore either. He was evil anyway. God, Darren was so pissed it made him feel like his blood was boiling inside his veins. Suddenly the lock clicked and Darren fell face down into the hallway. Apparently the locks weren't changed after all.

Chris shrieked from the couch when he heard a dull sound and a groan that came from someone he knew just so well. He got up and rushed to Darren, helping him up. "Fuck! Darren, what are you doing?" He asked and patted at his jacket to get rid of the dirt on it.

"Get your hands _off_ me," Darren growled and tried to move away from him, even though Chris was the only reason he was still standing now.

"W-What? I was just - you fell and your face - god, why are you scratched?" Chris asked, concern present in his voice as he rose to his feet again.

"What's a scratch in comparison," Darren began and was immensely proud of himself for getting that word out. "To what you did to me," he hissed, eyes squinted into slits while his voice was heavy and low.

Chris shuddered and felt sickness boil in his stomach. "Darren...you're - you're drunk, please stop - and...wait - what's that on your neck?" He reached out to touch the darkening mark on his neck.

"I _said_," Darren said and backed away, stumbling. "Don't touch me!" he yelled and grabbed the doorpost to steady himself.

"I - Is that...is that a hickey - I mean - Darren? What did you do? Where were you even? You said you'd be home right away...," Chris mumbled.

Frowning at Chris he tried to figure out what he was talking about. Why was he judging him as if _he_ was the one who cheated on him? Why did he judge him? If there was one guy in this household that needed to be judged it was Chris! "I was at a bar, having fun," Darren said, putting empathize on the last word and smirked slightly, probably looking very stupid with his drunken head.

Chris froze and looked at him blankly. "Darren...what do you even think you're doing?"

"I'm.. trying to keep upright," Darren said and laughed after he said that. "God he made me drink _way _too much," Darren said and chuckled.

"Who is _he_, Darren? Who made you drink too much?" Chris was confused at this point. It didn't make sense to him at all.

Darren frowned again and wondered why Chris was being so demanding and itchy. It annoyed him. He just had wanted to have little fun. He just wanted to get slightly tipsy so he could forget everything. If only for a little while.

"Someone," he just replied and tried to walk, so he could move past Chris.

"At least tell me now. You nearly broke our door, Darren. And you just accused me again - so...just say it."

"Say what?" Darren asked and rolled his eyes, pushing Chris away.

"Who the guy was who got you drunk?" Chris huffed and grabbed Darren's arm. "Stop shoving me! I'm asking you something."

"Stop acting like you-like you own me!" Darren said with a growl and pushed Chris hard this time, finally able to move past him and he clumsily made his way to the couch, shouting in victory when he did.

"I don't! And jesus, stop fucking pushing me!" Chris yelled, high-pitched and his eyes wide with horror.

"You're in the way!" Darren replied with a frown. "And you talk loudly," he grumbled, sinking down on the couch and humming happily.

Chris shook his head at Darren's behaviour. He was clearly taking it out on him again and Chris didn't know what hurt more. The fact that he wouldn't talk to him or the fact that Darren felt the need to push him away. He held his hands up in defense and walked off to the kitchen.

Suddenly a very loud sound shook Darren awake from his slumber and he groaned before he picked up his phone. "Hello? Yes.. Fuck, yeah," he said and chuckled slightly. "I did too, hmhm," he said and slang his arm over his eyes. "We should yeah. I'd love too... Fine. Yeah. Alright, I'll call you." Putting his phone into his pocket again he smiled happily.

He hadn't meant to listen, Chris never did when Darren was on the phone but this sure didn't sound like a business call. He hated that he was like this, feeling like this but he was getting mad at this point. Chris walked into the living room again, looking at Darren with cold eyes. "You fucking _owe _me, Darren. After this you need to tell me who the fuck it was!" he spat.

Softly cursing for another sound waking him up he looked at Chris with irritation. "I don't own you anything, Chris. Who the fuck are you even talking about?"

"You owe me an explanation here...," Chris mumbled, his voice weak. He was so tired of fighting.

"About _what_?" Darren asked in return, not getting what Chris was being so stupid about.

"That phonecall! What was that?"

Did Chris take drugs? Maybe he had. Darren decided to give him an answer anyway. "That was a phonecall," he said, trying to make his words sound obvious.

Chris just shook his head with a frustrated huff and walked off again, rubbing his temples.

Finally hearing the silence Darren hummed happily. Sleep. Sleep sounded good.

After some minutes and a few moments of calming down, Chris decided to try again. He walked up to Darren's sleeping form, reaching out to shake him awake when suddenly a weird scent hit him. It wasn't alcohol and it wasn't sweat and it just wasn't Darren. It was cologne. Not the one Darren used. It was more musky, not as sweet and all the colour faded from Chris's face. He turned on his heels and walked upstairs, slamming the door shut to wake Darren up one more time before sitting on the bed, shaking his head. "I can't believe it...," he whispered under his breath and let his body sink back, trying to rest but instead he was wide awake all night.

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**AN: Oh oh. What do you think happened? Nothing? Everything? What's gonna happen next? You'll find out soon!**

**Also we have almost finished this story now... I mean. Not in here yet, but in writing. It's probably gonna be around 30 chapter so you'll have a _lot_ of fluff and angst and ofcourse smut left before you're going to be rid of us :) Let us know what you think!**


	20. Confronting'

**Chapter 20 'Confronting'**

After a peaceful night of sleep Darren woke up with a hangover he hadn't had in a _very_ long time. Groaning softly he tried to sit up, holding his head between his hands. Jesus, what had he done yesterday? Thinking back he kinda remembered his gig and going to a bar with one of the scouts there before he got a few drinks. That's all he remembered. Very tentatively he stood up from the couch and tried to walk to the kitchen. With every step he could feel his head pound and he never wanted coffee more than this very moment. Slowly, but steadily he began to make the coffee and collapsed on a chair after he was done, still groaning softly with his head in his hands. He needed some aspirin.

Chris had finally managed to fall asleep from exhaustion when he jumped in the mattress, groaning and turning when the smell of coffee hit his nose. He remembered the night before and he really thought about just never going downstairs again. But then again, that didn't seem like a good idea so he got up and walked downstairs. "Morning," he said coldly and sat on the couch.

"Chris! Good. You're here.. Can you grab me some aspirin?" Darren asked, happy about the prospect to not go upstairs.

"Will you tell me who you were with last night if I do?" Chris asked, rolling his eyes.

"Last night?" Darren asked and closed his eyes, trying desperately to get it back and wondered why Chris was being so cold. "I only remember this guy from the gig. What got you all worked up?" Darren asked and frowned.

"You got this phone call yesterday...you have this - hickey or - bruise on your neck or whatever and - god, you get so mean when you're drunk...you have no filter and you were pushing me away and got mad. But - that phone call...it was like you were fucking talking to some one night stand."

His hand immediately reached up to his neck, feeling if he could feel the bruise. He couldn't. He also couldn't remember that he had another fight with Chris again. But this was fucking ridiculous. "One night stand? Really? Jesus, that's low, Chris."

"I just told you what I heard! What was I supposed to think? You came here and accused me again of - of what I did and I _know_ what happened, Darren as much as I wish it didn't. I can't help it now. You don't have to constantly remind me!" Chris spat.

A sigh escaped Darren's lips. "I know that. I'm working on it, am I not? But apparently I was_ very_ drunk last night, so you can't actually blame me for being a hurt drunk guy."

"But you hurt me, Darren. Do you even know how painful last night was for me? I slept one hour. I can't take this - just...drunk people often say the truth or what they really feel...there you have it."

"You're not really royal either so that's utter crap. Nevermind, I'll get the aspirin myself," Darren muttered and stood up, wincing at his aching head but he managed to walk upstairs.

"I just want this to stop. I know that I'm not but I just don't want you to tell me all the time. I hate it. I really just want to work on this so stop bringing it up all the time!" Chris grumbled and rubbed his temples.

On the stairs Darren could hear Chris muttering, but he wasn't really listening. His headache was so bad that every sound, felt like it was splitting his head in two. Grabbing the whole box of aspirin in the bathroom he swallowed three of them before he slumped down on the guestbed, smelling Chris' scent. It was only yesterday that they had lied here together, peacefully and sort of normal. Why did he go out yesterday and got drunk? Apparently he had done something really bad, if he had to believe Chris' weird accusations.

"You found your pills?" Chris yelled and kept rubbing his temples as if he wanted to massage the forming headache right out. "Once they work...we need to talk, okay? I - I just want to know."

Closing his eyes with a wince he wondered why Chris thought yelling would be a great idea. "Fine," Darren yelled back and winced again, falling back on the bed with a sigh.

A sigh fell from Chris's lips and he sank down on the couch, rubbing his tired eyes. He'd been lying awake all night, trying to figure out what this had meant. Why Darren felt the need to go out to get drunk and not remember anything now. They'd been fine, hadn't they? At least for now they'd been.

After half an hour the headache was less worse than before and Darren decided to go down. He probably owed Chris an explanation even though he didn't really have on, considering the fact he didn't remember a thing.

"Are you better?" Chris asked sleepily when Darren finally came downstairs. He hadn't moved or slept, he'd just thought about it all and now his head was hurting like hell but it didn't matter. Not now.

Darren frowned and looked at Chris. "Sort of, you look like hell though," he said with a worried tone.

"I didn't sleep last night...," Chris said dryly and frowned. "Maybe an hour...," he mumbled and rubbed his eyes again, trying to wake up.

Feeling guilt rise in his chest Darren walked upstairs again, quickly, to return with the aspirins and gave them to Chris. "I'll make you some coffee and grab you a glass of water," he said and walked towards the kitchen.

"Thank you," Chris said and watched Darren, shaking his head to himself. Why was he being so nice and caring all of the sudden? The night before he'd screamed at him. Accused him and pushed him. Hard. In fact, Chris felt a little sick at the memory and swallowed thickly, burying his head in his hands.

Walking back with a glass of water and coffee in the make, he took in Chris' form. He really looked bad. Shit. What _had _happened yesterday? "Here you go," he said softly and looked at the couch with a hesitant smile. "Can I-can I sit down?"

"Gosh, don't ask me that. Just sit," Chris smiled weakly and shook his head, taking the glass from him. "Thanks, Darren," he said and quickly popped the Aspirin, drinking slowly, groaning at the headache. "Crap..."

"I'm sorry you didn't sleep well," Darren said softly and sat down next to him. "Was it- Did I do something?" he asked.

"Y-You were so upset yesterday, are you sure you don't remember a thing?"

Looking genuinely apologetic Darren shook his head. "I wouldn't keep you so in the dark if I did," he replied.

Chris frowned. "God, don't look at me like that...," he whispered under his breath and frowned. "You were yelling and pushing me and - you told me you met some guy who got you drunk and you fucking smelled like another man, Darren. And you got this - this phone call and you told the person how much you enjoyed it and...wh-what was I supposed to think? That this wasn't some kind of payback...? I - I thought we were getting better..."

"We were," Darren replied with a frown and shook his head. "Jesus. I- Chris, I really didn't. I mean." Shit. What if he _had_? He called him? He smelled like him? Why didn't he remember a thing? Closing his eyes really hard he tried desperately to recollect the night. Suddenly a flash came in front of his eyes.

'_Take another one! It's on me. You were great out there, Darren. I really want you on my place as well,' Nick, the guy from the gig, said and smiled at him genuinely. _

'_I should really get home though,' Darren replied even though the glass was already in his hands. Oh what the hell. What should one glass matter? He was having fun. He had a very nice gig, this scout found him and wanted him for his own shows as well, meaning he could sing his songs at dinner shows before they started. He had always loved them, interacting with the people but also able to just _be_ the music and act and sing it out without anyone interrupting. _

'_So, this is my card, you should take it. I'll call you later when you've thought about it, okay?' _

_Darren smiled. 'Sure!' Wait. Did he already finish his beer? When did that happen? Suddenly a whiskey stood in front of him. _

'_Take it. I'll call you a cab later,' Nick said and winked, toasting his own glass against his. 'On your succes, buddy!'_

"Do you...do you remember now? Please tell me you do...," Chris whispered brokenly and bit his lip.

Darren glanced sideways and nodded. "Not everything, but I think it's enough?" He turned towards Chris and shook his head a little, trying to get rid of the images floating in front of his mind. "So, I had this gig. A guy was there, a scout, and he came to me afterwards. He told me he really loved my performance and wanted to talk with me about doing it at his shows. He has dinner shows and he wants me to start them, you know? Like background music before the heavy stuff comes out. I actually really liked the idea so I went with to this club and we talked about it over a beer. When we agreed he eh. He didn't really stop giving me drinks I guess?" Darren said, sounding sorry and confused.

"Did he touch you?" Chris asked calmly, his voice nearly emotionless. "I mean - why in hell would he get you so drunk? You were freaking wasted, Darren..."

Widening his eyes at Chris he shook his head. "No! No, he really didn't. He wasn't gay either. Chris, don't- I mean. Yeah I was wasted, but you know just as well as I do that I don't need much for that," he said, chuckling slightly. "Maybe he's used to artists who are very used to alcohol?" he suggested and shrugged.

Chris frowned more but nodded softly. "I see...but - what you said yesterday...I just - I know you were drunk but drunks tell the truth, right? And - I could feel how much you loathe me sometimes, Darren. You shoved me. And I told you to stop but you just kept yelling at me and reminding me of - of what I did and...," he paused, taking in a deep breath, his chest aching.

"Chris, I-" Darren stopped talking and frowned. He didn't know what he said, but he could think of things. He didn't loathe Chris. He just. He was still hurt. Even though he tried to ignore it and focus on his love for Chris, he sometimes couldn't. He sometimes slipped and it wasn't fair. Not to Chris and not to him. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"I just don't know if I can take it, Darren...the guilt is bad enough as it is. So is the regret and - you keep reminding me, even if you don't want to and you don't notice. I see it in the way you look at me and when you touch me...I just _know_," he whispered and bit his lip.

Darren felt his eyes water at Chris' words, shaking his head while he grabbed Chris' hands. "I _don't_ loathe you. I don't! I swear. I just- God Chris. I'm hurt, yes. I'm angry, yes. But I don't want to be! I want to be me! I want to be just in love with you and nothing else. I try too! I really do! I try to focus on my love for you, which isn't hard, because it's pretty big inside, but... Sometimes it just. It just hits me in the face because you look sad. Or because we don't _really_ touch. Or because I can still-... still see you with him in front of my eyes when I close them and it fucking _aches_! And I'm _sorry_, but I can't pretend to not be angry or hurt at those moments..."

At that Chris started to cry. Once again. Tears were falling from his aching eyes and he curled up on the couch, shaking his head. "I-I - god, I just want to fucking go back in time. I hate this. I hate you hurting and I hate how much it hurts me too. I want us to be us again so bad but right now it just seems so hopeless...I just - I hate myself enough but I can't take you disapproving of me. I know you try your best to hide it. To cover it but I know when you're thinking about it. I can see it in the way your eyes go all cold and I just - I can't take it. I can't see you like this I just...I can't..."

Bright, tearful eyes, filled with fear looked at Chris. "Wh-What are you trying to say?"

"You say it hurts you to see me like that?" Chris whispered.

"Yeah," Darren replied and held his breath.

"Well...m-maybe...," Chris trailed off, sighing and taking another deep breath.

"No," Darren interrupted him, shaking his head. "We're not gonna- I'm not gonna let you- Jesus, Chris!" Darren yelled and stood up, looking at him with wide eyes. "We survived three fucking days after all that fucking," he stopped and just shook his head. "And now suddenly you wanna break up?"

"No! No!" Chris yelled. "No, I just - maybe we do need a break you know? To - to heal. So we don't - don't get reminded all the time, you know?" Chris was whispering at that point. "I'm not letting you go. I still believe in us but I don't want you to - to constantly feel miserable because of me or because you see my face...so I figured, what if you wouldn't for a while?"

Darren didn't reply, just stared at Chris like he had grown three heads. The only word that was repeating in his mind was 'break'.

_We need a break._

"God...please...say something?"

"You're asking me if we should break up," Darren repeated again and hated how weak his own voice sounded.

"No...that's not what I mean -," Chris whimpered and shook his head. "I'm just suggesting that - maybe we should just really take a break...I don't want to break up...I don't want you to leave me forever..."

Turning around Darren walked towards their garden and leaned his head against the cool window, feeling his headache returning with full force.

"Darren...I just want to make this easier for - for you and for me too...I didn't mean to hurt you...not again. I just - "

"Are you- Chris, I didn't cheat on you if that is what's this about" Darren said and glanced over his shoulder, needing him to believe him.

"Darren...I - no, it's not about that. It's about hurt and trust that we both apparently don't have right now. Like I said...it - I don't want it to be for long but...maybe - distance is in fact what we need right now?"

"Chris, we were _fine_ this morning. Even yesterday! I thought my whole- You know. That it helped! Why are you suddenly turning me away again? How can _you _being _away_ from me, be _good _for me?" he almost yelled, mostly in frustration and hurt.

"Because I see how much it hurts you and it breaks me. What you did was absolutely perfect and it did help but it was all about me. This is about you. For you to - to get a break from all of this. I don't want you to see the bed. I don't want you to see me cry or sleepwalk or anything like that...I want you to be safe and protected...and maybe we should just take a week or maybe two to...to just - be for ourselves...," Chris whispered. His voice breaking and hoarse, weak and he hated it.

Darren could feel everything in his body protesting. "I can't let you be here alone," Darren stated.

"Why not?" Chris asked softly.

A silence fell in the room before Darren's emotionless voice drifted over.

"Because we both know what happened the last time I did that."


	21. Breaking Up

**Chapter 21 'Breaking Up'**

"Y-You...god, do you even listen to yourself? That's e-exactly why...god...," Chris felt his stomach clench and pressed his hands into it, shaking his head.

Darren knew, deep down, that it was probably for the best to take break. They needed some time apart to calm down. Making an attempt to process everything that had happened. But God, he couldn't. He was too afraid that if he would let go of Chris now, he would loose him forever.

"Why are you being - being so cold and rude to me all of the sudden - I -I was trying to make this okay...I don't want us to separate but...I was just suggesting - this...not so I can get another guy to fuck me, do you really think I'm that kind of a whore?"

A shiver ran down Darren's back at the thought alone. Turning around he looked at Chris, not believing what he just asked him. "A whore? Really, Chris? I'm begging you to stay here, with me, and you're asking me if I actually think you're a whore?"

"Because you just assume I'd do it again? Am I not suffering enough right now? I-I would never do that again. Hell, I'd make it unhappen if I could and you just - you just keep telling me that and - you still don't trust me one bit, do you?" Chris asked helplessly.

"Chris, I don't want you to suffer. I don't want you to hate yourself either. But you do, somehow. Sometimes. You- I sometimes just don't understand how your head works," Darren said and shook his head. "You said being cheated on was the worst thing that has ever happened in your life. You said you couldn't believe how someone could do that to his supposed love one. You said you wouldn't _ever_ even _think_ of doing something like that.. But it still happened. You still thought that it would be your best option. Believe me whey I say that I _want_ to trust you, but I doubt sometimes if I should."

Chris felt his stomach give another painful clench before it wandered up to his chest. Did Darren really think like that? That he couldn't control what he was doing? "Darren...I told you why I did it...I didn't do it because I wanted to _fuck_. And - do you even know how bad _that_ just hurt? Y-You really think you shouldn't trust me because I could do it again? Being cheated on was the worst thing...but he did it because he wanted to. He wanted to have sex with that guy and he didn't love me like I love you. He didn't love me at all. He was with me because he wanted to get famous, Darren...it's not the same."

"Doesn't that actually make it worse? Chris I know you didn't do it because of that. I know _why_. It doesn't mean I can understand or forget it."

"I don't expect you to! I don't understand it myself but - it happened, okay? It won't happen again. I saw what damage it causes and you really think - I-I'd dare to destroy this completely?"

A heavy silence fell, Darren didn't dare to break it. He didn't know what to say. In his right mind Chris would never destroy this. Them. But what if he got depressed about himself again? What if he started to doubt his love for Chris again?

"What are you thinking about now? About me getting it on with another ten guys?" Chris huffed and turned away. He was hurt. Yes. And he knew he should just shut up but the thought of Darren actually thinking that it even _could_ happen again was enough to make his body ache.

"Chris," Darren sighed. "Listen. I know you. You would never destroy us. Never. Not in your right mind, at least. But- But in your right mind you also wouldn't... cheat on me. I just- I'm afraid that if I'm gone you're gonna doubt me again. Doubt my love for you."

"Y-You did enough to prove me, okay? You didn't leave. That told me all I need to know...stop - stop acting like I'm insane, please? This...this is making it so much harder," Chris mumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose, the headache coming back.

"I know you're not insane. Stop putting words in my mouth, please," Darren sighed and gave Chris a pleading look.

"You're putting actions on me, Darren. Same thing..."

Groaning Darren sank down on the floor and let his head hang between his legs. "Promise me," he said.

"Promise you what?" Chris turned his head to look at Darren with tearfilled eyes, blinking rapidly.

"I won't have to be afraid of that."

"I promise, Darren. I won't do it again. Not when you're gone. I won't doubt you...just - please...please stop thinking of me like that..."

"Alright," he said with a sigh and stood up. His eyes couldn't really meet Chris' eyes, but he knew this had to happen. "I-I guess I should just pack then."

Chris froze. "Y-Yeah...I- Darren...it won't be forever, but see? This - this isn't working right now. Not like this. I-I just...I need to just work or actually do something before I go crazy. I...I can't take it to know you think like that and that you're hurting so bad...I just - can't..."

"I know," Darren only said and walked past Chris, taking the stairs and moving to their bedroom, hating how it automatically made him even more upset.

Sinking back against the couch, Chris wasn't able to hold back his tears at all. He hated that he had to do this. That Darren didn't see why a break would be the best at this point and he hated how he didn't trust him at all.

Darren tried, he really did, but he spend a long time in their bedroom gathering his stuff and he couldn't really help it. He didn't even have to look at the bed. Even with his eyes closed he could still see everything happening in front of him. A strange naked thrusting body on _their_ bed. Fucking _his_ boyfriend in _their_ bedroom. With tears of frustration and hurt Darren gathered his stuff, not even looking what he was grabbing, just trying to get everything so he could get away from this. From here.

Chris could tell Darren was working himself up again. He took long. Too long and he frowned at what was possibly going through Darren's mind at that point. A shudder spread through his body and he pulled his legs up to his chest, biting his lip so hard he drew blood. He dragged his hand through his hair and just waited for the other man to return.

His bag stuffed, Darren walked out of the room, not even glancing at anything. He had seen enough. When he was downstairs he put down his suitcase and grabbed his coat, trying to tone down his trembling fingers and the bile that was rising in his throat. Now was not a time to break down.

Chris frowned when Darren was back down again. "I-I'll - okay...I have no idea how this works...will you - call me? Or do I - contact you again? I mean...," he shifted helplessly and looked at Darren's trembling form.

Darren looked up at Chris, already feeling so many emotions running through him, that the only thing that prevented him from a breakdown was snapping at Chris. "I don't know. This was your idea, Chris."

"S-Stop snapping at me, please...I promise, this is for the better. You'll agree after a few days...I-I'll contact you, okay?" Chris whispered brokenly, not able to keep his voice from shaking.

The wetness in Chris' eyes and his broken voice were too much. Feeling his knees wobble, Darren turned towards Chris and looked at him, hopeless and scared. "I don't wanna go," he whispered while he felt tears running down his cheeks.

Chris choked when Darren said he didn't want to leave, tears were running over his cheeks and he shook his head. "D-Don't...god, please, Darren...this - this just makes it so much harder...I-I mean...this isn't the end, Darren. It's not...I'll call. I'll text...it won't be forever...," he whispered. Not sure what he was supposed to do because the way Darren looked at him, with wide, terrified eyes and his quivering voice just broke him and made his chest ache as if thousands of needles were pushing into it.

Feeling his lower lip tremble, Darren shook his head softly. "Then why does it feel like it?" he asked while his arms hang next to his body in an useless way and while he could feel the tears dripping to his collarbone now.

"Da-Darren...no, no, it's not the end. I promise you - it's not. I'm not - I can't end this. I don't want to...it's only time," Chris whispered helplessly and let out a shaky breath.

"What if it's not?" Darren asked, voice breaking and his eyes leaking even more tears. "What if time isn't enough? What if in the end... you _will_ end this? Or maybe I?"

A heavy sob shook through Chris's body and he shook his head. "I-I sure won't. It's...we'll fix this. You promised...you fucking promised, Darren...and I'm trying so hard, why can't you see that?" he asked.

Darren looked at Chris and wondered where he went wrong. Where they went wrong. He could see Chris was trying and as far as he knew he wasn't telling Chris he wasn't. But it was like they weren't in the same line anymore. Like their communication went on in two different languages. "I promised I wouldn't leave. I did. But you're making me leave now, Chris. I'm just-," he couldn't go on anymore, heavy sobs shaking his body before he couldn't hold himself upright anymore and he collapsed on the stairs.

"I-I'm not making you...I'm - letting you - I just...I - I want you to be okay. I want us to be okay and I - it breaks me too to see you like this. You used to be so happy. So - giddy all the time and this just isn't you and knowing that I'm the one who made you like - this...I can't handle it," Chris whispered and he wanted to run over to Darren, hold him and kiss him and tell him he was sorry and he wanted him to stay but he couldn't. He couldn't make this even harder for the both of them.

How could Chris not understand that he also couldn't be happy without him? Yes, these last three days had been difficult and emotional, but they would be alright in the end, right? Weren't they always? Why did Chris thought that breaking apart would make it better? How the hell was Chris going to be with him not around to hold him together and caring for him? One look at Chris let him know that this wasn't up for discussion. Darren had to go. Gathering all his courage, he had little of left and his willpower, which was none-existent, Darren stood up and grabbed his bag. Hunching it over his shoulder he took a few unstable steps towards the door and opened it.

"W-We'll be fine...we will...we just - time - we need time," Chris whispered and wiped away some tears. "Just...just re-remember that I love you. I never stopped loving you and I'm not planning on it...I hope - I hope you won't stop either...," Chris said, his voice quivering and shaking, his body aching .

Hearing Chris say those three words made Darren stop in his tracks, every fiber and cell in his body screaming at him to stay. To stay with Chris and just forget everything and start over. But he knew they couldn't. It wasn't a possibility for them. Not now. Standing in the open doorway, Darren looked back at Chris. "You know how I feel. It'll never change." With those words he walked outside, his legs surprisingly doing what his mind told them to do even though his heart was trying to beat out of his chest, needing him to go back.

Chris rose up as if he was in some weird kind of trance. He walked without meaning to, speeding and following Darren, not sure what he wanted now but he stood in the door, walking out as if to walk with Darren. His heart ached and felt like it was going to sink and sink until it was out of his body. He called his name and stilled in silence, looking at him with watering eyes and a broken expression on his face. His body felt like giving up but he tried his best to stand upright, watching the man he loved walk away.

Hearing his name called in the voice he loved so much, Darren looked up from his car door. Their eyes met. Their faces mirroring each others, falling tears with broken grimaces. A spark of hope but barely there. Both probably almost collapsing to the ground, already feeling the pull towards each other again. They couldn't live without each other. Darren sometimes wondered if he could actually die if he wouldn't be close enough to Chris. Giving one small nod, Darren stepped inside his car and closed his door.

It felt like a part of him was ripped out off his body. Chris shivered and sank to the ground, sitting on the cold concrete and rubbed his aching eyes. He never believed in soulmates but ever since he'd met Darren he did. He believed in the deep connection and the way they were so dependant on each other. It was like Darren took a part of him with him. An important one too because Chris's body hurt even worse now and he couldn't help but cry more, hoping Darren wouldn't think things over and decide that leaving him maybe would be the best decision after all.

Driving away from their home felt wrong. Seeing Chris break down in his rearview mirror made him hit the brake. How was he supposed to leave when he knew this was how he would leave Chris behind? Grabbing his phone from his pocket he opened one new text.

_I'll always find my way back to you _

_I love you._

Chris didn't know what else to text back. He needed Darren to always remember those three words. The words that he meant with everything he had and that would never be lies to Chris. And he had to admit that Darren's reassurance made his heart a little lighter.

Darren just parked his car, not able to drive while his vision was blurry with tears. Creating a new text message he decided to wait until he had a reply.

_Joey, I need you. Save me a pillow -D_


	22. Being Apart

**Chapter 22 'Being Apart'**

Chris made his way back into the house way after Darren's car was gone. He was still a little unstable on his legs and collapsed on the couch, glad when Brian nudged against his arm, placing himself on his lap, causing a small smile to tug on his lips. He stroked through his warm, soft fur and felt him purr, giving him at least a little comfort for now. His eyes trailed to the script that was still on the table and he frowned. He would need to give it to Darren somehow. It was late and Chris was tired because of all the crying and yelling and he was practically living off one hour of sleep still. He pushed Brian off gently, petting his head when he complained and got up take the script from the table, pulling on his coat and walked over to his car. He knew Darren probably went back to Joey's place. Where else was he supposed to go? When he started driving he tried his best to not cry again. He felt sick when he pulled into the street of Joey's house and parked the car, getting out and walked to the front door, biting his lip hard as he rang the doorbell. He must've looked like hell.

Joey walked towards his front door and looked through the peephole, silently cursing whoever rang his bell. Darren just fell asleep after crying his eyes out in front of him. Joey didn't hear the whole story, but he knew enough. Chris had cheated on Darren and Darren, being as he was, tried to forgive Chris and go on with him, but it just hurt too much. Seeing Chris standing in front of the door, he frowned. What the hell was he doing here? Already begging for him to come back? Being determined Joey decided to not letting that happen. Darren needed to heal. And he couldn't heal with Chris nearby. With that thought he opened the door.

"Hey. I'm really sorry I'm intruding now but - he...wait - Darren is here, right?" Chris asked carefully, looking at Joey with hopeful eyes.

"He is, yes," Joey replied and took in Chris' form. God, he looked terrible. Probably just as bad as Darren had looked when he was on his doorstep.

"Okay...is he - how is he?" He asked, knowing that question was pointless so he quickly shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Sorry...sorry, just - he forgot his script...we - we shoot tomorrow so he probably should at least read over it d-during breakfast...,"

"He's great, we're actually playing video games right now. And he's probably winning," Joey muttered, just because he felt that as a friend of Darren he had to protect him somehow. "Yes, Glee is really his priority number one now, Chris. Thank you. Just- Just give it to me," he said annoyed and grabbed the script out of his hands.

Chris froze when Joey told him those things and shook his head. "I see uhm... - yeah...," Chris handed him the script and shuddered when Joey grabbed it right away, biting his lip and holding back some tears. "I-I'm sorry. I have to go...uhm - bye...," he muttered under his breath and turned to hurry back to his car, hating how he felt like some piece of garbage at this point.

"Chris," Joey yelled when he saw Chris walking away.

Chris hesitated and turned around, looking at Joey.

"If Darren doesn't come to work tomorrow, make up a reason for it. He's sick or whatever. Okay?" Joey demanded. He felt like it was Chris' fault that Darren was so miserable and out of it, so he should be the one making up for it.

"Of course...I really, really hope he will be fine though - just...tell me - he's not really playing games with you, is he?" Chris asked softly and looked back at the other man again.

Joey looked back at him and waved. "Bye Chris!" and with that he shut the door. Darren was going to hate him if he ever found out, but someone was supposed to take care of Darren now. And considering the fact that Chris sure as hell wasn't doing so, Joey took the part willingly.

A shaky sigh fell from Chris's lips and he felt tears of frustration well up in his eyes. Sure, he didn't deserve any better. He didn't deserve mercy from his lover's best friend but it still hurt to be treated like this. He rubbed his eyes and walked back to his car to just sit for a moment, letting it all sink in.

When Darren woke up he felt like he got hit by a brick wall multiple times. Why was his head hurting so much and why were his eyes itching and prickling? Rubbing them he tried to remember what happened. One glance at his surrounding made him realize. He was with Joey. They broke up, at least for a while. He wasn't with Chris anymore. With a groan he sank down on the bed, wishing he had never woke up at all.

Chris felt like hell once he laid down. He was tired but not able to sleep. His head was aching and his stomach too, he was sure he'd never felt this terrible in his whole life. A groan escaped his lips when he turned on his pillow once again, shaking his head. This wasn't happening. Darren would come up any second and cuddle up next to him...,right? But no. This wasn't some dream or Hollywood movie. This was reality and Chris soon had too feel the whole cruelness of it all. He woke up after three hours of rolling around, dreaming and sweating, drenched and exhausted but early enough to make sure he'd be able to get to set on time.

"Goodmorning sunshine," Joey greeted when he walked into the guestroom Darren was currently sleeping in. Darren just groaned in reply and pulled a pillow over his head. "Go away," he muttered into it. "I'd love to, but someone's gonna have to go to work today," Joey said to Darren and sounded way too cheery for his own good. "Well someone can go and screw themselves," came the irritated reply which made Joey chuckle. "I've got your script here, Dare. Maybe you wanna read it?" Darren gestured with his hand in reply to the nightstand. "Just leave i-Wait. How did you get my script?" he asked, frowning at his best friend. Joey grinned widely, trying to look as innocent as possible. "A postpigeon brought it to me," he said in all seriousness. "Joey..." "Fine. Chris brought it." Darren's eyes widened at the mention of his name. "Chris? Chris was here? He came here? Why didn't you wake me up, you fucking idiot!" Darren exclaimed with anger. "Listen," Joey replied, sounding more serious now without his usual grin. "You guys decided to take a break. If you need that, stop seeing each other all together. Otherwise it's not gonna work." Darren paled at that. Not seeing Chris at _all? _"But- I need to go to work," Darren stated and looked at Joey, hoping he would agree with that. "I agreed with Chris he'll cover for you." And with that it was decided. Darren would stay home with Joey and not see Chris. At all.

Chris felt like dying when he got up for his morning shower and had to steady himself on the tiles so he wouldn't collapse. He knew he should call in sick but he couldn't do that. He knew that if Darren was there it would look terrible if he didn't. So he showered quickly, getting out and decided to skip the coffee this time. It was too painful to set it up, knowing that usually he'd have to fill two mugs and would look into Darren's happy, grinning face once he poured it. He hated how it affected him and that the emptiness was so much more present now. It hurt and it was his fault and his fault only. He hurried and got into his car to drive to the set. A frown plastered on his face when he didn't see Darren's car this time. The parking spot was untouched. Empty and so was this piece in his heart that wouldn't stop aching for someone. Someone who'd made him feel loved for the very first time in his whole life. "Lea!" Chris called once he saw the young woman get out of her car along with Cory, smiling when she urged him to go on without her. "Jesus, Chris! Darling, you look like hell!" she exclaimed and Chris nodded, rubbing his eyes. "I know...I didn't sleep," he mumbled and Lea reached out to rub his arm. "Listen Mister. You go sit in your car right now. I'm driving you home because you are not capable of driving right now and I'll get a cab back here, you hear me? I'll tell Ryan...Darren isn't here anyways...he called in sick today...," she whispered and hugged him gently, rubbing his back. "I don't know what happened between you two...but I hope you'll fix it soon. You guys are my happy place," she giggled and kissed his cheek, urging him to his car. "Thank you...I'm sure we'll - we'll be fine eventually...maybe...one day," Chris mumbled and Lea frowned, deciding to not ask any further, no matter how nosy she normally was. They drove home in silence and Lea walked Chris back to his door, hugging him once again tightly. "Get some sleep, honey, please...I can't see your handsome face like this," she fake-pouted and smiled at him softly, trying to lighten his mood but soon realized that there was nothing she could do. "Okay...Chris, let me know if you need something. Anything...,okay?" she whispered into his ear and walked off to the cab she'd ordered, waving and leaving Chris standing there, his stomach sinking and head pounding. God, how he wished he could've had the distraction that came with work this time.

_Joey made me stay home. Said it was for the best.. Not that I could have pulled off a happy loveable Blaine today. Still. Good day at work.. -D_

Darren couldn't help it. Joey said no contact, but how the hell was he supposed to do that? He wasn't used to that. He always texted, called, emailed, skyped, hell he even sent letters once to Chris. He was just a part of his day-ritual and he wasn't about to erase him out of it.

Chris had secured himself in bed at this point, with Brian cuddled to his side now that he actually had space to stretch out without worrying to be set out of the room by either Darren or Chris when they wanted some privacy. He shrieked a bit when his phone vibrated and he quickly read the message, frowning.

_It's okay. Lea sent me home when she realized you wouldn't come...probably for the best as well...looks like we finally get another day off. -C_

_I thought we always wanted to spend that day off together.. -D_

Darren felt tears coming again. Fuck. He really was a mess. He already knew how Chris was now. Watching one of his shows on repeat without really watching, Brian at his side and probably a cup of coffee or hot chocolate next to him. God, how much Darren wanted to lay next to him.

_And how would we do that? We'd just snap at each other all over again...and you never were too fond of my 'The Real Housewives' marathons... -C_

Chris bit his lip, wincing when he hit the spot he'd bitten sore already. He rubbed his eyes again and pulled the blanket up, trying his best not to cry.

_I'm not. But I'm fond of you. I always thought that was enough.. Enjoy your marathon -D_

With a sigh Darren threw away his phone, not willing to see anything Chris would send him anymore. He would just talk about why they separated anyway. It's not like Darren didn't know it or didn't get it. He just didn't want to believe they were actually in a break. Not when they were still happy, in love and the power-couple of LA only two weeks ago.

_Don't...just - don't. You know how much I love you and how much I loved having you here with me and having you laugh at me for screaming at the TV. I don't even have the energy to watch at this point...I'm just so tired. -C_

"Well someone is in a bad mood," Joey said when he slumped down on the couch and with that he sat on Darren's legs. "Shut the fuck up," a grumbled reply came back. "You know I'm here for you right?" Joey asked and patted his leg. "That's why I am here," Darren replied and shot him a grateful look.

Meanwhile Chris was still at home, still clutching his phone in his hand and holding back tears and groaned in frustration, rubbing his tired eyes. He wanted to focus on the TV, he hated being like this and he hated that Darren wasn't texting him back. Of course there wasn't really much left to say but after all, he just needed the confirmation that the other man wasn't gone but still there with him, at least in some way.

"What happened to your phone?" Joey asked with a chuckle when he grabbed it from underneath his ass. "Did it bite you?" Darren rolled his eyes. "Yes, it did. Evil bastard." "You have an unread text," Joey stated and handed Darren his phone back. Sighing he let Joey read his text. "What the hell am I supposed to text back?" he asked him, hoping Joey had all the answers. "Hey don't look at me. I'm not the expert in gay relationships here, you know." Darren tried to kick Joey's ass at that response, but he was too heavy on his feet. "You're not helping here." "It's your boyfriend Dare. I'm not gonna tell you what to say to him. I told you, you should keep distance." "What if I can't?" Darren asked and frowned, the phone still in his hand. Joey just rolled his eyes at Darren and stood up, giving him the space he apparently needed.

_Chris you told me we should have a break. I-I don't know what you want of me right now. You want me to give you space? You want me to ignore you? You want me to stay the hell away from you? It's freaking hard being without you and it doesn't really help if you tell me how much you love having me there. Makes me wonder why I had to go in the first place... -D_

Jumping at the sudden vibration of his phone in his hands, Chris quickly looked at it, hesitating when he opened the text message from Darren. He let out a shaky sigh and sat back in the couch. Chris thought about what he was supposed to write. It was a justified question. Why did he have to go? He didn't know himself. Maybe he wanted to save Darren, give him the chance to escape.

_I know what I told you...and I don't even know myself. I thought that it would be easier that way. That you would need the distance because I see how broken you are. How much I hurt you and I hate that. I hate knowing that I'm the reason that you're not smiling anymore. I want to be the reason for your laughter again. I want to make it better, I swear...and I will find a way. But until then...maybe this is what we need... -C_

_I'm not sure how long I can be like this, Chris. -D_

_What do you mean? -C_

_Alone. Without you. I'm not sure how long I can stand that.. -D_

_I promise you...it won't be long. Maybe two days...I'm breaking without you... - C_

_I'll wait for your text... -D_

Darren put his phone away again and sighed. Two days. He could handle two days. He had to be able to handle two days. Meanwhile he had time to think about why he didn't trust Chris the way he did and how he could restore that trust.

**AN: Thank you so much for all your sweet reviews/messages/anon messages/comments. I'm n**

* * *

**ot even lying if some of them bring me too tears. I know you all hate the angst by now and hate us for breaking them up, but we didn't want it either. The Darren (me) reaction of "I don't wanna go" also broke Jana and me and we had to drink lots of tea and eat lots of chocolate before we could go on again. We're evil, not only to you, but also to ourselves! **

**But.**

**Happy times are coming. In the next chapter they reunite and things are about to happen! Please stick with us and share our joy and fulffyness in the next chapters! Lots of love, Jana & Sjell**


	23. Making Up Again

**AN: Without further ado! Here you go! :)**

* * *

**Chapter 23 'Making Up Again'**

Chris couldn't take this anymore. It had been days since he'd last seen Darren and the distance was killing him. While they'd agreed on taking a break it still wasn't like Chris could just move on and forget. He knew they'd need to talk and make up and he knew what he had to do. Darren's written words were still vivid in his memory and he'd been right. It was _**his **_turn now. His turn to make things right and sure that they could heal again. Things still were tense and rough for both men but Chris knew he'd make it somehow. He had this whole plan set up in his head. With a sigh, he pushed himself off the wall to walk into their bedroom. The room he'd tainted with mistrust and hate, shame and guilt and suddenly the dark walls made it seem as if they were suffocating him by just existing, closing him in and making it hard to breathe. Chris bit his lip and moved to the bed to take off the sheets, take away the mattress and pillows, the blankets and everything that would remind him of that night he'd much rather forget at this point.

He got some tools from the basement and started to take out the bed, getting rid of it. Chris would have time now. He texted Darren quickly to invite him over. It was a simple text. No big begs and pleads and reasons but the simple question to make sure he'd be willing to talk to him again.

Darren got the text from Chris and couldn't help the smile that reached his lips. This was it. The moment to get back together.

"Joey!" he called out loud and started to pack his things again.

"What?" a grumbled voice came back.

"I'm going back!"

"What?" he now asked, voice clearer.

"I'm gone! Bye, see you later and thanks for everything!" Darren quickly said, grinning widely and just stuffing his bag now so he could leave.

"What did he say?" Joey asked, now standing in the room as well and giving Darren a scrutinizing glare.

"He asked me to come over tonight."

One eyebrow quirked up. "That's it?" Darren mirrored his look.

"What else do you want?"

"What about a sorry or a I'm crazy for ever letting you go?"

A frown reached Darren's face. "He already said sorry and he-". Suddenly he stilled. What if this wasn't his way to ask him back home but actually to just get him over so they could break up? What if Chris had decided he was better off without him anyway? It had been four days. Two days longer than he had said and he hadn't texted him anymore. He didn't contact him once. Suddenly he was pale and shaking.

"Dare? Hey what's wrong?" Joey asked, concern evident in his voice when he walked towards him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Darren looked up at him with terror in his face. "What if he wants to break up with me? What if he just wants me there so he can end this once and for all?"

Joey wrapped him in his arms. "Dare, that's not gonna happen. He's crazy about you. He would never break you guys up."

"He already tried before. Isn't that what started this whole thing ?" Tears started to leak out his eyes and Joey tightened his grip on him.

"You told me it was breaking him to be apart from you, right?" Darren nodded against his chest. "Hold on to that. He needs you just as much as you need him. But..."

Darren pulled away, fear still evident even though he calmed down a little. "What?"

"He wants you there tonight. It's eleven a.m. right now, you and I are gonna enjoy our day and then I'll bring you there, okay?" Darren groaned, the idea of having to stay away for another whole day, made him itchy. But Joey was right. He had to go tonight.

Chris was working like crazy for the whole day. He'd gotten rid off his old bed and the nightstands by giving them to charity. No one there would know how heavy with memories they were for Chris and he drove to get a new bed. A new mattress. New sheets in purple - Darren's favourite colour. He even got some new nightstands that had lamps in them already, perfect for them in case they wanted to read at night or cuddle with lights on. Yes. Cuddling. That was all Chris was craving for at that point. He hadn't felt really sexy lately and the simple touch, the simple reassurance of the man he loved right there next to him, on him, his warmth and scent, would be enough for him. Chris bought paint. Light-grey and white paint that would compliment with their new sheets, the dark wood of the bed. He wanted to change and this would be the first step. He even bought new pictures. Pictures of cities he'd want to explore with Darren, that he'd want to see with the man he loved right there with him. Maybe even a city where they'd get married or spend their honeymoon.

Chris hurried home to get the room ready. He wasn't happy until he was covered in paint, some smeared on his cheek and eyebrow, his shirt practically ruined and the room completely changed, new and warm, inviting. A metaphor for the new beginning he wanted with Darren. He'd constructed a room that knew no shame. No guilt. It was practically untouched. He smiled contently to himself, wiping some sweat off his forehead and bit his lip. Chris didn't have too much time left now. He'd need to hurry with the last part of his plan.

After the quickest shower Chris had ever taken, he dressed and hurried to get some post-its and a long line of twine to stretch it from the front door all the way up to their bedroom, nodding appreciatively when he was done before walking to get some pegs to secure the notes. He decided to go for simple words. He'd never been good with emotional stuff like Darren was. Chris wasn't good at writing paragraphs and paragraphs of love notes when a simple "I love you." was enough. He started writing, creating a line of words.

'_**Dinner'  
'Movie night at my house'**_

'_**First cuddles'**_

'_**Distance'**_

'_**Truth or Dare'**_

'_**First date'**_

'_**First I love you'**_

'_**Our real first time'**_

'_**Late night talks when you were in New York'**_

'_**Skype dates'**_

Chris stilled and decided to put a blank note for the night he decided to cheat on Darren. Because that's what it was. An empty memory. A faint night that didn't matter at all. A mistake and filthy spot in his mind. He wouldn't put it in their timeline.

'_**Making up'**_

'_**Forgiving'**_

'_**Second first kiss'**_

'_**Cuddles'**_

'_**Making love'**_

'_**Happiness'**_

He was biting at his lip, humming to himself softly as he tried to figure out what would come next. The young man decided to put yet another blank notes that quickly became three to portray time. The time that it would take them to just be them again. Chris and Darren. Master and Sub. Just two men that were helplessly in love with each other.

'_**Proposal'**_

'_**Marriage'**_

'_**Fights'**_

'_**Love'**_

'_**Safety'**_

'_**ALWAYS making up'**_

'_**Talking'**_

'_**Children'**_

'_**Growing old together'**_

'_**Taking care of our grandchildren'**_

'_**Still having lots and lots of sex ;P'**_

Chris smiled to himself and put up another empty note before placing the last one on the line.

'_**Living in the now'**_

His eyes trailed over his little project and he moved to dim the lightly, letting it all sink in and he decided that this should hopefully show Darren what he meant to him. That he meant all of this. That the only way Chris could see the future was like this. With him. Never without Darren. Not with any other man because no one would be more perfect for him.

Chris sat on the bed, crossing his legs, waiting until Darren would come over.

Darren looked back at Joey and smiled at him, bag in his hand. "Thanks for everything J, you're the best. I can't thank you enough." Joey smiled back at him. "Go get him, D! I'll see you later. Now I have to go and clean up the dirt you left me!" He grinned at him and then took off, leaving Darren on the pavement right in front of their house. With anxiousness cursing through his body, he walked up to their front door and put the key in. The creaking noise it made echoed through the dark house. Why was it so dark? And where was Chris? Maybe Darren was a hopeless romantic, but he expected a warm welcome. A hug at least. Putting down his bag, he closed the door behind him. Suddenly he noticed a shifting in the air. Frowning he looked up but couldn't quite see what was there. Letting his hand travel past the wall made him found the lightswitch and he brightened the room a little. Still no Chris in sight, but at least he could see what was above him right now. There was a thread hanging from the front door moving up to the stairs. On the thread were little post-it, that looked familiar. A pang of hurt shot through Darren's chest, making him remember that even when he did that for Chris, he still wanted to have a break from him. Closing his eyes he shook his head, clearing it from the negative thoughts. Grabbing the first note, he pulled it down, not able to read it with his short height when it was still up.

'_**Dinner'**_

Frowning Darren looked at it. 'Dinner'. They had dinner all the time, what made him write it down and put it on a line? Curious he went on and found the next note.

_**'Movie night at my house'**_

Suddenly Darren knew what this was. It was a time line. Their time line. It had started with dinner that first day they met each other. When they found out there were both so alike, they decided to have a movie night. The first of many.

'_**First cuddles'**_

Oh god. He still remembered the way Chris completely froze the first time he tried to hug him. But how happy had it made Darren that he hugged him back? He had cuddled even closer, but after that night something did change. Darren didn't exactly know what, but something had. Chris was a bit tense and to Darren it felt like he had tried to distance himself from him. Feeling his eyes widen, he read the next note.

'_**Distance'**_

So it had been true then? Chris had never admitted that. Not to him at least. It was strange that Darren thought this whole relationship started out with the truth or dare that went out of hand, when it had actually started way sooner than that. The day that their relationship had started was the day they met. Why had he never seen that before?

'_**Truth or Dare'**_

Ah there it was. The faithful truth or dare. It was a good thing no one knew about that game. And to think it all started with him licking Susan's face. A low chuckle escaped his lips. He would lick another hundred faces if it would make him end up with Chris. After that things went pretty fast.

'_**First date'**_

That first date. It had been the most brilliant first date ever. A warm smile reached his lips when he thought about it. They had been so giddy and shy around each other. Nothing like they had been with the game or the dates after. They were suddenly real. They were an 'us' and it would never go out of Darren's memory. Not the way they blushed at each others compliments, or the way they both tried to eat their meal with knife and fork even though they knew they never did that otherwise. Not the way Darren had bravely brushed his foot against Chris' ankle and made him jump up so high his plate almost fell to the ground. Or the way they argued about who was going to pay, ending in Chris paying and promising Darren could pay their next date.

'_**First I love you'**_

Fuck. Darren felt his eyes water at that. He would never forget that either. The way Chris' eyes lightened up when Darren said those words to him. The way his body stiffened in his arms before it completely melted into him, his face buried in his neck while he whispered them back, joyful and close to tears.

'_**Our real first time'**_

Their real first time. To Darren it was never a question when the first time was. Yes, they had done stuff they never did before after that truth or dare game, but it wasn't them yet. Not the way they were when they were actually together. It felt amazing to make love with the person you loved and to be able to say that during slow kisses and hard thrusting. The bond he had with Chris went beyond words and beyond touches. It was as if their minds were connected somehow, and the first time he felt it like that was while they were making love.

'_**Late night talks when you were in New York'**_

Darren's giddy, tearful face, froze. This was not going to end well. What if he- What if he would end in break up? It was still a possibility. Taking the first step of the stairs he grabbed the next note.

'_**Skype dates'**_

Yes, they had Skype dates. Plenty of those. But apparently, it hadn't been enough. With trembling fingers he yanked the next note down, seeing how it was empty. What was this? Thinking about the way Chris had set this up, made him think more deeper about this. It were all memories. Their memories. What if this was a memory he wanted to forget? Wanted it to fade out? Darren quickly noticed there were a bunch of other notes on the line and tentatively moved on.

'_**Making up'**_

They tried. They tried to move on and make it up, but apparently that wasn't the easiest course. But they had to. These last five days had made Darren realize he would never, _ever_, wanted to be without Chris, no matter what had happened, he needed to be with him.

'_**Forgiving'**_

Reading that note, made Darren sunk to the ground, eyes still filled with tears. This was what it came down to. He needed to forgive Chris. He needed to forgive him his doubts of Darren wanting and needing Chris just as much as he wanted and needed Darren. This wasn't even about the cheating although it had hurt Darren beyonds words. It was about the doubt Chris had and the trust Darren needed to restore. Reading the word written by Chris' hand, made him realize he had already forgiven him. Right when Chris told him why he had done it. It was just that his pride, jealousy and hurt had taken over and tried to defend his broken heart. There was still no end in sight of the line and he decided to stand up, to see the rest of Chris' future timeline of them.

'_**Second first kiss'**_

Oh how he longed for a kiss of Chris. He moved his fingers up and softly traced his own lips, the ghost of a memory in his mind of being kissed by his love.

'_**Cuddles'**_

The thing that got everything started. Darren had always been a touchy person and cuddled with everyone who was willing too, but that didn't mean his cuddles with Chris were average. They were anything but. He loved to be in Chris' arms or the other way around. He loved the way when Chris would lie down on their couch with his head in his lap, his arms wrapped around him. Smiling softly Darren thought back of the morning in their bed before his gig. Things had been back to normal then. At least a little. They would get there again. They had to.

'_**Making love'**_

Swallowing the sudden lump in his throat, he tightened his grip on the stash of notes he still had in his hand. He wanted to be close with Chris again, he did. But he wasn't sure if he could have sex with him so soon after. Not in their room at least, that was for sure. A distinct smell reached his nose which he couldn't quite place, but he decided to ignore it.

'_**Happiness'**_

Chris could put this in every note of their line, because Darren had always been happy with Chris. On a few notes left at least. Seeing the next three notes blank, made him smile. Chris knew just as good as him that they needed time. Time to heal and to get back to him. But at least now they both knew they needed each other for that.

The next notes he picked made him quiet and throb with love and need.

'_**Proposal'**_

'_**Marriage'**_

'_**Fights'**_

'_**Love'**_

'_**Safety'**_

'_**ALWAYS making up'**_

'_**Talking'**_

'_**Children'**_

'_**Growing old together'**_

'_**Taking care of our grandchildren'**_

'_**Still having lots and lots of sex ;P'**_

Proposal. He had almost did, the ring that probably still lay in their bedroom was the proof of that. He wanted to marry Chris so much those days away that it became all he could think about. He knew there would be fights, yes, but they would always make up, because they loved each other. Because they needed each other and because with each other they would always be safe. Darren knew Chris would always make him talk too. He always did. Even when he felt guilty and hated himself, he made Darren talk to him. Express his feelings so there wouldn't be hard feelings afterwards. Maybe Chris didn't know it, but that was probably the reason they survived. The last four notes, made Darren tear up again. Did Chris really want kids with him? Even grandkids? That was... Darren was stunned. He would give everything for such a life with Chris. Everything. And hey, the lots of sex-part would definitely fit right in. Wiping the tears away, noticing it didn't matter anyway because he was still crying softly, made him look up at the next note. Another empty one. And then...

'_**Living in the now'**_

And that was what it all came down to in the end. Living in the now with each other. Darren would always love Chris and he would always love Darren. No one else. He would never see his future with anyone else than Darren, because they loved each other, they would fight, yes, but they would make up again and they would fight for what they wanted. A life together, with children, grandchildren, and everything the world would give them. Everything they would give each other.

Darren only noticed now that he was in front of their bedroom and suddenly smelled the weird scent even more. What was it? Pushing the door open he stepped inside, holding his breath without even knowing it, the stash of notes in his hands.

* * *

**AN The next chapter.. Their reuniting. How will it go?**


	24. Reuniting

**AN: Once again a big thank you to everyone who reviewed. We heard some of you are a bit reluctant to get to the happy times again (uhum) so we're sorry, but we kind of needed it very badly so... Enjoy the new happy fluffy chapter! ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 24 'Reuniting'**

Chris was still sitting on the bed, shaking lightly with how nervous he was but he couldn't help the smile when Darren stepped into the room. "You came...," he breathed and grinned at him with wide, bright eyes. Biting his lip, he looked down at the notes in Darren's hand. "I-I wanted to surprise you...," he whispered softly.

Seeing Chris on the bed, not their bed, smiling brightly and looking happier than Darren had seen him these past week, made Darren shook his head slightly. "Of course I came. I told you I'd wait, didn't I?" he said and his grip on the notes tightened. "Well.. You did." Then his surroundings sank in. It was their bedroom but is also wasn't. Looking up and turning around he stared at the freshly painted walls, suddenly knowing why the scent had smelt familiar. Completing his whole eyeing-up-the-room, he could only conclude one thing. Chris made their bedroom beautiful and clean again. His eyes focused back on Chris, tears falling again.

A soft chuckle fell from Chris's lips when Darren told him he surprised him. He watched the way Darren took in the new room, the painted walls and new bed. Everything. "Don't cry...," he whispered into the silent room, smiling warmly with tears glistening in his eyes as well. "I - do you like it...?" he asked carefully.

"I- Yeah, I really do," Darren said and smiled at Chris. "You already made me cry with your notes you know," he said, still shaking his head in disbelieve of what Chris had done.

Chris let out a small laugh and looked up at Darren, smiling back. "I'm sorry...," he whispered, the smile still tugging on his lips. "And I'm glad you do...I wanted to make it right."

Darren grabbed the notes again and sorted through them until he had the right one and put it on Chris' forehead, smiling nervously at him.

Another laugh ripped from Chris's throat. "Dare...what did you just put on me?" he asked in a whisper.

"Forgiving," Darren said softly and felt his whole body trembling, knowing this was a very important moment for the both of them.

Chris shivered at Darren's words and let out a small gasp, taking the note from his forehead, reading it again before looking up at Darren. "So...you - you forgive me...?" he asked, almost not daring to speak yet.

"I did the moment I knew why you did it," Darren admitted in the same soft voice. "I just didn't dare to give it to you yet. I was- I don't know. Defending myself? Which is stupid, because I shouldn't have to defend myself against the man I love. Right?" he asked and smiled tentatively.

"You...," Chris trailed off, smiling wider now. "You did?" he asked as if to reassure himself. "No...I understand...I didn't think you would give it to me right away...I knew it would need time...and that I had to earn it first...I'm glad I did," he grinned and shook his head. "No...I hurt you. What I did...it did something to us. To your heart and soul and - it was for the better. Defense...defense isn't always bad," he whispered.

Darren nodded when Chris asked if he did forgive him then. "It's not, but it's you that made us talk and you who fixed this in the end, Chris..." Darren grabbed the note with talking and handed it too Chris. "Please never stop making me talk. I know I can be stubborn sometimes, but please. Always make me talk, okay?" he asked and tried not to sound to desperate.

Chris nodded as well and reached for Darren's hand, squeezing it in his. "I promise...I will if you do the same for me. You know how hard it is for me to open up and just talk sometimes...never stop making me do that, okay? We need...we need communication to make this work. We need to connect...," Chris mumbled and stroked his thumb over the back of his boyfriend's hand. "And I want to earn your trust. Always."

Looking down at their joined hands, Darren felt his heart beating faster. He did believe in them. He did trust Chris. Especially after seeing Chris putting so much trust in them. Believing in a future for them. "I trust you," Darren said and looked up again, squeezing his hand back. "I do. Especially after all this. I mean.. Grandchildren?" he chuckled.

Chris smiled back at Darren and let out a relieved sigh when Darren told him he trusted him. "Yes...grandchildren!" He laughed and tilted his head. "I'm glad you're here...I'm so glad that you came back to me after all of this...this crap," he let out a deep breath.

Pushing himself on the bed he settled right in front of Chris and put his hand on his heart. "I told you I will always find my way back to you. I love you, Chris. I can't and I don't want to be without you. Never," he assured him.

Chris's hand clenched against Darren's chest and smiled warmly when he could feel his strong, steady heartbeat. He closed his eyes and blinked them open again, looking at Darren. "I love you too. I love you so much...," Chris choked out and bit his lip, a trail of happy tears finding their way out of his eyes. "I couldn't stand being without you. Not as my boyfriend but also as my best friend...I would've lost everything if you decided to not come back...," he whispered.

Reaching out his free hand he wiped away Chris' tears and let his eyes penetrate his. "I will never not come back to you, I promise." Darren grinned slyly and grabbed his notes now. "What was after the forgiving again?" he asked, knowing damn well what was next.

A smirk spread on Chris's face and he chuckled softly. "Y-You really want to kiss me...?" he asked, looking right into his beautiful hazel eyes. "I mean. I certainly wouldn't mind...," he smiled warmly at the other man.

"Are you questioning my motives mister Colfer?" he asked back and leaned in, nuzzling Chris' nose.

"What if I am...it's not very convincing...," Chris teased and brushed his nose back against Darren's playfully, the butterflies in his stomach going crazy, twirling and making him get goosebumps. "Is it bad that I'm nervous...?" he whispered and let out a deep breath, opening his eyes and Darren was so close, his eyes right there and his breath warm on his skin.

"Then I am bad too," Darren replied, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach. And with that he pressed their lips together, feeling the warmth of his soft lips against his. His fingers enclosed his face, holding him close, letting him enjoy the feeling of totally being surrounded by Chris. His Chris.

Chris chuckled once again before he let out a gasp, their lips meeting again for the first time in weeks. Darren's lips were so warm and full and smooth against his, making him shiver. He relaxed immediately and leaned into Darren's touch, humming against his lips softly as their lips molded together.

Darren smiled into the kiss when he felt Chris melting into it, humming happily. Wrapping his hands around his neck and waist now, he deepened the kiss and bit Chris' lower lip softly, needing so desperately to kiss him even deeper.

Chris leaned in more, letting himself fall and melt into Darren's touches, longing to feel them and having him close. He parted his lips lightly when Darren nibbled on his lower lip, allowing him to kiss him deeper, getting closer and Chris kissed him with more passion than he probably ever had.

Stumbling a bit back at Chris' eager response, Darren laughed in the kiss and broke away slightly, pressing their foreheads together. "Fuck.. I love you so much, Chris..," he said again and shook his head slightly, tightening his fingers on his neck.

Automatically, Chris followed Darren when he pulled away lightly, chuckling and blushing lightly when their foreheads pressed against each other. "I love you too...I missed you - god, I missed you so much...," he choked out and moved his hands to grip on Darren's sides desperately. "I'm still so sorry...," he whispered before kissing him again lovingly, humming contently, his features relaxing.

Stroking the base of his hair at his neck, Darren leaned into the kiss as well, hoping that his touches and his kiss would reassure him of the fact that he really _did_ forgive him. This time he opened his own lips, feeling like Chris needed him more than he needed Chris now and wanted him to take what he wanted and what he needed.

Chris shivered at the touch to his neck and god, how relieved he felt. He'd never thought that this night would end like this. He needed Darren to be close like this, he needed to know for sure that they were fine. Chris shifted even closer, panting softly and sucking on his lower lip.

Darren moaned softly and pulled Chris even closer, his lips opening wider and his tongue tentatively reaching out to touch his.

Chris quickly parted his lips when he felt Darren's move and welcomed his tongue, humming and sucking on it gently, pulling away lightly with a gasp. "T-Tell me when it's too much...," he whispered before crashing their lips together in a deep, loving kiss.

Darren decided that telling Chris nothing was too far on his mind now, was a bit of a tall order with his tongue so deep in his mouth and just started to kiss him back, desperate and lovingly. He tangled his tongue around his and tilted his head slightly for even a better angle, moaning when he felt Chris sucking his tongue.

Chris felt a hot spark shoot through his body when he felt Darren's low moan against his lips, sucking a little harder before letting go, humming against his parted lips as he let his tongue slide against Darren's again.

Darren moaned even harder, when Chris sucked harder and followed his tongue immediately, his eyes closed in pleasure and his fingers tangling into his hair, pressing him as close as possible.

"Fuck...," Chris gasped into the kiss and let out a moan of himself out when Darren tugged on his hair a little, holding him closer.

Darren softly pulled them down, kicking his shoes off in the progress and wrapping his other arm around Chris, still kissing him, mirroring a scene they once had to do for their tv show.

Chris did the same, kissing him hungrily and he had to admit, he was kinda desperate. He just needed the reassurance that Darren was back. His. And not planning on leaving any time soon. He nuzzled his nose against Darren's cheek and let out a deep breath, blinking his eyes open to look at the other man.

Darren looked right back at him and smiled, the way he actually only smiled when he was near Chris. "Hey you," he said softly, nuzzling him right back and pulling him closer again, never getting enough of having Chris near.

"Hey...," Chris breathed and smiled brightly at Darren. "You're really here...," he whispered and closed his eyes again.

"I am," Darren replied and smiled, pressing a dry kiss against his brow. "And I'm not leaving. No matter how much you'll beg for it when I'm leaving my dirty socks everywhere again and spill my plectrums all over the room." He noticed the big smile on Chris' face and almost teared up at that again. "Don't ever stop smiling like that," he whispered, softer now.

Chris laughed at Darren's words and hummed at the small kiss. "Only you can do that to me...," he whispered sincerely and looked right into Darren's eyes.

Darren looked right back, letting his eyes tell Chris everything and thinking about everyhing that had happened this past week. "I never though post-it's would be come our thing," he admitted suddenly, grinning slightly.

Another laugh fell from Chris's lips. An honest, loud one, the one that made his eyes and nose crinkle. He giggled and shook his head. "Me neither...thank god we had some around," he winked.

"Thank God indeed. Let's say a prayer. Dear God, thank you for the invention of post-it's and for making us buy them. Amen," Darren said and looked way too sincere for such a stupid joke.

Chris kept giggling and hugged Darren tightly to his chest, tangling their legs lightly, hoping it was okay.

Darren sighed contently in the crook of Chris' neck, wrapping his arm over his waist now, his legs finally warmed by his gorgeous and warm boyfriend. "I missed this," he murmured and closed his eyes a bit sleepy.

Chris pulled Darren closer, rubbing his hands over his back. "Me too...I missed you," he said and nuzzled into his neck, closing his eyes and simply breathed him in.

Darren smiled and let his fingers graze underneath Chris' shirt, already dozing off. "Missed you too," he murmured.

Chris smiled at the soft touch to his skin and cuddles closer, allowing himself to close his eyes for once and all, humming. "Night..., Darren...love you...," he whispered before he drifted off lightly.

Something sounding like 'you too' left Darren's lips, but he was already half asleep and looked content like he hadn't been in weeks now. With the sound of Chris' breathing and his body surrounding him, making him feel warm and safe he fell in a peaceful sleep.

A sleepy smile tugged on Chris's lips when he heard Darren's whisper and he fell asleep quickly for the first time in weeks. It was relaxing and soothing him, making him feel warm and safe when he was wrapped up in Darren's arms, right where he belonged.

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**AN: Yeey! All is good in our happy little CrissColfer world! :) So. Don't think this is the end though. Chris made a timeline and we're planning on following it ;) **


	25. Taking The Next Step

**Chapter 25 'Taking the next step'**

Darren came home from one of his gigs and had taken a sixpack of diet coke and the special edition moviebox of Harry Potter which he never allowed himself to buy because he thought it was too expensive even though they both knew he had the money for it. "Honey, I'm home!" Darren yelled and walked inside, hanging his coat and walking further into the living room where he could smell a delicious scent reaching his nose.

Chris had used the time he had until Darren would come back by distracting himself by cooking for the two of them. Or trying at least. He knew he was horrible in the kitchen but he wanted to spend a nice evening with Darren and that had been the perfect opportunity to try this new recipe Chris had found in some book. He smiled widely when he heard Darren's voice and turned, turning down the oven. "In the kitchen, baby!" He called back.

Dumping his guitarbag he held onto the bag that held the gifts for Chris and walked into the kitchen, wrapping one arm around his waist and pressing a kiss against his cheek, because he missed him today and was glad he was home again. "Did you cook? Like seriously? It smells devine!" he said with a smile.

A bright grin plastered on Chris's lips when Darren's arms wrapped around him and he felt a soft kiss to his cheek, causing him to turn in his arms. "Mhmmm…," he hummed and smiled happily, pecking Darren's lips. "I made Lasagna…or - tried."

"I'm sure it will be perfect," Darren said and pecked him on the lips before he pulled back. "Focus on the food I'll set the table, alright? And when you're done I have a little something for you," he said and grinned secretively.

"You're so good to me…," Chris mumbled and carried on with a smile. "You want wine with that?" he asked and went over to the fridge. "And - you didn't have to get me anything. You know that, right?"

"Of course, but I can, can I not?" he asked back and put the bag down so he could start with setting up the table. "I'd love to yeah, do we still have that dry white one?" he asked and grabbed two plates and wineglasses to set down on the table.

"Sure," Chris chuckled and nodded. "Yupp, we have. I'll get it," he said and picked it up to bring it over to the table, walking back into the kitchen to see if the food was ready.  
"Aaand, perfect timing! It's done," he smiled.

Quickly putting some knifes and forks down Darren smiled up at Chris when he came back, carrying the lasagna and looking mighty proud of it as well. He walked around the table and pulled his chair back. "Monsieur," he said with a charming smile.

"Why thank you," Chris said politely and sat down, smiling happily. "I really hope it tastes alright."

"If it doesn't I always have you for desert, right?" Darren asked with a big grin on his face and sat down, grabbing the wine to pour them both. "You did want wine, right?" he asked, suddenly noticing he hadn't asked.

Chris laughed softly and blushed lightly, nodding at Darren's question. "Yeah, thank you," he smiled and took the glass.

Taking the glass he smiled at Chris and toasted his glass. "To us and being together forever," he said and then suddenly frowned. "Oh! And to your newfound cooking abilities which I am going to use thoroughly!"

Chris toasted back happily and nodded. "Yes. To us and oh shush you!" he laughed and clinked their glasses together with a grin, sipping on his wine with a content hum.

Smiling at Chris, feeling as in love as they were in the beginning, he sipped his wine as well and raised one eyebrow. "So.. Are you going to give me some of that delicious lasagna or?" he asked, licking his lips teasingly.

"You're terrible," Chris grinned and started parting the Lasagna, placing a piece on Darren's plate with a smile. "If it's terrible and you have to puke, it's not my fault!" he chuckled.

"Oh come on. It smells good and it's made with love. Perfect ingredients for a perfect dish!" Darren said and waited until Chris had a pieced of well so he could dive in with his fork, letting the first bite cool a bit before he put it into his mouth. His eyes widened and his hand froze in the air, looking at Chris dumbfounded.

"Oh my god!" Chris nearly yelled. "Is it really that bad? Fuck, I knew there was something missing and I shouldn't have put in all those spices…," he mumbled, rambling and gaping at Darren with wide eyes.

Darren started to shake his head as soon as Chris started to ramble and tried to wave his words off until he had swallowed his bite. "Are you fucking kidding me? It's fucking delicious!" he said, eyes wide and voice proud. "Here! Taste it!" he said and grabbed another bite with his fork and held it in front of Chris' lips.

"It is?" Chris's eyes lit up and he grinned happily and a little proudly too, tilting his head and smiled, taking the bite from Darren's fork, humming. "Hmm…it's not bad at all…," he mumbled contently.

"Not bad? Chris, this is a mouth orgasm, right here," Darren assured him and quickly took another bite, closing his eyes in pleasure.

Chris was biting at his lip at the way Darren seemed to enjoy the food. Frankly, he'd been wanting Darren all along but now that he was moaning at the taste and talking about orgasms, Chris couldn't help but want him even more. He quickly shook that thought off and took a bite from his own piece, taking another sip from his wine. "You're right…it's actually really good. Yay, I can cook one dish!" He laughed happily.

"I'll teach you other ones," Darren said and smiled, warm and content. Sipping his wine he couldn't help to keep his eyes from his boyfriend. "Did you do something different with your hair? I mean you're always handsome and sexy, but you're- There's something new today.. Is there?" he asked, tilting his head a little.

Chris grinned at Darren thankfully. "Okay. You have to. I'm holding you on to that," he winked and looked at Darren as he spoke again. "I - uh - thank you but I just - I got some highlights now that my blonde hair is coming out again…I also got them cut - you like it?" he asked with a smile.

"You have to, there's never an excuse to want to hold my boyfriend while he's working in the kitchen," he said and winked playfully before he started to nod feverishly. "I love it! You're.. well. You know," he said and looked down with a blush. "Oh yeah. I got you something!" he quickly said to change the subject.

Chris chuckled and his eyes looked back at Darren, wide and blue and glistening. "Really?" he beamed. "Thank you…wait - I am what?" he asked, tilting his head as he noticed the soft blush on Darren's cheeks. "You didn't have to!" Chris said again, looking at Darren in interest. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to know what it is…," he grinned.

Grinning he took another bite before he stood up to grab the bag and returned, giving it to Chris. "Because you're my beautiful, sweet and amazing topchef boyfriend and there's never a reason to not spoil you."

Chris smiled and took the bag from Darren, chuckling. "I love you, you dork!" he said and looked into the bag. "No way!" he exclaimed. "You. Are. INSANE!" he laughed and pulled out the box. "Oh my god…thank you so much - that's…god, it's perfect!"

"Wow, I didn't know your favorite drink would excite you this much," Darren said and grinned.

"Shush! The DVDs! You - god, I love you so much!" Chris said, excitement sparkling in his eyes.

"I love you too," Darren said with a smile and took his hand, squeezing it softly. "You should have bought those for yourself ages ago! You wanted them so much! I just- I ran into them, you know, by actually walking in that store and looking for them, so I just had to buy them," he explained.

Chris was still grinning like a five-year old and he was so giddy, squeezing Darren's hand in his. "You are so amazing, god…just, thank you so much!"

Darern laughed and shook his head. "Don't even mention it. You deserved it," he said and squeezed right back, taking his last bite from his lasagne with another low moan.

Chris shivered at the moan that fell from Darren's lips but he tried his best to ignore it, eating his own food slowly. "Well uhm…it - it means a lot to me though," he said and grinned at Darren, trying his best to hide the blush on his cheeks.

"Are you blushing?" Darren asked, noticing it anyway and grinned cheekily, letting his foot rub up against his calve, mirroring their first date.

Chris let out a shaky breath and looked at Darren with red cheeks, shuddering when his foot brushed against his calve, making him groan in frustration. "God…Dare, you should - you should stop that…," he chuckled breathily.

"Should I? And why's that," he asked innocently, letting his foot move higher, rubbing against his thigh now.

"Darren," Chris warned and closed his eyes, breathing in and out deeply.

"Chris," Darren replied, his tone low and breathy.

"Y-Yes…?" Chris stuttered and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Why do I need to stop?" he asked, his thumb brushing his hand while his foot kept moving, eyes curious and boring into his.

"Because…because you're - making me - you're making me want you so bad…I mean - your foot is - fuck, even that…," Chris mumbled and dared to open his eyes again, looking back at Darren.

"And you wanting me, is a bad thing because…?" Darren asked now, leaning forward, over his plates and careful to not hit his wineglass, staring right back at him with slightly pursed lips.

"Because I'm one second away from jumping you and I want to make sure we-we're ready for that step now…," Chris choked out and panted lightly.

Darren's eyes darkened at that and spread his legs a little, letting his foot move up and between Chris' legs now, knowing it would tell Chris enough. He wanted him too.

"Oh!" Chris yelped and groaned softly, letting his legs fall open more, watching Darren with his mouth dropped open and wide eyes.

"I thought so," Darren growled back, softly and eager and rubbed the sole of his foot against Chris' bulge now, eyes taking everything in.

Chris moaned helplessly and gasped at the movements of Darren's foot against his hardening cock, making him twitch. "God…I - I want you so bad, Darren…I missed you s-so much…"

"Maybe you should show me exactly _how_much," Darren said in a low, demanding tone and started to rub his foot faster.

"D-Darren…we should - oh fuck…," Chris moaned and spread his legs more. "Y-You think we…we should? Y-You can?" he asked carefully.

Tightening his grip on his hand, Darren leaned back and stood up, dark eyes taking in Chris' already disheveled form. "I'm ready," he said and quirked one eyebrow. "Are you?" he asked and took a few steps back, heading back to the hallway, eyes still on Chris.

"Darren…you've been back for six weeks now…and I wanted you all along, do you really think I'd say no to you?" Chris chuckled breathlessly and got up, biting his lip when his erection pressed against the tight fabric of his jeans. "I am so ready…," he said and looked back at Darren with warm, dark eyes, walking over to him.

"Hmm, how ready," Darren asked and waited for Chris to walk up to him, his own groin already tightening of the thought of having Chris again. No bad memories our thoughts. Just the two of them in their new bedroom filled with new 'firsts' and love.

"How about I show you once we're upstairs?" Chris murmured with a smile and bit his lip, shoving at his shoulders gently.

"I like that idea, very, _very,_" Darren whispered into his ear. "Much."

Chris shivered and looked at Darren. "Do you even have any idea how much I wanted you to want me again?" he asked, leaning in to kiss him quickly, humming and sucking on his lower lip before pulling away. "Come on up…"

"Your hard on's in the morning kinda told me that, yeah," Darren said and chuckled, kissing him back before grabbing his hand to follow him back up. Upstairs he made him stop, grabbing him so he was facing him. "Chris, I never stopped wanting you…"

"You're such an ass, you know that?" Chris said and swatted at his arm playfully, grinning and walking upstairs with Darren, gasping when he grabbed him. "I - you didn't…?" he asked softly. "Good…because I never stopped wanting you either."

"Stop talking about my ass, Colfer. Unless you plan on doing something with it," Darren said and quirked one eyebrow at him, smiling.

Chris laughed and pushed at Darren's shoulders again. "Bed," he mumbled and kissed him deeply.

"Hm, bossy now? I like that," Darren said and chuckled, letting himself be pushed back towards their bedroom, while kissing him back just as hard.

"I'm aware," Chris chuckled along and kept pushing Darren gently, grinning at him before kissing him even deeper, groaning into the needy kiss.

Feeling Chris getting even needier, he let himself be pushed against the bed, falling back on his back and staring at Chris with dark eyes. "What are you gonna do to me?" he asked and bit his lip.

"Whatever you want me to…," Chris breathed and kissed him gently. "I want you to be in control tonight…"

"Yeah?" Darren asked and let his hand hold the back of Chris' head, keeping him close while kissing him deeper, before he pulled back again. "You want me to show you how much I still want you? Need you? Can't get enough of you?" he asked, breathless and already hard for Chris.

Chris moaned softly when Darren held him close, licking into his mouth and twirling their tongues together with a gasp. "Please…?" he asked breathlessly and looked at Darren with dark, wide eyes.

"Pull your clothes off and lay down," he said in return, leaning back himself but holding his upper body up with his elbows.

"Okay…," Chris breathed and did as he was told, spreading out on the bed, blushing a bit at how exposed he was. He wasn't used to this anymore at all.

Darren stood up and looked down at Chris, stunned and anxious. "God, you're beautiful," he whispered, the love and fear both battling in his voice.

Chris looked up at Darren through heavy-lidded eyes and he smiled softly. "Thank you…," he whispered. "I missed you…so much…"

"I missed you too," Darren said back and moved so he could push his shirt off, before leaning in and pressing his lips against Chris, needing to be reassured that it was really him. Really them.

A smile tugged on Chris's lips and he watched Darren take off his shirt, making him look at him with hungry eyes. "You look amazing…," he managed to gasp out before Darren kissed him and Chris quickly molded into the touch of their lips, humming and his heart swelling with happiness because this was real. This was them. Darren and Chris and everything they used to be.

Darren moved his upper body over Chris' and felt his heart beat against his, just as fast as his did. He opened his lips and started to kiss Chris deeper, letting his hands travel over his waist and hips.

Chris contently hummed into the kiss, arching into Darren's touches, responding and melting into him, so eager to feel him again. The way his heart beat against his made him shudder and cling to Darren more, whining into the kiss lowly.

Hearing Chris' whine made a shiver run down Darren's back and he started to suck on Chris' tongue, eager to feel his own naked body against his, but knowing he had to take his time this time. This new time. Their first new time.

Chris was still holding back a bit, trying to give Darren the time and little distance they both may need. He shivered and smiled into the kiss softly, pulling Darren closer. "I missed you so fucking much, Darren. In every way. I just - god, the time without you was hell," he choked out and buried his face in the crook of Darren's neck, breathing in deeply. "I forgot how good you smell…," he whispered with a chuckle.

"How can you forget such an awesome smell?" Darren asked with a breathy chuckle and tilted his head a little, letting it lean against Chris', reassuring him of the fact that he was here again. Close and intimate. "Don't ever make me go again, Chris," he asked, half whispered against Chris' ear, tightening his arms around him.

Chris laughed loudly and shook his head at his boyfriend's words. He smiled brightly and kissed Darren's cheek before frowning, looking at him. "Don't ever let me hurt you again…," he whispered back and held Darren against his body tightly, rubbing his hands up his shoulders, squeezing. "I don't want you to go ever again. I'm not letting you."

"I'm holding you to that," Darren said back, just as softly, his words filled with promise and hope. "I- I, I can't -," Darren closed his eyes and pressed his head closer to Chris' face, afraid to say it out loud.

"Okay…," Chris breathed and the smile found its way back on his lips again. "Dare…," he whispered calmly, squeezing the older man in his arms, rubbing at his sides, kissing his hair. "Talk to me…"

Slowly he opened his eyes and looked into Chris' blue, sparkling eyes, filled with trust. "I'm afraid I won't-," he closed his mouth again, finding the words. "I can't make this as special or … _us_as you want it to be," he confessed, his frustration with that visible in his whole face.

Chris looked back at Darren with wide, blue eyes. "What do you mean…?" he whispered, a little confused as he tilted his head, his features soft and his eyes warm.

Darren gave him a pained look, wondering how he should explain this. "You've wanted this-me, for weeks now. Me too, don't get me wrong, but you're- you're still afraid I don't want you like that anymore or that I will suddenly realize what has happened. I need you to know that I want this, fully, with you. I'm just afraid that you made it more special or beautiful in your head than I can really make it for us. Because I'm only me, you know? I'm not the big knight in shining armour that you sometimes make of me, even though I would love to be that for you. I'm just Darren… Your Darren, and I don't want to disappoint you."

"But keep in mind that I love my Darren. With all my heart…and he's a dummy for thinking he won't be enough for me or won't make it perfect…because, I mean - look at me…," Chris whispered and took Darren's face in his hands, smiling at him warmly, the butterflies in his stomach making it clench and bubble with excitement. "It's that what makes it so special. That this is you and me. Us. No one else but the two of us and that's just what I need. I don't need anyone but you and you always made it perfect for me…you are my knight in shining armour, whether you like it or not. Because you are mine and I'm yours and I want this…I just wanted to make sure that there is nothing standing between us now because right now. In this moment. There's only us. And I want it like this…with you," he said calmly, his voice quivering lightly as he leaned in for a gentle, soft kiss. "I love you. You are perfect to me, Darren. Nothing but perfect."

Feeling goosebumps arise all over his skin by Chris' words and his kiss, Darren leaned in, all his fears and hesitations sliding of his back and the need to love Chris and to enjoy and feel this pleasure together the only thing on his mind. He broke away from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together. "I love you too, so much," he softly replied.

"That's why we'll make this work…we already did…it's - it's good that we took our time. I didn't expect you to forgive me any time soon…but this feels right. I want to be close with you again. I want to be yours. Well…I never stopped being yours, Darren. I just - I love you so much," he said and closed his eyes, simply breathing steadily.

Darren saw him closing his eyes and smiled, still stunned by how beautiful he was and by knowing he was all his. It still blew his mind. Pushing himself up by his hands he leaned his his head in and started to kiss Chris' neck softly, lovingly, slowly rediscovering his skin even though he knew every bit of it by heart. His lips reached the spots he had put his notes on weeks ago, telling him he loved those spots, secretly hoping his kisses would remind Chris of it.

A shiver went down Chris's spine when he felt Darren's dry, warm lips on his skin. He sighed and tilted his head back a little, smiling softly when Darren found every place that made him gasp in no time.

"I love your skin, how quickly it flushes," Darren couldn't help but say when his stubble touched it, whenever his lips moved to another spot to lick and suck on.

Chris moaned quietly when Darren's stubbly chin rubbed at his sensitive skin, causing it to redden and grow tender. He smiled and opened his eyes. "Are you putting mental notes on me again?" he teased and couldn't help the fluttering feeling that spread in his chest, warm and tingly.

"Like I need them, I know every single piece of your skin and I love it all," Darren murmured back, licking the skin that was red by his scratchy beard and he let one hand travel lower, touching his naked chest and letting his fingertips graze his nipples.

Chris chuckled and hissed when he licked at the reddened skin of his neck, his rough fingertips grazing over his skin, teasing at his nipples. "Dare…," he whispered softly.

"Hmm?" Darren replied, not willing to let his lips leave his hot skin, letting them move lower, sucking his collarbone now and his thumb brushing the nipples harder now, making them peek up.

"I know I gave you so much shit about that hobo beard of yours…," Chris grinned. "But I actually like how it feels against my skin…," he murmured and gasped, arching into Darren's touch.

"I told you it had it's purpose," Darren grinned and immediately leaned in again, letting his beard graze his sensitive nipples, looking up to see Chris' reaction to it.

A loud moan fell from Chris's lips and he shuddered, his hand clasping at his shoulder, dragging his nails over his back lightly. "F-Fuck…," he stuttered and bit at his lip.

Proud of making Chris feel like this with only his mouth yet, he did it again before he took the red, perked nippled in his mouth to sooth it with his warm tongue, circling it and sucking on it gently.

"So good…," Chris praised and threaded his hand through Darren's curls, panting lightly and gripping a little tighter.

Darren moaned when he felt and heard Chris' praise, the need to please him always bigger than his own. Swiftly he moved to his other nipple, giving it the same treatment, but biting on it softly, instead of soothing it after he scratched it with his stubble.

Chris felt his body arch up into Darren, his grip on his hair tightening as he started breathing heavily. "God…kiss me, Dare…," he choked out after a low, wanton moan.

Never one to ignore any of the things Chris begged for, Darren moved back up and pressed his swollen lips against Chris' lips, kissing him hard and full of lust and passion.

A content sigh vibrated from Chris's lips and against Darren. He kissed back longingly, deeply, trying to put everything he felt into the gentle movements of his lips and tongue against his boyfriend's.

Darren felt himself growing harder and moaned into the kiss, needing to touch Chris more, which he allowed himself to do, his fingertips trailing every part of naked skin they could find underneath his body.

Chris held on to Darren tightly, moaning and moving his body into his, eager to feel again as his own hands trailed down Darren's naked back, trailing over the small mark between his shoulders, smiling when he kissed Darren again, more passionate this time.

Feeling Chris' nails scratch his skin, turned Darren even more on. His fingers started to rub his hips, slowly going nearer towards what he really wanted while he kissed him even harder.

Chris pulled away with a gasp, looking right into Darren's eyes, keeping the contact before biting at his lip, grinning. "I love you and yet you still make me wait…," he whispered lowly and kissed at his jaw, humming against his skin.

"You're always so eager," Darren chuckled hoarsely, letting his mouth move down again, grazing his nipples only a little before moving even lower now, trailing the line of hair that went from his chest to his belly button and further, with his tongue, eyes boring into his.

Chuckling along, Chris watched Darren pepper his body with kisses, making him hiss and arch when he grazed over his nipples again. He kept eye-contact, moaning and letting his head tip back before quickly sitting up on his elbows to be able to still look at the man he loved.

Slowly he pushed his tongue inside his belly button, letting his facial hair scratch the skin around it, twirling it and making Chris squirm.

Chris moaned longingly when he felt Darren's beard scratch against the sensitive skin of his stomach, making it quiver and his breath hitch in his throat. "Darren…please, you really can't blame me for being eager this time," he laughed.

"I wasn't blaming, just..," he said and let his tongue travel lower now, pressing open mouthed kisses against his lower abdomen. "Stating facts."

"Sure you were," Chris chuckled and was quickly silenced by another moan that fell from his lips at the treatment Darren's tongue and lips gave his stomach.

"You should give me some directions here," Darren said, teasingly, letting his chin lean on Chris' hip. "I don't know which way to go, Everything looks so.. so.. delicious," he went on, his breath ghosting over Chris' flushed cock that was already half hard.

Chris moaned helplessly and reached down to stroke through Darren's unruly curls, smirking. "You're - already on the right way…just…a little lower, baby…," he whispered.

"Like… Here?" Darren asked and started to mouth his thigh now, biting the soft plump skin underneath his lips, not able to resist it.

"N-Not quite…," Chris groaned and tried to push his head nearer to where he needed him now. "A little more t-to the left…"

A fake sigh escaped Darren's lips. "I always forget what is left and right," he said, his own laugh vibrating against his skin before he followed the way his head was being pushed and nuzzled Chris' cock now, eyes closing in pleasure when he smelled him so close.

"Jerk!" Chris chuckled and shook his head at his boyfriend. He gasped when Darren finally moved, nuzzling at his flushed, already hard cock. "Right there…," Chris moaned softly and smiled, leaning back with a deep sigh and stroked at Darren's curls.

Darren groaned softly before he let his tongue lick the vein underneath his cock, feeling it pulse underneath his touch before he wrapped his lips around Chris' head.

Chris shivered and his grip tightened when his boyfriend licked at the underside of his erection, making it jump and harden fully, panting when his full, flushed lips wrapped around it.

Darren continued to look up at Chris through his eyelashes, twirling his tongue around the head, tortuously slow before sucking it.

Chris moaned approvingly and looked back at Darren, biting his lip and his eyes dark with want and need. "God, yes…," he groaned and laid back, panting loudly.

Darren let go of his cock and opened his mouth. "Keep watching," he said, voice stern and eyes glistering with arousal, watching Chris' every move.

Chris nodded and let out a breathless whisper of "Okay," before sitting up again, looking at him with half-lidded eyes. "You look so gorgeous…," he mumbled.

Grinning at the obedience and his compliment, Darren leaned in again to surround Chris' cock with his lips, more eager now, wanting Chris to see how much he wanted him like this, taking his cock deeper already, moaning at the feeling and taste of it.

"Oh god," Chris breathed when his cock slid into Darren's mouth, his lips wrapped around him firmly and the suction was amazing already, making him moan and grip tighter on his hair.

Darren moved his head a bit faster, loving it when Chris pulled it, feeling the sparks of pleasure going straight to his groin and making hum suck even harder, groaning.

"So good, Darren…missed this so much…," Chris whined and bit at his lip harder, squeezing his eyes shut when the suction became more. He panted heavily and forced himself to open his eyes again, watching his boyfriend.

Darren saw the way Chris fought to keep his eyes open, making him hum in appreciation, both knowing what Darren would have said if he'd had the possibility to speak right now. He moved his hand so he he could fumble Chris' balls now, taking him deeper and pressing his nose in his pubic hair, closing his eyes in absolutely pleasure.

Chris's body shot up when Darren engulfed him completely, playing with his balls that were already drawn tight to his body. He was shaking and groaning, so close on the edge already and he tried his best to look at the other man still, his lips parted.

When Chris' body shot up, he pushed his cock even deeper into Darren's mouth, making him gag on it. He felt his eyes water and quickly shot them open, eyes even darker, hoping Chris would get the idea of what he wanted him to do.

A loud moan dropped off Chris's lips and he moved a little to get more leverage. He looked down at his boyfriend and soothingly stroked through his hair, his hips bucking up lightly, grinding and fucking himself into his mouth gently, his hand cupping his jaw.

Groaning he took all he could, gagging still, but loving every second of it, before he couldn't take it anymore and backed away to take a deep breath again, needing to calm down himself.

"Sorry, sorry, are you okay?" Chris panted and affectionately stroked at Darren's cheek, smiling at him warmly, sweat glistening on his forehead.

Darren stubbornly shook his head and grabbed Chris' hard cock, wrapping his lips around before he tried to push Chris' hips up by grabbing them and moving them up, needing him to go on, because he loved it just as much as Chris did. His lips surrounded his cock perfectly, sucking on his big shaft and groaning again before he tried to relax his throat better. It had been a while for him too.

"Oh my -," Chris was interrupted by a low moan that vibrated through him as soon as Darren started pushing on his hips, desperately trying to get him deeper, causing him to slide down his throat. "Jesus…," Chris panted and tugged on Darren's curls, hard. "S-So good…so fucking perfect, Darren," he choked out and allowed himself to move his hips up again.

Darren took it better this time, able to relax his throat enough so he didn't choke on air, but tried to swallow around it now, making his throat clench around Chris' dick, breathing in loudly through his nose, enjoying this way too much, but not caring in the least when his fingers also started to pull on his balls again.

Chris was a mess at that point. He was bucking and writhing, so desperate to come when Darren's throat convulsed around him, squeezing him and causing him to cry out softly. "Oh fuck!" he cursed when he pulled on his balls, holding back his orgasm. "Please, Dare…let me come…," he whined and rutted up lightly.

* * *

**AN: Whoops! Cutting the smut? Yes we are! Don't kill us! It was just.. It was 18 pages long and we thought we could better split it up. So tomorrow you'll get more smut ;) Let us know what you think! We love you all!**


	26. Going Further

**Chapter 26 'Going Further'**

Darren looked up at him, silently messaging him that he needed to beg for it, not so eager to make him come this quickly, eyes glinting with amusement and the mess he had turned him in, lips, tongue and his throat never stopping their treatment, groaning extra hard to make it even more pleasurable for Chris.

His body was trembling when Darren groaned around him and he quickly got the hint, falling back into their previous scheme slowly. "Please, Darren, make me come…please, let me…I need it - your mouth feels so good…your lips are so perfect around me and - god, you always love it when I fuck your mouth, don't you?" Chris murmured, thrusting up to make his point.

Darren growled now, he was so hard his dick ached in his pants, so eager to come out, but still completely ignored by now, his only goal to make Chris come. He let go of his balls and pressed his face into his stomach, swallowing hard while the grip he still had on one hip tightened so hard it would surely leave bruises.

Chris cried out in pleasure and felt his hips stutter up into Darren's mouth, he shuddered and his cock twitched. "G-Gonna come - fuck!" Chris panted and came once Darren let go of his balls. "Ah, oh god…," he groaned and tugged on his hair a little harder now before releasing him.

Darren felt Chris' cock twitch inside his mouth, coming right after and making him swallow everything Chris gave him, a low moan leaving his throat at the taste of him after all that time. Moving away he still kept his lips around Chris' cock, sucking his head clean and even when he was, he couldn't keep his lips away, feeling his cock soften in his mouth.

Shivering with oversensitivity, Chris squirmed and moaned softly, watching Darren with dark, loving eyes, stroking over his cheek and cupping his jaw, his eyes never leaving his. "Thank you…," he breathed.

Hearing those words, Darren finally left Chris' cock and moved back up, his legs diverted from Chris' lower body because his jeans would probably be a bit too rough against his sensitive skin right now. "Don't ever thank me for that," Darren said seriously and leaned in to kiss him softly.

Chris smiled and kissed Darren back with a content hum, his arms wrapping around him. "No…I mean…thank you…for everything. For making me feel so good about myself no matter what," he whispered against his lips and pressed them together again.

"There's nothing to not feel good about," Darren replied and kissed his cheek now, not even noticing that with those words he actually showed just how much he had forgiven Chris.

Chris smiled even wider and shook his head. "I love you so fucking much…," he said and nuzzled his nose against his skin.

Darren just smiled and wrapped his arms around him, his head cuddling into the crook of his neck, momentarily forgetting about his own need.

Chris soothed his hands down Darren's back and kissed his cheek. "Want me to take care of you…?" he asked softly.

Darren smiled up to him and leaned into his touch, thinking before speaking out loud. "Would you.. Do you want to make love with me?" he asked, softly rubbing his hard cock behind his jeans against his naked leg now.

Chris gasped and looked at him with wide eyes. "Gosh, I - of course, Darren…you didn't have to ask me that…I love you so I want to make love with you," he whispered and kissed him gently. "And I can tell that you really, really want to," he smirked.

"Really? What gave you that idea?" Darren asked, grinning himself, loving that no matter how rough and hard it could become between them, they could also joke and be incredibly cheesy around each other in the same situation.

"Oh, I don't know…intuition?" he laughed and rubbed his leg back against Darren's straining erection. "Or your hard dick that's all pressed up against my thigh," he giggled and kissed him gently. "Not that I mind," he winked.

Darren moaned softly when Chris rubbed his leg against his cock, his eyes closing momentarily. "Shit. Undress me," he said and rubbed back eagerly.

Chris happily obliged and got up, pushing at Darren's shoulders to cause him to lay down on his back, fondling with his belt to pull his pants down along with his underwear, moaning when his cock sprang free. "God…"

"Fuck, Chris, do something," Darren groaned when he helped Chris to move his pants away and felt the cool air hit his straining cock.

Tentatively, Chris let his fingers trace over the hard form of Darren's cock, taking him in his hand to give him a few strokes, spreading the wetness on the tip. "Like what…?"

"Anything," Darren said, voice close to desperate now and his hips already lifting to make his cock thrust into Chris' soft hand, eyes closing in pleasure when his thumb brushed his tip.

Smiling, Chris reached over to get the lube from the nightstand, laying it next to them before straddling Darren's hips, reaching behind him to line up Darren's cock with his crack. He started rutting lightly, letting Darren rub against him. "Are you gonna get me ready…?" he asked teasingly.

Letting his head fall back he rutted his cock against Chris' ass, wanting to be in him so badly. "Pre-prepare yourself for me, Let me- let me watch," Darren said, voice low and dark now, head lifting again to gaze at him.

"Everything for you, Dare…," Chris whispered and took the lube, squirting some on his fingers, rubbing to get it warm. He reached behind him again, letting his cool fingers ghost over Darren's cock before sliding his finger through his crack and over his hole, rubbing, making himself pant and moan softly. "God, I can't wait to have you inside of me…," he breathed and pushed his finger inside, groaning and clenching down, rutting on top of Darren lightly.

Darren didn't know how he stood still, but he did, his cock being pleasured by Chris' rutting back at him and his hand moving against it feathery light, making him moan soft and low. "Shit, you're so hot like this," Darren muttered, eyes fixated on the way Chris was pushing his finger inside and his face that was already clenched with pleasure.

"Yeah?" Chris teased and kept moving, pushing in a second finger with a groan, thrusting them in and out slowly, his eyes fixed with Darren's.

"Fuck yeah," Darren replied, breathless by just watching Chris like this. "You want my cock in you, don't you?" he asked him, pushing his hips up slightly, making his cock graze Chris' moving fingers.

"God, yes…," Chris moaned wantonly, panting and shivering when he felt Darren's cock against his fingers. "It's so much better than my fingers…," he whispered hoarsely.

"How-How many times have you done it, wishing it was me?" Darren asked now, eyes darkening even more, his hips jerking up at the sound of his wanton moan.

"N-Not much…m-maybe - god…," Chris stilled his fingers and rutted lazily. "I can't remember…but - god, I always wished it was you. I needed you so much. Wanted you every time…," he groaned and started thrusting again.

Darren couldn't possibly do nothing when Chris was pleasuring himself like that, so he didn't. "Yeah just like that," he said softly. "Spread yourself for me, you'll be so tight after all that time, won't you?" he asked, his hand grabbing his waist now, stroking it softly. "You have no idea how many times I thought of you these past few days, wondering how I could bring us this close again," he admitted.

"I do…I - I thought about it too," Chris choked out and scissored his fingers, groaning and adding a third, moving slowly, rolling his hips.

"Should have known simple diet cokes would do the trick," Darren said, chuckling slightly and rolled his hips right back at him, feeling his cock growing even harder between Chris' cheeks and when he heard him groan.

"Well, duh!" Chris laughed and was cut off by a moan when he hit his prostate. "Fuck…," he whimpered and rutted back against his cock. "I'm ready…just - please…"

Darren moved his other hand to his waist now too, tilting him up so he could let his cock slide up between his cheeks, angling Chris so he could slide in, moaning even though it didn't work right away. "Help me a bit here," Darren said and looked up at Chris.

Chris was moaning helplessly when his fingers slid out of him and Darren's cock slid up between his cheeks, rubbing over his entrance. "Fuck…," he moaned and kept pushing his hips back, letting it slide in and out of his cheeks before he reached for the lube, stroking it over his cock before sitting up a bit, pressing the blunt, thick tip against his stretched hole, sinking down slowly. "Oh god…missed - oh shit, I missed you so much inside of me…"

Feeling Chris lubing his cock made him moan hard and low and right before he slipped in he let out an almost agonizing groan, his need so high it almost made him yell. But then Chris was there. On him, around him, talking to him and nothing had ever felt better. "Chris." The only thing that left his lips was Chris' name in a broken whisper.

"Oh…you feel so good…," Chris managed to get out before he moaned loudly, grinding and clenching around Darren inside of him and he knew that this wasn't some wet dream or fantasy. This was real. Them. Chris and Darren and no one else.

Darren's hold on Chris, tightened before he lifted his lips and thrusted the rest of his cock in, moaning at the same time as Chris did when they were finally connected again, feeling Chris clench around him. "Shit, I love you so much," he choked out.

A small cry escaped Chris's lips and he closed his eyes, rutting and grinding back against Darren's thrusts. "I love you too…fuck, I l-love you so much!"

Seeing Chris already losing it, made Darren thrust up harder, feeling him tight and hot around him, urging him on even more. "So- so good," Darren groaned, his hips moving up fast now.

Chris was panting and writhing on top of Darren, the intrusion somehow new yet so familiar and the pressure felt like too much and not enough. He was squirming and thrusting, moaning out Darren's name.

Darren kept moaning as well, his eyes and mind still taking everything in, the way their body's were moving as one, the way his heart threatened to beat out of his chest, the way Chris looked totally wrecked but still willing and needing more above him. His cock was already hard again, flushed against his stomach, leaking precum. Darren pulled Chris more towards him, getting a better leverage and rolling his hips now while his stomach rubbed against Chris' cock this way, his lips touching his forehead dryly.

Chris allowed Darren to pull him closer, keeping him pressed against his body tightly, his hips rolling into him and the friction of his stomach against his cock nearly too much. He panted and closed his eyes, rutting and rolling his hips in time with Darren's when his eyes snapped open and he leaned in to kiss Darren deeply.

Kissing him back eagerly, Darren let his hands move from his waist, to his ass, grabbing both his cheeks and spreading them to let himself slide even deeper, groaning into the kiss and feeling sweat break out all over his body.

"Hmmm…," Chris groaned when Darren grabbed at his ass and spread him to get deeper. He couldn't help but moan and push back when he sank into him. "Deeper…," Chris whispered against his lips, wanting Darren to fully take control, kissing him again longingly.

Letting out a long, wanton moan, Darren stilled his thrusts and tightened his grip on his ass. Looking deeply into Chris' eyes he moved himself, gathering all his strength, so he could rotate himself on the bed and stand up, carrying Chris against his body, his cock still inside him and his hands on his ass. "Hold on to me," he said, his voice scratchy and walked towards their bedroom wall, the freshly painted one and pushed Chris against it, holding him there with his body, while he started to thrust even harder, his eyes closed in pure ecstasy now.

Chris let out a surprised and slightly confused noise when Darren pulled up, standing up. He was about to ask what was wrong but smiled quickly when Darren urged him to hold on to him, letting him carry him over to the wall. "Oh fuck!" Chris cursed and held on to Darren's back, dragging his nails over his back before leaning in to suck on his neck, rutting and moaning loudly, loving how he was at Darren's mercy now.

Knowing there would be marks in the morning of Chris' fingernails made him even more dazed with lust, his hips moving on their own now, his face pressed against his shoulder, lips touching it and teeth grazing his neck roughly, while his fingers digged into his ass.

Chris scratched a little harder, eager to leave marks on Darren's olive skin. He panted against his heated body and groaned, kissing at his neck and pushing back as good as he could.

The sound of his balls slapping against Chris' ass filled the air together with their grunted moans and wanton and needy sounds, their bodies inseparable.

Chris was holding on to Darren still, his legs wrapped around his waist to pull him even closer, never getting enough and never close enough. "Love you," he breathed out into his ear. "So good…"

"Love you too, need you so much, never again," Darren grunted back and bit down his shoulder hard.

"N-No, never. Never without you again," Chris groaned and let out a low whine.

"Fuck I'm so close," Darren mumbled, his legs trembling now and his thrusting becoming erratic.

"Come for me…come on, Darren…fi-fill me up. Make me yours," Chris moaned and tightened his legs around Darren's hips.

Darren did when he felt Chris tightening around him and begging for him to come inside. His cock twitched hard inside Chris and filled him, his orgasm feeling like it was never ending, leaning into Chris hard before he would fall down.

Chris was crying out when Darren came inside of him, making him cling to him even more, rutting and letting Darren press him against the wall more. "Baby…," he whispered. "L-Let me down, it's okay," he whispered and stroked at his sweaty back.

"N-No," Darren said and tried to force himself up again, needing Chris to come as well and started to thrust back in, feeling his own cum dripping out of Chris' hole now, making his thrusts wet and sloppy.

"Oh fuck…," Chris moaned and held himself up, trying to make it easy for Darren, whining at the sounds their bodies made, the wet slide of Darren's cock in his spent hole. He shivered and rutted up, his own cock sliding against Darren's stomach and he didn't need much more. The friction quickly did its job and he came with a wail, shuddering all over and clutching to his boyfriend, kissing him breathlessly.

Darren let out a breathless moan when he felt Chris coming between them, making their body's even more filthy, but not caring in the least, because this was his boyfriend and him, nobody else and they both had just made love again after weeks of being apart and nothing and no one would be able to ever take that away from them. He let Chris kiss him, to exhausted to do much back, except for still keeping him up against him and holding him close.

"Let's go to bed…I need cuddles…," Chris mumbled with a tired smile, letting himself sink against the wall, groaning when Darren shifted inside of him, slipping out.

Darren laughed when Chris asked him that, because there was no way in hell they could go to bed like this. They needed a shower right now, a very hot and long one. "Oh no we don't. You and I, in the shower, mister," he said and playfully smiling at him while sticking out his hand. "We can sit in the shower," he smiled.

"Tireed…," Chris whined and pouted a little but he knew Darren was right. They were filthy and sweaty and there was come and more sweat. Okay, maybe a shower wasn't too bad after all. "Fiine…," he said finally and grinned at Darren, nuzzling against his cheek, kissing him. "That beard…I wasn't going to say anything but…it keeps me from kissing you properly," the younger man kept pouting.

Darren rolled his eyes and laughed. "Only half an hour ago you begged for me to touch you with it, make your mind up Colfer," he said jokingly and pressed a kiss of his own against his cheek. "But if you want I'll take it off, deal?" he asked.

"Nah…leave it - I'm weirdly fond of it. It just scratched me. It's like a pet. You love it but you hate it, you know?" Chris laughed giddily and pecked his lips. "You don't have to shave because of me, dummy."

"Oh hush you, you know I will do anything for you. And besides, I like your kisses a bit too much too miss them. It'll grow back and you will enjoy it again, I promise," Darren said and brushed his still red nipples teasingly before he walked into their bathroom, right into the shower and putting the water on.

Hissing when Darren teased at his sensitive and still tender nipples, Chris let out a small laugh. "Well…I like the beardburn…but I can't see your face properly. That's what bugs me," he grinned and stroked his hand over Darren's beard before walking after his boyfriend, hugging him from behind. "I love feeling that close to you again…"

Darren smiled and leaned back against Chris, letting his hand cover his. "Me too, it's not healthy to miss someone physically this much," Darren muttered. "And the beard is going off, for sure now!" The water fell upon them, soaking their hair and wetting their bodies even more. Darren closed his eyes in content, warm, happy and loved, wrapped in Chris' arms. Mentally signing off one of the post-it's of Chris' list.

"I didn't only mean…physically. Emotionally too. I just - my biggest fear was that you'd never let me in again," Chris explained and laughed softly when Darren decided that the beard was going. He hummed when the warm water hit his bruised and sweaty skin, washing it clean as he cuddled back into Darren, closing his eyes as well. It was crazy how normal this felt. How familiar and just so right that it made Chris's head spin.

"I never stopped letting you in Chris… Think about it," Darren said and brushed his knuckles softly.

Chris nodded. "Gosh…you're right but - I mean…you know what I mean," he chuckled and shook his head, pulling his boyfriend into his arms tightly.

Darren hummed softly. "I know what you mean," he agreed. "God my legs are still trembling," he suddenly stated.

Chris smiled warmly and nodded. "I can feel it…mine too though," he said and kissed his cheek gently.

"Why did we never have wallsex before?" Daren asked, sounding positively scandalized while he lent into his kiss.

A loud laugh ripped from Chris's throat and he looked at Darren. "Right? I was wondering…it's exhausting but - weirdly hot," he grinned.

"But then again.. Everything that involves us having sex is hot," Darren grinned and turned around in Chris' arms leaning in for a deep kiss.

Chris kissed back happily, humming contently before breaking away. "It is. I really, really missed this with you. The connection, just - feeling you," he whispered against his lips.

"Good thing you'll never have to miss it again then," Darren said smiling and leaned in again, pushing his lips open with his and holding his neck with his hand.

Gasping, Chris kissed back deeply, his arms wrapping around Darren's back, holding him close. "Very good…"

Darren looked into his eyes and saw no trace of sadness in it and it warmed his heart even more. "Chris?" he asked softly.

"Hm?" Chris hummed softly, looking back at Darren with a gentle smile.

"I wanna take a bath with you," he said and remembered the time he was soothing Chris' reddened skin, still too hurt to just join him in the water, but not willing to go away either.

"Okay…," Chris breathed, looking back at Darren once again, tilting his head. "I missed that too. Just being with you…like that I mean," he mumbled and kissed his cheek. "You have no idea how much I wanted you to join me that night. Not to do anything sexual. Not at all…but just - having you there, talking to me and washing my hair. I always loved that."

"Well then, what are you waiting for?" Darren asked with a smile and pushed him softly. "Get that tub ready, I'll get the wine. I believe we still have a bottle of it?" he asked and smiled widely.

Chris nodded with a bright smile and walked over to the tub to get the water to run, putting some soap into it to get some bubbles. He checked for the temperature and sat on the edge.

Walking downstairs, completely naked, he quickly grabbed the bottle and walked up again. He put the bottle down in their bedroom and searched around for some candles, bringing them to the bathroom where he could see Chris sitting on the edge. "I'm back," he said and started to put the candles down, lighting them before he walked back to grab the bottle and finally settle down in the water, looking at Chris with bright eyes. "Are you gonna join me or what?" he said and spread his legs a little.

"With pleasure," Chris winked and smiled back at him, getting into the tub, settling himself against Darren's chest, sighing when the warm water embraced his body. "Hmm…such a romantic," he chuckled and looked at Darren over his shoulder.

"Can't blame me for that now," Darren said and pecked him on his lips softly before he took the bottle and sipped it, handing it to Chris afterwards. "Hmm.. I'm wondering what was next on your little timeline for us," he chuckled and stroked Chris' waist lovingly.

"Not really," Chris chuckled softly and kissed back gently, taking the bottle from Darren and taking a sip. "Hmmm…you can't remember?" he whispered.

"I think I do…," Darren whispered back and pressed his lips against his hair, closing his eyes in comfort.

"Yeah…?" Chris mumbled and smiled, closing his eyes as well as his body relaxed into Darren's.

"Yeah," he said with a smile. "Happiness, which I didn't agree on by the way."

"Why is that…?" Chris asked softly, his voice quiet and low.

"Because you made it sound like only sex could make us happy and I know you didn't mean it like that, but Chris.. Happiness came when I got your text that day. It never went away after either and it never will."

"Oh gosh, stop right there!" Chris complained when Darren said it sounded as if only sex would make them happy. "God, no…I was always happy with you. I never - I just meant - ultimate happiness. The happiness that could only come with true forgiveness and making up…the one that I'll always feel when I'm with you…don't ever think that," he mumbled and kissed his lips gently before resting his head back against his shoulder.

"Ultimate happiness," Darren echoed and smiled. "With you."


	27. Happiness

**Chapter**** 27 '****Happiness****'**

"God that scene was so frustrating," Darren groaned and sank down on his director chair. "Thank god we don't write this show, we would get all the crap otherwise," Darren said, voice filled with irritation. He glanced sideways at Chris before sipping his water. "What are you so giddy and happy about?"

"Nothing," Chris chuckled and shrugged mysteriously, grinning at Darren widely. "Oh and I know why they don't. Because you'd make us kiss all the time you evil man," he teased.

"And that is wrong and evil, because?" Darren asked, grinning already. "It's what the fans want after all," he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Chris chuckled again and swatted his arm. "But it's also what_you_ want," he winked playfully.

"Can't argue with that," Darren laughed and leaned into him, letting his head rest on his shoulder.

Letting out a soft, content sigh, Chris rested his head on Darren's, closing his eyes. "I'm so tired..."

"You don't sound tired to me," Darren said and frowned. "What's up with you today? You've been acting weird all day now. Did something happen?"

"When we come home...I have a surprise for you, okay?" Chris said, looking at him with an excited smile.

Darren gave him a questioning look, not really liking surprises at all. It made him too giddy and excited and he always ended up doing weird things then. "What? Why? Why only when we're home? Did you get us a puppy? Oh my god you bought a puppy!" Darren exclaimed, voice rising with enthusiasm before he rushed forward to envelop Chris in a hug.

"Darren! I have a _cat_. I didn't buy a puppy...but I hope it'll be - something you'll like even better," Chris smiled warmly and bit his lip, hugging Darren tightly.

Darren pouted slightly. "Brian doesn't like me, Chris. We should get a pet that likes me too. He always looks at me like he knows. He looks at me like I stole you from him! But I was here first!" Darren said and looked like a stubborn child while he whined.

"Dare...he's a cat. He's old and lazy and he likes cuddles. If you cuddle him more and actually feed him he'll love you. And shush, he does like you. He's just a bit judgmental. Like me," Chris giggled and shook his head, kissing Darren's cheek. "And I know you were...I love you, dork."

"Yeah, well you better," Darren said and lent his head back against his shoulder again, still mocking about Brian. "He doesn't like it when I pet him. Just so you know. He has claws, Chris. Sharp claws."

"He attacked you?" Chris exclaimed with a laugh. "He actually took some strength and scratched you?" he giggled and nuzzled against Darren's cheek. "I'm sorry, baby."

"He did! He's an evil little heavy douchebag cat!" Darren said and cuddled even closer. "At least you're there. You like my cuddles."

Chris pouted. "But...he's our baby...," he tilted his head and nodded. "I do love your cuddles."

"Oh no he's not. He's yours. I'm just the one who pays for his food and stuff. He doesn't want me as his dad anyway. Didn't you notice he almost pushed me out of bed yesterday? I mean. Our bed!" Darren sounded positively scandalized by Chris' cat.

"Darren!" Chris kept laughing. "You're a grown man, I'm sure he couldn't push you off if he tried! And you have a right to sleep there so you should fight for it," he winked and nudged his side.

"Oh I did. I pushed him away with my ass and then he went. No one can handle my strong ass," he said and looked even proud of it too.

"I can," Chris winked and kissed Darren's cheek. "But it is a very muscular one...I like it," he kept teasing and laughed again, shaking his head as he pulled away.

"Where are you going?" Darren immediately asked and pouted again, looking up at him. "I was comfy!"

"I'm sorry, baby," Chris mumbled and looked back at Darren, moving in again.

Darren smiled and snuggled close again, closing his eyes with a happy sigh. "How many scenes do we have before we can go?"

"Three...no, wait - two. I think we have two left," he mumbled and cuddled a little closer. "I don't want to moove..."

"Me neither," Darren sighed and let his hand rest on Chris' thigh. "Are you gonna tell me your secret?" he asked him softly, teasingly almost.

"Not yet," Chris teased back and wriggled his brows with a laugh, shaking his head at him.

"You're evil. Maybe I should tickle you," Darren said, the amusement growing in his voice, his fingertips digging into his sensitive thigh already.

"No! No, I swear, Darren!" Chris warned, scooting away a little.

"Will it be worth the wait?" Darren asked, raising one eyebrow in challenge, hand still ready to tickle him merciless.

"Well, I sure hope so!" Chris said and tilted his head. "But I may blow it off if you tickle me, Mister."

"There's only one thing you're gonna blow off so don't talk about that when we can't actually do something with it," Darren said with a grin. "I still hate that rule Ryan made. Whoever was it for?"

"Us. And Cory and Lea," Chris giggled loudly.

Which weren't even together then," Darren said and frowned, looking a bit judgemental. "Didn't she still had a boyfriend then?"

"Oh shush, none of our business!" Chris laughed and nuzzled against Darren more. "I think he walked into us once..."

"No," Darren said in horror, eyes widening. "Oh please tell me he didn't."

"So he - uh - he didn't exactly told me but he told me to be 'more discreet'..."

"Oh fucking hell," Darren groaned and sunk down, showing a terror-stricken face. "Knowing him he actually enjoyed it too. Pervert," Darren mumbled, eyes immediately flying open again and wildly looking around, praying to whoever wanted to listen that Ryan did not just walk by.

"Shush! It's okay. He can't really walk in - we've always been careful...maybe he just heard," Chris laughed and shook his head, taking Darren's hand in his to squeeze it reassuringly.

"Still. The idea alone is scary enough," Darren said and shook his head a little, trying to get rid of the image of Ryan sneakpeeking inside.

"Dramaqueen...," Chris teased and placed a kiss on Darren's lips, shaking his head once again at him, grinning widely.

Darren grinned brightly. "But you love me anyway," he said and leaned in for another kiss, only breaking away when he heard a cough behind him.

"That I do...my little dramaqueen," Chris laughed and was about to lean in as well before his eyes shot open. "Uhm..."

"We were just talking about you," Darren said and immediately felt his face become red and his eyes widen.

"Were you now?" Ryan asked and quirked one eyebrow. "I don't think I wanna know."

"We were but - nothing bad, I mean obviously nothing bad, Ryan, don't worry!" Chris laughed it off, trying his best to use his acting abilities to shake the older man off. He shot Darren a look and urged him to calm down with his look because he could see the way he was blushing and usually he never did, only when he was really embarrassed or lying.

"Yeah just about the last scene. You know. The usual," Darren said and tried to smile nonchalantly. "Do you think we can go home early today?" he asked Ryan with a charming grin.

Chris mirrored the grin and looked up at their boss, tilting his head.

"Well...," Ryan started, looking back and forth between the two man with a judging look. "Home early...? As if you'd actually listen to the rules I made," he rolled his eyes.

"We don't. But this is about a surprise from Chris for me," Darren said with a big grin.

"A big surprise and no, it's not what you're thinking...," Chris huffed and rolled his eyes, looking at Darren, squeezing his hand.

"I wasn't thinking anything, Chris,' Ryan said and rolled his eyes again. "Well, I was just talking with Zach and he actually thinks I should let you guys go early today, because he has a very tiring, big, long and did I say, tiring, day planned for you tomorrow," Ryan said in a drawling tone, eyes already focussing on something else.

"Really?" Darren asked, eyes wide and voice filled with disbelieve. "You _never_ let us go early!" he said with an excitement tone.

"Thank god he lets us today...," Chris mumbled and grinned to himself excitedly, knowing that soon his plan would become reality and hopefully it wasn't too much. He wanted to make this perfect, right and just as good as he could for Darren.

"Hm, less time until the surprise!" Darren said with a big grin and jumped up from his chair. "Thanks Ryan! You're the best!"

"Yeah yeah, just tell the others and consider yourself free for the rest of the day," Ryan said and walked off.

"Will do!" Chris called and turned to Darren again with a small squee. "Awesome!"

"We're so just gonna send them a text and move home," Darren said, already grabbing his phone to do so.

"Yes! Perfect!" Chris grinned and took his phone out as well.

When they texted everyone Darren looked up. "Ready to go?"

"Totally ready, yes...," Chris breathed and got up, grabbing his bag and Darren's hand.

Entangling their fingers, Darren walked off with Chris, his mind spinning with possible options about the surprise. "Is it a new tv?"

"Darren...we have an amazing TV, so no. No new TV," Chris laughed and shook his head, nearly dragging Darren to the car.

"Hm. Oh! Do we have a new car?" Darren asked, already getting giddy at the idea.

Chris laughed again, swatting his arm. "No! Our car is just fine! I don't think you'll ever guess it right," he grinned and opened the door, urging Darren to get in.

"I won't give up so easily," Darren said and stepped inside, already thinking of new possibilities. "Oh my god. You did not buy tickets for visiting the Harry Potter set in London right?" Darren asked with a frown, looking sideways when Chris settled behind the wheel.

"Oh my god, no! Though - that would be pretty epic," Chris acknowledged and shrugged. "But no. That's not it," he said and started the engine.

"Well good, because that would kinda ruin my surprise," Darren said and buckled his seatbelt.

"True," Chris nodded and fastened his own seatbelt before he pulled out of the parking lot.

"Wait. Did you already know I bought those?" Darren asked, looking sideways again.

"Wait -," Chris stilled and looked at Darren with wide eyes. "You - wait - what?"

"Ah fuck," Darren said with a groan and let his head bang against the headrest. "Screw my surprises. I always tell you before I want to! And not even on purpose!"

"I love you so much, oh my god!" Chris exclaimed. "Oh, believe me! I'm just as excited!"

"Yeah, but we're in the car, I didn't say it after we finished your special edition moviebox, I didn't even feed you redvines! It's just. Fuck it. This sucks."

"Shush and don't distract me because I don't care! We're going to London and Harry Potter, I just - god, that's so amazing!"

Darren sighed and looked at Chris. "You really think so? Even when your stupid boyfriend can't even bring the surprise the way it's supposed to go or keep it a secret in the first place?"

"Shut up right now, Criss! I love you and I would've freaked out any way. You're perfect. Stop worrying," Chris laughed softly.

"Okay okay. Well I bought tickets to London and for a show I don't even know in Dublin so I have tickets to there too. Just so we can go back to there for- well you know why. And I also bought tickets for what I just said. So it's gonna be a busy trip, but I think you'll love it," Darren said and grinned a little, his disappointment slowly fading

"God, I just really, really love you. Even more in that very moment, Dare, I swear!" Chris exclaimed happily and gripped the steering-wheel tightly.

"What moment?" Darren asked and smiled with curiousness.

"The moment you told me we'd go on that trip!" Chris laughed and pulled into their street, the anxious yet excited feeling spreading in his stomach slowly.

"Oh!" Darren said and grinned. "Yeah, well. It's a pretty amazing idea, if you ask me!" he said, sounding a bit smug before he put his seatbelt off.

"It is indeed!" Chris confirmed and parked the car, unfastened his seatbelt as well and got out of the car, walking over to open Darren's door for him with a grin.

"Such manners," Darren said and pecked him on the cheek before he walked inside, dropping his stuff and hanging his coat. "God, it's good to be home," he said and then turned around, wrapping his arms around Chris. "With you."

Chris giggled and leaned into the small kiss that Darren placed on his cheek. He mirrored Darren's actions and hung up his coat as well, grinning widely when his boyfriend's arms wrapped around him. "Hmmm...," he hummed and turned, nuzzling into his neck. "It really is..."

Darren leaned his head against Chris' and smiled, closing his eyes. Suddenly he jerked up. "My surprise!" he almost yelled.

Jumping when Darren's body suddenly jerked, Chris couldn't help but laugh and peck his lips. "Yes...yes, your surprise...right, okay uhm - wait here. Sit on the couch, I have to - go upstairs, I'll be right down!" he said with a smile.

"Is it another toy?" Darren asked, voice dropping a little, eyes glazing already.

Chris grinned playfully. "Nooo, still guessing wrong, Mister," he chuckled and kept walking.

Darren pouted again, even though Chris couldn't see him with his back turned towards him. "Fine. Leave me here. All alone. Questioning whatever it is that you'll give me," Darren said with a whiny sound and slumped towards the living room, sinking down on the couch.

"It'll be worth it. At least I hope so...just be patient!" Chris called and quickly walked into their bedroom. He rummaged through the closet to find the small black box he'd bought for Darren, grabbing it and made his way down again.

Darren circled his thumbs inside his hands and hummed a soft song, thinking about writing the notes down so he could turn it into a real song later on, waiting for Chris to come back. He had never been good at waiting. Grabbing the notepad that was right in front of him he saw the notes full of Chris' drabbles, skipping them until he found a blank one, writing the notes down, a list of words beneath them that would fit on the notes.

When Chris was back downstairs again he couldn't help the soft smile that was plastered on his lips. He walked up to the couch, sitting down next to his boyfriend, moving in so close their legs were brushing against each other. "Hey...," he breathed.

"Hey!" Darren said back, already grinning again. "I just made a start with a new song!"

"That's great! Uhm...c-can you give me that notebook though...I - had an idea for a new book," Chris mumbled and smiled at Darren lovingly.

"I saw you wrote a lot already," Darren said and handed it him, lying the pen down. "You wanna tell me?"

"It's another novel...very different from The Land Of Stories...it's a little - more personal. More mature I guess...," Chris started and bit at his lip nervously.

Darren nodded encouragingly and leaned back, still close to Chris, but showing him he was listening. "Alright, tell me!"

"There are those two boys...best friends if you will - and...they fell in love one day. They didn't plan on it but they're pretty similar in some ways and they got along really well. There were some bumps in their road but they didn't let it get to them...they remained best friends even when they became more. When they became lovers...I want to - to write about how they are now...," Chris explained, his eyes never leaving Darren's.

Darren listened to every word he said, nodding and smiling while doing so. "Sounds a bit familiar," he joked but then got serious again. "Alright. Shoot."

"It does," Chris laughed and nodded to himself a bit. "Very familiar uhm - well...I want to follow those two. I want to follow their lives in the present and maybe even in the future. I just started a new chapter...do you - want me to read it to you?"

A wide grin broke out on Darren's face. "Really? You're gonna read me your chapter? You never do that! That's so cool! Okay, sorry. I'll be good. I'll behave, I'll just. Sit and listen, go on."

Chris chuckled and leaned in to place a soft kiss on Darren's cheek. "Always so excited...," he mumbled and shook his head with a bright grin before he took the notebook again and opened the right page. "Okay...," he cleared his throat and started reading. "One day he decided to surprise his boyfriend. He kept it a secret all day and tried his best not to let it slip, no matter how hard it was. He wanted to tell him but he also knew that it would be better if he waited until they were alone. In their lives they'd overcome a lot. While both of them liked to think they were really talented and would make it big, they'd also feared that love would never come to them. At least he did. But now that he actually knew what love really meant, in their case forgiveness, trust and the sincere connection they shared he was longing for more. He wanted to show him what he really meant to him. So he got the small, black box he got him weeks ago but was too anxious to give to him yet, looked him right in the eyes and sank to his knees. As cliché as it can get."  
With those words Chris did just that, holding the book in his shaking hand still.

Darren was listening to every word that came out of Chris' mouth, loving it when he was reading something out loud. He also head the audio book of the land of story's. Not that he would ever tell Chris that. The story Chris was telling sounded very familiar and he smiled. When Chris started to talk about 'more' and a 'box', Darren felt his body go rigid, his eyes already widening. Chris dropped to his knees and Darren looked at him, still looking gobsmacked and disbelieving, his lips parting slightly.

Looking up at his boyfriend still, Chris started reading again or reciting rather, the book in one hand and his voice quivering lightly. "He looked right into his eyes and he couldn't even start to begin to explain how nervous he was. But he was excited too because this meant everything to him. He took his lover's hand," Chris again, did what he said and squeezed Darren's hand in his, putting down the book. "He started talking, not trusting his voice but he needed to, he needed to explain what the other man meant to him. 'Darren,' he whispered and squeezed his hand tighter," again Chris did it as he spoke, lacing their fingers together. "'I know it hasn't always been easy for us but now that it is, everything seems so perfect. So careless when you are with me. So effortless and amazing and I've never loved anyone before you. Not the way I love you anyways...so - I'm asking you not only for the forgiveness I asked you for a long time ago but also for your love. Because I promise you with - with this ring...," Chris's voice was nothing but a quiet, hoarse whisper when he reached into his pocket, pulling out the small, black box to pop it open, offering it to Darren as he spoke again. "I promise you that you'll never know hurt again. Pain shouldn't be what you'll ever feel again. Only love. The purest of it all and my love, my relentless and infinite love that I have for you, that I am yours for however long you want me to be, that you can trust me in good and bad and that I'll always be by your side...," he choked out, looking at Darren through teary eyes. "So Chris asked the man of his dreams the one question he'd wanted to ask all along but never dared to: 'Will you - Darren Criss - marry me?'. He waited for Darren's reply as he knelt and hoped he'd love him enough to say yes, but he waited...," Chris kept narrating, biting his lip and staring up at Darren with wide, bright eyes, filled with love and trust and warmth.

Darren didn't believe what was happening to him. Here he was, sitting on their couch, thinking he would get a new comic book or cd. Instead he got Chris in the most amazing, breathtaking way ever. In front of him was the love of his life, the guy he considered as his soulmate, asking him to marry him. Darren swallowed away the big lump that was in his throat, his palms sweaty and his fingers trembling against Chris'. He didn't even feel the tears running down his cheeks softly, happy tears, no question about it. He coughed a little before replying to Chris. "Darren didn't know what happened to him. Here he was, expecting a funny gift but instead he got a marriage proposal from the guy he loved more than life, was this really happening? He felt too choked up with emotions that giving a straight honest answer wasn't a possibility right away. He suddenly remembered how close they had been to losing each other. Not having each other at all. The memory still ached even though he knew they were alright now. More than alright. He had always known, even before that happened, that the only thing Chris was afraid of, was loving too much. But seeing Chris right in front of him asking him to be his husband, showed him that Chris wasn't afraid anymore. Not of him. Not of them. The idea of having Chris as _his_ man, his _husband_, made his heart swell with love and want, so there was only one possible answer left for him to say," Darren said, shuffling closer to Chris, eyes bright and full of love. "Yes."

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**AN: Awwww! :) What's next? SMUTTY TIMES. Yeey ;)**


	28. Words Into Action

**AN: I did warn you beforehand. This chapter contains smut, sex, sub/dom relationship and CrissColfer. I'm a believer of not actually having to warn for this, because it's basically all we've been waiting for but ah well.. Enjoy it ;)**

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**Chapter**** 28 'Words Into Action****'**

"I love you so much, Darren...god - you...you have no idea how much I wanted this. I didn't even know myself but I just want to be yours. Officially. Only yours and I love you with every fibre of my being...," Chris choked out and took the ring out of the box. "G-Give me your hand I - god...," he held back a sob with a soft chuckle as tears found their way out of his eyes.

Darren chuckled too, only now hearing the tears in his voice. "You're already holding my hand! I-Oh you need the other one? Shit. I'm so glad you're the one who asked this I would have been shit at it. I just- Oh god, Chris," he said and held out his other hand. "I love you too. So. So. _So_ much. You know I've wanted you to be mine since... well forever. I-Wait!" he suddenly said and jumped up, eyes widening and his hand leaving Chris' hand. "I'll be right back," he said before spurting away, moving upstairs and looking for his gift from a long time ago in their bedroom.

Chris was confused at first when Darren jumped up and practically ran away but he thought he had an idea about what he'd planned so he waited, still sitting on the floor, waiting for his - fiancé to return.

When he couldn't find it he groaned in frustration. Where did Chris leave it? He had given in too him. He had. But then he left and Chris changed the whole room and now he couldn't find it anymore. He kept pulling drawers open before he went on to their nightstands, searching there.

Chris moved to sit on the couch, his heart still pounding in his chest, nearly painfully with how intense this whole situation was but he'd done it. He'd asked the man of his dreams, his soulmate to marry him and he said yes. Nothing could happen now anymore that would change his mind because in that moment, Chris felt so happy, so utterly content with his whole life that nothing could bring him down.

Darren, defeated, walked back down again, a worried look on his face. He saw Chris sitting on the couch, looking a bit dazed but also vibrating with happiness. "It's gone," Darren said, voice filled with desperation.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked carefully, tilting his head.

"Your ring. It's gone. I-I gave it to you then. And I planned on giving it to you again, and now it's gone. I- I want to give it to you," Darren said, walking towards him and sitting down next to him, grabbing his hand tightly.

"Baby...," Chris whispered and looked at him, biting his lip as he reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, opening it to take out the ring. "I - I never - I wanted it so bad when you gave it to me. I wanted to keep it...I knew I didn't deserve it but - it made me feel close to you when I couldn't be...so I had it here. In my wallett. All the time so I'd have a piece of you there when you weren't here...," he said and let out a deep sigh.

Darren looked at the familiar ring and felt his hand tighten even more. "You had it all the time," he said, more to himself than to Chris.

Chris nodded and smiled warmly. "I - yeah...I'm sorry..."

"No! No- Don't be. It was yours. Still is and always has been. I meant it at the time and I never- I never felt different about it either," Darren said and picked the ring from his fingers, tilting it a little to let the light shine into the inscription.

"I read the inscription ever night before I went to sleep...I - it was the only way I could connect with you when you - were living at Joey's again."

Darren looked up again, his eyes still wet with tears. "What did you think when you first saw it?" he asked softly, knowing they could talk about it now.

Chris smiled softly. "I - I just thought about what a fucking idiot I was...and how I wanted nothing more but to wear this ring with pride."

Darren smiled and grabbed his hand now, pressing a soft, slightly wet, kiss at the spot the ring was supposed to be on. "Can I give it to you properly now?" he asked, a happy smile forming on his face again.

A bright grin spread on Chris's lips and he nodded. "God, yes...yes, please," he said a little rushed and smiled again, watching Darren.

Darren grinned as well and nodded too. "Alright. Chris," he started, sinking down on one knee as well know, right in front of his beautiful boyf-no. Fiancé. "When I was in New York, away from you, for more than a week, I went literally crazy. My mind was filled with you. Memories about you and us, having daydreams about us being there together, not caring about who'd see. I missed you so much, my chest literally ached. It was right then that I knew that I had to have you in my life forever. I didn't ever want to let you go again. Not for a week, rather not even for a day. I know that's very impossible, but still. I want you. I need you. I love you so incredibly much, Chris. If I look back at what we conquered. I mean. I don't think there's anything better than us, than what we have.. I know you said that I deserved someone better than you. That you thought I shouldn't settle for you." Darren shook his head with a disbelieving laugh. "You really didn't see that I had it all. That I have it all. I have you, the best thing in my life, my soulmate. I don't think-No. I _know_ that you _are_ my everything. Forever." Darren traced those last three words that were also inscripted in the ring with his finger before he let his fingers glide from Chris' until he only had his fingers in his hand now. "So, Chris Colfer, love of my life and my everything. Do you want to marry me back?" he asked, his voice joyful and happy tears falling again.

Chris chuckled softly, tears glistening in his eyes as well. "God, yes...yes, Darren - I - of course! How could I not? I love you so much...," he whispered and smiled at him brightly, tears staining his pale cheeks.

Darren smiled too, trembling fingers trying to get the ring on, cursing quickly when he didn't manage. "Since when are your fingers so thick!" he said and pushed the ring even harder.

"Ow! Rude!" Chris complained and tilted his head. "Ugh...maybe I gained weight again now that everything's good and stressless again?" he pouted.

"No it just- It needs a little oil. Or spit or whatever." Darren kept trying, even though it didn't help one bit. With a sigh he pulled back. "This never happens in movies."

Chris rolled his eyes and nodded. "Well...I guess that's just us...kinda - messy," he laughed and kissed Darren gently. "But you know what? That's makes it us. Those little flaws. It would be boring if everything was completely perfect, would it?" he asked with a gentle grin.

"Yeah, it totally would." Darren smiled up at him and leaned in to press a loving kiss to his lips. "I believe you still have something for me?"

Chris kissed back happily and nodded. "I have...," he mumbled and took out his ring, taking Darren's hand in his to slide it on his ringfinger, grinning when it fit. "Thank god...," he said.

Darren chuckled. "Of coures yours does fit. Have you been measuring my size secretly in my sleep?" Darren asked and scrunched his eyes at him, trying to look incredulous.

"May have done that...," Chris said with a shrug, grinning widely and kissed his nose.

"Evil." Darren chuckled and moved up before he pushed himself on the couch as well, straddling Chris, while he let his lips graze his. "So... Does my fiancé want to have a kiss?"

"What do you think?" Chris asked teasingly, giggling lightly as he looked up at his fiancé, smiling brightly.

"Well I don't know. Yes, maybe?" Darren asked and giggled too, hearing how ridiculously childish it sounded, but not caring in the least. He was in love with his best friend and they were engaged now. What else could possibly matter?

"Definitely yes!" Chris said, chuckling and his eyes wide and bright with love when he leaned in, nudging his nose against Darren's before placing his lips on his gently, humming and sucking on his lower lip with a grin.

Darren grinned too before his humor turned into want, a low moan escaping his lips when Chris sucked his lip, looking positively smug. He quickly leaned in some more and deepened their kiss, closing his eyes.

Chris pulled away gently and grinned. "Hmm...kissing my fiancé - that's new," he chuckled and leaned in again.

"Feels great," Darren said happily and grinned. "I could get used to this." Chris' lips already touched his again and they started to kiss deeper now, both feeling their new named love for and their promise against each other.

"Me too," Chris nodded softly and kissed back lovingly yet passionately, his fingertips brushing against the back of his neck.

Breathing heavily in through his nose, Darren pushed Chris back on the couch and straddled him, his fingertips brushing his cheek and the coolness of the ring pressing against his jawline.

Chris gasped and looked at Darren, groaning when the cool metal rubbing against his cheek to still at his jaw. He grinned and bit his lip, watching his fiancé.

Darren looked back at him, already panting a little. "I love you so much," he whispered, eyes shining and his knuckles grazing his face.

"I love you too...I'm so - god, I'm so happy, Darren!" Chris grinned so wide his cheeks hurt and he couldn't help a small, happy giggle from escaping his lips before he placed them on Darren's again. "So...you like your surprise, even though it's not a TV. Or tickets. Or - I don't know - a new toy," he laughed.

"I'm still in for a new toy, but we'll just order one," Darren replied, smirking slightly, kissing him softly afterwards. "But no. I don't like my surprise. I absolutely adore and love my surprise and I'll never forget it."

"Oh?" Chris chuckled and kissed back, nuzzling against his cheek. "Good...I hope so...and - you really are eager for a new toy aren't you?" he smirked and leaned up to kiss him once again.

Darren kissed him back before backing away a little, his lips still against Chris. "Are you really objecting?" he mumbled, eyes looking directly into his.

Chris laughed and looked back. "Why would I object? What did you have in mind?"

Darren bit his lip to hide an amused grin. "A new plug," he admitted and backed away a little more, so he could look better at Chris. "But. No pun intended," he chuckled. "We're not gonna talk about this now. I believe... we should have some celebrating sex," Darren stated with one raised eyebrow and his eyes full of amusement.

Another laugh fell from Chris's lips and he nodded, an amused grin still tugging on his lips. "Okay," he chuckled and tilted his head. "You think so? Hmm...do I want that?" he giggled.

"Don't you think we should find out if having sex with your fiancé also feels different? Just like the kissing?" Darren asked him back and wiggled his triangularly eyebrows at him.

"Should we...? Maybe you need to convince me a bit," Chris teased playfully and grinned widely, pecking Darren's lips.

"Yes. Or... Maybe, I should just start already. All by myself," he replied and leaned back completely, pushing himself to the other side of the couch and letting his hand drop down to his crotch, his palm cupping his already wakening cock.

Chris groaned at the sight and shook his head. "Oh nonono, it takes two to tango, darling," he winked and let out a small chuckle as he hovered over Darren, straddling his hips.

"Don't steal my words, Colfer," Darren said with a smirk, but the smirk died quickly when he felt Chris straddling his hips. A soft groan escaped his lips.

"What are you gonna do to stop me from stealing those?" Chris chuckled and ground down his hips slowly.

"Punish you," Darren said and let his dark eyes take Chris in, the sudden change of atmosphere noticeable.

Chris shuddered and gasped lightly, his eyes meeting Darren's, a dark flicker lighting up in his. "Oh yeah?"

"Hm. Very much so," Darren replied and grabbed his waist tightly.

"How?" Chris breathed and nuzzled against Darren's neck playfully.

"Maybe I should fuck you all night without allowing you to come," Darren said, his fingers staring to stroke his back now, slowly getting lower.

"I guess nothing changed now that we're engaged, huh?" Chris chuckled lowly and hissed at the soft, slow touch, arching into it a bit.

"Did you want it to?" Darren asked him back, eyes still watching his every move.

"Of course not...," Chris murmured and looked Darren in the eyes still, smiling softly.

"But... You did make this a very special day, so maybe I should award you for that first," Darren said, his voice lower now, loving the way Chris' eyes darkened even more, his fingers moving underneath Chris' shirt now.

"If you want to...feel free to reward me...," Chris whispered with a smirk, biting his lip when Darren's rough fingertips brushed against his skin.

Darren leaned in and let his lips graze Chris, touching but not kissing. "Did you have something in mind?" he asked him.

Chris shook his head and leaned up to press their lips together, huffing when he couldn't manage to do it. "Anything...just - anything...," he whispered longingly.

"Alright," Darren said, still brushing them, eyes lifting to look in his. "Get on the bed, ready and grab the silken ties I got you last week."

Chris nodded and let out a deep breath, nudging his nose against Darren's. "Okay...," he mumbled and got up, walking upstairs with a playful grin and did as Darren told him. He stripped down so he was only in his underwear and took the silken ties Darren had spoken of from their closet, placing them neatly on the bed and sat back against the headboard, waiting for Darren to get upstairs.

Darren walked towards the kitchen and took a glass of water, trying to calm down a little from all the emotions and everything that had just happened. One look on his finger told him everything he needed to know. He was engaged. He was going to marry the man of his life.

Just when Chris had settled himself on the bed he sighed and looked down to notice the still not really fitting ring on his finger. He smiled and got up quickly to go into the bathroom, getting some lotion to make sure the ring would slide down properly. It took him a while to manage it but once he was done he couldn't help the bright smile that spread on his face and he walked back to position himself once again and this time it finally felt right.

With a satisfied and incredibly happy smile Darren walked upstairs and stood outside their bedroom, waiting some more before he walked in. Inside he saw Chris sitting on the bed, already naked except for his briefs, patiently waiting for him. "Good boy," Darren said softly and nodded appreciatively.

Chris grinned at Darren and couldn't help but feel proud. This gorgeous man was his fiancé, the person he'd marry and spend the rest of his life with. He'd forgiven him and already proven that nothing could break them, nothing at all. He tilted his head and bit his lip. "Only for you, _Master_," he murmured and smiled at him even wider.

Darren's eyes darkened when Chris used the title. "So you've been a good bot this whole day now... It's about time you get a reward for that. You think you deserve that?" Darren asked, walking towards the bed, close, but not nearly close enough to touch Chris.

Chris nodded. "Yes. Yes, I do, Sir. I'd like to believe that I've done really well today," Chris said sincerely and watched Darren with dark, wide eyes.

Darren nodded and let his eyes travel all over Chris' body, loving every single inch of it and wanting to taste and touch it too.

"What are you thinking about...?" Chris asked softly, feeling Darren's eyes all over his body.

"Where I should start first," Darren admitted, but then his eyes looked up at Chris again. "Undress me."

Chris nodded eagerly and rose from the bed, kneeling on the edge of the bed so he could reach Darren. He unbuttoned his shirt and let it slide off his arms, smiling at him before letting his eyes trail over his smooth chest, leaning in to kiss a soft trail down to his stomach before opening his belt and sliding down the fly of his pants. Slowly he kept undressing him, sliding his jeans down along with his underwear, looking up again with wanton eyes.

"Did I tell you, you could kiss or touch me next to the undressing?" Darren asked, one eyebrow quirked.

"No but...you're just so gorgeous...I couldn't resist, I'm sorry," Chris lowered his glance.

"You're sorry-...?" Darren asked, wanting to hear the last word as well, eyes on his hair now. "And look at me."

Chris quickly looked up. "I'm sorry that I touched you without permission, Master," he choked out, a small flicker gleaming in his eyes.

"Good," Darren said and petted his hair softly in acknowledgement. "Now finish what you were doing."

Chris nodded and got up, leaning down to undress Darren completely. He took off his socks and slid his pants from his legs, leaving him completely naked before sitting on the bed again, his eyes never leaving Darren's.

"Do you see that?" Darren asked, stepping a bit forward, showing him how hard he already was for him.

"I do," Chris confirmed, chewing on his lower lip.

"All for you, baby," Darren softly growled and loved the way Chris' face showed so much want and need for him already.

"Thank you, Sir," Chris muttered and looked at his cock bluntly, groaning under his breath before looking up at Darren again, waiting for him to tell him what to do.

"I'd love for you to suck me, but this is about you now first," Darren said, almost apologetically.

"But...I love doing that...," Chris whispered and bit his lip again, smiling widely.

"I know you do," Darren replied and chuckled at that. "You want to suck my cock, baby?" Darren asked, his groin teasingly close to Chris' face now.

"Yes...may I?" Chris asked carefully and tried his best not to just go for it. "You can reward me after?" he whispered.

"If you want it," Darren said in a dark tone. "You can take it."

"Thank you...," Chris murmured and eagerly placed a kiss on the very tip before nuzzling against the base, sucking on the skin there before kissing his way up to the head again, wrapping his lips around him with a content hum.

Darren moved his hips forward with a content groan, his eyes already half lidded, because Chris was just too damn good with his sinful mouth. "Hm, yes. Good boy. Always so eager for me," he praised him.

Moaning in approval, Chris sank down lower, taking half of Darren's length, swallowing around him before opening his eyes to look up at his fiancé with a small smile as he took him in deeper until his nose pressed into his pubic hair.

Darren let his fingers tangle in Chris' hair, pushing him closer and groaning loudly when he felt his mouth clench around him. Bright blue eyes bored into his. His fiancé's eyes. Darren looked right back, moaning when Chris took him even deeper. "Such a good boy for me. Fuck. You take me so well. You like that, hm?"

Chris moaned loudly when Darren tugged on his hair lightly and he couldn't help but swallow around him again to be able to take it. He looked right into the other's eyes, keeping contact and hummed around him to let Darren know how right he was.

"Just like that, baby," Darren said and started to thrust his hips lightly, making Chris adjust first. "So good and hot around me.."

Another hum of approval escaped Chris's lips and he stilled, relaxing his throat to give Darren the space he needed to do what he wanted.

Darren felt Chris relaxing his throat, allowing him to thrust harder. Which he did, groaning louder, his fingers pulling his hair even harder. Their eyes still bored into each other. "You take it so well, fuck you love it when I fuck your mouth like this. Such a little cockslut for his Master."

Chris pulled off with a loud pop, moaning lowly. "God yes...," he croaked and leaned in again to suck one of Darren's balls between his lips, sucking gently.

"Hm yes. Suck those balls. Like that, yeah," Darren growled softly, loving the wet suction on his balls.

Once again, Chris let go and started stroking Darren's thick shaft, licking his swollen lips. "God...your cock is so perfect, Master...so good...," he moaned wantonly, his own cock twitching in his underwear.

"Show me how perfect you think it is. Show me how much you want it," Darren commanded and pushed his head a bit closer already with his hands.

Chris groaned at the sudden force of Darren's voice and strong hands and leaned in, taking Darren's cock in again, sucking down until he was settled deep in his throat again.

"Yes," Darren hissed and started his thrusting again, loving the way his throat clenched around him. How Chris never hesitated to take him. He would always take him and let him take him so easily.

Chris closed his eyes when they started to water but he wouldn't pull away, didn't want to either because he loved the feeling of Darren's length sliding in and out of his throat. He swallowed around him again and moaned.

The clenching and vibrations around his cock felt good. Too good actually, but he didn't pull away. He wanted to come down Chris' throat. It would be a reward for him and he'd be able to take care of him longer without having pressing needs from his own. "Fuck don't you stop. I love your hot little mouth, look at you. You want to have it so badly," Darren groaned, his own moans joining Chris' now.

At Darren's words, Chris started sucking harder, more eager as his mouth sunk down on him over and over again. He opened his eyes again and looked at Darren with dark, clouded eyes and smirked, licking at the tip, tasting the trails of precome there.

"Just like that. Can you taste that? I'm already leaking for you. You're gonna make me cum with your tongue and mouth. I'm gonna come so hard down your throat," Darren mumbled between his moans, his thrusting becoming a bit shallower already.

Chris could tell Darren was close. He loved the way his tongue seemed to become loose when he was getting nearer to the edge and Chris put as much effort into it as he could. He loved working for it, loved making this about Darren. He sucked, his cheeks hollowed and lips sliding fast, up and down his length.

Darren closed his eyes, his head falling back, a long loud moan escaping his lips. "Yeah suck that cock. Fuck! Chris! A-almost. Harder, baby!"

Chris shuddered and groaned around Darren lowly, sucking harder and moved with more force, whining lowly in his throat.

When Chris fastened his speed and his whine left his throat, Darren came. His hips jerked forwards, his cock pushing even deeper inside his throat, feeling it clench around him while his cum spurted out it, filling Chris' throat and mouth with it. "Yess," Darren whined. "Fuck, Chris," he mumbled now, panting harshly.

Chris tried his best not to choke when Darren came down his throat and he swallowed it all with a content moan, panting through his nose and sucking lightly until his fiancé was spent. He pulled off with a gasp and swallowed thickly, breathing hard and a slight flush spread on his face and chest. "Shit...," he groaned and tried to control his breath.

Darren reached out his hand and patted Chris' hair softly before letting his fingers stroke his face, cupping it gently and his thumb tracing his lower lip. "Good boy."

Nuzzling into Darren's hand, Chris let out a small sound of approval and slowly blinked his eyes open to smile at him. "Always for you..."

"I know," Darren praised and smiled at him. "Lie down for me," Darren now said, his eyes softening at the spent and loving smile Chris sent him.

"Okay...," Chris mumbled and did as Darren told him. He laid back on the bed, watching the other man.

"You're so beautiful," Darren mumbled and put his knees on the bed, looking at Chris with wonder. "You're mine."

Chris smiled brightly and nodded. "Yes...all yours."

Darren leaned in and pressed a soft, but passionate kiss against his lips, pushing in his tongue, marking his mouth with it.

His arms reached up to cross behind Darren's neck when Chris kissed him back eagerly, licking his tongue against the other's gently, closing his eyes as his body relaxed.

Darren pulled back and pressed a kiss against his jawline now, mouthing it's way down, sucking his own marks here and there. "I love this spot. Because you never cover it up. It always shows on pictures," Darren muttered and sucked the spot behind his ear.

Chris shivered and panted lowly. "I love it when you mark it...," he murmured.

Darren licked it soothingly afterwards and continued his way down, to his neck and from his neck down to his shoulder and upper arm, feeling his muscles move underneath his lips, loving how strong Chris actually was.

Leaning into Darren's kisses, Chris couldn't hold back the small noises that escaped his lips when Darren's hot breath ghosted over his body, causing him to get goosebumps all over, hot sparks of arousal shooting through his body. "M-Master..., please...," he choked out.

"What?" Darren asked and moved his head up, giving him a irritated and questioning look, almost daring.

Chris looked back at Darren with dark, pleading eyes. "Touch me...," he whined and squirmed a little.

"But I am," Darren replied and moved further down his arm, until he reached his hand, suddenly noticing the ring on his finger. "It does fit," he said aloud, eyes darting up towards him.

"I used some lotion," Chris mumbled and smiled widely. "And...I - I know you're touching me but - I want you to reward me...," he choked out.

"It looks good on you. It'll let everyone know that you're mine," Darren growled out possessively, his eyes flaring when Chris was telling him he wasn't touching him good enough. "Are you questioning me?" he asked him, voice dangerously low and steady.

Chris shivered. "Thank you, Master...," he whispered softly and quickly shook his head. "No! No, you're perfect. I'm sorry. That was out of the line. I apologize," he said a little rushed and looked at Darren with warm eyes.

"You were," Darren replied and glared back at him, his agitation calming down by the soft look in Chris' eyes. "You're gonna enjoy this. Don't I always take care of you?" Darren asked him rhetorically.

Chris nodded again. "You do. You always make me feel so good. You take care of me so well, Sir, I'm sorry."

Darren nodded and averted his eyes again. "Remember that." His lips trailed his fingers now, his tongue tracing the ring on his finger, loving the coolness of it against his finger. He couldn't help the possessive grunts that left his lips, sounding a lot like 'Mine' every single time.

"Yes. I'm sorry I doubted you, Master. I didn't mean it," Chris said submissively and watched him with half-lidded eyes, not able to smirk at how possessive Darren got now.

"You did," Darren replied, but decided to let it slip. For now. His mouth surrounded the finger the ring was on and started to suck it softly, his eyes boring into Chris' who was watching him with half lidded eyes, making his dick twitch in interest again.

Chris moaned quietly when Darren sucked on his finger and god, that shouldn't be as hot as it was. He was still watching, his cock growing even harder in his underwear and he just needed Darren to touch him more. It wasn't that he didn't love this and didn't know that he'd overstepped but right now his mind was dizzy with arousal and overthinking had to wait.

Darren noticed that Chris' cock twitched in his briefs, leaking a bit of precum now, creating a spot that his lips wanted to feel. He could feel the tenseness radiating off Chris, knowing he wanted more. But as always Darren knew what he needed the most. He always followed that instinct and he was never wrong. He sucked his finger one more time before he moved on, his lips and tongue reaching his thigh, biting it softly, while his fingers trailed his waistband.

Chris knew that he would need to beg to make Darren continue and he couldn't help the way his voice would only come out in a hoarse, needy whisper. "God, please...please, Master make me feel that I'm yours and yours only, touch me like only you are allowed to...," he groaned.

Hearing Chris plead for more, telling him he was the only one who could touch and use him like this, always turned Darren on, no matter what. Closing his eyes to resist the immediate need to reach out and just touch him, he moved his head and pressed his open mouth to the spot of precum now, eyes darting up towards the already wrecked look in Chris' face. His tongue darted out teasingly, stroking his cock through his briefs before he sucked it.

"Oh my god...," Chris took in a deep breath and bit his lip, whining lowly, trying his best to not thrust his hips up.

Darren gripped his hips, holding them down, his tongue not stopping his teasing, making the wet spot even bigger while he felt his drool drenching it.

"Please...please, your mouth feels so perfect on me...please...," Chris begged loudly and draped his arm over his eyes, still whining at the teasing of Darren's mouth on his throbbing cock.

Darren grinned against his cock and sucked it one more time before he grabbed the waistband and yanked it down, revealing Chris hard and throbbing cock, already purple with need.

Chris could feel his cock twitch when it was finally freed from its restraints, aching and throbbing for more. "Fuck...," he breathed and licked his lips, looking at Darren with needy eyes.

Darren licked one long stripe from his balls to the tip of his cock, breathing in Chris' scent, feeling dizzy by it already.

"So good...," Chris moaned out and took in a deep, shaky breath, his body already strung so high for release that it ached all over.

"Mine," Darren groaned again and sucked the head between his lips, twirling his tongue around, tasting his precome, before he let go of it again, sucking one of his balls in his mouth now, warm and moving.

Chris didn't hold back his moans. He rutted his hips lightly, panting and asking for more. "Fuck, Darren...all yours...all of me is all yours...god...," he groaned loudly.

Darren loved the little, and sometimes not so little, sounds Chris made when he was pleasured. He moved to his other ball and started to stroke his cock swiftly, his fingers wrapped around the shaft in the perfect grip.

"Oh my god!" Chris choked out and couldn't help it anymore. He started thrusting into his fiancé's fist shallowly, panting roughly.

"You can't come yet," Darren said when he felt Chris getting nearer. He moved again so he could suck his tip hard while his fist kept jerking off.

"I'm so close...," Chris whined again and stopped the movements of his hips, biting his lip hard, trying to hold back his orgasm.

"You can hold back. I know you can. Show me how good you can be for me. Why you deserve this reward even more," Darren said, eyes daring and his mouth immediately starting his suction again.

"Yes, Master," Chris mumbled and tried to ignore the ache in his balls, the way they were drawing up already. He didn't want to come yet or rather, not now that he wanted to prove Darren that he was a good boy for him so desperately.

"You think you can handle me swallowing you?" Darren asked, his tone low and eyes getting even darker, his own arousal getting bigger as well.

"Do you ask me to?" Chris asked back, groaning and biting at his lower lip.

Darren swatted his thigh with his flat hand, growling a bit when he was sucking again. "I didn't ask you to talk back. I asked you a question, Chris," he said, never stopping his fast jerking.

Chris flinched at the slap to his thigh and shivered, groaning. "I'm sorry! Yes, yes, I can take it...," he muttered.

"Good," Darren replied and did it. He let Chris' cock slide in his mouth, taking him in one go, sucking him while his flat tongues pressed the underside. His throat started to clench around him and he groaned at how good he felt and tasted inside his mouth.

Chris was nothing but a shuddering mess at that point. It had been too long and he was so close already. "Please, Master...t-too close. You're going to make me come with your amazing mouth if you don't stop," he whined.

Darren looked up at him, letting him know he wasn't allowed to come yet. He had said he would be able to take it, so he should. Darren didn't even stop the way he swallowed and sucked. He just continued to do so, feeling his cock throb with need and his heart clench with love and pride for the man, his fiancé, above him.

Chris was biting his lip so hard it drew blood with how desperately he was holding back. He gasped and looked into his lover's eyes, begging him quietly.

Darren saw the way Chris was holding back and he couldn't help but to feel immensely proud of him. He was already so close before his mouth was even on his cock and he still hadn't come. Seeing his begging eyes, Darren raised his eyebrows one time, letting him know now that he only had to ask.

"Please...please, it feels too good, Sir, please stop...," Chris choked out, followed by a long, shaky moan and a quiver of his thighs.

Darren noticed the way Chris asked him to stop. He didn't beg to come, so he stopped. Slowly he let Chris' cock slide out of his mouth, his tongue trailing it until he was completely out. "Good boy," he murmured, leaning in to kiss him lovingly.

Chris hummed, still holding back with everything he had. He kissed back deeply, groaning. "I want to be for you," he whispered into Darren's ear.

"You are," Darren replied, catching his mouth again and deepening their kiss, trying to not rut against Chris so he would come unexpectedly.

Chris's face lit up at that and he kissed back eagerly, needy to calm down a bit.

Darren felt Chris smiling when he kissed him back, the praise making him happy. "Turn around," he whispered in a demanding tone, moving off of him so he could do that.

"Okay," Chris said and quickly obeyed, laying down on his stomach, his breath coming out in short gasps.

"I'm going to lick your hole and fuck you with my tongue now," Darren let him now, straddling his legs with his arms while his hands reached out to spread his cheeks.

"Oh fuck...," Chris groaned loudly and squeezed his eyes shut. "Thank you, Master...," he whispered and kept his hips up a bit so the friction on his cock wouldn't get too much.

Darren smiled and leaned in, his tongue licking his crack while his fingers dug into his flesh.

Chris moaned lowly and pushed back lightly. "Hmmm...I love your tongue, Dare...," Chris choked out and let his head sink into the pillow.

Darren backed away a little and swatted his ass with his right hand, feeling the heavy weight of the ring making the slap harder. "Watch it."

"Sorry! Sorry...just - you make me feel so amazing, _Master,_" Chris said quickly, biting his lip and the slight sting that came with Darren's palm.

Slapping him another two times, Darren soothed it with his palm. His fingers spread his cheeks again, seeing Chris' hole clench around empty air. "I warned you now," Darren said and leaned in again, his tongue darting out to tease around the puckered hole.

The slaps shuddered through Chris's body and he groaned softly when Darren soothed his reddening skin, his hole clenching around nothing. "Y-Yeah...," he whispered and moaned loudly when his fiancé licked at it again.

Darren let his hand fall down on Chris' ass again, harder this time.

Chris let out a surprised yelp, pushing back lightly.

"Second warning," Darren said, breath ghosting over his hole, his hand coming down another two times, before he moved in to go on again, the tip of his tongue now teasing his hole.

Chris gasped and whined when Darren's hot breath hit his wet skin. The slaps echoed in the room and Chris couldn't help but moan out lowly, growling nearly when Darren started licking at his hole once again, leaving him between the burn of his hand and the sweet ache it caused to run through his body.

Pushing his tongue inside, he quickly pulled it out again, licking around it again, wetting it with his saliva and sucking it afterwards.

Chris was going insane under Darren's tongue. He was arching up and groaning, moaning out his lust and fisting their sheets until his knuckles turned white.

Darren felt heat rising through his belly, loving how much Chris was enjoying this. This was what it was all about for him. Pleasuring Chris. Making him feel good. He pushed his tongue inside this time and groaned loudly, closing his eyes in pleasure himself.

"Oh god...," Chris whined and buried his face in the pillow beneath him, groaning into it and rutting his hips up lightly.

Darren pulled back and held his ass tighter. "Don't move, just feel," he said and pushed back, pushing his tongue inside and starting to thrust it in and out in a languorously slow pace.

Chris let out a small huff when Darren pulled back but quickly turned into a moaning mess again when he started fucking him with his tongue, so slow that Chris was so strung up that he was ready to snap any time but he couldn't and he wouldn't either, he wanted to prove to Darren and to himself that this was the way they'd always be now.

Chris' whole body felt tense, letting Darren know how close he still was. Darren pulled away for only a second. "Such a good boy for me," he muttered, his breath ghosting over his sensitive hole. He quickly went on, filling him with his tongue again, moaning softly.

Chris whimpered and nearly came at those words alone. He gasped and tried to keep his hips still. "Please, Master...please - I'm so close," he muttered.

Darren groaned at Chris' whimper and felt his arousal dripping on the sheets now with how desperate he was for Chris. He pulled his tongue back and pressed it in again, his finger sliding along, slowly spreading him.

"C-Can I come soon, Sir?" Chris asked carefully, whining and moaning helplessly when Darren starting spreading him already.

Thrusting another finger in, he retreated his tongue, making him able to speak again. "You can come as soon as my cock is inside you, love." He let his eyes travel over Chris' trembling body, loving how well he knew every single bit of it. He started to spread his fingers, grabbing the lube with his free hand so he could spread some over his thrusting fingers, making it easier for them both.

"Thank you," Chris choked out and let out a small cry when Darren pushed in a second finger, spreading them apart to make the slide easier. He clenched around him and pushed himself back, whining and hoping that Darren would do it soon.

Darren lent over Chris' sweating body, licking his spine softly, lovingly, when a third finger pushed inside, making him as good as ready for him.

Chris closed his eyes and let out a defeated sigh, relaxing lightly when he felt his fiancé's tongue on his back and a third finger push into him.

"Are you ready for me?" Darren asked, his free hand pulling his head back a little, looking at him with loving, dark eyes.

"Yes. Yes. I'm so ready for you...," Chris moaned softly and looked back at Darren with half-lidded eyes.

Darren felt his groin tighten even more, desperate to be inside his fiancé, making them as close possible. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed the lube to slicken his cock, leaning even more over Chris, his lips brushing over Chris. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered, before he slid his cock inside, a groan of pleasure escaping his lips.

Chris tried to steady his breathing when Darren lubed up his cock. He knew it would only take a few more seconds but he was so desperate for it, so needy and wanting that he couldn't help but feel restless. "Thank you, Master...I'm glad you are," he whispered back and let out a small yelp when Darren pushed inside. "Oh god, please, please, Master, can I touch myself?" He choked out, followed by another loud moan.

Darren pushed his cock further, completely letting Chris envelop him. "No," Darren groaned and shifted his legs a little so he had a better leverage, making him able to thrust into Chris without having to hold him, his right hand slipping around their bodies now and wrapping a tight fist around Chris' cock, jerking him off in time with his thrusts.

Chris couldn't help it and came as soon as Darren's warm, strong hand wrapped around his cock. He was crying out, exhausted and shivering, his upper body collapsing against the mattress as his hips pushed up. "Oh fuck...," he whined and gripped the sheets tighter, pushing back against Darren's hard thrusts.

Darren loved to fuck Chris like this. His sensitive, aching body, clenching around him, sounds of overstimulated pleasure leaving his lips. His hands grabbed his chest now, pressing him back on his cock when he quickened his pace. "Fuck, baby, so good, so tight around me," he moaned loudly.

Clenching once again, on purpose this time, Chris smirked and turned his head to look at Darren, his lips parted and breathy, low moans falling from them. "Y-You feel so good inside of me...oh fuck...," he groaned and rutted his hips back lightly.

Darren let his head fall on Chris' shoulder, groans leaving his mouth. "You love it when I fuck you like this, don't you? All raw and sensitive," Darren murmured and let his fingers brush his nipples, his hips still jerking up in him.

"I love it so much...," Chris whimpered and felt his whole body shiver when Darren brushed his rough fingertips against his sensitive, peaked nipples. "S-Shit...," he moaned and closed his eyes, panting heavily. The oversensitivity causing him to shake at times, hurting but yet feeling way too good to make his fiancé stop.

"You-," Darren panted, trying to control his breathing. "Ride me," he just stated and pressed a messy, wet kiss against his open lips, swallowing the whimpers that left his lips.

Chris nodded tiredly and kissed Darren back as good as he could, groaning and pushing back against Darren. "Yes...yes, please...," he murmured.

Darren rolled on his back, pulling Chris with him and grabbing his hips tight, his fingers stroking higher, trailing his waist caring, knowing he was tired. "I'm close," he grunted.

Chris panted and ground his hips down, riding Darren as good as he could. His legs were aching and thighs burning but he loved it somehow. He moved faster and harder, smiling softly. "Then give me your come, Master...please, fill me up...," he groaned and rolled his hips teasingly.

Darren came when he heard Chris asked for it, not able to hold himself back either, not even when he already came in Chris' mouth not that long ago. He arched his back, eyes closing in pleasure, Chris' name leaving his lips in an almost animalistic growl. His hands tightened on Chris' hips, his cock twitching inside him, filling him up with big spurts of hot cum.

Chris cried out when he felt Darren's cock twitch inside of him, his hot come spilling into him and filling him with wetness. "Fuck!" he moaned and rutted back against Darren's cock more, making sure he was well spent when he'd pull out.

Darren fell back on the bed and groaned softly, completely spend himself. His eyes slowly opened and looked at Chris with a slight dazed gaze. "Are you okay?" he asked, slightly worried.

Chris smiled widely and leaned down to peck Darren's lips gently. "I'm great...," he whispered and nuzzled against his cheek. "Don't worry...I know how and when to use a safeword...that was - amazing," he mumbled and kissed his fiancé again sweetly.

Wrapping his arms around Chris' sweaty and tired body, Darren smiled back, leaning into his touch. "You really _are_ great," he said, chuckling hoarsely. "You never held out that long," Darren said with wonder, stroking his back soothingly, knowing how tense it had been only minutes ago. "I'm really proud of you, you know," he murmured, letting his lips linger against his.

Chris quickly cuddled up against Darren, letting out a deep breath. "I know...I didn't think I could do it. I was so close the whole time...," he mumbled sleepily and nuzzled into the crook of his neck when his fingers stroked over his sweaty back. "Thank you," he smiled widely and placed a kiss on his cheek gently before pecking his lips again.

"But you did," Darren said, his voice filled with praise and his eyes twinkling with so many emotions. "My wonderful fiancé," he breathed, fingers reaching out, entangling their ringwearing fingers.

"I did...only for you...my amazing man," Chris chuckled and squeezed Darren's hand in his, smiling happily. "We're going to get married...," he whispered softly.

Darren grinned, his teeth showing, not able to hold back the happiness that was coursing through him and radiating off him. "We are," he whispered back, noses pressing against each other, nothing breaking the moment. Not even their filthy, cum-covered bodies, sticking together now. "I can't believe you asked me," Darren said with a little shake of his head.

Chris let out a deep, content sigh and shook his head. "I just thought...that it was time to ask, you know? I want you to know that I mean this. All of this."

"I know. I know you'd never ask it if you didn't mean it, I just-... I wanted to ask you, you know? That day. I was so certain I was going to make you my fiancé that day, I just-," Darren closed his eyes and sighed softly.

"Hey...no, I mean...god...that made it all so much worse," Chris choked out and kissed the salty skin of Darren's neck. "I figured that - asking you would be...that it should be me this time. Because I wanted to give you the choice and myself too, to prove you that I mean it with all my heart."

Darren titled his head almost automatically, needing Chris as close as possible. "I would never say no to you, you know that," Darren replied, sighing softly. His thumb stroked Chris' hand softly, his leg entangling with Chris'.

"I know that now. Yes...," Chris whispered and snuggled closer, tangling their legs together more.

"And besides, one very wise man danced to a very wise song once. How did it go again?" Darren asked, faking a sigh as if he was in deep thought. "Ah yes," he started again. "If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it," he said, smirking against Chris' hair.

"I hate you, Criss!" Chris laughed and swatted at his arm softly. "You're such an ass."

"Careful now. You are marrying this ass you know," he said and laughed too, nudging his side.

"As if I'd mind," Chris chuckled and nuzzled against him again. "You are and have a great ass, you know..."

"What a compliment," Darren said in mock hurt. "My ass and you have a difficult relationship I imagine," he chuckled.

Chris nodded, letting his hand trail down to squeeze it playfully. "That we have...but we do get along at times."

'"I'm glad," Darren said and whelped when Chris squeezed it. "Hey! Hands off the goods, Colfer!"

"But I like the goods!" Chris pouted and grinned widely.

"Yes, you made that quite clear just a little while ago," Darren chuckled and pressed a kiss to his pouting lip.

Chris laughed again and kissed back softly. "Hmm...I love you so much..."

"Till death do us part?" Darren asked, leaning his head on his outstretched arm, eyes gazing into his beautiful ocean blue ones.

"And after that...," Chris whispered with a bright smile, kissing him gently once again, nudging his nose against Darren's with a soft giggle.

* * *

**AN: Let us know what you think of it! :)**


	29. One Of Those Days

**Chapter**** 29 '****One ****Of ****Those ****Days****'**

The alarm blurted out loud and Darren groaned, burying his face into his pillow with an irritated sigh. "Chris, make it shut up!" he begged, barely awake, eyes closed and his body still tingling with tiredness.

Chris mumbled something Darren wouldn't be able to understand because he was cuddled up next to him with his face dug into the pillow. "Wait...," he grumbled and reached out to search for his phone with his hand. "We have to wake up though...my almost-husband...," he murmured and kissed the back of his neck gently.

Darren still didn't wake up enough, only hummed softly when he felt his warm lips pressed against his neck. "Don't wanna," he mumbled and pulled the sheets a bit higher, still leaning into his touch.

"Didn't you hear what I said, baby?..._almost__-_husband...you have to marry me today dork," Chris chuckled and nuzzled against his warm skin. He wouldn't get upset, he knew how Darren was in the morning and how long it took for him to wake up.

"I didn't forget that we are engaged," Darren replied, sounding a bit offended. "Wait-." he suddenly said, sounding much more awake now, his eyes flying open and his body turning towards Chris. "_Today_!?" he asked in a high, shocked voice.

Chris laughed softly and kissed his cheek. "Mhmmm...that is today...our wedding day, Dare," he grinned widely and rubbed at his side to soothe him. "Relax...it's so early."

Darren didn't relax. How could he?! Today was their _wedding_! His eyes widened and his lips parted "But Chris! It's _today_!" he said again, not getting why Chris didn't get it. They were going to get married today. How the hell was he so relaxed and lazy right now?!

Another chuckle fell from Chris's lips. "I got it all planned out. We'll be fine...the wedding is planned, the guests flew in...we're all good to go. All we need to worry about is getting ready and getting married."

"And you're not worrying about that?!" Darren asked with disbelieve. "We're lying in bed, being lazy and if you keep looking at me like that, you _know_ we're gonna be in the bed a lot longer and we still have to get ready and make sure our car with driver will be here and that everyone is getting there on time. And we have to make sure that all the food will be there. And your sister. And my parents. And everyone. Oh God and the flowers! Did you order the flowers? And the cake! Why don't we have the cake yet? Chris! We should get out! Now!" Darren exclaimed, eyes wild and voice frantic, but his body still not making a move to leave the bed in any way.

"Okay. Wow. Darren? Look at me, okay?" Chris rolled over so he was able to face Darren, taking his face in his hands. "_Everything_is completely planned out. Everything will be delivered in time. The food. The flowers our families and friends and our driver will be here just in time. It's seven in the morning because I knew you'd freak but not move your ass at all so...I wanted to give us some time to be fiancés...," he mumbled and pecked his lips gently.

Darren did calm down at those words. He knew deep down that Chris had taken care of everything. He always did. He was a master in organizing things after all. How else could he have written a book, a movie, shoot that movie and still managed to be 'Kurt' in his spare time on set? Right. A small smile reached his lips again. "Oh yes, times were rather nice as fiancés. weren't they?" he asked, leaning in for a deeper kiss now.

"That they were...," Chris hummed and kissed back lovingly, sucking on Darren's lower lip.

"Imagine our engagement night?" Darren asked, feeling his body getting more relaxed by the second, a different part of his body waking up now.

"Not only that...all of it was pretty...amazing," Chris grinned. "But that was something. Definitely," he laughed and kissed his cheek.

Darren smiled softly and turned his head, catching Chris' lips. "Oh yes, amazing... Hey, you never did finish that story you told me the start of that day," he said, one eyebrow raised in interest.

"I didn't? I think we did make it a pretty good ending," Chris smiled.

"Tell me," Darren said and settled his head on Chris' chest, looking up towards him with a dopey smile.

"Didn't I add the 'and they lived happily ever after?'" Chris mumbled and smiled against his cheek before placing his lips on it for a gentle kiss.

"I think you're skipping some parts. Like they made love almost every night which made them come late at work more often than they were actually allowed. They also bought a lot of frames to fill with those happy memories, letting no one forget about those. As if we could. Oh and did you write about their wedding?"

"Not yet...I'm waiting for ours to get some inspiration," Chris winked playfully.

"Ah," Darren said and grinned. "I think it will give you lots," he smiled. "How much time do we have before your schedule of today starts?" he asked him, his fingers trailing patterns on his chest.

"Are you getting ideas there, Criss?" Chris smiled widely and watched his fiancé.

"Maybe, so... Schedule?" he asked him back, daring him to turn away now.

"We have a few hours until we have to start getting ready...about three or four more."

"Three or four? How many times do you reckon I can make you come in that?" Darren said, tone lower now and his hips rolling softly.

"Do you want to make me fall asleep while we say our 'I do's'?" Chris chuckled, moaning softly, his arms wrapping around Darren's neck before he kissed him lovingly. "But...how about we just try?" He grinned.

Darren smirked, knowing he had won and started to rut his hips harder, his lips searching Chris' for another one of those soft kisses. He loved those.

Chris moaned lowly and smiled against Darren's lips before pecking them again gently. "So...you got a personal goal tonight?"

"Making you the happiest man alive and loving you with all I have for the rest of my life probably counts as too cheesy, doesn't it?" Darren asked, sighing in fake resentment.

"No...that's perfect," Chris smiled widely and nuzzled against his cheek again before kissing it. "Also...you already do that, so -," he shrugged and bit his lip.

"Well then. We'll change it to making you the most happiest husband alive and we're all done," Darren said with a grin and leaned in to kiss his lower lip, pulling it between his teeth softly.

Chris gasped and looked at Darren with darkening eyes. "And how many times do you think you can make me come for you?" He teased.

"Depends on the fact if we can keep counting after breakfast," Darren replied, his own eyes getting darker as well, his bodyheat rising.

"Is that an offer?" Chris chuckled and smirked at his fiancé.

"You bet it is," Darren said, his eyes and tone showing his amusement as well as his neediness.

Chris grinned widely and ground his hips against Darren's again lightly, tangling their legs more.

"What do you think?" Darren asked him, voice already getting huskier when his hips rutted back against Chris'.

"I think we should find out...," Chris teased and sighed, grinding back slowly, rolling his hips.

"What's our record?" he asked in thought, his fingers sliding towards his ass, grabbing them firmly, before he massaged them softly.

"You mean in one night?" Chris asked back and moaned when the other man gripped his ass, massaging at the firm muscles.

"I remember days, love," Darren murmured with a smirk.

"Mhmm...me too...I don't know...but in that time - maybe...three or four times?" Chris asked, tilting his head.

"We should make that six," Darren said, tone determent and eyes mischievous.

"Oh?" Chris muttered and grinned at his fiancé. "Well...you better start then..."

"Hm, let me see. So many possibilities," Darren said, eyes wondering over Chris' body, letting Chris rut against him. "Should I blow you? Jerk you off? Rim you? Just rut against you? Use toys? The wall? The bath? The shower? Or... The kitchen. That's only half of what we can do, what a difficult decision," Darren sighed and watched Chris' face closely after every option he named, hoping he would be able to see what he wanted.

Chris shuddered lightly and groaned, hiding his face in the crook of his neck. "God, anything. We can work our way through it," he laughed and bit his lip playfully.

Darren smiled and petted Chris hair, when his face rested against his neck. "Let's start here," Darren said and pushed himself down, taking the blankets with him, while he let his body bend so he could take Chris' already hard member in his mouth, his lips sucking the head eagerly.

A loud groan fell from Chris's lips when Darren sucked on the sensitive tip of his cock, making it harden completely in between his lips. "God...," Chris murmured and threaded his hand through Darren's curls, tugging gently.

Planning on going through with his plan to make this a day full of new things, Darren took him in one go, deepthroating him immediately and moaning loudly from the pleasure it also gave him. He never understood why he found out he was gay so late. How could he not be gay when he loved this so much? Or maybe it was just Chris. Darren was pretty certain it was the latter.

"Jesus!" Chris cried out and felt his body stiffen and his fingers and toes curl. He was still amazed about how good Darren was whenever he did this, how he could turn him into a whimpering mess with just his mouth but then again, Chris knew that Darren did everything he did with passion and determination, enough to make his whole body tremble.

Darren started to swallow around Chris' throbbing member, loving the taste of him while he breathed heavily through his nose. His hand reached out and grabbed his balls, fumbling them in his hand.

Chris was moaning and his head tipping back, his hand stroking through Darren's curls gently, smiling to himself lightly, praising him and trailing his fingers down over his jawline.

A groan left his throat, vibrating through his mouth when Chris told him how good it felt. He raised his other hand and moved it around Chris, letting it slide between the bed and his ass, grabbing it, making his cock shove in his mouth even deeper, his eyes fluttering shut.

Chris felt his cock slide into Darren's mouth more when his fiancé gripped at his ass, urging him to buck his hips. "B-Baby...," he choked out and looked down at him, still stroking at his jaw gently. "You okay?"

Humming Darren opened his eyes again, letting Chris see how _okay_he was with it. To make his hum more believable, Darren started to bob his head harder, pulling all the way off to suck his head hard and swirl his tongue around it before taking him as deep as he had again.

Chris shuddered and held on to Darren with a deep moan, followed by a gasp. "O-Oh, okay...," he chuckled and bit his lip hard. "I'm so close already...god, your mouth, Dare..."

Eager for him to come, Darren doubled his efforts, his own ass pushing up when he buried his face into Chris' stomach, gagging a little, but not backing away, loving every second of it.

Chris couldn't hold out any longer when he felt his throat tighten around him, the muscles working and he could feel his stomach quiver. "I-I'm coming, Dare...," he warned and bit his lip even harder, sliding his hand in Darren's hair again.

Groaning hard and long, Darren closed his eyes, wanting it badly, his hand tightening on his ass, while his other hand let go of his balls.

With another soft cry and with his muscles clenching all over, Chris came hard in Darren's mouth, whining and petting at his hair.

Darren moaned wantonly and swallowed Chris' cum as good as he could, before letting go of his cock and moving up to kiss him, letting Chris taste himself in their kiss.

Chris hummed against Darren's lips and licked into his mouth eagerly, smiling against them softly.

Darren groaned again and rutted himself against Chris, smiling into their kiss. Breaking away he said in a breathless, scratchy voice "That was a nice start."

Chris moaned once again and nearly got hard again simply because Darren's voice sounds so wrecked and the fact that he did it. That he turned it that way made him feel dizzy and a little smug as well. "Hmm, it sure was..."

Darren smiled happily and let his head rest on Chris' shoulder, his cheek pressed against his jaw. "Chris?" he asked, a bit more serious now.

Smiling softly, Chris shifted in Darren's arms and looked at him. "Hm?"

"I love you," Darren murmured, his eyes full of love and warmth.

Chris chuckled lightly and pecked Darren's lips gently. "I love you too. More than anything," he whispered and kissed him once again, looking back at him with wide, bright eyes.

"We're forever, right?" Darren asked him, voice quivering slightly.

"Of course! Of course we are! Baby, we're getting married today...it's forever. For me it is...," Chris whispered and cupped his cheek with his hand.

Darren leaned into the touch heavier than he thought he did and let his eyes flutter close for a moment. "Today is it," he whispered in awe.

Chris nodded and smiled brightly, kissing Darren's forehead lovingly.


	30. Continuing

**Chapter 30 'Continuing'**

"Are your vows done?" Darren asked cheekily, grinning widely

"Part of them...," he mumbled and nuzzled closer. "I don't want them to be too planned, you know?"

"Oh," Darren said and frowned, wondering if he went wrong with his plans. "Yeah. I know," he said nonetheless.

"Hey! No frowning," Chris chuckled and kissed him again gently. "I just...thought that I'd say what's in my heart."

"You don't-You don't know that already?" Darren asked confused, not really able to get the frown off.

"Of course...I have a vague idea but I didn't write it all down...I mean - I'll just start talking and telling you how perfect you are," Chris laughed.

"You're gonna be finished within the minute!" Darren replied and smiled now, feeling his anxiousness floating away. It was going to be alright. Everything would turn out perfect.

"Oh shut up, I'll take hoouurs...," Chris chuckled and nudged his nose with his.

"Hm, I think my mother will love to hear it all," Darren said with a soft smile, nuzzling him back.

"Does she like me?" Chris asked softly, tilting his head. "I mean...you never told me what your family thinks of me."

Darren stilled and gave him an incredulous glare. "You're kidding, right?" Darren asked aloud.

"No, no I really do wonder, I mean...," Chris shrugged and looked back at Darren again.

"Alright. Wait here," Darren said and pushed himself away from Chris, rolling onto his side to grab his phone from his nightstand.

Chris giggled softly and waited, watching the other man.

Searching through his contacts, he quickly found his parents phone number and let it ring, holding it to his ear while he looked at Chris with a warm smile.

Chris's eyes grew wide and he mouthed a "No!" before smiling back, defeated and laid back again.

"Mum!" Darren said as soon as he heard the phone being picked up, not even bothering to wait for her greeting.

"Darren? Well hello son? Why are you calling me at seven thirty in the morning on your wedding day?" Cerina said, sounding a bit worried when her question ended.

"Oh I'm sorry! I forgot that Chris set the alarm extra early so we could- get everything done in time," he quickly corrected himself before he blurted out Chris had done it for the lots of sex they were planning to have.

"Ah," she said knowingly, sounding almost as if she was smirking at the phone. "Well what _are_ you calling for then son?" she asked, sounding happier now.

"Well, my darling almost-husband here just asked me something and I felt the need to reassure him of something," Darren started, looking sideways at Chris with a wink.

Chris was waving his hands and swatting at Darren's arm, rolling his eyes and huffing. "Shhh!" he warned with a big grin.

"Oh? How can I be of help?" Cerina asked happily, sounding as if she couldn't wait to help her new son in law.

"Mum," Darren started and pushed the button so the phone was on its speaker. "Chris is wondering if you and dad actually like him."

Chris was rubbing his eyes and hid his face in his hand before mouthing a "hate you" along with a soft smile.

A squeal sounded through the air in offense. "Christopher Paul!" Cerina said, sounding like a berating mother and made Darren actually back away with wide eyes. "Do you hear me young man?"

Chris's eyes grew wide and he chuckled lightly. "W-Well, yes, Mrs. Criss," he giggled.

"Good," she returned, the warmth for the boy already sounding through her words. "You listen to me cause I'm gonna say this only once. Well. Probably not. But still," she rambled.

A wide, happy grin spread on Chris's face and his eyes lit up as he looked over at Darren, a slight blush resting high on his cheeks.

'Now you're gonna get it,' Darren mouthed at Chris with a wide grin.

"Christopher, we adore you. Bill and I think you're the most precious man we've ever met and we can't be more proud to have you as our third son. We're so proud of you and Darren and of everything you have achieved. Don't you remember the day you came by with Darren to be introduced as his boyfriend? We've always admired you and thought high of you Chris! I thought you knew that! Even when you weren't even involved with our son yet, we considered you a part of the family," Cerina told Chris, making Darren smile with love and pride at his fiance.

Chris's smile grew wider and wider and he let out a content sigh. "Thank you so so much, Cerina...this means the world to me...I just - get stupid sometimes...especially today that I'm marrying your son. It's pretty - nerve-wrecking but also an incredible feeling."

"Hey!" Darren interjected and pouted. "Why is marrying me nerve-wrecking?" he asked, sounding petulant.

Darren's mother chuckled and tutted in the phone. "We all know how hyper and crazy you can get, love," she said gently.

Chris laughed and placed a gentle kiss on Darren's cheek. "Because I'm marrying the love of my life. That's kinda - wow, you know?" he grinned.

A silence fell into the room, not even Cerina's happily chatting breaking the moment between Darren and Chris.

"Sometimes," Darren whispered suddenly, his voice sounding thin and emotional. "It scares me how much I love you." Darren kept looking at Chris, momentarily forgetting that his mother was listening in. "But when you're near again and when we talk, I know, I can never love you enough."

Chris's heart jumped at Darren's speech and he couldn't help but peck his lips in response. "I love you so much," he whispered and nudged his nose against his. "I'm really proud to become your husband."

"You're making me cry here," Cerina's voice suddenly interrupted the boys, sounding really emotional.

"Sorry!" Darren quickly said, eyes widening when he realized his mum was right _there_. "We eh. We gotta go mum. Thanks for telling Chris that and we see you later today!" Darren said and made a kissing noise toward the phone, listening to his mum's reply before he hang up.

"We got your mum and ourselves all emotional and we're not even actually getting married," Chris laughed and laid back again.

Darren frowned. "But- We are," he said, leaning on his elbow while looking down at Chris.

"Yes. But not yet," Chris grinned and bopped Darren's nose.

"Not yet," Darren echoed and scrunched his nose in return, smiling widely at Chris. "I told you my parents adore you."

"I'm glad they do...I was always kinda anxious about that," Chris confessed.

"I remember you hugging the shit out of them before you and I were even something," Darren stated and furrowed his eyebrows.

Chris laughed and shrugged. "They always were so nice and good to me...I felt like I should return it, you know?"

"I've never told you," Darren suddenly started and averted his gaze from Chris. "But my mum came to me after our first episode."

"She did?" Chris asked, quirking his eyebrows.

Darren nodded. "She came to me and told me right in front of Joey that she was glad I finally found myself."

"I...don't understand...," Chris mumbled and shifted a bit closer, wrapping his arms around Darren.

A chuckle vibrated against Chris' hair. "Me neither. I just smiled and thanked her, thinking she was talking about me finally having a real job or something. But she didn't mean that. I found that out later. She knew Chris, from the moment that she lay her eyes on me as Blaine and with you there, with all the background information I gave her when I met you, that this was me. That I was myself, truly myself, with you."

Chris felt happy tears prickle in his eyes and he smiled brightly at the other man. "I-I didn't know...," he whispered and shifted closer. "I'm so happy to hear that...it was the same for me though."

"Save it," Darren said with a soft smile and let his rough fingers trail over Chris' stomach.

Chris chuckled and kissed his cheek. "I'm so happy we're doing this..."

"I'm always happy with you," Darren murmured and let his fingers graze his skin lower, looking at him with interest and a forming smirk.

Chris smirked right back and leaned in to kiss Darren once again, smiling against his lips. "Good..."

"So..," Darren whispered, letting his fingers graze Chris' soft cock. "Are you already... up for something again?" he asked innocently.

Chris chuckled and gasped softly at the contact of Darren's rough, warm fingers on him. "Hmmm, what do you think?" he mumbled and kissed him deeper this time.

"I think," Darren murmured and surrounded his cock with his fingers, stroking it quickly to full hardness again. "You should show me how much you want me to feel your love," Darren replied and wiggled his eyebrows with a sly grin.

"Oh yeah?" Chris chuckled and panted at the way Darren stroked him to full hardness, causing him to moan softly and let his fingers trail over his fiancé's chest, down his stomach, feeling the muscles clench there as he travelled lower, circling his own hand around him, stroking gently.

"You better do something because if we're gonna count you're already ahead you know," Darren muttered, closing his eyes in pleasure when Chris started to stroke him slowly. Too slowly.

Chris laughed and nodded. "Okay...," he whispered and picked up his pace, biting at his lip when his fingers gripped tighter, his thumb teasing over the tip.

Darren groaned softly and bended his knees, thrusting up in his fiancé's hand. "Please, Chris," he whined, needing more and needing him closer.

"What do you want me to do to you...?" Chris cooed and stroked a bit harder, nuzzling against the other man's cheek, smiling against it.

"Touch me, lick, suck me, please," Darren moaned, letting his head fall against Chris' head when he fastened his pace. "Anything," he begged.

"God, Darren...," Chris choked out. "Let me...let me rim you, please?" he whispered longingly, sliding his fingertips up the length of his cock.

Darren gasped before a long low moan left his lips. "Yes, fuck yes," he eagerly replied.

"How do you want me to do it...?" Chris whispered hotly against his skin, grinning lightly.

"I don't care," Darren replied quickly, his fingers already clenching the sheets, the friction on his cock and Chris' breath on his skin making him desperate.

"Turn around for me?" Chris asked him, his voice low and gentle.

Darren loved it when Chris' voice became like this. Lower than his usual speaking tone and always so full of suggestion. Opening his eyes, not even knowing when he closed them, he looked at Chris with dark wanting eyes before he swiftly turned around, looking over his shoulder at Chris, waiting.

Chris bit his lip at the look Darren gave him and shifted once his fiancé turned around, settling himself between his legs, looking at him with wanton eyes. "You look so amazing like this...all spread out for me...," he muttered and leaned down to place a soft kiss on the cheek of his ass, nuzzling and never breaking eye contact.

Darren could feel Chris kneeling down between his legs and felt a shiver running down his back. He rutted against the sheets slowly, moaning when he felt Chris' leaning in to kiss his cheeks. "Chris," he whined.

"Shhh...I'll make it worth your while...promise," Chris mumbled and kissed a line up his spine, sucking on the olive skin gently, licking over the birthmark between his shoulder blades.

Darren arched his back, wanting and needing Chris closer. "Please, Chris," Darren begged, not in the least caring that this wasn't the way they usually did this. He loved that he could be like this with Chris too and not only the other way around.

Chris too loved how versatile both men were. It had never been the typical dom/sub relationship because at the end of the day they were always Darren and Chris and never anything else. He loved to make Darren beg, making him somewhat submissive and he couldn't help the sly smile that tugged on his lips. "Patience...," he coed and kissed his way back down again, licking a stripe down between the two round, firm globes of Darren's ass, over his balls and back up again, humming contently.

Darren groaned loudly when he felt Chris' hot, wet tongue tracing his cheeks and balls. "Yes," he hissed, pushing his hips back so his ass would stuck up even higher.

Chris moaned lightly and grinned at how eager Darren was, how restless and he leaned in, placing his hands on his cheeks to part them. "Okay, baby?" he whispered and let his hot breath ghost over Darren's opening.

When Darren felt cold air hit his sensitive hole, he whimpered softly, before Chris' warm breath came over it. "Chris, fuck, please, do it. Lick my hole, please," Darren whined in a breathy voice, his cock getting just a little friction, but not nearly enough, from his inability to lay still.

A soft chuckle fell from Chris's lips and he slowly leaned in to lick over Darren's hole lightly, humming against it and licked again, harder this time, his hands gripping firmly on his ass.

"Fuck!" Darren loudly moaned, pressing his face into the pillow afterwards, his thighs trembling with how much he loved this.

Chris groaned at the other man's moan and did it again, sucking at the rim gently and licked at it again, closing his eyes.

Darren's pleasure filled sounds went lost in the pillows, but the tensing of his muscles, told Chris enough. He tried to push his ass back, loving the way Chris' tongue felt against his hole.

Chris could feel Darren clenching, pushing back and he could tell that Darren needed more from him. He pointed his tongue and pressed it against his entrance, licking in gently, probing and groaning lowly.

Darren also loved how well tuned they were, always knowing exactly what the other wanted. He felt Chris' tongue pushing against his entrance, licking and trying to breach it. He lifted his head slightly and looked over his shoulder at his soon to be husband. "Fuck me with your tongue," he whispered lowly, his voice rough and breathless, eyes boring into his.

Chris moaned, louder this time and eagerly pushed his tongue inside, moaning and twirling it around, humming and squeezing at Darren's full cheeks, panting through his nose, grinding down on the mattress a bit.

Darren arched off the bed when Chris pushed his tongue fully inside, moaning hard and low. "Fuck, Chris! So good baby, so fucking good!" he praised him, his eyes closed in pleasure, hearing his lover's panting breath. Chris would always give him all and it turned Darren on beyond words.

Chris loved hearing Darren fall apart like this more than anything. He licked harder, pulling out to fuck in again slowly, groaning before pulling back. "Can I...can I make love to you, Dare...?" he whispered softly and shifted so he could kiss at Darren's neck again lovingly.

Darren felt his orgasm already coming close when Chris masterfully rimmed him. Hearing the soft question coming from his lips, a soft kiss following it, he turned his body fully around, wrapping his arms around Chris and leaning in to kiss him passionate, tasting himself on his tongue and loving every second of it.

Chris quickly wrapped his arms around Darren as well, pulling him close and kissed back deeply, letting his tongue slide against his, sucking on it gently.

Darren wrapped his legs around Chris as well now, rutting his groan against Chris, swallowing the moan that came out of both their mouths. He broke away from the kiss, his nose trailing his cheekbone, before his lips reached Chris' ear. "You never have to ask that, I'm yours."

"I know...and I love you so much but I wanted to make sure anyways...," Chris whispered back and smiled warmly, his eyes wide and dark blue when they met Darren's. He let his hand trail down Darren's back and between his legs, pulling him closer, draping his thigh over his hip. "Lube...," he whispered softly.

"You know where it is," Darren whispered back with a smirk, feeling his cock leak onto his stomach now, his eyes darting towards it, before they took Chris in again.

"I do...but I thought you'd do me a favour and give it to me," Chris laughed and reached over to the nightstand, taking the lube in his hand and squirted some of the cool liquid onto his fingers, rubbing until it warmed up and slid one finger between Darren's cheeks, rubbing over his slightly stretched hole.

"I would but you're kinda on top- _Oh,_" Darren breathed, letting his head fall back and taking in a deep breath. Even though Chris' tongue had been there moments ago, it was still a fact that Chris was usually the one who would get this treatment of him, so it would take him a little to adjust.

Chris chuckled and shook his head. "It's fine...I was teasing you -," he smirked and watched Darren's reactions, moaning in awe. "Are you ready for the first one?" he asked softly, making sure that Darren would be able to enjoy this.

Darren looked at Chris and nodded, spreading his legs more for him. "I'm ready for anything you're gonna give me."

A soft pant fell from Chris's lips when his fiancé spread his legs for him more, giving himself to him completely. He kissed him gently and slid his finger in slowly, kissing Darren through it, sucking on his lower lip.

It didn't feel good right away, but the tenseness left his body the moment Chris leaned in to kiss him. His kisses never failed to make him feel relaxed and loved. Opening his lips he let Chris kiss him deeper, pushing himself back against the probing finger, soft moans leaving his throat.

Chris kissed Darren back deeply now that he could, moaning into his mouth at how tight the other man was, pulling his finger out slowly only to push back in.

Darren whined when Chris' finger went out completely but it quickly turned back into a moan, Chris' finger already back to where it was before. Darren's cock leaked more precum on his stomach and twitched slightly.

Chris noticed the way Darren's cock twitched between their bodies and reached down slowly, stroking at it lightly, kissing Darren more.

Darren groaned and tried to thrust into his hand, one of his hands joining Chris' making them stroke his cock together.

Chris smiled against Darren's lips and squeezed around his length gently, stroking a bit firmer. "Don't come yet...," he whispered and nudged a second finger against his entrance.

Darren's head trashed on the pillow, groaning when a second finger slipped inside. "Fuck, Chris!" he yelled, rutting back on them, already wanting Chris himself, but knowing he wouldn't be able to... yet.

Chris twisted his fingers and moaned back against Darren's lips, scissoring his fingers gently, stretching Darren out.

Darren's hands moved around and tangled in Chris' hair, showing his desperation in the kiss, roughening it, pushing his ass back against Chris' fingers.

Letting himself melt into the kiss, Chris lightened his grip on his cock and pushed a third finger against the stretched rim.

"Chris," Darren whined, breaking away from the kiss, looking into his eyes, while his fingers kept a tight grip on his hair. "Please, take me."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Chris asked softly and pecked his lips once again, moving his fingers.

"No, but I need you, Chris, please!" Darren groaned louder now, letting his fingers entangle from his hair, his eyes and voice pleading.

"Nu-uh...," Chris whispered. "We're doing this properly," he said and kept thrusting his fingers in and out, waiting for Darren to relax fully.

Darren did so quickly and looked into Chris' eyes with lust and love. "Chris," he whispered, needing him to look at him, his fingers tangling into his hair, not as desperate as only minutes ago, but all the more loving and caring.

Chris looked back at Darren, trying to soothe him and kissed him again gently, keeping the kiss slow and passionate.

Darren let himself be kissed before he broke away, tilting his head so their foreheads were together. "I want my husband inside of me," he whispered softly, almost pleading.

Chris nodded softly and smiled brightly at the other man's words, kissing him again before pulling his fingers out, brushing them over his lover's stretched hole, making sure that he was ready before he lined up his cock, brushing the tip over it with a moan. Chris took the lube in his hands again, slickening his length up to push into Darren gently.

Darren's whole body trembled when Chris lubed himself, anticipating for what was coming. And then he was right there, pushing the head of his cock in. A grunt left Darren's lips, his hands reaching out to grab something and his eyes closing in pleasure.

Chris's arms quickly wrapped around Darren again, holding him close and he nuzzled into the warm crook of his neck, kissing the warm skin there gently.

Darren let his fingers grab his lovers back, his nails digging into his skin, feeling Chris slide even deeper, making him moan louder.

Chris moaned along at the grip his fiancé had on his back. "You feel so good...," he groaned into his ear.

"You too- Jesus," Darren groaned out, pushing his heels into Chris' ass, trying to move him further.

Chris moaned when he felt himself slide in even deeper now that Darren was practically pulling him in. He ground into him, thrusting and panting into his ear, kissing him breathlessly.

Arching his back off the bed, Darren grabbed Chris' back even tighter, surely leaving marks, when Chris started his thrusting. His moans were quickly swallowed by Chris' persistent kiss.

At this point, Chris could practically feel the way Darren's fingertips would leave dark marks on his back, fading reminders of what mattered most to him. He kissed Darren long and deep, groaning and thrusting harder, whining softly into his ear.

Darren panted hard and tried to move back against Chris' quick pace as good as possible. "Don't stop, fuck don't-," Darren groaned, his nails trailing down his back to grab his ass again.

"Not planning on it...," Chris choked out with a soft smile and kept moving swiftly, kissing Darren again, desperate to be as close as possible.

Darren groaned into the kiss, already feeling his stomach tighten of all the pleasure he was receiving. He shifted his hips a little and - "Fuck! Right there! Chris!" he moaned loudly.

Chris let out a moan himself when Darren did and moved his hands to grip at his hips, grinding into him, trying to hit his prostate.

Chris' name along with other powerful words left Darren's lips in loud, low moans. Darren felt his stomach already tightening, his back arching and his toes curling when Chris' pounded into his prostate mercilessly.

"Are you close, baby? Are you gonna come for me?" Chris asked Darren in a whisper, picking up the pace and force of his thrusts.

Darren moaned even louder, his heels pressing Chris' as close as possible. "Yes," he said in a broken voice. "Please, Chris," he begged. "I want you to fill me up. Make me yours!"

A soft cry fell from Chris's lips and he shuddered, his whole body growing rigid as he came with a shout of Darren's name, holding on to him and thrusting lazily, stroking at his fiancé's cock. "Fuck! Come on, Dare..."

Feeling Chris coming inside him was the best feeling ever and it only took two more thrusts of him, to come, his hot come shooting over Chris' hand. "Chris, fuck, baby," he said softly, his hand reached up, trembling, and cupped his cheek.

Chris stroked his lover through it, pumping and smiling tiredly, kissing his lips sweetly. "Amazing...," he whispered and nuzzled against his cheek lovingly.

Darren smiled lazily, his fingers tracing his cheekbone. He felt his body slowly sinking back into the bed, Chris doing the same on top of him. "You always are," he whispered.


	31. Cold Feet

**AN: So so so so sorry for the long delay! It's not like we stopped writing or stopped being busy with the story. Just real life I guess? Makes us way too busy! Anyway! Here, have some angst , hehe.**

* * *

**Chapter**** 31 '****Cold****Feet****'**

Chris chuckled tiredly and placed a gentle kiss on Darren's forehead. "I love you."

Darren hide his face into the crook of Chris' neck. "I love you too, mister soon to be Criss square." A soft chuckle escaped his lips.

Chris laughed and shook his head. "No matter for how long you're going on about it...I'm not becoming Chris Criss," he grinned and cuddled closer.

Darren pouted against his neck, even though he laughed inside. "Whyever not? It's the coolest name ever!"

Another loud laugh escaped Chris's lips and he leaned in to kiss Darren again. "Shush you, in what universe is it cool to be called Chris Criss?"

"In ours! It would be an universe filled with crazy fun, Starwars, Chewbacca's, Harry Potter, Wands, Magic, music and above that all. Love," Darren sighed, already seeing it in front of him.

"You're adorable in your post-orgasm haze, you know that?" Chris laughed and shook his head at his fiancé.

"I'm always adorable," Darren stated with a huff, kicking his feet against Chris leg.

"Ouch! Rude! And abusing already, you're terrible!" Chris giggled and soothingly cupped Darren's cheek, stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. "But you're right. You are."

Darren gasped in fake terror. "Abusing? You're accusing me of that?" Darren softly and slowly reached out his hands to grab Chris' side, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Wait till you feel reel abusing."

"What are you implying, Mister?" Chris grinned widely.

Darren's fingers bended and squeezed his sensitive spots, his body moving swiftly. He wrapped his legs around Chris and held him close while he started to tickle him everywhere he could reach.

"NO! NONONO!" Chris screamed and laughed, squirming and kicking at Darren lightly, trying to push him off. "SO MUCH ABUSE!"

Darren just grinned and didn't falter his tickling in any way, only holding him closer. "Ask for mercy," he said, his eyes glinting.

"AH! PLEASE STOP! HAVE MERCY, DARE!" Chris giggled and squirmed more, rolling back and forth.

"Convince me that you deserve it," Darren chuckled, still not stopping his tickling.

"I'M MARRYING YOU!" Chris yelled and laughed even harder, trying to push Darren off, still.

At that Darren immediately backed away, holding his hands next to him and hovering above him. "Good reason," he smiled.

Chris let out one last laugh and was breathing heavily, looking up at Darren with twinkling eyes. "Thank god...," he choked out with another chuckle.

"Again? We seem to thank him a lot lately," Darren chuckled, nuzzling his fiancé.

"Shhh...," Chris laughed and leaned in to peck Darren's lips lovingly.

Leaning in to kiss him for a while, Darren let himself sink down on Chris' body. "Chris," he murmured, breaking the kiss.

"Hm...?" Chris hummed back, opening his eyes again after closing them for their kiss.

"I think it's time to get out," he said softly, gazing loving at him.

At that, Chris pouted lightly but the joy of knowing that soon he'd be married to the perfect man that was currently looking down at him with warm, honey-coloured eyes was too big. He wasn't sad because he knew that after this day he'd have all the time with Darren that he wanted. Forever.

"We still need to shower," Darren said with a smirk.

"I'm okay with that!" Chris grinned and tilted his head.

"Let's go," Darren said and pushed himself of his lover, slipping of the bed, walking towards the bathroom with a wink over his shoulder.

"You're just - ugh, I have no words!" Chris chuckled and got up as well, following Darren quickly.

"You love me and we both know it," Darren stated, wiggling his ass for empathize.

Chris playfully slapped at it and squeezed, kissing the back of Darren's neck. "You got me!"

Darren yelped and quickly sprinted to the bathroom, smiling brightly at Chris. "And you got me. Till death do us part," he chuckled.

Chris followed quickly, giggling and he smiled back happily. "Perfect," he murmured.

"Darren Everett Criss if you don't get your ass over here within five minutes I'm gonna convince Chris to say no!" Lauren yelled at Darren's voicemail, cursing internal at him with every curseword she knew. She glanced sideways at the pacing Chris, fully dressed and styled, wondering where the fuck he was.

"Jesus fucking Christ! I knew it was a terrible, TERRIBLE! Idea to get here seperately...," Chris mumbled under his breath, still pacing and trying his best to not run his fingers through his already styled hair. He fixed his tie and shook his head, still pacing around.

"Where the fuck can he be?" Lauren exclaimed with an exaggerated sigh towards Joey. "You're his bestie. Tell us!"

Joey shrugged helplessly. "He was fine half an hour ago! I have no idea. Maybe he got cold feet?" he offered.

Chris furrowed his brows at Joey and shrugged, biting his lip. "He was fine this morning. We even got ready together but we decided to make this a little traditional...maybe he's stuck in the traffic?" Chris thought out loud and sighed.

Lauren glared at Joey. "Cold feet? Really? That is your brilliant mind thinking? Why the fuck would he get cold feet?!" she said harshly, sounding more panicked than she should be.

"It wasn't that busy on the road, Chris," Joey piped in, sounding a bit apologetic. He turned towards Lauren. "I'm just saying. Maybe he got reminded of something and freaked out or something," he stated vaguely.

Chris froze and looked at Joey with wide eyes. "Joey...that was - that was months ago. Over a year. He's over 'what happened'. He was fine. We love each other, he's not the kinda guy to leave me in a situation like this!" Chris snapped a little, already stressed out and sweating with how anxious he was. He slumped down on a chair and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his eyes.

Lauren frowned at the both of them. "What the fuck are you talking about?" she asked. "What happened?"

"Do we have to talk about this today? On my wedding day? Really?" Chris snapped again, shaking his head.

"If Darren would be here, we wouldn't have to talk about anything," Joey stated. "But since that's not the case.. Whatever reason could it be, Chris?" he asked, sounding just as angry as Chris right now.

Chris glared at Joey, shaking his head. "Why are you doing this? Darren forgave me, why can't you?"

"Okay someone's gonna tell me what the fuck happened right now!" Lauren ordered, really not able to handle all the stress and the weird conversation. "You make it sound like he cheated on him or something!" she said a bit hysterically.

Chris's eyes grew even wider, filling with tears of anger and frustration. He looked at Joey with pure horror in his expression and then back to Laura. "You wanna know what happened? I did cheat on him. One year ago. I decided that cheating on him was a good idea and you -," Chris glared at Joey and pointed his finger. "You should know best how much it hurt the two of us and how hard we worked to make this well again. To cure us and we did so why are you even here if you disapprove of me so much?" Chris was practically yelling at this point. "Why would you celebrate your best friend marrying me if you hate me so much and try to screw this day up for me anyways, huh?"

Joey fell silent and Lauren stared at him with wide eyes. "How could _cheating_ be a good idea for anyone?!" she asked Chris.

"Chris, I'm-. Look. I'm Darren's best friend. No matter how much I may disagree on the fact that you did that to him, the fact is, is that Darren is ecstatic when he is with you. He's nuts about you and still looks like a lovesick puppy. No, I don't understand why he forgave you, but the fact that he did and that he seems so happy and in love with you is the reason I'm here. I don't hate you, I just don't get you. I'm not trying to ruin your day, but the fact of the matter is, is that Darren isn't here," he explained, trying to sound not too hurtful.

"I know he isn't...and believe me, I don't get myself most of the time either. But you also don't know what happened to me in my life. What drove me to do it, you know? It's...it's all very twisted and complicated...but Darren _knows_me. He knows every side of me. That's why he was able to forgive me. Because I did fight for him. I love him, Joey. With all my heart, I'd never put him through this again. And I still regret it and it still keeps me from sleeping in peace sometimes but the fact is that we're okay. We - we figured it out somehow," Chris's voice grew softer and he rubbed his eyes again, letting out a shaky sigh. "And I really hope he did forgive me enough to not leave me...not today."

Lauren listened closely to what Chris' was saying and felt her heart softening at his words. She walked towards him and wrapped an arm around him. "Look what you've done to our broom, you idiot," she muttered towards Joey and gave him a menacing glare before sweetly looking at Chris again. "It's gonna be fine. You know Darren. He will run in at the very last minute and exclaim he got distracted by a two year old on a pony on his way," she chuckled softly.

Chris too, chuckled and closed his arms around the small girl, hugging her tightly. "I really hope so...and - Joey, I didn't mean to snap at you but it's a really - really sensitive topic..."

"On a very sensitive day," Lauren said, showing she was with Chris here.

Joey looked at the both of them and felt himself getting calmer. Mostly because of the way Lauren was looking at him. "It's okay. I was out of line too."

"Okay...," Chris sighed and pulled away lightly, rubbing Lauren's back before sinking down on the chair again. "Right uhm...so - you all tried to call him?" Chris sighed, getting even more anxious.

Lauren and Joey nodded. "Are his parents here?" Joey asked Lauren, knowing she had gone inside to check who was already there. And to see if Darren wasn't actually there already.

"Yeah, everyone is here," she told him, eyeing Chris worriedly, calling Darren once more.

"Fuck...," Chris muttered and bit his lip hard, rubbing his temples.

"Maybe we should just get in and see if Darren's gonna arrive. I mean. Knowing him it's also a possibility that he comes in, flying on a broom or whatever."

Chris couldn't help but laugh at that and shrug. "Full of surprises...," he sighed and tried his best to just relax for now.

Lauren dived into her purse, grabbing some tissues and busied herself with making Chris look decent again. She cupped his cheek in one hand and smiled at him. "Remember that he loves you more than anything. If he has forgiven you that, Chris, you two can handle anything," she said softly, out of the auditory field of Joey.

Chris smiled thankfully and looked at Lauren with warm eyes. "Thank you so much...for - not being cold to me right now even though I hurt him. I just...I just want to marry this man so bad right now. I really do love him, you know?" he mumbled and fixed his hair and tie.

"We know," she assured him and pecked him on his forehead before backing away. "Let's get you married!" she said, trying to hide her fear of Darren not showing up.

"What if he doesn't show up though? I don't want to be the guy who's being left at the altar...," Chris muttered and rubbed his eyes again before getting up.

"Stop rubbing your eyes, you're making them red," Lauren said with a chuckle, grabbing his hands softly and holding them in theirs. "He will show up." Lauren didn't really believe in god, but that moment she said a quick prare, hoping that whoever listened would grant it.

"Sorry! Right, yes...not good," Chris chuckled along and looked back at Lauren, smiling softly. "Yeah...I - I just want this to be perfect tonight. I don't doubt him...I'm just - kinda self-conscious I guess."

"Well if I was you right now I would have died twenty times already," Lauren said with a huff. "Don't worry though. You two are like a fairytale. There's always a happy ending." Keeping a hold on his hand, she ignored the eyeroll Joey gave her and pulled Chris towards the exit.

Chris laughed and shrugged. "I am pretty much dead, I just make a great zombie," he winked, trying to stop focusing on how it was possible for Darren not to come but he also let Lauren guide her, taking in a deep, shaky breath.

Joey walked behind them, wondering where the hell his friend was and also hoping he would never find out about his Chris-bashing. Darren wouldn't take it lightly and he knew it. They were in front of the big doors which would reveal the room full of friends and family, all there for the union of Chris and Darren. Joey, without even conciously doing so, said a quick prare, hoping Darren would come.

"You're handsome, sweet, amazing and Darren and you are both two lucky bastards for having each other," Lauren said with a warm smile and stood behind Chris, giving him a little shouldersqueeze. "Let's do this!"

Chris blushed a bit at Lauren's words and smiled back happily and nodded. "Okay, yes...," he breathed and opened the door, stepping out slowly.

A loud applause sounded through the hallway when Chris walked in, Lauren and Joey closely behind, his sister coming towards him. "Ready for it big bro?" she asked with a wide grin.

Chris tried his best to keep smiling and nodded. "Yes, yes, I'm ready," he chuckled and kept walking, biting at his lip again.

Hannah walked next to him, wrapping her arm around his. "Where's he anyway?" she asked suddenly, waving towards their parents when she saw them.

"I don't know, sweetie...I just know he'll be here soon. I know he will," Chris smiled a little weak

y, waving to his parents as well and he could tell his hands were shaking.

"Shouldn't he be here already, Chris?" Hannah asked with a frown when they had almost reached the front, feeling her big brother shaking against her form. "Why are you so nervous? You're only marrying the guy you love you know?"

"He should...and he will, of course he will," Chris mumbled, talking himself into it more than telling his sister. he smiled. "That's exactly the reason why...this is a big day."

"Your big day," Hannah grinned and pecked him on the cheek. "I love you Chris!" she said with twinkling eyes and a big smile, which she always saved especially for him.

Chris couldn't help the bright smile that stretched on his lips. "I love you too, Hannah," he said and placed a kiss on her head, biting his lip when he hoped that Darren would appear any second now.

Slowly a buzzing noise started to fill the room, the proof that Chris wasn't the only one who noticed the absence of Darren. Heads were looking towards each other, little frowns and shrugs noticeable from where Chris stood.

Chris could tell that the guests were getting a little anxious and well. So he sighed and closed his eyes shut, waiting.

* * *

_**AN: Let us know how much we're killing you ;D**_


	32. The Ceremony

**Chapter 32 'The Ceremony'**

Out of nowhere the sound of a strumming guitar suddenly sounded through the room, making all heads turn around, looking for the source of it.

Chris jumped and he couldn't fight the relieved sigh that found it's way out from between his lips. He smiled brightly when he heard his fiancé's voice echo through the room.

Darren was strumming the chords of a song that wasn't very familiar, but very well fitting for the two of them. From the moment he walked inside the room, his eyes were solemnly focussed on Chris and Chris only. The moment he turned around and Darren could see the relief on his face, he began to sing.

_Take off your shoes now_

_You've come a long way_

_You've walked all these miles_

_And now you're in the right place_

Darren smiled and glanced around the room, knowing they really were in the right place. They were together after everything they had been through and conquered. And now they were here. In a place where all of their friends and family were to see the two of them getting married. He returned his eyes back to Chris, gazing deep into his bright blue shining eyes.

Chris was smiling back at the love of his life, his heart suddenly light and fluttering, his whole chest burning with how much he loved this man. He looked back at Darren and listened closely to the song he was playing. His voice smooth and low and vibrating in his ears, swiping him off his feet.

_This is your party_

_Everyone came_

_Everyone's smiling_

_And singing your name_

Darren couldn't help but to mouth Chris name towards his almost husband. He was standing there, the rest of the room fading when their eyes connected, the love and devotion towards each other almost tangible.

Chris was not breaking eye-contact, couldn't if he tried so instead he kept looking at Darren with warm, loving eyes. He still couldn't believe that this was really happening and somehow he couldn't even remember the panic he'd felt or be mad at Darren for being late. This was so much better and just what he needed. It was touching and personal, just so them.

_And the nightmares and monsters_

_And your biggest fears_

_Will seem light years away_

_No, they won't find you here_

Darren was already getting nearer, his fingers not stumbling on the strings, his lips singing the right words on the right time even though it felt that as if in this moment there was only a universe that included Chris. Their universe. Filled with comfort, trust, safety, warmth, hope and above all love. Chris still had nightmares at times. He still had his less moments. But it didn't matter. Now he knew. He knew Darren would always be there for him.

Chris couldn't help but smile at the lyrics. It was true, ever since he'd started dating Darren his nightmares and sleepwalking had gotten better. Not completely good after all but they definitely weren't as frequent, not happening as often and Chris would never stop being thankful for that.

Darren smiled, his eyes warm and bright right next to his brother who smiled at him and swiftly grabbed the guitar Darren was holding, going on with the right chords while Darren walked towards Chris, his hand cupping his cheek and holding his hand with his other.

Chris smiled back and watched when Darren gave the guitar to Chuck, grinning widely and he shivered at the gentle touch, closing his eyes and leaning into his hand before blinking his eyes open again, looking right into his fiancé's.

_I'll hold your head my dear_

_Make sure no one's gonna wake you_

_Tomorrow you'll still be here_

_No matter where your dreams will take you_

_And you realize_

_All the falls and flights_

_All the sleepless nights_

_All the smiles and sighs_

_They brought you here_

_They only brought you home_

He didn't even realize that his voice has grown in volume, he wasn't even realizing he was still singing. The only thing that was important and receiving his attention now and for forever was Chris who was looking at him like he was the definition of love in a human body. Darren couldn't help but to feel that exact same thing for the man in front of him.

The warmth that was spreading through Chris's frozen body was overwhelming, felt like too much and left him lightheaded. He was so captivated by the other man, completely focused on him and his low, gentle voice that never lost its softness, even now that it was growing louder.

_Put down this suitcase_

_This weapon of yours_

_The struggle is over_

_You don't need it no more_

_You can't remember lonely_

_You forgot about bored_

_And nothing's the same_

_Since you walked through this door_

Darren let his other hand fall as well, stroking Chris' enclosed hand, letting the tension slip away from his body, knowing fully well he had brought it there by showing up late. He needed Chris to know that there would never be a reason for him to feel left and alone anymore. He would always be here. For him.

Chris quickly laced their fingers together, squeezing with a wide smile. He knew that this was Darren's way to apologize and it was crazy how he could make him pace and freak out but never failed at calming him. He let out a deep sigh and kept listening, completely trapped in the moment.

_This roof is a blanket_

_That's keeping you warm_

_Inside the silence_

_After the storm_

_I'll hold your head my dear_

_Make sure no one's gonna wake you_

_Tomorrow you'll still be here_

_No matter where your dreams will take you_

That they actually were holding hands made it all the more special. Darren squeezed his hands back, singing about that tomorrow he would still be here. With Darren. Together, no matter what the world would bring them.

Chris's lips were still stretched into a warm, loving smile and his eyes were glistening with emotion. He rubbed his thumb over the back of Darren's hand and squeezed once again to reassure Darren, that he'd indeed never go away.

_And you understand_

_This never ending dance_

_This fight, a fading sense_

_Now it all makes sense_

_It brought you here_

_It only brought you_

_Only brought you_

_Only brought you_

_Only brought you home _

Darren finished his song, suddenly the sounds of the other occupants of the room filling his senses again. Darren didn't look around though. His eyes were still focused on Chris, taking everything in. The way he was smiling, completely relaxed and loving. The way their hands were holding each other, perfectly fitting, a tight grip but still comforting. He smiled back at Chris, mouthing the word 'Sorry'.

Chris too was still looking at Darren, not breaking the contact, only to look down at their joined hands. He sighed and bit his lip, shaking his head. "It's okay...," he mouthed back and squeezed his hand once again. Chris suddenly grinned slightly. "And hey! You even remembered the lyrics this time!"

Darren swatted his fiancé's arm and looked down, hiding his grin before he quickly looked back and pecked him on the lips.

Suddenly a great applause sounded through the room along with whistles and 'aw'-ing noises. Darren looked up from Chris and lowered his head shyly, not really knowing why they were receiving such an overwhelming ovation-like reaction.

Chris blushed softly and giggled nervously, pulling Darren into a tight embrace, clinging to him and nuzzling into his neck.

Darren gladly wrapped his arms around Chris when he initiated the hug, feeling his breath and lashes against his skin, closing his eyes, knowing that this was how it was going to be from now on. "I love you," he whispered against his hair, soft enough that only Chris would hear it.

Chris smiled against Darren's warm neck. "I love you too," he whispered back and took in a deep breath. "And you look incredibly handsome..."

"Yeah well it took a lot of hard work in comparison to you who always looks like a model to me," Darren said, amusement lacing his tone while he pulled back to look at Chris again, never not mesmerized by his beauty.

Chris laughed softly and shook his head. "Ridiculous...you, Mister - are just ridiculous," he grinned and patted his back. "Come on...let's get married..."

"Oh yes, we were here with a purpose," Darren sighed and rolled his eyes, as if he only just remembered that. A swift wink was directed at Chris before he turned towards the man who was going to marry the two of them, his right hand never leaving Chris'.

Chris laughed again, carelessly and grinning widely when they turned to face the officiant. He looked back at Darren once again before sighing and squeezing his hand nervously, feeling his palms getting sweaty with how anxious he was getting.

"Dearly beloved. Well, that certainly was quite an unexpected entrance mister Criss made here," the officiant started, his eyes and smile showing that he loved it just as much as the rest of the audience did.

Darren shook his head and shrugged, never one to take compliments very well. He preferred to give them to others, loving the way it would make them feel.

Chris chuckled and looked at him, letting him know that he loved it.

Glancing sideways Darren smiled back, not saying anything so that he wouldn't delay any further.

"We all came here today to be witnesses and to celebrate the union of two wonderful men who are very much in love as we can all see," the man went on.

Chris smiled brighter at that and nodded softly, waiting for the speech to go on.

"Darren and Chris have found one another at their first real job in their life. As we all have been able to see, their meeting on screen was almost as spontaneous and beautiful as their meeting in real life. Considering the fact that Darren here could have been casted as his big stepbrother as well, we could have had a very different union here," the man said, ending with a chuckle.

Chris laughed at the officiants words and shook his head lightly, grinning amusedly.

Darren laughed with him, knowing fully well that he never had any chance of getting Finn's part.

"But that's how it usually goes with love. It's unexpected, strange, sometimes a tiny bit unwelcome because it makes you realize things about yourself that you had never thought about," he went on, smiling at Darren. "But in the end you are wondering why you ever doubted love and can't imagine how you have lived before it came into your life. Darren told me about your first meeting together," he said a light chuckle escaping his lips. "I've been told you knew every quote of the musical he had written and played in even though not many people really knew about that, Chris?"

Darren looked at Chris, his eyebrows wiggling, still thinking about the way he didn't believe it first.

Chris was blushing now, face red and cheeks burning and he laughed and nodded. "I did, yes. I knew it all," he grinned and looked at Darren, nudging his side.

"Apparently you two were each others fans before you even knew each other," the man laughed. "Well, maybe that explains that you immediately clicked. You had dinner the day you met and found out you had a lot of common. Chris told me he was giddy for a week after that, always trying to keep his real nerdy and geeky Chris inside whenever he met someone new, but feeling so refreshed he was able to just spill it all out when you met, because he quickly found out you were just as bad as him."

Laughter sounded through the room.

"You were soon a couple on screen, having a great chemistry, no one really believing there wasn't anything going on behind the screens."

There was a sound and suddenly the white wall behind the man was filled with the video of their first meeting on screen.

The sound was muted, but the images were clear. The man's voice carried on through the hall. "You see, no one had told Darren that he was supposed to look like a strong, adult and wise mentor here for Kurt. Instead of being that," he said, his timing perfectly when Darren's face came into view after Chris had addressed him on screen. "He looked like a lovesick puppy."

Darren flushed immediately after that, letting his head hang even though there was a big grin on his face. Now he saw this he suddenly knew why his mother told him she was glad that he finally found himself at that moment. The laughing and acknowledging sounds coming from behind him didn't really help either.

Chris let out a loud, barking laugh at that, giggling along when the crowd did and he looked at the screen, then back at Darren with a bright grin and a small nod.

"I guess we can say Chris was better at hiding his feelings," the man started now, showing Kurt's face when they met, slightly shocked yes, but nothing worthy of the lovesick gaze Darren just had on his face. "But then," he went on and the screen slowly began to move towards the Teenage Dream scene. "He was done as well," the man said with a grin, showing a very excited, in love Chris who was staring at Darren like he had just won the lottery.

Another round of laughter and now Chris hiding in shame was the result. He was blushing further and rubbing his temples, covering his face before grinning back up again.

Darren already loved the man from the talks they had before the ceremony, him wanting to know who he was marrying so he could make it more personal, but now he knew why. This was simply perfect.

"Things started a little bit later, because as you can read in every novel, people always seem to be pretty oblivious for such feelings. But they both told me, separately, that when the moment came they were going on their first date, they knew it was it. The real thing. I'm marrying a lot of people, but I can honestly say only one out of thirty couples tend to say that. And when they do I'm always cautious. People don't always know how deep love like that actually goes. But with you I believed it the moment you both said it. Every fiber of your beings was radiating love for each other. I never experienced that to be quite honest."

Darren squeezed Chris' hand, never ever had he realized they looked like that to other people. But the again, it didn't really surprise him. The love he had for Chris went beyond words and beyond actions.

Chris squeezed back, looking at Darren with loving eyes. He hadn't thought that they were practically _radiating _with how in love they were but knowing that people could actually see it was the best thing ever.

"And now you're here. Wanting to be married," he said, looking at their joined hands which were resting on Darren's lap. "True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons. It's the union of two hearts who beat for each other and can make each other beat faster."

Darren grinned, knowing what he meant but also realizing it wasn't only about that. The way he had just came in and sang that song for Chris made his heart beat faster as well. Chris just always made his heart speed up.

Chris smiled widely and nodded softly, rubbing his thumb over the smooth back of Darren's hand, biting his lip because every single word of that was true and Darren had never stopped making his heart race or stomach drop.

"It lives on the love you give each other and never grows old, no matter how old and wrinkly you will get. It thrives on the joy of each new day. Marriage is love. And I have no doubt in my mind that yours will be based on that."

Darren squeezed his hand again, leaning his head to Chris' a little.

Chris tightened his grip and leaned in as well, his eyes gleaming with love and devotion for the other man.

"May you always be able to talk things over, to confide in each other, to laugh with each other, to enjoy life together and to share moments of quiet and piece when the day is done."

Was it really bad if Darren could easily pictures those things in front of his mind? Not only because it had been like that for the last year but also because he wanted it more than anything for the rest of his life.

Chris couldn't help it. He closed his eyes for a moment and let the images flicker in front of his eyes, smiling softly at the thought of spending the rest of his life with Darren. Only him and no one else who could take this from him.

"May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness and a home of warmth and understanding," he concluded, nodding towards the both of them.

Darren tilted his head, letting their foreheads rest against each other, not even noticing how the white wall in front of them was now showing pictures of them, together, acting goofy or smiling happily.

Chris's eyes wandered to the screen and he smiled, nuzzling against Darren's cheek to get his attention.

Darren's eyes darted towards Chris and he raised a questioning eyebrow, wondering what he was missing.

Chris just smiled and nodded his head towards the wall in front of them. "Look...," he whispered and squeezed his hand.

Darren reluctantly tore his gaze away from Chris, just now seeing what Chris wanted him to see. A history told by pictures, showing them from downright nuts to ridiculously in love. He loved it. He vaguely remembered complaints about them never being together on a picture. The reason for that was right in front of everyone here. They would show and tell too much. If anyone would have seen this pictures they wouldn't have believed that they were not together. Darren was suddenly very glad that the two of them weren't a secret anymore. He loved to be completely careless around and with Chris.

Chris sighed happily and watched Darren's reaction, smiling at him lovingly. "This is the best day of my life...," he whispered into his ear and pecked his cheek gently, looking back at the pictures.

Feeling Chris' breath against his sensitive ears made him look away from the still showing pictures, smiling when he felt him kiss his cheek. "Second best," Darren said. "Still not over the day when I first met you, you know," he said with a cheeky grin.

Chris laughed and faked a gasp. "Right! How could I forget," he winked and leaned his head against his shoulder.

Darren smiled and leaned into his touch.

"Then I would like to go to the official part of this ceremony now," the officiant suddenly said, breaking the comfortable silence in which everyone was looking at the pictures, sometimes laughing because of how they looked in them.

Chris let out a small sigh and focused on the officiant again, smiling softly.

"As in every wedding ceremony we have now reached the point in which you'll speak your vows. I've understand that you want to give each other your personal vows?" the officiant said with a beaming smile, nodding encouragingly towards Darren and Chris.

Chris nodded and took a deep breath. "Yes. Yes, we wanted to do that and I think it'd be best if I started because Darren has this thing where he makes me cry whenever he tells me how he feels about me so - I should probably do it first," he chuckled.

Darren chuckled and nodded. "He's probably right about that," he agreed and squeezed his hands.

"Shhh," Chris hissed and laughed softly, clearing his throat before turning to his still fiancé. "Darren...I knew that you would end up meaning a lot to me the very first time I learned that I'd be working with you. I didn't know much about you but I did know that you were one of the most talented and passionate people I've ever met in my whole life. I remember asking you out - not for a date but simply to get to know you. Because I wanted to be professional and know who I'd be dealing with but I couldn't know that I'd fall for you that night. I couldn't believe that someone so gorgeous and intellectual would also be the single most funny guy I'd ever imagine," Chris smiled warmly, squeezing his hand. "I remember thinking that I wouldn't be able to _have _you. That I wouldn't be able to hold you and kiss you and love you because I wasn't willing to let myself be hurt again. But you wanted to know me. You took your time to get to know everything about me and that alone - the attention and knowing that you wouldn't use it against me...that was enough for you to earn my trust. You know I don't do that easily...trusting, I mean. I'm closing up and yet you always managed to make me snap out of it. You always got me to talk, to open up for you because I wanted to. I wanted you to know me. All of me. I let you in because I knew that you'd be such a big part in my life. My whole life actually...I love you for so many reasons, Darren. I love you for making me smile and I love how I can make you laugh, how you love me, care for me. How you're never letting me go or giving me up. I know I'm not always easy to be around. But I want to be perfect for you. I want to be yours and yours only. I love you with all my heart and today is the most perfect day in my whole life. I've never been so happy. I've never been so at ease before. You changed me for good and I'll be forever thankful. You put my mind to rest and my body to sleep. You're there when I need you most and even when I need my distance. I'm never alone. Not anymore. And I never thought I'd ever feel this way about anyone...but you're so much more than anyone could ever be. You're my lover, my best friend, my soulmate and I love you with ever fibre of my heart, with everything I am and ever will be. I'm so proud to become your husband today and hope that I'll forever be...because you are my future and my present. My everything and I promise you that I'll never hurt you again, that I'll always be there and love you how you deserve to be loved. Unconditionally and pure. Forever...," Chris finished with tears glistening in his eyes and the glance so warm with love and purity that it made him shiver.

Darren felt his eyes tear up as well, happy tears and tears of love for sure. The blinding smile on his face was proof enough of that. He shook his head slightly at Chris, still not fully grabbing the concept of having this wonderful, beautiful, amazing and incredible man as his husband very soon.

"How am I supposed to top that? And what did you say about crying?" he replied after all those sweet, loving words that made him feel loved by and perfect for Chris, shaking his head with a chuckle. "I think my mum, Ashley and Hannah have brought tissues for you, so you're gonna be fine," Darren started and smiled at Chris, hoping that if he started out with a bit of humor Chris would make it till the end. Hell, that they both would make it.

Chris giggled and rubbed at his eyes, shaking his head. "Oh shush, you're gonna cry too, face it!" he mumbled and grinned widely, tilting his head. "But you're right...I'll be fine."

"I already am, love," Darren assured him and shifted his feet a little, taking a deep breath to start with his vows. "Christopher Paul Colfer," he started and smiled, knowing Chris hated it when he used his full name. "Don't wince. It's your name, part of you and I love every part of you. Deal with it," he chuckled. "I never would have thought I would met someone like you. When I auditioned for Glee I was a bit giddy to meet you, because you were pretty famous already at the time and I read some stuff about you. I was amazed by how a boy who had such a youth was so strongwilled to power himself up to this. And you never stopped surprising me. You nailed Kurt from the very start, you wrote your own book, your own movie and you never stopped thinking about new projects, new storylines and new ways to express everything that's in your brilliant mind. You should know that from the moment I met you I wanted to know everything about you. Every piece of you, even if they were weird according to you or childish. I just knew I would love them and it turned out I did... Chris, the moment you came in my life my mother told me she was glad I finally found myself. And she was right even though I didn't immediately recognized it as such. You fulfill me, you complete me, you amaze me each and every single day. You are the best part of my day. You are the reason to come home. You are my muse. I know you love me and you know I love you, and I can only hope that my love for you never stops growing the way it still does every day. We've had our rough times, but we conquered that. Together. Just like we'll do everything else together for the rest of our, I hope, long lifes. Chris, in your eyes I have found my comfort, in your laugh I have found my destiny, in your neck I have found my peace, in your hands I have found my heart and in your heart I have found my mate. Chris, you are my everything. Forever."

At this point Chris was openly crying because what Darren had said, his very own words that echoed in his head were enough to get his emotions high and his heart swell. He shuddered and chuckled softly, taking the tissue Cerina was handing him and dried his tears, grinning widely.

"Thanks mom," Darren said softly, giving her a loving smile, brushing the tears on Chris' cheek away with his thumb anyway, using every excuse to touch Chris.

Chris smiled happily and grinned at Darren, biting his lip with warm eyes looking back at Darren.

The officiant coughed and made Chris and Darren look back at him, noticing the way he brushed away a tear on his cheek as well. "Those were some beautiful vows as the amount of tears in this room are proof of. We now reached the part in which you will exchange your rings. I heard you had a ring carrier?" he asked, looking around for it.

Hannah walked towards them from her spot, a little pillow in her hands with two beautiful rings on top of them. She grinned brightly at her two favorite boys in this world, Mark still in her top three of course. She walked towards Chris and handed him his ring for Darren.

Chris looked at his sister and the rings, smiling softly. He took the ring from Hannah and clenched his hand around it, getting more nervous than he was before.

"Chris, listen to my words and repeat them after me," the officiant said and waited a second to let Chris acknowledge this.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you," he started, waiting for Chris to repeat the words and slip the ring on Darren's finger.

Chris sighed and repeated the words with so much love and passion in his voice that he was surprised it didn't come out shaky. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness," he looked directly into Darren's eyes when he said that and took the ring, sliding it down halfway Darren's finger. "As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you," he said, smiling softly when he slid the ring down all the way.

The man smiled and went on. "I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, on our wedding day."

Chris smiled back and looked straight at Darren again. "I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, on our wedding day," he said softly, trying his best to keep his voice from breaking.

Darren felt the tears gathering in his eyes again, hoping and actually knowing that their vows and their promises would hold. They would forever be committed and faithful to each other. There was no way that they wouldn't be. Darren looked at his finger, loving the feeling and meaning of it on his finger.

"Darren, for you it's the same ritual. Please gather your ring from you almost sister in law," the man said with a warm smile towards Hannah who was still beeming like Christmas had come early.

Darren grabbed the ring with a bit unsteady fingers, winking at Hannah and grazing her cheek with his knuckles before he turned back towards Chris.

"I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you," he said again, waiting for Darren to repeat them.

Darren grabbed Chris' hand tighter, looking up at him and mirroring all the feelings that were noticeable in his eyes. "I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger," he said and tilted Chris' hand so he could do so, his eyes lifting up towards him again when he went on. "I commit my heart and soul to you."

"I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, on our wedding day," he finished his part of the ceremony.

"I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today," Darren said and squeezed Chris' hand again. "On our wedding day," Darren finished as well, their ring-wearing hands grabbing each other tighter than ever, not willing to let go.

Chris squeezed Darren's hand tightly and looked at him with wide, blue eyes.

The man looked quite happy himself and went on. "By the power vested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husbands," he said, pointing his hands towards them. "You may now kiss," he concluded.

Darren didn't wait one more second, but grabbed Chris with one hand surrounding his shoulder while the older held his still ringed hand in his, dipping him true Disney style and pressed his lips to his, swallowing the yelp that left Chris' lips, closing his eyes and parting his own lips.

Chris giggled before their lips collided and smiled into the kiss, allowing Darren to swallow his sound of surprise before he kissed back deeply, humming into his mouth.

The kiss probably took too long considering the fact that half of the audience was making whooping noises now, but Darren didn't care in the least. Smiling back into the kiss he slowly, reluctantly pulled away, looking in the eyes of his husband with so much joy and love it made him feel like he was floating.

Chris ignored the catcalling and smiled against his lips more, flushing when Darren pulled away and he could feel his heart beat so fast it hurt. He grinned widely and pecked Darren's lips once again before leaning back. "I love you so much...," he whispered.

Darren grinned brightly back at him, failing to look around to his other loved ones, only able to concentrate on Chris. "I love you more," he said, nuzzling him. "Husband of mine," he whispered, sounding amused with the old fashioned way of saying it.

Chris bit his lip and shook his head. "That's not possible, Mister...," he whispered softly and kissed his cheek sweetly.

Darren closed his eyes slightly, enjoying and memorizing it before he pulled back from Chris and looked back, actually noticing for the first time this day how many people were surrounding him. The faces he met were all joyful and some tearful, radiating the happiness for the both of them. Darren squeezed his hand slightly before he whispered "Are they all here for us?" in wonder.

Chris nodded quickly and felt himself tear up when he saw all the people, his family, Darren's too, the Starkids, Gleeks, everyone of their friends and he grinned at Darren and squeezed his hand in return. "They are...all for us."

"And you did this all," Darren now said, voice filled with astonishment and pride. "You know I'm never gonna let you leave me, right?" he asked, pulling him closer to his body.

"I hope you won't...but I'm not going to leave, Darren. Never," Chris said firmly, looking him right in the eyes.

"Let's face the fans," Darren said with a grin and took a step towards the path between their family and friends who were already standing there, waiting to be able to start throwing the rose petals.

* * *

**AN: And? Did we make it up with you? ;)**


	33. Singing In The Rain

**Chapter 33 'Singing in the rain'**

Feeling Chris in his arms, swaying softly at the music, his hot breath ghosting against his neck after such an overwhelming day, was the perfect ending.

Chris was holding on to Darren's back tightly, his face tucked into the warm, safe crook of his neck and he was just letting it all sink in. His eyes were closed and breath coming out slow and steady, breathing in the familiar scent of the man he loved. His husband.

"I thought we told your parents to not give us that," Darren whispered softly, still amazed at the grant gesture they had given them. There was a trustfond for one of their future children, both of Chris parents already believing in the fact that they would succeed in getting a child in the future.

"We did...but you know my parents...," Chris whispered back and smiled widely against his cheek. "I didn't think they'd think about those things..."

"A kid," Darren murmured, wonder filling his voice when he even though about a kid of their own. "I can imagine them thinking about it though.. They've already raised two amazing ones," he said leaning back against Chris.

Chris giggled and shook his head. "Your parents did an amazing job too...you're gonna be an amazing dad..."

Darren shrugged, shaking his head slightly. "You're going to have to raise two toddlers,"he said with a small chuckle.

"Nu-uh," Chris mumbled against his skin, kissing it gently. "How many do you want...?" he whispered with a smile.

Darren let go of Chris' shoulder, spinning him away before letting him return in his arms again, loving the symbolic feelings that he got with that. No matter what, Chris would always come back in his arms again. "I don't know," he said softly. "You really think I can be a father?" he asked him, suddenly sounding very insecure.

Chris chuckled when Darren spun him around before pulling him close again. He held on to him and tilted his head, quirking his brows. "Of course I can! Are you kidding me? I know how you interact with children...you wanted to become a teacher...I think you could be the best dad in the world."

Hearing those words, Darren closed his eyes, pulling Chris even closer, his head resting on his shoulder, his lips pressing against his neck. "I would've never wanted to marry anyone but you."

Chris gasped and closed his eyes, smiling at the simple touch of Darren's soft lips. "Me neither..."

"Chris," Darren whispered, not wanting to look him in the eye while asking this, simply enjoying his touch and nearness.

Chris hummed softly, letting Darren know that he was listening.

"The next thing on your timeline," he started, wondering if Chris still knew what he had written more than a year ago. Darren couldn't help it, he had it memorized because he occasionally looked at it, all the little post-it's, that were collected into a small wooden box. Some of them filled with his tiny scrabbles, declaring his love to every part of Chris' body and some of them with just one or two simple words, written down in the most familiar handwriting for Darren.

Chris furrowed his brows and tilted his head. "Uh...what do you mean?"

"Fighting," Darren filled in, letting his hand push Chris back against him, holding him tighter, their swaying never stopping and the sound of their friends and family enjoying themselves occasionally filing their comfortable silences.

Chris sighed and shook his head, pressing a firm kiss on his cheek. "Don't think about that...not now...not when this is so perfect...," he whispered. "We're going to spend the rest of our lives together...there will be fights...there'll be makeups...everything but I'll experience it with you, that's what makes it okay."

"We'll always make up, right?" Darren asked, hoping he didn't sound too hopeful or scared.

"Look at me...," Chris whispered, putting his finger under Darren's chin, tilting it up. "I'll always find my way back to you...remember?" he whispered, quoting him and kissed him lovingly. "We will..."

Darren did so, reluctantly and smiled softly when Chris repeated his words from more than a year ago. "Your navigation skills are horrible, though," Darren mumbled, pressing a kiss to his lips as well.

Chris giggled. "You're distracting!" He pouted and kept dancing with him, kissing back. "Better?"

"How can it not be?" Darren asked him rhetorically. "I married my soulmate today and he just kissed me. I can think of worse things," he said with a grin, squashing down his insecurities, agreeing with the fact that he should be enjoying and celebrating, not thinking about possible disastrous things in the future.

"Good...because I love you more than anything, okay?" he said and rubbed his back. "Don't worry, Mr. Colfer-Criss..."

"I still think it's a shame you're not Chris Criss now," Darren replied, nuzzling him again with a laugh. "we could have called our daughter Christine. Can you imagine? Christine Criss from Chris Criss," he chuckled.

Chris laughed at Darren's words and shook his head. "Oh god, Darren...we're not calling her Christine...," he smiled. "Chris Criss...," he echoed. "That's terrible!"

"Any ideas yourself then?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and giving him a curious look.

"I like Emily...," Chris whispered into his ear.

"Emily?" Darren echoed. "Emily Colfer-Criss," he said, trying the words in his mouth. "I like it!" he said, smiling brightly, his eyes showing warmth.

Chris looked back at Darren with watery, sparkling eyes. "You do...?" he whispered softly, closing his arms around him tighter.

A frown made it's way on his face. "Of course I do! I love it, at least one of us is seriously thinking about things like that. Have you thought of a boy's name too?" he asked now.

"Not really...have you?" Chris asked back and nuzzled his nose against his husband's.

"Maybe," Darren admitted, smiling when Chris brushed his nose with his.

"Tell me?" Chris whispered and looked at Darren.

"Steven," Darren replied, frowning and hoping that Chris would like it.

"Yeah?" Chris smiled brightly, pecking his lips. "Steven and Emily it is, then..."

"And if we get another we can always go with Harry," Darren said, acting innocent, even though his eyes betrayed his humor.

Chris let out a small laugh and shook his head. "God...you would."

"Hey you should agree with Harry before I would give you other options like Ronald, Severus or Albus," Darren laughed.

Chris let out another loud laugh and shook his head. "Oh my god!"

"Already having second thoughts about being my husband?" Darren asked, a grin on his face, even though the words were more serious than his face showed.

"Never!" Chris said firmly and grinned back at Darren widely.

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Darren replied, leaning in for a soft kiss.

"Please do...," Chris said and kissed back lovingly. "I'll never have second thoughts about this."

"Will I ever grow tired of saying I love you?" Darren wondered, keeping his face as close as possible.

"Hopefully not...," Chris said and nuzzled against his cheek. "Because I love you, Darren Everett Colfer-Criss...forever..."

"Who ever thought Everett would be a nice name," Darren muttered, before leaning into his touch, closing his eyes with a warm smile. "Forever and ever you'll stay in my heart and I will love you forever and ever, we never will part," Darren sang softly.

Chris smiled widely when his husband sang into his ear. "Would it be too cheesy if I told you I loved you again...?"

"Totally," Darren said softly. "But then you go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you," he now sang, the grin never fading on his face, while his lips brushed his ear again.

Chris laughed and whispered once again. "I'll never spoil it...I love you."

"God only knows what I'll be without you," he now whispered, his head resting on his shoulder when he wrapped Chris closer, never getting enough of this moment. This day. Of them.

Sighing softly, Chris's arms closed around Darren's back tighter, holding him there, pressing him against his chest, nuzzling and melting. "I'd be nothing...," he whispered and rested his head on Darren's shoulder, swaying lightly.

Darren actually felt tears coming to his eyes when Chris whispered those words. "If I don't have you," he whispered back.

Chris chuckled warmly and kissed his husband's cheek gently.

"Chris?" Darren asked, still slightly swaying to the music at the background, loving the little bubble they were in.

"Hm...?" Chris hummed, his eyes closed and heart beating steadily in his chest as they danced slowly.

"Do you think it's time to go home already without raising the suspect we just want to have sex?" Darren asked, amused by the fact that that was always the thing the partypeople would think.

Chris let out a small laugh and shrugged. "Oh, you know...they can't blame us...we're married now."

"As if that ever stopped us before," Darren said, chuckling against Chris' shoulder.

"No...we've always been terrible," Chris giggled and kissed the side of Darren's neck.

"What's the number of times, today?" Darren asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Chris.

"I think we managed...four...?" Chris asked, quirking his brows with a smirk.

"Let me count," Darren started. "Bed, shower, kitchen, bed, shower, park." His eyes widened. "Shit. Really? We're the worst!" he exclaimed.

Chris was laughing so hard tears prickled in his eyes, he shook his head and hid his blushing face in the crook of Darren's neck. "Oh my god...we're so so terrible," he chuckled.

"The day hasn't even end yet!" Darren went on, his eyes becoming even wider when he pulled back to look at Chris again. Suddenly his eyes darkened. "Got any plans left?"

"I want you to make love to me when we get home. Old fashioned...just you and me in our bed...okay?" Chris whispered into Darren's ear softly.

"You really think I'm gonna say no to that?" Darren asked, shivering slightly when he felt his breath ghost against his ear.

Chris grinned widely and shook his head. "No...but - you know, it'll be our first all over again."

"Our first was with toys and god knows that," Darren replied, quickly sobering up, knowing fully well that this should be a more serious moment than what he just made of it. "But you're right. It's our new start again. A fresh beginning."

"Exaclty...," Chris mumbled and rolled his eyes. "We can never tell people how our first time was. We'll just smile and say 'nice', deal?" he laughed.

"Deal," Darren agreed. "Although I would love to see their faces," he grinned.

"I swear to god, I'm so getting a divorce if you do that," Chris warned playfully.

"I just thought you said you would never regret being my husband!" Darren pouted at Chris playfully, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth afterwards.

"Baby!" Chris exclaimed with a pout, pecking Darren's smooth lips. "I'm kidding you dork!"

Darren just smiled and kissed him back before he stopped their dancing, grabbing Chris' hand and walked them towards the microphone of the singer who just finished her song. "Mind if we say something" Darren asked her.

Chris yelped lightly when Darren grabbed his hand and tugged him along, looking at his husband with confused eyes.

The singer stepped aside and handed him the mic.

"Hello friends, families, people who just walked by and noticed there was a party going on," Darren started, wrapping his arm around Chris' back, holding him very close. "We want to thank you for the most amazing day or our lives. We have never felt so loved, treasured and cared for and we want to thank you all for coming and being there for us. We both know we weren't the most easy and relaxed people to be around these last few weeks."

There were some agreeing noises from the dancefloor and the tables that were surrounding it.

"It has been a long, terrific, satisfying and amazing day and we seriously can't thank you enough. Especially our mums and dads," Darren started, feeling his eyes fill with tears, his family never failing to make him emotional. "Thank you for always believing in me, always being there for me and always knowing me better than I know myself. And Karyn and Tim," he now said, focusing his attention towards them. "Thank you so much for accepting me in your family and lifes with so much ease. I can see where Chris has his loving character from and I can't thank you enough for creating such a wonderful, amazing guy," he concluded, smiling at them with gratefulness.

Chris squeezed Darren's hand tightly and blushed at his praise for his family and chuckled softly. "Well...I don't think I can add more to that than my own thank yous for Darren's family as well. Cerina and Bill accepted me the second Darren mentioned me and never showed me anything but love and respect. I'm more than fortunate if I think about it."

Darren glanced sideways at his husband and beamed with pride. His family never seemed to stop amazing him.

A sigh fell from Chris's lips and he kept talking softly, tears glistening in his eyes. "It's amazing how much those two support their children. It's so wonderful to see how much love they have to give and how they're so willing to share it. And I want to thank my family as well. For everything they did for me, no matter how hard times were. I love you all so much, thank you for coming."

A loud applause sounded through the room they had held their party in. Their parents came towards them to hug and kiss them goodbye.

"We're so proud of the man you became," Karyn said softly in Chris' ear, holding him tight.

Chris hugged his mother tightly and squeezed her when she told him they were proud of him, a single tear rolling over his cheek.

"Don't ever stop smiling like that to him, okay?" Cerina said, sounding like she always did when she was trying to teach Darren a lesson. "You belong together," she said and kissed Darren's cheek before she pulled away.

A wide grin spread on Chris's face when he heard Cerina's words and he looked back at the two of them. "It's true...I love it when you look so happy."

Darren chuckled and shook his head, a blush reaching his cheeks. "How can I not look happy when you're next to me?" he asked and leaned his head on his shoulder.

Chris smiled and bit his lip. "I'm glad...," he said simply and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Goodbye everyone!" Darren said louder so everyone would hear it and turned around to walk off, knowing their family would take care of all the gifts and stuff they should get home.

"Bye!" Chris said as well and waved, quickly following his husband to lace their fingers together.

Swinging their hands between them, Darren breathed in the fresh air when they stepped outside, looking up to feel the light drizzling rain on his face, the big goofy grin on his face still in place.

"You're adorable, you know that?" Chris whispered and squeezed his hand tightly.

"So I've been told," Darren murmured, his eyes still closed when he felt the drops drenching his hair and face. "I do prefer the terms cool, sexy, mysterious and handsome, though."

Chris chuckled and tilted his head, grinning. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mister Colfer-Criss also known as Mister Cool-Sexy-Mysterious-Handsome," he laughed and shook his head.

"That's gonna give me one hell of an autograph," Darren chuckled before he stopped his sky-adoration and looked at his husband. "You're my husband now," Darren whispered, closing the distance between them while he gazed into his eyes.

Chris laughed once again and smiled into the kiss, humming against his lips. "Yeah...you are..."

"Wanna dance with me in the rain?" Darren asked, his eyes sparkling even though it was already dark outside, his hands grabbing his waist already.

Chris giggled. "Really now? Are we that cliché?" he smiled and nodded softly. "But yes...yes, I'd love to."

"You love cliché mister Broadway," Darren said, nuzzling him before he pulled him close and pressed his nose into the crook of Chris' neck, loving the fact that he was slightly taller before he started to swing slightly, their feet not even moving.

Chris laughed and shrugged. "It's true...it's nice when things are like that for once," he said and wrapped his arms around Darren, smiling at how perfectly Darren's head fitted into the crook of his neck.

"With you things are always like that, you know," Darren said, sighing softly. "Why do I always want to sing around you?"

Chris laughed once again, louder this time. "Because you really are a Disney prince!"

Darren grinned. "You know that is like the biggest compliment you can give me, right?"

"Yeah...I've known you long enough to know now," Chris beamed.

Darren chuckled and thought of a fitting song, wondering if he should sing it or not. He had been kinda sappy on the dancefloor already...

Chris tilted his head a bit, looking at his husband. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," Darren said immediately, shifting his head a little so he could talk better. "Wondering if I should break out in song... Again," he chuckled.

Chris giggled and looked at him with wide eyes. "Please do! You know I adore your voice..."

"Sing with me?" Darren asked, smiling softly. By now he wasn't even noticing the rain anymore.

"What do you want to sing?" Chris asked curiously, grinning happily.

"Do you trust me?" Darren asked him, holding out his hand.

Chris's eyes grew wide, this sounded way too familiar. He hesitatingly reached for Darren's hand, biting his lip. "Yes...," he said and looked at him with a small grin, taking his hand in his firmly.

"Just follow me," Darren whispered, knowing it was entirely too sappy but Chris would love it anyway. "I can show you a world, shining, shimmering, splendid," he started, his voice rising in volume, but still feeling like it was only them and he was actually whispering. "Tell me, Chris, now when did you last let your heart decide?" Darren twirled Chris around, holding him so his back was against his chest, their arms reaching out as if they really were on the magic carpet. "I can open your eyes. Take you wonder by wonder. Over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride," his voice drifted past Chris' ear, loving the way it let goosebumps rose on his skin.

Chris's eyes lit up when Darren started singing, he knew the song by heart and bit his lip as he listened to Darren's low, smooth voice. He let him twirl him around and felt goosebumps rise on his skin slowly, causing shivers to run down his spine.

Darren smiled, singing on. "A whole new world, a new fantastic point of view. No one to tell us no, or where to go or say we're only dreaming," Darren went on, squeezing Chris' hand, only just realizing how fitting the lyrics actually were.

Chris smiled back and grinned at the squeeze to his hand, realizing it was his turn now. He began to sing, soft but clear. "A whole new world, a dazzling place I never knew, but when I'm way up here," Chris turned in Darren's arms and beamed at him widely. "It's crystal clear, that now I'm in a whole new world with you...," he sung quietly, smiling at how fitting this whole song was in the moment they shared.

"Now I'm in a whole new world with you," Darren harmonized with him, his skin tingling of the intimacy of the moment.

"Unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling," Chris kept singing and looked right into Darren's eyes, meaning every word. "Soaring, tumling, freewheeling! Through an endless diamond sky," he continued and held Darren close, singing quieter now that his lips were practically brushing his ear. "A whole new world."

"Don't you dare close your eyes," Darren fell in, loving the way their voices always melted together whenever they were singing.

"A hundred thousand things to see," Chris continued with a gentle smile, his heart racing and chest tingling at how well their voices blended into each other.

"Hold your breath it gets better," Darren went on, eyes boring into Chris'.

Chris looked right back and his eyes softened as he kept his voice low. "I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far. I can't go back to where I used to be..."

"A whole new world," Darren sang, keeping the last word long so Chris would blend in perfectly again.

"Every turn a surprise," Chris smiled when they managed to hit the harmony spot on.

"With new horizons to pursue." Darren still wondered why they had so few duets. They sounded like pure magic together.

"Every moment red-letter," Chris was still looking right into Darren's eyes, losing himself in the song and his wonderful, warm eyes.

"I'll chase them anywhere. There's time to spare," Darren began, hearing their voices blend together and grabbing his hand, holding their ringfingers against each other. "Let me share this whole new world with you," he sang on. "A whole new world. That's where we'll be. A trilling chase."

"A wondrous place," Chris sang and smiled happily as he watched their rings sparkle in the dim light.

"For you and me," Darren whispered, pressing his lips against Chris' lips right after he finished the words, letting all his love, devotion, happiness and care for Chris pour into the kiss.

Chris kissed back like it was the most natural thing in the world, humming against his smooth lips and felt the warmth spread through his body. He loved this man so much and knowing that they'd always be like this. Dorky and so utterly in love took his breath away.

Darren wrapped his arms around him, deepening the kiss but keeping it soft and gentle, not raw and passionate, because they both knew that would be for another time.

His own arms closing around Darren's back, Chris pulled him closer, kissing back just as lovingly, sweetly and slow, keeping the kiss gentle and sensual.

Breaking the kiss for much needed air, Darren smiled softly. "Home?"

"Yes...," Chris breathed.

* * *

**AN: Prepare for some more angst! Sorry.. We can't help ourselves**


	34. Fighting

**Chapter 34 'Fight'**

_I'll be with Joey tonight! I think it's gonna be late so don't wait for me. -D_

_That's okay, baby. I'll be here waiting for my husband to return to me. ;) -C_

_You really don't have to. Maybe I'll just spend the night here. We'll see -D_

_Oh. I see...well, just text me when you know for sure? -C_

_Will do. -D_

_Are you okay, baby? You're kinda...I don't know... -C_

Darren read Chris' latest text and sighed. Chris knew him too damn well.

_I'm fine. Tired, that's all. Give Brian my love -D_

_Are you sure you don't want to come home and just curl up with me? I'm exhausted so - I could use some of your cuddles. :( -C_

Wincing at how he was going to reply now, Darren momentarily hated himself. He knew that if he'd agree with Chris, they wouldn't just cuddle. And that always lead to more these days. He was sick of it.

_I haven't seen Joey in ages and I'm sure he can keep me awake. Go to sleep early, Brian will love to be your pillow for tonight. I'm sure -D_

_Darren...what's wrong? Seriously...you're kinda freaking me out. -C_

_Chris, it's fine! I'm just going to Joey. -D_

Damn his husband. Why did he always knew exactly when something was wrong? And why was he only noticing just now?

_Okay...just - have fun, okay? And please come home tonight? -C_

_Will do. I"ll let you know.. -D_

Darren sighed. Chris would be angry and he knew it. There just was no other way.

_No. I mean it. You should come home. Please? -C_

_I want to but Joey has a surprise for me. I can't tell if I'll be home yet. I"ll let you know, okay? -D_

_Only if you give me text-kisses. -C_

_Chris, how old are you? -D_

Darren sighed in irritation. Why wouldn't he just drop it? He had enough on his head as it was.

_Why are you being so mean to me tonight? -C_

Chris sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair, rubbing his face.

_I'm just tired. Here. X. Now sleep tight and all -D_

_Know what? Don't even bother coming home. -C_

Darren felt his heart ache. Fuck. He couldn't do anything good now, could he?

_Thanks for that blank check oh husband of mine_

_Darren. You know I'm upset. I didn't mean it like that. I just don't know why you're treating me like a piece of garbage right now... -C_

_Can't you just leave it? Maybe it's better to have an evening without each other -D_

_Everything was fine when you were here...I don't know why you're being like that. I actually was in a very good mood today, you know? -C_

_Oh so I ruined everything again? Just drop it, Chris. I need a night on my own. I'll see you tomorrow -D_

_You'll never change that part of you, will you? -C_

_You know who you married._

_I don't recognize him right now._

Darren felt tears filling his eyes. Chris was right. He wasn't being the man Chris thought he married. That man had promised him things. Things he couldn't make true. Promises he couldn't hold. Swallowing the lump in his throat he wondered if he had ever been good enough for Chris. He pressed his phone close after he had send one more text.

_Maybe you never really knew him._

Chris felt his body freeze and he felt as if his heart was being ripped out right on the spot.

_What is wrong with you? This is so low, Darren. I don't know what happened but I really hope it works out quickly because I'm not dealing with this._

When Darren stood in front of the door that was so familiar to him, he felt his phone vibrate again. Even though he knew it probably wasn't a nice text, he wanted to know what Chris said anyway. Reading it, he felt his stomach dropping. With resigned fingers he texted back.

_I hope so too. Mayber after tonight you won't have to deal with it anymore. _

Chris felt like throwing up when he read the next text. He just didn't understand what he'd done wrong now. He wondered if this was Darren's long awaited revenge for hurting him the same way he'd done it nearly two years ago.

_I don't even want to ask what you mean by that...but like I said. Don't bother to come home before you're not Darren again. Be safe._

_I don't know anymore.. I just need someone to figure some stuff out.. _

Darren knocked on the door and put his phone away, waiting for to see the face in front of him that he loved so much.

"I thought you never came," the familiar loving and worrying tone made him feel at ease in one second. Feeling an honest smile reach his face for the first time in days, he looked up and leaned in for a kiss. "You have no idea how much I need you."

Chris sighed and couldn't even type anything back. He sank down on the couch and curled himself up against one of the pillows. There was no way he'd calm down if he wouldn't find out where Darren was soon and what was going on inside his head. He got up with a frown plastered on his face and took his jacket from the stand, pulling it on before he left the house to get into his car. Maybe if he showed up to talk to Darren face to face, the other man would finally quit being such an asshole to him all of the sudden. Chris made his way to Joey's house and angrily walked up the door, ringing the bell.

Joey was just skyping with the Starkids, making plans for their new production when he heard the doorbell ring. Frowning he looked at his watch. He never got visitors at this time of the day. "I'll be right back!" he said to Joe and walked towards his door, opening it, half expecting a neighbour or someone else. Not Chris. "Hey!" he said with a smile which failed quickly after he saw the murderous, hurt look on the other's face. "What's up?" he asked, sounding worried himself now.

"Hey...," Chris echoed, his voice low and raspy because of his suddenly dry throat. "I'm sorry I'm bothering you but my _husband _is being an asshole and I was hoping I could talk to him?" he said with a sigh, rubbing his temples.

Joey frowned when Chris explained him why he was here. "Eh yeah, sure," he said, wondering why he seem to be the one they always ended up with whenever things were wrong. "What can I do for you?" he asked him now.

"Wait...i-is Darren even here? He said he was at your house and would probably sleep over...he only ever sleeps over at your place so -," Chris's voice was shaky and he looked at Joey with wide, almost pleading eyes.

Joey felt dread coursing through him. Darren said he would be here but he wasn't. What if something had happened? "No, he's not. Are you sure he said he was with me? He always texts me whenever he comes. What if something happened?" he asked, his voice growing in volume.

"Oh something definitely did happen and that is my husband basically telling me that he won't come back and this time I didn't do anything. He said he'd go visit you and that was that and now -," Chris pulled out his phone and pushed it into Joey's hand, letting him read Darren's texts.

Joey went through the texts, wincing inwardly when he read the last few ones. Something definitely was wrong. Why had Darren told Chris he would be with him? He didn't even worry about the fact that he wasn't here. At least not in the 'what if he had an accident' way. He had used him as an excuse to go somewhere else. Darren told Chris that he had a surprise for him and Joey most certainly did not. Silently he handed him the phone back. "Come in," he said softly and opened the door further.

Chris felt tears prickle in his eyes and he nodded, not trusting his voice to speak yet. He nodded and smiled faintly, walking into Joey's house. "Thank you," he choked out once he was standing in the hallway.

"I'll make some tea," Joey mumbled, sounding uncharacteristically sweet and warm. Not that he wasn't, it just wasn't a side Chris knew very well. "You can sit down on the couch if you want to... 'l'll be right back," he said and smiled softly.

"Okay...," Chris whispered and smiled softly. Joey was being so nice to him all of the sudden and somehow it made Chris grow conscious about what really was going on with Darren now. "Yeah, thanks," he said and sat on the couch, mirroring the smile as good as he could.

After a few minutes Joey returned with two steaming mugs of tea, handing Chris one before he sat down on the other side of the couch, his long fingers wrapping around the comforting heat. "I made chamomile, they say it's calming," he said, not really knowing what to say.

Chris's tensed face lit up a little when Joey came back. He smiled and took the mug from the other man, humming at the comforting warmth that spread through his body. "Thank you. Really, Joey...thank you for not just letting me drive home again...I feel like I'd just - go insane..."

Joey nodded, still worrying like crazy. Where the hell was Darren? "Did something happen between the two of you?" he asked, knowing Chris wouldn't act stupid because he had let him read the texts.

Chris just shook his head, he too was worrying about where Darren was but he actually worried about _who _he was with even more. "No. Nothing...everything was fine..."

"Anything? You two sounded pretty pissed in the texts," Joey offered, hoping they would get a hint about what would make Darren act like this.

"I just asked him when he'd come home...and he started snapping. I - I just - I don't know, like I said. Everything was great before he left...that's why I'm so shocked right now, I don't understand what's going on..."

Joey remained silent, trying to sip his tea, but cursing it when it burned his lip. "It's nothing like Darren to act like that. He _never _uses me as an excuse. We promised each other that."

Chris flinched and shrugged. "I honestly don't know what's going on...he seemed so out of it...and I just - god, it's driving me mad that I have no clue where he could be..."

"Well at least we know he's with someone," Joey said, wincing right after. Really, did he _had_ to make things even more hurtful?

Chris nearly choked on his tea at Joey's words and he looked up at him with horror in his eyes. "Well, yes, but we don't know who it is. Apparently it's someone who's meant to be a secret and someone that causes him to not return to me again!"

"Chris, Darren doesn't-," Joey started, his eyes widening and his hands freezing. The word couldn't even leave his lips. "He would never-," he began again."Darren isn't like that!"

"You mean like me?" Chris choked out, the regret crawling through his body again, making him feel sick and he put his tea down. "I know he isn't...but what if this - this is his revenge?"

"No! Chris," Joey immediately replied. "I didn't mean it like that! I swear. I just meant that Darren is not even capable of thinking about something like that. And he would never have revenge. Not on you. You're his everything! And it was two years ago! You said so yourself everything was okay!" Joey exclaimed.

Chris nodded. He knew Joey hadn't meant it like that but it was still a very touchy topic. He wasn't mad or upset but angry at himself. He curled up on the couch and shook his head. "He sure didn't make me feel as if I was his everything tonight...," he choked out and swallowed thickly.

Joey didn't know what to say either. "There must have been something, Chris... No fights? No discussions? No big decisions? New projects which makes one of you feel stressed out?" he tried.

Chris kept shaking his head and shrugged. "No...nothing - well...," he stopped and took a deep breath. "We did have a discussion about something a few days ago but - I don't think that's it..."

"Why not?" Joey asked, not trying to probe.

"It was about - children," Chris said finally and bit his lip. "I really, really want to be a father...and I don't doubt him as a dad. Not at all...but - he didn't seem too excited about it when I brought it up...," he mumbled.

"What do you mean? Darren loves kids," Joey said, surprise in his voice.

"I know...and he does but - I don't know. I think he's not ready to take that step with me yet? He didn't really tell me why but - I think he thinks it's too early to think about that...," Chris answered.

"Well that's not something bad, right? I mean. You're young. You can wait," Joey said with a shrug.

Chris nodded. "Yeah...of course but - I feel like it's me? I mean...you know how excited he gets over kids...and how he would've loved to become a teacher," he continued. "But he really wasn't thrilled at all when I said it..."

"Maybe he was just tired that day and the prospect of having kids made him realize he could never sit down on a couch in relaxation anymore because there's always something to do with them," Joey emphasized.

Chris couldn't help but chuckle softly, shaking his head. "I have no idea...it wasn't the only time I tried to talk to him about it, you know?"

"Well did he say he didn't want them with you? I thought you were always honest to each other?" Joey asked.

Chris shook his head. "God! No...no, he never said that...he - didn't even get angry at me or something - it was just like - I could tell he didn't want to - I don't know, deal with it? He kept bringing up all the negative aspects...like the paperwork we'd have to go through because obviously it'll be harder for us and all that...he never told me that he didn't want kids with me to my face but I just - you know when you just feel like it's the reason? I just...worry, I guess."

"Yeah.. I know. Did you try to call him?" Joey tried now, not one for analystic thinking, always wanting solutions as soon as possible.

"No," Chris said simply. "I was really mad so - it didn't even come to my mind."

"Wanna try?" Joey asked and sipped his now cooler tea.

Chris nodded and pulled out his phone, sighing. "What if - he doesn't pick up?"

"We'll deal with that then. Just try," Joey urged him on, crossing his fingers behind his back, hoping Darren would pick up.

"Okay...," Chris said and dialed his husband's number. "Thank you...for being there for me right now, I mean," he looked at Joey and bit his lip, hearing the familiar beeping tone.

"I may be Dare's friend, but you mean a lot to me as well, you know," Joey admitted, looking at his knees right after.

Chris smiled faintly at that and let out a shaky breath. "I'm glad..."

Darren, so many miles away, looked down at his phone which was vibrating on the table. '_Chris_' lightened up his screen. He quickly turned around his phone as if he wouldn't think about it when he couldn't see it. Deciding that this wasn't helping either he grabbed his phone and shut it down.

"It's off...his phone - he just - he turned it off, Joey...," Chris whispered, his voice shaky and thin.

"Shit," Joey cursed and quickly moved forward, wrapping Chris in his arms. "I'm sure it's nothing... It's not- Chris, he wouldn't."

Chris couldn't help it, he needed comfort, so he let himself curl up against Joey lightly, his tears streaming freely now. "Fuck...," he spat and rubbed his eyes. "Fucking - god, just...fuck!" he cursed in frustration.

Joey started to mutter words of comfort, knowing Chris probably wouldn't even really hear them, but speaking them nonetheless. His hand rubbed comforting circles on his back and his eyes were turned outwards, hoping he would just see Darren pop out of nothing.

"I just don't get why he's doing this to me...everything was fine...everything. It was two years ago. He forgave me, right? I mean - god, he even wears my ring...," Chris mumbled brokenly.

"Chris those vows he made where nothing if not made out of pure love and care for you. Trust those vows. Trust your ring that says you're his everything forever. Trust your husband. He will come back. Tomorrow. He said so. I don't know where he is, I don't know why he left, but when you see him tomorrow you just gotta ask him. Honesty has always been your thing. Keep it like that," Joey said softly, his other hand stroking his knee.

The younger man nodded softly and took in another deep, shaky breath. "You're right but...it's not easy to believe in all of that when he's suddenly closing up on me like that..."

"I know," Joey just said and remained silent. He couldn't do anything else right now than be there for Chris.

"Yeah...," Chris whispered hoarsely and rubbed at his eyes again, shaking his head. He had no idea what he was going to do about this.

"You can stay here for the night if you want," Joey said, his voice carrying a gentle and warm tone.

"Thank you...I just - don't want to be a bother, Joey," Chris mumbled and looked at the other man.

"You're never a bother, Chris," Joey assured him and smiled. "Just let me finish the Starkidskype and we can... watch a movie or something. Get your mind of things."

"This is - just - thank you. Thank you, really, I don't think it would be good for me to be alone right now...and who knows - maybe he'll call you?" Chris shrugged and smiled weakly.

Joey nodded, uttering words they both didn't really believe. "Who knows..."

"Only he does...," Chris sighed and shook his head.

"Go pick out a movie, I'll be right back with you. I think I may have some diet coke somewhere," Joey stated, hoping that he could get his attention on something else than on the fact that his husband seemed to be lying to him.

"Perfect," Chris smiled softly and got up to skim over the movies Joey had in his shelf, sighing because he knew he wouldn't watch it really, anyways.

"What's that noise?" Joey asked aloud, looking around and wondering if he had changed his ringtone without remembering.

"He's calling!" Chris yelled and he could swear his heart stopped beating for a second. Darren's name was flashing on the screen and his shaky hand reached out to take the phone into it. "Do I pick up?"

"Duh!" Joey rushed out, looking at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to pick up.

Chris picked up, his voice high and shaky. "Hi," he said calmy, not wanting to upset Darren now that he got a hold on him.

"Hey," Darren breathed out, feeling anxious and relieved at the same time. He really thought Chris wouldn't answer the phone. After all he had been spending the night somewhere else and they had parted, well at least in text they had, with a fight.

Chris sighed and rubbed his temple. "Are you still at Joey's? Or are you gonna come home soon?" he asked carefully, looking at Joey with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah- Yeah I'm still there, but I'll be home before lunch," Darren replied, feeling his insides tightening at the lie he just told. "Dare, are you coming upstairs? I need you!" suddenly sounded through the room, making Darren look up from the couch where he was sitting on. The sudden yell came all the way from the bedroom upstairs. She could be pretty loud when she wanted to be.

"I see. Okay...I - uhm, I'll fix something quick then...maybe we can talk over lunch then? About yesterday...," Chris asked and froze when he heard a voice calling for Darren. It was a woman's voice and he could feel his stomach clench and his chest sting. He put the phone down, looking at Joey with wide, filled with horror eyes. "He's - with a girl...," he whispered softly and pressed the phone against his ear again, swallowing thickly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "D-Darren? I think there's someone who sh-should talk to you...," he whispered and handed the phone to Joey, standing up as he shook his head and started pacing.

Darren was about to reply but then Chris interrupted him again. "Wh-What? Who?" Darren started. "Chris? Who's there?" Darren asked anxiously.

"Well hello Darren," Joey started when he heard Darren's worried voice through the phone. "Where the _fuck _are you?" he exclaimed with anger. "No wait. I don't even wanna know. Just make sure you get your fucking _ass_ over here. _Now!"_ Joey harshly breathed in through his nose, his knuckles turning white at the pressure he was putting on the phone.

Darren cursed loudly when he heard Joey's voice through the phone, knowing he was in seriously deep trouble now. Dread and horror cursed through him, wondering how everything had gone so out of hand so very quickly.

Chris was acting as if he was in trance, he faintly heard Joey yell at Darren and kept walking around the room, still rubbing at his aching temples and sighed lightly, not processing what was going on at all.

"I-I shit. Joey-I... Fuck, I can explain I swear!" Darren said, desperation filling his tone while he stood up from the couch to pace around in the room he was sitting in.

"I don't wanna hear it, Criss. You go home right now and if I ever have a crying Chris on my doorstep, no matter when or why, you'll have to deal with me."

Chris meanwhile had sat down on the couch again, his body trembling and shaking lightly.

"Jo-," Darren started but the line was dead. Looking at his phone with anxiety and disbelieve he sank down on the floor, letting his head rest between his knees, silent tears coming down his cheek. He fucked up. He fucked up royally.

Chris had fallen completely silent. He was terrified and tears were collecting in his eyes, making it hard to see.

"That fucking bastard! Having the nerve to _still_ say he's with me, I- What did you hear? You said there was a girl," Joey said, momentarily halting his fury.

Chris flinched at the firmness of Joey's voice and looked at him with empty eyes. "Something a-about him - uh - she asked him to come to - to the bedroom I think..."

Joey turned around and punched the first thing he could let his eyes on. He would be thankful later that it was his sidetable. A wall would have probably broke his bones if the force he hit it with was any indication. "Fucking ass! Jesus! Why?!" he asked aloud, his voice filling with desperation as well.

"Jesus, don't hurt yourself, Joey!" Chris said, his voice almost breaking.

Darren stared at his phone, lost and broken. He needed to go home. Right now.

Chris felt as if suddenly his whole mind had just blanked out. He let himself sink back in the couch and shook his head, trying to understand that this was not another nightmare.

"You... You should go home," Joey said softly. "I'll bring you. Come on"

"O-Okay...I-I just...okay...," Chris just now noticed he was shaking, his stomach gave a harsh clench that left him getting up with his body crunched a little.

"Chris!" Joey said, startled. "Come on, Chris. Breath in. Steady breaths. Through your nose in and out through your mouth. Or something," he chuckled, hoping he could calm him down.

Chris let out a small, forced laugh because his stomach still hurt and so did his chest. He got up after all and walked after Joey.


	35. Cheating

**Chapter 35 'Cheating' **

Darren stood in front of his own front door, twirling his wedding ring with his fingers. He raised his hand, stilling halfway. Was he really about to knock at the door of his own home? Their home? He swallowed his dry throat, willing to make the lump go away, but it didn't. With trembling fingers he grabbed his key and opened the door, his heart already beating out his chest.

Chris's head turned when he heard the door open. He normally wouldn't have dared to look but he did it, knowing that he had to take together all his courage and face his husband. The man that spent the night with a woman that Chris didn't know. He'd lied and that was probably the thing that hurt him most. Trust had always been the most important factor in their relationship as well as honesty. He sighed and just looked right into Darren's eyes, his own blue ones teary and blank.

Darren froze in front of Chris, his whole body trembling and feeling as cold as ice. Chris was already at the point of crying and his eyes showed the betray he felt.

"Tell me where you were, Darren. I heard a woman in the background...so don't you dare lie to me. Not again," Chris spat coldly and tried his best to sound firm.

"Chris," Darren heard himself say, his voice thin and vulnerable. "Please. Can we at least sit down?"

"I'm sure you already made a decision when you decided to lie right to my face and start a fight about me not knowing who you really are last night, don't you think? Joey - god, you even promised him to not use him as a stupid excuse...I just don't know why - why you'd marry me only to get back with a girl...is it - is it because it would be easier? Because she could just give you a child without fighting for it every single day? Is it because - y-you won't get stupid tweets of people who hate the fact that you chose me? I just - don't understand," Chris choked out.

"What?!" Darren exclaimed his voice panicky and his eyes widening with disbelieve. "No! Chris- No! Never!" He stepped forward, almost as if he wanted to wrap Chris in his arms, holding him close to reassure him of his love, but he stopped, seeing in Chris' eyes that that was the wrong decision.

Chris flinched when Darren stepped forward, protecting himself from the urge to just hold him and tell him what a fucking idiot he was. "Then why? Why are you doing this to me? Did I not offer you enough? Did I not suffer enough for what I did to us already? I-Is this some kind of sick revenge? I just - god, talk to me..."

"Jesus, Chris! No- I.. Chris I didn't _cheat _on you! How can you even think I would do something like that as revenge?! That was ages ago! I forgave you that! Ten times already!" Darren exclaimed, his voice rising and his fingers itching to hold Chris. But he didn't.

"Then why would you lie about where you are? Why would you - why would you fight with me over nothing?" Chris looked at him with wide, confused eyes.

"It's not-," Darren started his head hanging in despondency. "It's not nothing."

"Then what is it?" Chris tilted his head in confusion.

"I was with my mum," Darren said. There. He had admitted where he was.

Chris's eyes narrowed and he kept looking at his husband. "W-What? Don't lie to me, Darren!"

"I'm not lying!" Darren yelled back, his hands flying up in the air with frustration. "I would never-," he froze midsentence. He would never lie to Chris, no. But he had, hadn't he? He had lied to his husband.

"You did...I just - look, just talk to me, Darren. You know you can. About anything. If you're unhappy, tell me...just don't lie to me," Chris begged.

"I was with my mum, Chris. I swear. Ask her. Call her." He looked resigned and tired, the bags underneath his eyes showing he had cried and hadn't slept that well.

Chris quirked his eyebrows. He knew that he could rely on Cerina. She loved her son, of course she did but if there was one thing the Criss family hated it was lying. "You swear...?" Chris asked and pulled out his phone.

Darren nodded quickly, wanting to reassure him of the truth of his words. "That's why I couldn't come home last night. The drive is so long and I was... not really in a state to drive. Call her, Chris. If you don't trust me, call her."

Chris lowered the phone. "Darren...I just - I do trust you but I don't understand why you didn't just tell me...you know you can talk to me about anything..."

"I didn't _want_ to talk with you about it, Chris," Darren said, frowning at how harsh those words sounded. "I mean- I did talk to you. But I didn't know what to do anymore. And I didn't want you to know because it would make me seem like a coward or a lousy husband. I- I needed this. For myself."

Chris froze at how harsh Darren sounded, his voice low and firm and he shook lightly. "B-But...it does revolve around me - yet you don't want to talk to me...?"

"Damn it Chris! Not everything is about you!" Darren cursed and turned around, walking to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, needing something to cool down.

"I know that...I'm sorry...," Chris whispered, defeated, wondering why Darren was snapping at him all over again.

Swallowing the ice cold water, Darren put his glass down with a little too much force, his hands grabbing the counter afterwards, his knuckles white. "What did Joey say?" he asked softly, wondering how the hell he managed to betray his husband _and _his best friend in one night.

Sighing, Chris rubbed his temples. "About you - lying about where you were you mean?"

Darren nodded, not looking at Chris, his eyes trained on the counter.

"He...he was disappointed...and angry that you used him to lie to me...that you didn't even tell him," Chris started talking and sighed softly.

His head hang even lower and Darren shook it, muttering under his breath. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"I know," Chris just said and nodded, smiling weakly.

"I didn't cheat on you," Darren said again. He needed Chris to believe him. He turned around and looked right into his eyes. "I would never do that you. Ever."

Chris nodded again and looked back at him. "I-I know."

"Do you?" he asked, hoping he really did.

"Yes...I just - got scared, you know? Because you know how I get when I don't understand something...when I just really don't get why someone does those things...and I'm still a bit insecure about that I guess...I know you'd never do that to me. Deep down, I know. But...it just scared the crap out of me, Darren," Chris said sincerely.

"I know," Darren mumbled, walking towards the couch so he could finally sit down, his body restless nonetheless. "I'm not good for you," he whispered, almost inaudible.

Chris knew he wasn't meant to hear what Darren had said but he was and he quickly inched towards him. "W-What did you just say?"

Darren closed his eyes, his hand holding his forehead, trying to cool the aching hotness he found there. "I think you heard me."

Chris quickly reached out for Darren's hand, squeezing it in his. "You know that's not true...god, Darren...you've been nothing but perfect for me...," he whispered.

"Maybe first," Darren whispered, his voice betraying his insecurity. "I'm not anymore, Chris. I'm not."

"How can you say that, Darren?" Chris whispered and wrapped his arms around his husband, pulling him close to rub his back and kiss his cheek. "I didn't marry you for no reason..."

Darren froze in his arms, believing he wasn't worthy to be comforted by Chris now when it should be the other way around. "D-Don't," he choked out.

"W-What? Look, I'm not letting go of you," Chris whispered firmly.

"I can't be your everything anymore, Chris. I cant," he stated, still stiff in his arms.

"Talk to me?" Chris choked out, not quite sure what Darren was talking about.

"You.. You are perfect. In everything. You need someone who can go with that. Who is the same. Who will conquer everything with you. Who will take every opportunity with you. I-I can't. I can't be that person for you."

Chris let go and took Darren's hands in his quickly, shaking his head. "I think I already proved you how imperfect I am, Darren...what is this really about? You're my everything...my man, my husband, my lover, my soulmate - my fucking best friend! How is that nothing?" Chris's voice was trembling.

Darren curled into himself at the emotional words that left Chris' mouth, words filled with truth and love. But he couldn't accept them. "A husband would be there for his partner. A lover would always put the other's love and happiness at his number one priority. A soulmate would want the same things without even vocalizing them... I-I'm not worthy of those titles. Not right now."

"We all make mistakes, Darren. This doesn't define you...," Chris whispered and suddenly looked right into Darren's eyes. "I-Is this about...what we talked about a lot lately?" he asked carefully, not wanting to upset him.

"What do you mean," Darren said, knowing fully well Chris had caught on. He knew.

"Children," Chris simply said. "You...think that - that this defines it, right? That me wanting children with you even though you can't give me that right now makes me unhappy?"

How could Chris talk about it like he was talking about the weather? He made it sound so easy and none important even though it was everything they ever talked about these days. "Yes," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He suddenly realized he had just admitted that he couldn't give Chris kids right now in the emotional train of thoughts. He felt his body still even more, waiting for the harsh and tearful reply.

"And you know what...? That's - that's okay, Darren...I just - I just wish you could've told me that without - lying to me...I-I understand...," Chris said, trying not to let the disappointment show. It wasn't that he was disappointed in Darren or their relationship but in himself as well. "I just - never understood...you never said that yo-you didn't want them - with me...is it - is it because of me?"

Why did Chris always automatically think things were his fault? Sighing he shook his head. "It's not okay. I can see how much you want it. And you deserve it! You'll be an amazing father. A brilliant one. Any kid will be lucky to have you as his or her father," Darren said, sounding proud about his husband.

"And I will be one day. With you...when - and if you want to," Chris said and smiled at Darren weakly. "One day I want to have children with you, Darren...because I can't picture anyone but you on my side...in my future. I want us to take care of them and follow their steps..."

"What if I can't," Darren asked him, his whole body trembling in anticipation because this was what it all came down to right now.

"Why wouldn't you?" Chris asked softly, tilting his head to look at his husband.

"What if just don't want them? What if I can't see myself being a father?" Darren asked, his voice sounding broken and hopeless. "I- I know I promised you. Fuck, we even made names up! Emily and Steven. I just- I... I can't."

Chris sighed. "Darren...," he inched forwards and rubbed his husband's back soothingly, nuzzling against his neck carefully. "Are you kidding me? You love children...and god, I am the last person who'd...who'd pressure you into this...we go at your speed. At our speed...okay?"

Darren closed his eyes, hating the fact that Chris was so understanding and sweet. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any of this. "You want them now," he stated, shivering when he felt Chris breath against his neck. "I- I lied. I told you I wanted kids with you. I-I think I even did at the time. Just the thought of it is frightening me right now.. I'm only twenty eight I mean. What can I even give them? I don't even know what I'm doing or supposed to do half of the time. You're younger than me, yet so much more mature.. I don't even know if I'll ever be mature enough or stable enough to be a father."

Chris just shook his head. "We have so much time - fuck, Darren...we just got married...we're so - young. We have our whole life ahead and Glee...I know it's not realistic to have children yet and just because I'm ready...that doesn't mean you have to be. It doesn't mean I suddenly stop loving you. I'm only mature because I had to grow up so fast, do you really think I'd be like that if I hadn't been so fucking bitter all my life? Don't stress yourself out over this...I just wanted to let you know that I'm ready...if you are - that's something you have to decide. Meanwhile I'll be here as your husband and support you in any way I can."

Feeling tears come to his eyes, Darren looked up at Chris and saw the truth all over his face and in his eyes. He would wait and be there for him. Just because he loved him. But still... "What if I'll never be ready?" he asked.

"Then I'll have to find a way to deal with it...if that's not what you want, then it's not what I want either. I love you so much, Darren. I can't even tell you in words but it's a lot...I don't care if we have children or not as long as you just stay with me," Chris mumbled softly.

Darren could hear the disappointment in Chris' voice, no matter how much he tried to hide it. "I'm sorry," he said, honesty ringing in his tone. "My mum scolded me too. Just so you know," he said, a short laugh escaping his mouth. He couldn't help but to disappoint just everyone, couldn't he?

"Don't you dare apologize to me for that!" Chris said firmly and wrapped his arms around Darren tightly, kissing the top of his head. "It's okay...I promise."

"I just can't help-," Darren started, shaking his head softly, feeling his body melt into Chris' touch almost immediately.

Chris's arms wrapped around him even tighter, almost protectively. "Shhh...just - let it go, okay? We don't need to bring it up for another two years, okay?" he whispered and nuzzled against Darren's cheek.

Smiling at the sudden thought that Chris could be so cat-like sometimes with how he always nuzzled him, Darren momentarily forgot what they were arguing about in the first place. But the insecure thoughts automatically raised up again. "I just- Do you know what my mum said?" he asked, glancing sideways.

Chris nodded. "If you want to tell me...then yes."

"I-I told her that I was thinking about... div- Stuff. She yelled at me before she asked me why. And I told her about you wanting kids and that it scared the hell out of me. So I said to her 'Why should he stay with me if there's someone out there who can give him exactly what he wants and when he wants it?' My mum just rolled her eyes, scolding me for the fact that I was just like you two and a half years ago," he mumbled.

Chris frowned when Darren nearly said that word out loud, the one that he was most afraid of. "God...you really are me, Darren...stop that," he chuckled softly and shook his head. "Remember what you told me when I had those doubts about myself?"

"No," Darren admitted and laughed softly. "I think I said a lot at the time.."

Chris shook his head. "You told me that there's no one better than me out there for you...that I am your soulmate...and - I feel the same about you obviously. I love you with all my heart, Darren...and children or not, that's something that will never ever change."

Darren suddenly recalled the words. He thought he had even said that maybe there was someone better out there for him, but that he didn't care because he wasn't interested. Smiling softly he looked up at Chris. "We can always take two dogs and call them Steven and Emily," he said with a small grin.

Chris giggled at that. "Oh, well - or a cat and a dog, though Brian will probably flip his shit," he chuckled and placed a gentle kiss on Darren's forehead. "We'll figure this out...we always do, don't we?"

Darren felt a blush rising on his cheek and he looked down, letting his hand grab Chris', squeezing it. "We always do," he echoed. Then an amused smirk reached his lips. "Or... gerbils. We can have a lot of fun with Brian and them I reckon," he chuckled.

Chris laughed even louder now, shaking his head. "He'd be way too lazy to chase them!" he giggled and shifted on the couch, resting his head on Darren's thigh, looking up at him.

Darren quirked one eyebrow. "Who do you think he got his laziness from?" he asked, glancing over Chris' lying form now.

"Rude!" Chris exclaimed and chuckled, swatting at Darren's arm.

"But true," he said and chuckled, feeling relieve and comfort crushing down at him, knowing everything would be alright again.

Chris shrugged. "What if I told you I'm working on another book while you sleep?" he winked playfully.

"As long as it's not a biography, I'm fine with it," he said. "What's it about?" he asked him, curious, knowing fully well that it wasn't true that Chris was lazy. Anything but.

Shrugging again teasingly, Chris just looked up at him with wide, blue eyes. "Hmmm...can't tell you yet," he mumbled. "Maybe I'll read from it for you soon..."

"Does it contain smut?" Darren asked, knowing how much Chris hated it when he turned into a squeeling fangirl with the complete vocabulary of one as well. "Slash? Anything? I'd love to hear you read that," he said, his eyes glinting.

Chris's eyes widened and he let out a loud, barking laugh, shaking his head. "God! No! No, I'm not writing 50 Shades of Blue or something. I'm just writing another novel so shush, you terrible fanboy!"

Darren pouted. "Can't you just write something like that for me only? About us?" he asked, his mouth already parting a little from just the idea of it.

"Why would I write it when I can just show you?" Chris winked playfully.

"Fanfiction in action?" Darren said, grinning stupidly while he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Jesus, you're the worst!" Chris said and rolled his eyes.

"I've been telling you that for ages now, love," Darren replied, rolling his eyes in mock irritation..

Giggling, Chris shook his head. "I didn't listen to you...," he sighed and grinned brightly.

Darren sighed and shook his head. "Do you ever?" he asked with a grin.

"No," Chris laughed and bit his lip. "Well...I learned to do that."

"Did you now," Darren asked quirking one eyebrow.

"Mhmm...," Chris mumbled and smiled again.

"Maybe I should teach you how to... listen to me," he said, his voice becoming lower.

Chris chuckled softly. "Don't you always make me listen to you?" he winked and leaned up to press a gentle kiss to Darren's lips.

Darren hummed softly and wrapped his arm around Chris, holding him close and deepened the kiss.

Chris kissed back deeply, sucking on his lip gently before pulling away, looking right into his eyes. "You have no idea how glad I am that you always find your way back to me...," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry," Darren rushed out, pressing his forehead against his. "I just- You were so giddy and happy whenever you talked about kids and I felt so bad for feeling like this. It felt like betraying you, but in the end I managed to betray you by lying to you and to Joey I just- God. I'm an idiot," he said, shaking his head.

"You were scared...," Chris noted. "Fear makes us do stupid things...," he mumbled and shook his head. "You should apologize to him too..."

"Yeah. But you were kinda my first priority," Darren mumbled.

"I know...," Chris whispered and leaned back into the kiss.

"So... What about that lunch?" Darren asked, his lips touching Chris' lips when he spoke.

"Are you hungry?" Chris asked back and brushed his lips over Darren's.

"Yes," Darren replied, licking Chris' lips afterwards.

"Craving something special?" he whispered softly and bit his lip, his eyes opening to look at Darren again.

"Something delicious?" Darren asked back and licked his lower lip now, willing him to let go of it.

"Like?" Chris smiled and teasingly brushed his lip back against Darren's again.

"I think you can think of things," Darren murmured, leaning forward to kiss him deeply.

"Can I?" Chris mumbled and gasped into the deep kiss, returning it with just as much passion. His hand trailed up to cup his cheek gently, keeping him close.

Darren hummed and let his tongue trail the roof of Chris' mouth before he let it stroke Chris' tongue demanding.

Chris eagerly kissed back, letting his tongue slide against his husband's lovingly.

Darren grabbed Chris waist and moved Chris so he was straddling him, never breaking the kiss.

Chris allowed Darren to pull him on top of him and he broke the kiss to breath in deeply, smiling at the other man before he started kissing his way down his stubbly jaw and down to his neck, nuzzling and licking at the olive skin there.

Darren tilted his head, sighing in pleasure and grabbing his waist tighter, loving every second of it. His free hand reached up to let it thread through his hair.

Chris hummed at Darren's touch and started sucking a dark mark into his skin, licking over it to soothe the tender skin. He kept kissing his way to the middle, sucking on his Adam's apple gently.

Darren groaned softly when he felt Chris' warm, soft lips and hot mouth sucking a particular sensitive spot for him. "Chris," he moaned, rolling his hips gently.

A soft, barely audible moan escaped Chris's lips when Darren rolled his hips up into his, making him gasp against his wet skin. "Hmm...?" he murmured and kept mouthing at the skin of his neck, breathing him in.

"I-I need you," Darren murmured, his heart speeding up by his ministrations.

"How...?" Chris whispered into his ear, kissing at his cheek softly and down along his jaw.

Darren opened his eyes, wondering when he closed them and looked at Chris who's skin was already flushed. "I need you to show me how much you love me. Make love to me. Anyway you want," Darren whispered, his voice filled with the insecurity he had only hours ago.

"Okay...," Chris said softly and got up, offering his hand to Darren to help him up, smiling warmly. "I want it - slow...I want to make you feel how much you mean to me."

Darren nodded and grabbed his hand, eyes showing his love and adoration for his husband. He followed him willingly upstairs, knowing he wouldn't have to worry about anything. Everything was out in the open and they still loved each other.

Chris didn't let go of Darren's hand the whole time. He squeezed it in his hand tightly and smiled at him, walking them over to their bed. Kissing him gently, he urged him to lay down so he could straddle him again, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, biting his lip.

Darren laid himself down for Chris, secretly loving the feeling of Chris on top of him even more than underneath him. He spread his arms, showing Chris that he could do whatever he wanted to do with him. He was his.

Chris smiled and started kissing at Darren's collarbones, down his chest and over his stomach, feeling the muscles shift under his lips. "I love you so much...I want you to always remember this...I want you to realize that I won't stop loving you. Ever...," Chris whispered against his skin and pushed Darren's shirt off his shoulders.

Darren moaned when he felt Chris' lips all over his body, marking him, showing him he loved every piece of him. Darren helped Chris when he wanted to get rid of the shirt and quickly laid himself down again, eager for more. "I love you too," he whispered.

"Good...," Chris whispered against his hip and kissed a line over his hipbones, sucking a mark into the smooth skin there. He smiled and started fondling with Darren's pants, opening the belt to slide it out and opened the button, sliding down the zipper.

His hips jerked up without meaning to and he took Chris in with dark eyes. He lifted his hips again so Chris could pull his pants off.

Chris looked back at Darren with darkened, stormy, blue eyes. He pulled his jeans down and off his legs and started nuzzling at the bulge that had formed in his underwear, mouthing and kissing at it, getting him hard.

Moaning loudly he hoped Chris would remove the piece of cloth quickly, needing that sinful mouth and those sweet lips at his skin. "Fuck, baby," he choked out, already becoming breathless.

Chris smiled at Darren's words and slowly peeled off the underwear that kept their skin from touching. He moaned softly when he saw Darren, already hard and pulsing under him and he quickly pushed the underwear off his legs as well, continuing with kissing and licking at the hot skin of his cock.

A loud groan escaped his lips when Chris' hot lips and tongue touched his cock eagerly. "Yes, god.. Yes," he moaned and arched his back.

Chris looked up at Darren through half-lidded eyes and sucked the tip between his lips gently, sucking lightly.

"Jesus," Darren breathed out, his head falling back in the pillows, his hands grabbing Chris' hair, keeping him right there.

"Hmmm...," Chris hummed, bobbing his head slowly, sucking lightly. His hands splayed on Darren's thighs, rubbing at the muscles there.

Darren felt pleasure in every part of his body, all coming from his husband that was eagerly sucking his cock now even though he though he thought he had cheated on him only one hour ago. "Love you," Darren breathed and parted his lips to let the pleasured sounds escape.

Chris hummed around him again, closing his eyes and increased the speed a little.

"Shit, Chris-," Darren mumbled, already feeling how close he was. He didn't want to come already. He wanted to enjoy this for as long as possible.

Chris pulled off with a wet pop and started licking at the base and down to Darren's balls, sucking one between his lips, still looking up at his husband.

Darren's hips thrusted into the air again when Chris sucked one of his balls into his mouth, effectively holding his orgasm back and making him howl in pleasure even more.

"You want me?" Chris whispered once he'd pulled off, looking right into Darren's eyes.

"Yes, fuck, please," Darren said in a low tone, panting while he looked right back.

Chris just nodded and took off his shirt and jeans to leave him in his briefs. He quickly reached over Darren to get the lube from their nightstand. He kept looking at the other man, squirting some of the liquid onto his fingers to let them trail between his cheeks, rubbing over his hole gently.

Darren leaned into the touch, his eyes boring into Chris' eyes, needing to see what eyes showed him. He pressed his ass closer, eager to have Chris nearer, deeper, even though he also wanted to make love for the rest of the day.

"Shhh...," Chris soothed him and gently slid one finger inside of him, stretching him lightly and carefully.

Darren just slumped back, letting Chris take care of him in the best way he knew how. His breath hitched when he felt his first finger sliding inside of him, wondering if Chris had ever been this soft and careful.

"Are you okay?" Chris whispered and kissed him thigh gently, moving his finger.

"I'm perfect," Darren replied, reassuring him and smiling softly, his hand reaching out to cup his cheek lovingly.

"Good...," Chris breathed and smiled when Darren's warm hand cupped his cheek. He leaned into the warmth and kept moving his hand slowly, adding a second finger carefully.

Darren hissed softly, feeling the pressure quickly turning into pleasure and he widened his legs even more, wanting to show how eager he was for Chris.

Chris moaned along when he watched Darren's legs drop open for him. He moved his fingers a little faster, scissoring them, making sure that he'd stretch Darren enough.

"So good," Darren muttered, his head rising a little so he could look Chris in the eyes, seeing his own love and lust reflected in his eyes.

Chris smiled and bit his lip, watching Darren through heavy lidded eyes and he leaned forward to kiss his stomach lightly. "You look so gorgeous like this...are you ready for another?"

Darren only nodded, his hands tightening in the sheets.

Chris gently rubbed a third finger against Darren's stretched rim, pushing in gently.

Darren arched his back and ass of the bed, throwing his head back again, groaning loudly, knowing what was coming next and already feeling his cock leak because of it.

"Okay?" Chris reassured himself again and started thrusting his fingers in and out slowly.

"Please, Chris, please fill me up with your cock," Darren moaned helplessly, rutting his ass back against his thrusting fingers.

"Always so eager...," Chris murmured and stroked his hand over Darren's thigh, pulling out his fingers carefully.

Darren whined at the lost feeling, clenching his ass around thin air now. "Chris," Darren mumbled, his hands reaching out and clenching around his wrists. "Please, Chris I need you," he whispered.

"I love you so much," Chris choked out and reached for the lube again, stripping out of his underwear, exposing his already aching cock, leaking with precome and ready to disappear inside of his husband, making them one. He took the lube and squirted a fair amount on it, stroking himself slowly, making sure he wouldn't come yet. Slowly, he placed the tip on Darren's stretched opening, sliding in carefully.

Daren waited with berated breath for the feeling of completeness. He loved it when they did it like this. They didn't do it often, but he always felt so loved and warm when they did. "I would never want this with anyone else," Darren said softly, sincerely, before he felt Chris' cock sliding in, a low long moan escaping his lips.

Chris shivered at Darren's words. "Me neither...you're the first I've ever done it like this with...," he whispered hoarsely. "The first one who made love with me," he whispered into his ear and started thrusting slowly, gently, so careful that it made his whole body ache.

Darren felt his whole body trembling his hands reaching out to wrap his fingers around Chris' waist, moving with the slow rhythm he was keeping up. "Shit, just like that, slow I want to do this all night," Darren muttered, a begging tone in his voice, his eyes fluttering, trying to look at Chris but closing in pleasure.

"Oh yes...yes, baby...," Chris moaned and kept the pace slow and gentle, his hips rolling slightly, arching into his husband. "I love you...you're so beautiful...," Chris praised and kissed Darren sweetly, looking at him with darkened eyes.

"N-Nothing," Darren panted and arched his back ever higher of the bed, rocking back gently. "Comp-compared to you," he choked out between his moans.

Chris let out a small chuckle and kept moving, holding Darren closer by picking his upper body up to hold it against him.

Darren moaned loudly when he switched their positions, making him feel Chris even deeper, while he panted against his shoulder. "Never leave," Darren groaned.

"I'm not," Chris moaned into his ear. "Never...," he whispered and gasped, rolling his hips a little deeper now.

Darren tightened his grip on Chris' waist, needing him deeper, closer, heavier, faster. He let his hands drop to his ass, grabbing him there and pushing their bodies flush, making his cock rut against his lower stomach.

Chris moaned lowly and let his body rest on Darren's, letting him feel his weight and he couldn't help the groan that fell from his lips when his husband pulled him closer.

Loving the feeling of being completely owned by Chris, Darren moaned and wrapped his legs around Chris.

Chris's hands wandered up to grip at Darren's thighs, keeping them wrapped around him. He leaned down and kissed Darren deeply, gasping against his lips. "Do you want to ride me...?" he whispered softly, kissing him again.

"Whatever you want," Darren moaned and felt his thighs tingle where Chris had grasped them, still panting from the deep kiss and the slow leisurely thrusting..

Chris was breathing roughly and he gently rolled them around, pulling Darren with him so he was on top of him, holding him there against him. A soft smile spread on his lips when he looked up at the love of his life.

Darren looked down at Chris, feeling his body already trembling from exhaustion, but in a good way. He shifted so he was on his knees next to Chris' side, feeling him still deep inside of him. He leaned forward on Chris, arching his back, putting his hand at Chris' cock, making sure he would stay in when he started to roll his hips.

Chris moaned loudly when Darren shifted and took him in even deeper. His hands flew to his sides, squeezing gently, holding him in place.

Darren let his head hang, mouthing his chest before he let his lips surround his right nipple, sucking and biting them while he still kept his hips rolling.

"Oh my god...," Chris moaned out softly, his fingers threading through Darren's hair when he sucked on his nipple, making him arch up into him.

Licking the swollen nipple after he bit it softly, he moved to the other, while his fingers reached out to keep it rolling between his fingers.

Arching up even more, Chris cried out lowly, gasping and panting as he kept thrusting into his husband with slow, deep rolls of his hips.

Darren sucked his nipple one last time before he moved up so he could kiss Chris deeply, still managing to keep his rocking going.

Chris kissed back eagerly, humming against Darren's lips and sucked the lower one between his.

Darren arched his back even more, not knowing that that was even possible. Breaking away from the kiss to pant against his lips. "Feels so good," he mumbled, kissing him again.

"Yeah?" Chris panted and kissed back once again, holding Darren close still. "You feel amazing around me..."

"I- I want a plug after we're done," Darren said and looked at Chris. "I want to feel you the whole day and night," he said, nuzzling him before he started to move his hips just a tad harder.

Chris shivered lightly at Darren's words and smiled brightly, still moving lightly to meet Darren's thrusts. "Okay...," he whispered, leaning up to kiss him again deeply.

Darren moved himself up now, clenching his ass around Chris' cock while he grabbed the headboard. Looking down at Chris he started to move his hips down, not speeding the rhythm, just feeling him on a different angle now, deeper and harder. He threw his head back and moaned loudly in pleasure.

Chris cried out in pleasure when Darren squeezed around him, looking at him and moving harder but still slow and deep. Chris tried to shift, aiming for Darren's prostate. His hands stroked up and down Darren's back and down to his ass, cupping the firm, round cheeks to hold him close.

A loud groan left Darren's throat when Chris shifted so he was brushing his prostate now with every thrust. "Fuck! Right there," he whispered and clenched his ass some more, loving the way it made Chris' face scrunch up in pleasure.

Chris gasped and whined deep in his throat, rutting up into Darren, holding him there. His hips stuttered up when his husband clenched around him, making him shiver all over. "Oh god...you feel so perfect around me...so tight...perfect...," he whispered into his ear.

Darren started to push himself down harder at those words, letting Chris feel exactly _how_ tight he was for him. "You're so fucking big," Darren exclaimed, his voice filled with pleasure and love. "So damn good," he muttered.

Chris let out another cry of pleasure and started kissing at Darren's neck, burying his face in the warm crook where everything smelled just like Darren. "Oh fuck...," he whined and kept thrusting up into Darren's prostate. "Are you close for me, baby...?" he murmured.

"Y-yes," Darren moaned, even though he didn't want to come yet. He wanted to last all day, even though he knew that was physically impossible. "You're gonna-." Darren started but had to stop talking because a high moan escaped his lips when Chris hit his prostate right on. "Fuck! Yes, right there... You're gonna fill me-," he went on, needing to stop again for the same reason, his hands grabbing the headboard so hard his knuckles turned white.

Chris moved his hands up to Darren's arms, moaning when he felt the muscles shift under his palm. "Oh god, yes...," he moaned out and kept thrusting up into Darren's prostate, eager to make him come for him. The pace was agonizingly slow and yet hard, while never losing its gentleness. Chris's eyes were squeezed shut as he concentrated to make Darren come first, wanting to feel him come around him.

Darren was already so close that after three more thrusts he came, spilling his seed all over Chris' chest, loving how it looked on his skin, but feeling his eyes roll back at the exquisite pleasure that coursed through him. Chris' name had left his lips in an almost animalistic growl. It felt like they had made love for hours and Darren had never felt so loved or cared for before.

Chris moaned loudly when Darren hot come spurted over his body, contrasting against his flushed skin and he couldn't help but keep rolling his hips up lazily. He held on to Darren's hips and pulled him towards him, his eyes focused on his face and his body aching for release. He could feel Darren's muscles clench around him, pulling the orgasm from him and he came with a loud shout of his husband's name, his dull nails digging into the smooth skin on Darren's waist as he filled him up.

Darren came back from his high when he felt Chris hot cum filling him up, his husband's body stilling underneath him when he finally reached his point. He moaned loudly at the feeling and clenched his ass, milking every last drop out of him. He let go of the headboard and put his hands on Chris' shoulders, starting to roll his hips again, loving how oversensitive everything was right now.

Chris was moaning and panting underneath Darren, holding on to the man he loved most in his life. "Baby...," he whispered, soothingly stroking his hands over his back.

Leaning in for a kiss after coming so hard, he still moved in a way so Chris wouldn't leave his body. He needed to stay connected in every possible way.

Chris whimpered softly and kissed Darren back deeply, humming against his warm, soft lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," Darren replied softly, feeling a mixture of so many emotions going through his mind. He felt loved, cared for and he knew he had a husband who was truly devoted to him. But now he knew, for sure this time, that whatever life would throw at them or whatever disagreement came between them, they would _always_ make up and find their way back to each other. Always.

"Good...," Chris mumbled and smiled warmly. "Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?" he whispered brokenly, nuzzling against his cheek.

Darren closed his eyes. "I promise."


End file.
